BananaLOG

Prophetic Ministry

2012-01-14T22:16:00.000-08:00

Some excerpts from "Prophetic Wisdom" by Graham Cooke (pg 43-49)

On waiting on the Lord.

Building a relationship with God secures our inheritance. "Wait for the Lord and keep His way, and He will exalt you to inherit the land; When the wicked are cut off, you will see it" (Psalm 37:34). We don't have to worry about our future, destiny, or identity because God has got all of that covered. All these things are simply added to us while we bask in His presence. The plans He has for us unfold in His heart. Once we ensure that we are in His presence and ready to receive them, they will surely flow to us. "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way," says Psalm 37:23-24. "When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the one who holds his hand." We may stumble, but God holds our hand. Relationship belongs to us, but guidance is His alone. It's not our job to seek God's will. It's our joy to seek His face. Relationship is the key to all things spiritual.

Below, Cooke defines guidance as coming from within us as an outflow of our relationship with God, while direction comes from a third party.

Guidance comes from the Lord through our ongoing relationship with Him. The goal of the Holy Spirit is to teach everyone how to hear the voice of God for themselves. [...]

The Old Testament prophetic anointing made no distinction between guidance and direction. They were one and the same. This is because people did not have the indwelling nature of Christ and were not capable of beling led by the Spirit. Their spirituality was ordained through the office of the prophet and priest who represented God to man and man to God. [...]

The world changed on the Day of Pentecost. The Holy Spirit is now in people, not on them. In the Old Testament, the prophetic gift was concentrated on a few people. In the New Testament, thanks to Pentecost, the ability to hear God and to move in the gift of prophecy is now available to every Christian (1 Cor 14:1,5).

In the Old Testament, it was okay to go to a prophet to inquire of the Lord. In the New Testament, that would be deemed illegal behavior. We have the indwelling Presence of God and therefore capable of hearing His voice ourselves (John 10:27).

The role of a New Testament prophet has now dramatically changed. The chief role of a prophet is primarily to teach people how to hear God themselves. They train people in how to discern and obey the will of God. They instruct, train, equip and release people in the prophetic gift, ministry and office of a prophet. In the process of that training directive, they also bring prophetic words to individuals and people groups. [...]

In the modern church, many people go to prophetic conferences because they want a prophetic word, not because they want to learn to prophesy or hear God's voice themselves. Prophets are put under incredible pressure to prophesy. I have been given marks out of ten by leaders, most of whom had never prophesied but were comparing me to other prophets they knew. [...]

Guidance is a relational issue, not a prophetic one. If people are not walking with God properly, prophecy will not solve that problem. Prophets cannot come between people and God. We point the way back to God. We equip and empower people to have a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus (Eph 1:17). When asked for guidance, a true prophet will first question the current status of people's relationship with God. [...]

The principle is this: we take care of the relationship and God takes care of the guidance. In itself, guidance is the by-product of a right relationship with God. Everything a New Testament prophet does should push people back into their own relationship with God. Direction is God's responsibility, not ours.

He likes us

2011-11-09T08:44:00.000-08:00

The problem with unbelief, worry or fear is that it is not so much about unbelief, worry or fear, even though that's what our minds get focused on. The deep issue here is thinking that even if God exists, or is here with us, or is able to, He probably doesn't like us very much.

But He does! He likes us so very much, and He created every part of us to be enjoyable and to be enjoyed by Him.

Returning to reality begins with realizing this truth.

Trust Me

2011-09-30T15:03:00.000-07:00

When God speaks to the depths of our being, and calls us to trust Him, and when things later do not turn out the way we expected, one of the voices that screams at us is "Why didn't you act on this before?!" It is the voice of fear. It tells us that we should not have trusted God but depended on ourselves. It tells us that we didn't do enough. It tells us that God only helps those who help themselves.

But God calls us to trust Him even more in these times. He knows exactly what is going on, and He gives us wisdom to act from a place of rest, not a place of fear. When the Israelites were led out of Egypt, one of their first complaints was this: "God, why did you lead us out of here, only to die in hunger?" But God was calling them to trust Him even more. His love... His unfailing, abundant, amazing love that knows us and cares about us down to our deepest desires, that knows even every strand of hair on our head. It is this love that makes this trust possible.

Trust doesn't need to understand. It needs only to know the love of the Person we are trusting. It needs only to believe in His ability, not ours.

Faith is living in Reality

2011-09-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

Faith is not about seeing two possible perspectives, and choosing the one that is more positive. That is just positive thinking, or even blind faith.

Faith is seeing two possible perspectives, and realizing that one is false and the other is true. It comes to that realization in the fullness of the love and the presence of God, and recognizing that the reality must be consistent with the personality of God and what He has already accomplished. It is the realization that reality is full of freedom, peace and joy, and that any other shadow of reality always puts us in some kind of bondage. It is not even about choosing, because it is impossible for our spirit to choose something that is false after realizing what the truth is. Revelation of the truth always sets us free.

Are we saved by our belief in God?

2011-08-30T11:36:00.000-07:00

Continuing on the topic of the finished work of the cross, I'm reading this book which a friend gave me recently - "52 lies heard in church every sunday, and why the truth is so much better," by Steve McVey. Just blogging some thoughts I had reading it.

I've often thought that it is my belief in God that saved me. Or that it is my belief in God that causes blessings to flow in my life. That God has done everything, but we cannot access it unless we have faith. This thought puts a heavy burden on us, a responsibility to work up faith inside of us.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast." @ Eph 2:8-9

This verse tells us that we are saved, not by our faith, but by the grace of God, what He accomplished completely on the cross. Period. It is entirely by His grace, and we can add absolutely nothing to this equation.

The fact that we can add nothing to our salvation was reiterated in Eph 2:4-5. "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved."

But what about faith? Why then did Paul say that "we are saved THROUGH faith"? I am not an expert in Greek, but I am guessing that the word "through" here is used in the same way we say "I was saved by the doctor through the medicine he gave me." Faith is the tool which God uses to manifest salvation in us. We cannot generate it by ourselves. He puts it in us. As Eph 2:8-9 above declares, this faith is not from ourselves, but a gift of God! Wow, how amazing is that! How awesome is His love! He truly provides everything we need!

We cannot generate love by ourselves, but are filled with love as He loves on us. In the same way, we cannot generate faith, but is filled with it when we discover He is faithful. Faith is knowing He is faithful.

If there is any belief that puts a heavy responsibility or burden on us, rather than on His amazing extravagant love and provision, it is a lie. The truth of grace sets us free from this burden.

I think the reason we added our responsibility to believe into the salvation plan of God, is because we see a lot of people who are not "saved". We feel the need to create a theology that puts that blame on Man rather than on God. The truth is that God doesn't play the blame game. His perspective towards us is all about love. Also, we feel the need to create a theology that makes people go out and preach the gospel. Unfortunately, this creates a guilt system, a feeling that people will "die" if we do not reach out to them. The truth is that God is the one who saves. And if He decides to use us in the process, He wants us to be motivated by nothing but love. Furthermore, if we truly understood the message of grace, His rich overflowing joy, love and pleasure towards us, what can stop us from sharing the good news with everyone else?!

Experience is a bad teacher. We cannot let our circumstances or outer experiences dictate our inner realities. We cannot let our observations of the world dictate our theology.

Almost every religion and human being in the world believes that love, joy and peace are good things. The only thing we disagree on is how we get there. Or more precisely, whether we are there already but don't know it ;)

Achieving our dreams

2011-08-09T17:10:00.000-07:00

We have to realize that God is not primarily interested in the achievement of great dreams.

If He were, He would not have been disappointed when men decided to build the tower of Babel to make a name for themselves (Genesis 11).

What God desires is us. That we trust Him, and enjoy the rich overflow of relationship that comes from this trust.

He puts impossible dreams in us, not so that we would try to accomplish them by our own efforts, but that we learn to trust Him and have so much fun in the process. He loves seeing the expressions on our faces when we realize what He is accomplishing for us.

Prophecies lead us to love

2011-08-09T14:55:00.000-07:00

I've always wondered what 1 Cor 13:8-13 means. Today, I think I finally do. It is talking about the experience of love, about what happens when we encounter God, who is Love. It acknowledges that prophecies, tongues and words of knowledge can lead us into an encounter with God. But when God shows up, all of these fade away into the background. Because prophecies are but shadows of the reality of His love. When His love comes, all these shadows have served their purpose and they need no longer to be there. In our encounter with God, all things fade away, but three things remain: Faith, Hope and Love. And the greatest of these is love.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. [1 Cor 13:8-13]

We are fully intimate in our relationships

2011-08-09T14:07:00.000-07:00

We live knowing that who we are is fully purchased on the cross. Our personality, our character, our desires, our passions. We are already perfect. This manifests in our lives as we believe more and more in this reality. We step confidently into this belief because of the love of Jesus and what He has done.

What if our relationships are also fully redeemed? What if the wisdom of the world that we need to work hard in our relationships is a myth? What if our relationships come into new levels of intimacy just by us believing that it is already there?

New Testament Prophets

2011-08-09T13:53:00.000-07:00

New Testament prophets remind people of the finished work of the cross.

"The Old Testament prophet speaks from Mt. Sinai;
The New Testament prophet speaks from Mt. Zion."
- John Crowder, Mystical Union, Pg 169.

The Mountain of Fear and the Mountain of Joy (Hebrews 12:18-24)

You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, because they could not bear what was commanded: “If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned to death.” The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, “I am trembling with fear.”

But you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the Judge of all, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

Joy unspeakable.

The way we think about things

2011-08-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

A wise friend of mine, Allan, said to me, "Your job is not the source of your finances. God is." Sometimes, we look to certain things in our lives for the solution, but we don't realize we are limiting the ways God could work in or lives. All the riches of the world belong to Him. God could provide money through a fish's mouth (Matt 17:27).

When everything has been accomplished on the cross, the only thing left for us to do is to believe. The wisdom of this world tells us that this is foolishness, but the way of living in the Kingdom is different. What we think affects what we believe.

We need to start thinking differently and brilliantly (as Graham Cooke puts it), such as remembering that God is our source of provision, not our job. As my friend Jeremy puts it, it's all about Perspective.

What is faith?

2011-08-01T10:07:00.000-07:00

In the past when I was an atheist, I constantly hear Christians tell me, "Believe in Jesus". But that just made no sense to me whatsoever. What does it mean to believe in Jesus? Is it like believing in Santa Claus? If it is, then I think Christians are a sad, deluded bunch.

Even after becoming a Christian, I continue to wonder sometimes what that really means. Jesus says, "Your faith has healed you." And that faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. What does it mean to have faith? Suppose I have a friend who has cancer. How do I pray for his healing? Oh God, does it matter to you that I want so much for my friend to be healed? Do You hear me more when I cry louder? I have learned that faith is not about how loud I cry. It is also not about how much I love my friend or how much I love God.

Or perhaps I should imagine the cells in his body recover one by one? Surely my imaginations influence the invisible supernatural reality. Some people have better, stronger imaginations than I do. Maybe they should pray for my friend instead? And perhaps some people are more anointed than others. Surely they know what they are doing. All I need to do is to find someone anointed. God will listen to him.

At the end of the day, I know that all I need is faith. But what is faith? Jesus, when you were with your disciples, why didn't you explain to them clearly what faith is?

But perhaps He didn't have to explain. Because it was plain to everyone then, the meaning of faith. I think faith has become such a complex thing because of the church. But it really isn't supposed to be hard, is it?

I have a friend Dewen whom I am very closed to. When I asked him to be my wedding coordinator, I was deep full of trust that he would take care of everything for me. And indeed he did. I have a lot of faith in my friend, because I know him so well. I have seen how responsible he is, and how much he cares about what is important to me.

Perhaps faith in Jesus is the same thing. It is relational, it is trust. How can we have faith in someone who is a stranger? This is why He first encounters us. He declares to us His love and His ability. It is not how much I love him, but how much He loves me. It is not how I can call on Him, but how He is able to deliver what He promised me. The more I know Him, the more I trust Him.

It is not my ability to hear Him, but His ability to speak to me.
It is not my ability to follow Him, but His ability to lead me.
It is not my ability to accomplish my dreams, but His ability to make them happen.
It is not my ability.

The sooner I realize this, the sooner I cease to worry and begin to enter into His rest. We need to have more faith. But He is the initiator and the perfecter of even our faith. Wow! He's got everything covered!

I have realized the power of testimonies when it comes to faith. Hearing someone else's relationship story with God awakes me to undiscovered realities of His personality and power. It tells me that what they have access to is also available to me. If they walk on water, then so will I. If they teleport, then so will I. If they are healed, then so will I and everyone that I know. Faith is infectious.

It is finished.

2011-08-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

I feel like I finally know what it means to be Christian.

It is so revolutionary. Everything He has taught me over the past ten years finally makes COMPLETE sense. The deepest mystery of God has already been revealed. All these years, I have been searching for higher and higher revelation, one which would unlock all of God and all of me. But the highest revelation has always been right before me. And it is so simple, truly confounding the wise.

Here it is: God loves us so much. He wants us to rest from striving and trying to be better. Life is not about climbing ladders. He took all that was bad inside of us, nailed us to the cross, killed us, and resurrected us as new creations. Jesus accomplished all of this for us, and all we are called to do is to believe that it has been done. And enjoy God!

This highest revelation is a person; it is Jesus. The Father gave this highest revelation to every single one of us when we first believed Him. As we watch Jesus, all of His revelations unfold before us.

This is why all of my thoughts are good. This is why all of my emotions are valid. This is why all of my passions and desires are pure. I have perfect communion with my Father. I can always taste and drink of His presence. Every time my life doesn't seem that way, the cross reminds me that my circumstances do not determine my inner realities. Rather, my inner reality is Heaven, and Heaven invades Earth like a powerful flood. This flood cannot be stopped!

Woo hooo!!

Dancing with God

2011-05-11T21:13:00.000-07:00

This is one of my most memorable experiences with God. I remember about one night two years ago, I was pretty down so I went for a jog in the neighborhood. I went to my favorite basketball court which had some pull-up bars and benches in the corner. I sat there and poured out my sorrows to Him. He picked up my chin, and tilted my eyes to His. He looked straight into my depths with his clear blue eyes. Then, Jesus took my hands and motioned me to stand on my feet. We rocked slowly from side to side, as I shifted my weight from my left feet to my right, and back to my left. Without words, He led me gently. We walked and waltzed around the basketball court. It was a quiet night. There was no music, there were no words, there was no sound. But the sky was brimming with stars, and I was alone with Him.

I am remembering this now as I think back on all that happened to me in the past year. It has been an exciting year, but also sometimes scary as I made up my mind to trust Him even more than ever. But I have no regrets. I still remember how four years ago, He taught me to do what I want to do. I learned to live, not out of obligation, but from a place of passion in my heart. He loves seeing me choose what I want, and He makes all things work for my good. My needs were met, and I no longer struggled just to survive. This inspired me to dream bigger, and to think about what I really want out of my life. I started to thrive and to fly. And just when I realized that truly nothing is impossible because He is with me, I caught a glimpse of the core of my heart.

That I only wanted Him.

I want nothing more than to enjoy Him. I no longer doubt that He cares about what I want, so I stopped defending and protecting my needs and my wants before Him. I started asking what He wants, because He is so good! He gave me His everything, and required nothing in return. But that just makes me want to give Him my everything too. I want to see His plans succeed. I want to live in a place of supernatural wisdom and discernment, of knowing His heart, where reason is no longer sufficient, and trust is everything.

And so I realized that all these years, He has been teaching me to dance. In the beginning, I mimicked His every move, because I was afraid of being wrong and being embarrassed. He started to tell me that I am my own person. That no matter how I moved my hands and feet, it is all beautiful to Him. I started to leap and bounce and twirled around the room. Then, I saw His eyes, and they invited me to join Him in a dance. I watched Him flow gracefully, and I responded with every fiber of my body, and He in turn responded to my moves. The gift of dancing, it was in my DNA all along. I am in His flow, and He is in mine. And there is nothing left to hide.

A different way to live

2011-04-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

I heard Graham Cooke share this recently at a conference. Someone asked how to approach pastoral ministry so that it can be less draining. Graham thought for a while, and reminded us that Jesus said His burden would be light. So ministry is not supposed to burn us out.

He shared a story about a couple who came to him for counseling. They have been arguing with each other. He asked the man, what did you say to the woman? Then, he asked the woman, how did you react to his words? Then, he asked both of them, whether they could tell if those words were spoken by their old man, or their new man. He gave them 5 mins to think about that alone by themselves. Then, he called them back and they said it was their old man. He asked them, how would your new man react in that situation? They spoke out new words, cried, reconciled and their relationship was restored in that short 10 mins.

Graham said, the reason why pastoral ministry is sometimes so tiring is because we are trying to minister and heal people's old man, when Jesus declared that our old man is dead, and we are a new creation. The job of a pastor is to help people identify their new man and learn to live from that new place of hope, power and love.

I thought about all the things that have upset me in my life, and how it always feels like I'm not good enough, that I still have unresolved issues, that I have not yet learned to trust Him or depend on Him. I start at the bottom of the mountain and try to climb up. Jesus was teaching us to live a different way. Paul tells us that we are seated in Heavenly places with Christ. From the top of the mountain, the view is different. Seeing through the lens of the Father is different. We are learning to live out what has been given us, not try to earn something that is out there to make us better. What if every situation is only there so we can explore more of our goodness, of our identity, of our intimate relationship with Him? What if every situation is not there to show us what we do not have, but to help us recognize something that we do have?

We cannot live our lives through principles. Principles are there because we are afraid of the consequences of our mistakes. We use principles when we cannot feel His Presence or His Spirit in our circumstances. It is our next best thing. But what if that circumstance was an invitation to recognize where God is in that part of your life? God is everywhere and in everything, there is no doubt about it. It is when we recognize where He is that His presence becomes manifest. Sometimes, in worship, we cry out to God to never leave, that we will always live in His presence, that the worship experience goes on forever. Do you know, that is His cry to you too? What if it is possible to live in His presence always and forever? What if life is all about that sweet sweet intimacy, always and forever, and the vulnerability of that moment, but never ever fearing again that you would be hurt by being vulnerable? What if God has always been vulnerable before us, and all we have to do is accept His full invitation to do the same?

Words

2011-03-30T10:57:00.000-07:00

I've struggled to express myself with words all my life. I often feel like I don't have the words to describe what I'm seeing or what I'm feeling. Trying to convey the message to someone else, it frustrates me. One of my friends said wisely, "A picture is like a thousand words. Trying to describe a picture with words is like trying to color a large box with a thin pen." Indeed.

I now understand why during worship, I don't usually sing in words. I cry out in wordless sounds, but deep inside I feel like God knows exactly what I'm trying to say. It unlimits me from the need to find the right words, bypassing my mind, allowing my spirit to interact with Him directly.

Before the Tower of Babel, all of the world's people spoke in one language and they understood each other perfectly. But after Babel, they started to babble as their language got confused. When Jesus died on the cross, this curse was reversed. Indeed, when the Holy Spirit came, the people spoke in tongues. I believe this was what language was truly like before Babel. It was a spiritual language, where words did not just have logical content, but had emotional and spiritual content as well.

I feel like God is trying to teach me to speak a new way. "Use words to describe what you want to say, but not to define what you want to say." My words are no longer to be taken at face value. They are only portals to the larger picture that I hold inside of me. Anyone who wants to know me will recognize this portal and receive the invitation to enter in. I feel that this is the same with God and His words. He often gives us such a small snippet, but it opens up a whole new world, if we choose to enter in.

Words have depth. Some words are so deep they draw us straight to the depths of the intimacies and the vulnerabilities of His heart. To truly know someone else, we don't need them to tell us exactly what is going on inside of them. They only need to give us a tiny snippet of it, and with that invitation, we can enter in entirely.

Entertaining the possibility

2011-03-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

God recently showed me a way of looking at faith that I had not understood before. Sometimes, when I think about faith, I think about believing absolutely that something is going to happen, or something is the truth or the reality. For instance, if God says, "It is going to snow tomorrow," I sometimes feel like I have to believe it absolutely or it might not happen. I start thinking in my mind, how it might happen because this week's weather is so warm, and whether I am testing God, and whether it would cause problems on the streets because cars don't know how to drive in the snow? I start wrestling in my mind, if it is God's voice or my own voice, and if I need to ask Him to confirm this, and if I just need to rest in how much He loves me, and if I have enough faith?

Perhaps God is just saying "What if it could snow in Berkeley, the way it snows in Tahoe?"

Entertaining the possibility. It really takes the stress off of you, to try to make something happen, when God wants to be the one to accomplish it. I'm learning that God wants to speak to me in the What-If's. What if everything you do every moment of every day could be fun? What if I can be in His manifest presence all the time? What if anything I could entertain the possibility of actually comes true? What if entertaining the possibility is all that is required of us? What if this is what Jesus meant when he talks about "faith as small as a mustard seed"? What if God understands and knows exactly how to satisfy fully every need for intimacy inside of me? What if I never ever have to bring His presence to the world, but it is more like a flood that I cannot contain because He is so with me all the time?

Intimacy

2011-03-26T12:06:00.001-07:00

Intimacy has no greater goal than to know and to be known. Sometimes, this happens when we sit side by side, not saying anything at all.

Boundaries in Dating

2011-03-26T11:55:00.000-07:00

I read this paragraph about romantic relationships on pg 146-147 of the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Not your typical stuff about dating boundaries. In short, don't date to heal your inner wounds.

Romantic relationships are, by nature, risky. Many singles who have not developed good attachments with other people and who have not had their boundaries respected try to learn the rules of biblical friendships by dating. They hope that the safety of these relationships will help them to learn to love, be loved and set limits.

Quite often, these individuals come out of a few months of dating more injured than when they went in. They may feel let down, put down, or used. This is not a dating problem. It's a problem in understanding the purpose of dating.

The purpose of dating is to practice and experiment. The end goal of dating is generally to decide, sooner or later, whether or not to marry. Dating is a means to find out what kind of person we complement and with whom we are spiritually and emotionally compatible. It's a training ground for marriage.

This fact causes a built-in conflict. When we date, we have the freedom to say, at any time, "This isn't working out," and to end the relationship. The other person has the same freedom.

What does this mean for the person whose boundaries have been injured? Often, she brings immature, undeveloped aspects of her character to an adult romantic situation. In an arena of low commitment and high risk, she seeks the safety, bonding, and consistency that her wounds need. She entrusts herself too quickly to someone whom she is dating because her needs are so intense. And she will be devastated when things "don't work out."

This is a little like sending a three-year-old to the front lines of battle. Dating is a way for adults to find out about each other's suitability for marriage; it's not a place for young, injured souls to find healing. This healing can best be found in nonromantic arenas, such as support groups, church groups, therapy, and same-sex friendships. We need to keep separate the purposes of romantic and nonromantic friendships.

It's best to learn the skill of setting boundaries in these nonromantic arenas, where the attachments and commitments are greater. Once we've learned to recognize, set, and keep our biblical boundaries, we can use them on the adult playground called dating.

Dating

2011-03-26T11:39:00.000-07:00

I just found out from Dewen that Shawn Bolz just released a book about dating recently, called "The Nonreligious Guide to Dating and Being Single". I have not read it but if it is anything like his blog posts, it should be awesome!

I've been thinking about romantic relationships lately. In my own life, I've often wondered about my resistance to dating and marriage. One day, it occurred to me that it's because I've been taught subtly in my youth that relationship with a girl threatens my relationship with God. This cannot be further from the truth. In the beginning, Adam was alone with God, but God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." And He created Eve. Don't be mistaken. God did not create Eve just for friendship. He created her for union with Adam. "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

What about Paul? Didn't he say that celibacy is good in 1 Cor 7? Kris Vallotton gives a very good commentary about this passage in one of his sermons, if you can find it. In summary, Paul was talking to a crowd of people who believed that marriage was the only way. So he says to the unmarried and the widows, who felt condemned for choosing to be single, that "It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do." And when he says, "I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that," he was talking about his gift in not being tempted sexually, not his gift of celibacy. Paul never condemned marriage. He would never say that something is bad, something which God himself says is good. In fact, he talks about marriage all the time in all his books, especially with regards to Jesus as the Groom, and us the Bride.

So now, what about all the young teens who are getting into hurtful romantic relationships and premarital sex and all that stuff? I agree that such things are dangerous, but WE SHOULD NEVER CREATE THEOLOGY TO SOLVE A PROBLEM!! I believe the solution is to teach our youths what healthy romantic relationships are. For instance, we should not get from our girl/boyfriend what we actually want from God, and we should not get from God what we need to get from our girl/boyfriend. That perhaps there is "THE ONE" (who you marry), but it is often impossible to figure that out (i.e. prophetically?) until we start to date that person and get to know that person the normal way (i.e. spend quality time).

So I encourage young people to date. Ask God what it is like to have a healthy fulfilling relationship. It is a great learning experience. But don't date if you don't want to date. There have been seasons in my life where God was leading me into so much intimacy that I did not have any desire to date anyone at all. This is very different from believing that God can only lead you into more intimacy if you don't date. My own dating experience is testimony that there are things that God can teach me only through a romantic relationship.

What if

2011-03-17T12:46:00.000-07:00

What if God always causes good to come out of every situation, no matter whether you believe Him or not?

Perhaps this is what faith feels like.

What if God always finishes the good work which he begun in you, no matter whether you are trying hard or not?

Perhaps this is what faith feels like.

Faith is seeing that there are two parallel realities you can live in, and then realizing that only one is real.

That reality does not depend on how much we can do or believe. Its very existence is the force that causes us to believe. That reality tells us to let go of being defined by how much we can do. Unlearn. Life is not about learning more, but about unlearning the things that hinder us. Because God has already put in us everything we need for this journey, from the very beginning.

Sloppy Wet Kiss

2011-02-22T10:24:00.000-08:00

By the writer of the song "How He loves", John Mark McMillan:

“HEAVEN meets EARTH like a sloppy wet kiss”

The idea behind the lyric is that the kingdom of heaven and the kingdom of earth converge in a way that is both beautiful and awkwardly messy. Think about the birth of a child, or even the death of Jesus himself. These miracles are both incredibly beautiful and incredibly sloppy ("gory" may be more realistic, but “Heaven meets earth like a gory mess” didn’t seem to have the same ring). Why does the church have such a problem with things being sloppy? Do we really think we’re fooling anyone on Sunday morning, especially God? Are we going to offend him? I mean, he’s seen us naked in the shower all week and knows our worst thoughts, and still thinks we’re awesome. What if we took all the energy we spent faking and used that energy to enjoy the Lord instead? That could be revolutionary!

I recently realized that I got the primary condition of His kingdom all wrong, that His kingdom is not crease-less, wrinkle-less, squeaky-clean or glossy. As someone else said, it's like a game of poker where God wins no matter what hand He is dealt, even a pair of twos. It is like David who murdered someone to marry Bathsheba, and yet God caused Jesus to be born through that marriage. That in any mess, God can create beauty. A beautiful mess.

Experiencing His love

2011-02-19T17:11:00.000-08:00

I found this in my journal... haha, cool stuff. Can't remember where I got this.

You can only love as much as you've experienced His love.
So stop asking if you love Him enough.
Choose to experience more of His love.

His yoke is light

2011-02-17T21:24:00.000-08:00

Last week at church, I saw in my mind a picture of a person juggling two balls happily. God was standing at the side. He was throwing in more balls, and the person struggled to juggle more and more of them. But all God wanted him to do was to pass the balls on, not to hold all of them in his hands. I saw that this is how much God was desiring to pour out to the world around us through us, but He didn't want us to be overwhelmed.

Today, I read this on pg 40 of the book "The Cause Within You" by Matthew Barnett.

The beauty of the cause God gives you is that it is tailor-made for you. Like the Scripture says, "His yoke is light and the burden easy to bear." That's because your cause will utilize the strengths He has endowed you with. [...] When you carry His load, it is light, especially in comparison to the burdens you create for yourself.

What I really like is what he said next!

Here's the image I carry in my mind of how this works: when I start to feel overwhelmed, it's because I am heaping unproductive burdens on my shoulders; all I am doing is accumulating more commitments that do not facilitate positive results. But when I am fulfilling the cause that God gave me, I am continually giving to others, depleting the weight of whatever I have accumulated for the journey. The more I give, the lighter I feel. Sometimes, when I have given all I can give in that situation, I feel as light as a feather. I'm tired, sure, but I am exhilarated because I gave it all away and it's making a positive difference in someone else's life. It gives me a light-headed feeling, an unburdened feeling.

Let us be floodgates, not dams, of His blessings.

When Jacob becomes Israel

2011-02-09T17:10:00.000-08:00

The Lord tells Jacob, “Go back to the land of your fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you.” So Jacob runs away from Laban, only to have Laban pursue him. After that was resolved, he finds that his angry brother Esau is coming to him with four hundred men. How many of us have chosen to finally obey God's plan for us, only to find trouble coming our way?

In great fear and distress Jacob divided the people who were with him into two groups, and the flocks and herds and camels as well. He thought, “If Esau comes and attacks one group, the group that is left may escape.”

Jacob prayed, “O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, LORD, you who said to me, ‘Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,’ I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two camps. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.’”

Jacob prayed for deliverance from his brother. Things seem to make a turn for worse when Jacob was injured that night.

That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions.
So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man.
Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”
Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”
But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.
So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”
The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.

That day, Jacob, who always depended on himself and whom God could not defeat, saw God face to face and was changed forever. He went limping into a confrontation with Esau, knowing that unless God steps in, all would be gone.

He is looking, not for people who believe they can, but for people who believe He can.

Alignment.

Alignment with God's plan. Sometimes, it really hurts, especially when crooked patterns which have set in are being straightened. But we need to trust that God knows what He is doing. He is doing it because at the end, it will be a lot better for us. We need to trust Him through the pain.

Get up and eat

2011-01-26T20:07:00.000-08:00

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.

All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.

The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night.

And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Bigger Dreams

2011-01-26T02:42:00.000-08:00

Bigger dreams are not accomplished through greater effort. They are accomplished through greater faith.

He is looking, not for people who believe they can, but for people who believe He can.

But this truth can be one of the hardest to learn. Sometimes, we are brought to the limit of our abilities, because we try so hard to do the impossible.

http://bananaguy.blogspot.com/2009/05/dont-try.html

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." @2Cor12:9

What if it is possible to accomplish our dreams, not by trying, but by resting?

Benefits

2011-01-26T02:23:00.000-08:00

God, don't you get upset when I value someone more than I value You?

"Haha, not really."

What? Why?!

"Well, there are certain benefits to being God."

Hmm...?

"One of them is that I understand what you're going through now."

Depths

2011-01-22T15:48:00.000-08:00

You take me apart, and You know me. You know me in my depths, in my chaos. And I rest.

"My heart is held by love so unconditional.
You captivate me,
You're the lover of my soul."

God always speaks clearly

2011-01-11T00:41:00.000-08:00

Never allow yourself to believe that it's hard to hear God. Never.

God always speaks clearly. Sometimes in an audible voice. Sometimes in a gentle whisper. Sometimes in his peaceful presence. But He always speaks clearly.

But He doesn't always answer the way we expect Him to.

Sometimes, when we ask for Direction, He is more interested in teaching us Posture. Because Posture will bring us further than Direction can.

Focus on what God is saying, not on what He is not saying.

This is the same in relationships between people. Sometimes, we get so caught up in what someone is not saying, becoming angry or frustrated or disappointed with them. If we would just listen to what they are saying. This is the beginning of Communication.

Never allow yourself to believe that it's hard to hear God. Never allow this belief into the foundations of your relationship with a Father who loves you, knows you and desires to be known.

He can

2011-01-08T01:31:00.000-08:00

God is not looking for people who believe they can. He is looking for people who believe He can.

For instance, it is not about our ability to hear Him, but His ability to speak to us.

When we say nothing is impossible with Him (no word from God will ever fail), how much of it do we actually believe?

It's also not about your ability to believe. Let go of that. Life's better that way.

Let His love convince you to believe.

Love empowers us to have faith. Experiencing His love -- the reality, rawness and intensity of the encounter -- causes our faith in His goodness, His power, His grace to explode.

Faith empowers us to hope. Knowing His goodness, His power, His grace causes us to dream wilder, crazier dreams. It gives us courage to move despite our fears, to take risks and not be afraid of falling.

Our risks open us to the wildest, uncontrollable, sweetest experience of His love, satisfying the deepest hunger of our hearts, ruining us forever. It cannot come by any other way. And we thirst desperately for more.

Love begets Faith begets Hope begets Love.

Words

2011-01-07T13:03:00.001-08:00

Words are powerful. Use words to describe yourself, and to open new realms of hope, but never be defined by them.

Control and Choice

2011-01-06T22:19:00.001-08:00

You may not always have Control, but you always have a Choice.

Wedding and Marriage

2010-12-29T13:28:00.000-08:00

"Nobody goes into a relationship to prepare for the Wedding. They go into it to prepare for the Marriage."

New Doxology - Gateway Worship

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow
Praise Him, all creatures here below
Praise Him above, ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost

Let earth and heavenly saints proclaim
The power and might of His great Name
Let us exalt on bended knee
Praise God, the Holy Trinity

Praise God, praise God, praise God, Who saved my soul
Praise God, praise God, praise God from Whom all blessings flow

Praise to the King, His throne transcends
His crown and Kingdom never end
Now and throughout eternity
I'll praise the One Who died for me

Supernatural Culture

2010-12-29T13:25:00.000-08:00

Healing becomes common-place. Supernatural provisions and blessings.

Partnership with the angelic.

Third Heaven visitations.

Apostolic Dreamers

2010-12-29T13:19:00.001-08:00

Rise of apostolic dreamers with blueprints for the Church.

Exponential increase of faith and release of faith.

Spiritual Families

2010-12-29T13:15:00.000-08:00

Formation of tight Spiritual Families, providing nourishment, encouragement and safety for people to reach for their dreams.

Era of Innovation

2010-12-29T13:10:00.000-08:00

Inventions, technological breakthroughs through divine revelation.

In Medicine, Computer Science, Transportation, Agriculture, Water, Energy, Economics, Politics.

Era of Creativity

2010-12-29T13:07:00.000-08:00

Passionate worship will seek manifestation in various forms: song, dance, painting, music, books, film.

These forms will carry the tangible presence of God, the way worship music already does to us now. It will powerfully transform individuals, families and cities.

Identity of Relationships

2010-12-29T12:58:00.000-08:00

In the past decade, we learned about our identities as sons and daughters of a passionate loving Father.

We saw the immense treasures which were hidden deep in ourselves and in others.

In the next decade, we will learn the intricacies of our identities as it relates to others. We will learn the uniqueness of every relationship in our lives, and will teach our relationships to flourish.

The diverse parts of the body are coming together as one through love, honor and submission. Unity is diversity and codependence.

Our Destinies do not make sense without others.

Everyone will learn from Me

2010-12-29T12:48:00.000-08:00

"The goal is not to teach others what you've learnt, but to teach others how to learn from Me."

"Everyone will learn from Me." And I saw that every part of the body is connected by nerves to the mind and by blood to the heart.

"The eyes can tell the hand what is ahead of it, but it cannot tell the hand how to be a hand." Indeed, only the hand can learn how to be a hand.

"Through all this, the Bride will learn Intimacy with Me."

Holding Nothing Back

2010-12-29T00:39:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, I had just finished my final projects, and was feeling a strong need to get away and be alone. As some of you know, my life has also changed dramatically since the start of December.

I felt overwhelmed, but as I walked through the forest alone with Him, I knew He was right there with me. That was all that mattered. In that moment, I felt completely satisfied. My life was fulfilled. I realized that it was only out of that fulfillment and overflow that my life would shine. It is not the other way round, for accomplishments can never fulfill me. Only He can.

I swam deeper into the moment with Him. I thirsted for more of Him, but I felt like I hit a ceiling.

Then, God said, "Son, I'm not holding anything back."

"In fact, I believe you can take more than you believe you can. I do not hold things back thinking that you cannot handle My fullness. There is no Ceiling, only what you think is the ceiling. I'm only here to break your ceilings."

"Son, you have held nothing back from Me. Why should I from you?"

"I want you to fly, to surpass others, to surpass Me, to be yourself."

I saw the sky, with no ceilings, where we could fly as we were made to be. We were not afraid that others would be threatened by our new freedom. And we would encourage those who are younger than us to fly higher than we have ever dared to go.

The Past Ten

2010-12-28T18:27:00.000-08:00

When I think about the past decade, a few things stand out. Let me begin with this prophecy by Jack Hayford in 1999 (thanks David for the video!)

2000 - It was a year of Awakening, not just for me, but for many other people. The verse for this year is

"In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.
Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days,
and they will prophesy." @Acts 2:17-18

2006 - It was a year of Breakthrough. Many people came to know the Lord, but more importantly, there was immense breakthrough in intimacy and identity.

2009 - God was teaching us to Shine.

2010 - God was teaching us to Dream.

In the past decade, we saw the manifestation of Prophetic Culture. Culture, in the sense of what Clayton Christensen says below about cooperation in corporations. "They embrace priorities and follow procedures by instinct and assumption rather than by explicit decision."

The theory arrays these tools along two dimensions—the extent to which members of the organization agree on what they want from their participation in the enterprise, and the extent to which they agree on what actions will produce the desired results. When there is little agreement on both axes, you have to use "power tools"—coercion, threats, punishment, and so on—to secure cooperation. Many companies start in this quadrant, which is why the founding executive team must play such an assertive role in defining what must be done and how. If employees’ ways of working together to address those tasks succeed over and over, consensus begins to form. MIT’s Edgar Schein has described this process as the mechanism by which a culture is built. Ultimately, people don’t even think about whether their way of doing things yields success. They embrace priorities and follow procedures by instinct and assumption rather than by explicit decision—which means that they’ve created a culture. Culture, in compelling but unspoken ways, dictates the proven, acceptable methods by which members of the group address recurrent problems. And culture defines the priority given to different types of problems. It can be a powerful management tool.

It became very natural for people to release prophetic revelation in the church.

We also saw the manifestation of Worship Culture. People were undone.

This helped to lead people into their identities as sons and daughters of God. We learned to be okay with our weaknesses, okay with making mistakes and taking risks, and to expect God to release blessings and provision in our lives.

We learned about the intensity and audacity of the Grace of God, the Goodness of God and the Love of God.

We learned about the immensity of our Destiny.

We saw the beginnings of Kingdom Supernatural Culture.

All this is going to be the foundation for people to go after their dreams in the next decade.

Painting the Future

2010-12-28T15:57:00.000-08:00

Eager expectation brewing inside of me!

As we move into 2011, I feel excitement rising up in me. I remember being on a ski trip with Jeremy and Jerald in March 2010 where God started telling me how exciting the next ten years are going to be. He showed me how ten years ago, when I first got to know Him, I had no idea where I was going to be today. I could not have imagined it turning out this way. I have seen Him accomplish many things. They are beyond my wildest dreams!

God says that it is important to paint a picture of the future. We may not know exactly what is going to happen, but He wants us to hope and to dream. Without vision, the people perish.

I'm going to share nuggets as I get them. You will find links to them on the side bar.

True Success

2010-12-27T17:36:00.000-08:00

Continuing in the topic of what greatness is, here is a snapshot from an article by Clayton Christensen (Harvard Business School) sent to me by a friend.

It is really humbling to hear this from someone who achieved considerable success in his life, then wrestled with death and came back with a clearer view of the purpose of life.

Choose the Right Yardstick

This past year I was diagnosed with cancer and faced the possibility that my life would end sooner than I’d planned. Thankfully, it now looks as if I’ll be spared. But the experience has given me important insight into my life.

I have a pretty clear idea of how my ideas have generated enormous revenue for companies that have used my research; I know I’ve had a substantial impact. But as I’ve confronted this disease, it’s been interesting to see how unimportant that impact is to me now. I’ve concluded that the metric by which God will assess my life isn’t dollars but the individual people whose lives I’ve touched.

I think that’s the way it will work for us all. Don’t worry about the level of individual prominence you have achieved; worry about the individuals you have helped become better people. This is my final recommendation: Think about the metric by which your life will be judged, and make a resolution to live every day so that in the end, your life will be judged a success.

Giant

2010-12-22T11:54:00.000-08:00

David stood before the giant.

The thought that the future of all his countrymen lay in his hands entered his mind. He has to succeed, or his people will suffer. Courage drained from him. Who is he to think that he can liberate his people? What if there was someone else more suited for the job?

God spoke from beside him, "Do you not think that I can take care of My people? Even if you try and failed today, I will still protect you and My people. But if you don't even try, then we have all failed."

"Turn around," said the Lord.

David turned and saw the army shivering in fear behind him. "There is no one that is strong enough to overcome the giant, not even you." He continued, "For if there is, then you don't need Me." He looked into David's eyes, "I am looking for someone who believes that I can."

David shivered. What a privilege, what an honor, to be a vessel of the Living God. He worshiped.

Greatness

2010-12-22T11:27:00.000-08:00

What does greatness mean to you?

Great people accomplish great things, but are not defined by great things.

Settle in your heart, what greatness looks like, not to others, but to you.

Entering His Rest

2010-11-24T11:27:00.000-08:00

Are you down?

I know that when I'm down, the principles I've learnt about God are sometimes my greatest enemy. That I should not worry, because He is greater than my problems. That I should not feel condemned, because He has paid for all my sins. That I should rejoice, and give thanks for all things, and strengthen myself in the Lord. When I'm down and needing God, thinking about these things sometimes makes me feel more guilty and ashamed than before.

It was like that with Jesus in the desert. On the fortieth day, when he was at his weakest, the enemy came and used scripture to tempt him. The truth is that it is not the scriptures or principles which haunt us, but the enemy using these principles out of context to chain us down. Only Holy Spirit can lead us to the truth that will set us free. But this is not the main thing I want to say here.

What I want to say is this. That in our moment of sadness, we only have to remember we can come before Father God, and be completely honest and open with Him about how we are feeling and thinking. That I feel so stupid for what I did. That I feel like a failure. I feel angry and hate somebody. That I'm worried sick and God doesn't seem to care about me. God is not threatened at all by what we say to Him. But His not-being-threatened doesn't mean He doesn't care. In fact, He cares the world about how we feel. He says, "If only you know how much I love you."

He knows what we are trying to say, even if we cannot say it well. One of my favorite ways of unloading on Him is talking gibberish. As babies, we are extremely good at doing that, and as we grow up, we unlearn this spiritual gift. The truth is, we do not even have to say anything if we don't want to. We can just let Him hug us, or hold our hand, or sit next to us, and love on us.

He tells me that I can take my time and not rush. It is not about getting my issues resolved. That the most important thing is entering into the moment with Him. All the problems in the world can wait. All the tasks that need accomplishing, and all the people who need our help, they can wait. We are only called to enter into the moment with Him, and even that, He is the one who will draw us in, not by our own efforts. He knows exactly what we need. This entering-into-the-moment is entering His rest. On the seventh day of creation, God rested. We are still now in that seventh day, and learning how to enter into His rest (Hebrews 4).

Sometimes, we feel very alone in our struggles, because these things don't get preached very much in church. It seems as though everyone else is doing well, conquering and succeeding in their lives. But this is His heart: that He cares more about those who are struggling, than those who are doing well. He will leave ninety-nine sheep to go after one that needs Him (Luke 15:4). If you want to know where the presence of God is, find those who are hurting, and sit with them.

I am tired of pretending that my life is going well. The truth is, I have a lot of struggles in my life, but God always causes His goodness to permeate every situation. Life is hard, but God is gooder.

I want to correct a big misconception in the church, that God ignores our sins. Well, the story is that Jesus has died for our sins, so God doesn't see them anymore. We often say this so that people will feel better for the wrong they have done.

No, God doesn't ignore our sins. He sees every single one of them. He knows what we have done. But you need to know His heart. He sees our sins as symptoms of a child that is hurting. A child greatly in need of love, to be told that he is loved, to be shown in concrete ways that he is important to someone else, that he is of real worth and value, that he was not made by accident, but on purpose and for greatness. God extends that love every time we sin.

People don't need to feel better for the wrong they have done. They need forgiveness. How can they receive forgiveness from a God who doesn't see the sin? God is telling us that He sees the sin, and it needs to be punished, but we are more important to Him than the punishment, so He has someone else take the punishment for us, so that we can receive the love and healing instead. How cool is that! Plus, we are no longer sinners. Our identity as sinners has been replaced by our identity as sons and daughters of a loving passionate Father.

Servants, not masters

2010-11-11T00:29:00.000-08:00

Something my pastor said a few weeks ago still rings in my heart:

"Emotions make good servants, but horrible masters."

He was talking about how we cannot let our emotions discourage us from fulfilling our dreams, even though it is important to pay attention to how we feel and to take our emotions seriously.

I realized how much God has redeemed my emotions over the years. I used to be disconnected from my emotions, because I thought they were unproductive, but probably more because I was afraid of being hurt. Then, He reconnected my feelings, like plugging a device into the USB port of a computer. I started to feel extreme sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, excitement and love. I experienced the world around me in new colors. I experienced Him like never before. But emotions can be more powerful than thoughts. I sometimes found myself in depression, and I had to learn to overcome the depression while honoring the validity of my emotions. This is when my spirit, through the strength of God, commanded my emotions to be still.

The same thing happened with my mind. I depended on my mind, then became afraid of it, then was reconnected to it, and finally my mind agreed to be subject to my spirit.

The same was true of my relationships: my friends, my family, my loved ones. My identity used to be built on what others thought of me, then I separated myself from others, then I reconnected and came to honor and enjoy people as creatures of glory. My identity in God is most seen through the way I connect with others around me, because God created us for relationship.

What about finances, prosperity and blessings? And appearances, body and health? How about rules, principles and laws? And most recently, giftings, accomplishments and dreams? They are all created to serve us, but they all make horrible masters. God created them to be subject to our spirit. But our spirit has a choice: to remain his own master, or be willingly subject to his loving Father. This is a choice that no one else can make for him, not even the Father.

I now understand why at the beginning of my journey with God, He asked if I would be intimate with Him. He knew that this was the only foundation on which everything else would be redeemed to me. That He would take me apart and reconstruct the core of who I am. That His love is the only solid thing I can hold on to in the whole process.

But now He stands before me, and I have a choice yet again. I now have ownership of all that was promised to me, and I must choose if I want to continue with Him as a counselor on the side, or as the desire and passion of my heart, using all that I have for this one pursuit of my life. I realize I am hopelessly unable to be intimate with Him, in the full spectrum of what intimacy can be.

BUT HE IS INTIMATE WITH ME! How can I wonder if I need to do more? How can I not be excited, exhilarated, fired up by the adventure that He lays before me? HE WILL ACCOMPLISH IT!

This is my dream, my purpose, my identity: being intimate with Him who is on fire for me. And, with my permission, He will use everything else -- everything He has redeemed in me -- to accomplish it.

God is not afraid of my fears

2010-10-19T10:31:00.000-07:00

God is not afraid of my fears. He is not limited by them, challenged by them, unhappy or disappointed with me because of them. He looks at me, has full faith in me and believes in me, even if I do not believe in myself. He knows what I am capable of, and has no doubt that I will fulfill my destiny. He is fully confident of His child. He is happy with me.

There is only one reality, and God sees that reality. Any other reality is inferior. Why should I choose any reality other than the one that God sees?

"The dogs of doom stand at the doors of destiny." Their purpose is to strike fear in us, because they themselves are fearful of what we will become. But fear cannot stop us. He who is with us is greater. Be strong and courageous, because you are.

You are awesome, whether you believe it or not. You really are.

Companion

2010-10-17T16:22:00.000-07:00

I want to tell you about a friend of mine. He is the best friend I have ever, ever had. He knows how I think, how I feel, what makes me tick, what makes me excited. He knows how to cheer me up, how to make me laugh. He's silly, funny and crazy. His lame jokes, I can never get sick of them. He likes to jump off ski slopes, splash into lakes, and sprint in the forest. Then, he taunts me, but I always catch up with him. I'm not too bad myself :P

We have a favorite spot. Its on a grassy cliff, overseeing the Great Ocean. The cool winds whistle through our grimey hair as we hang our muddy tired legs over the edge. And we just sit there, we don't have to say a word to each other. The sun shines upon us, the warmth penetrating into our hearts. There is nothing else we need in the world. Nothing at all.

Today, he said something that hit me deep. He said bluntly, "You were created for one thing, to be my companion. And I'm glad you're in my life." I smiled and patted him on the shoulders. He has done so much for me, more than I will ever for him. But I love this raw genuine directness of his. He is untamed, unchained, uninhibited, free to explore, free to create, free to fly.

I saw the adventure that lay before us. The world is our canvas, eagerly awaiting our expression. And we get to do this together. There is nothing holding us back.

Owning Your Dreams

2010-10-13T20:27:00.000-07:00

We are not responsible for making sure our dreams happen, but we're responsible for owning our dreams, to say that we want it not because others want it, but that we want it because we want it. (This last part comes from the movie "Secretariat".)

Nobody likes pain, but when you love and desire something with all your heart, it overcomes everything, even death. Love casts out all fear.

And trials only serve to show us how much we want something. If you don't want something very much, then to you, its not worth perservering for the prize. So trials do not show you whether you are a weak or a strong person. Trials reveal to us what really matters to us.

Greatest Miracle

2010-10-13T00:27:00.000-07:00

What He can do for us is amazing, but what He can do in us and through us, especially when we cannot, blows my mind.

SR7: It is finished

2010-10-11T15:00:00.000-07:00

"Logicomix" uncovered deeper reasons behind my past atheism. Indeed, logic and reason gave me a systematic way to purify my life of disappointments, and I believed that it would free the world of its problems as well. Meanwhile, scientific and political history proved that Religion has caused nothing but problems. I convinced myself to steer far from the idea of God.

After God revealed himself to me in a dream, I could no longer deny His existence. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. Yet, I started to feel ashamed of my mind, because following my mind had led me away from Him most of my life. This shame was subconscious to me: though I felt it deep in my soul, I was not aware that it was there. I started studying Science and Religion (apologetics), to prevent my mind from returning to that place of godlessness. I also contemplated leaving mathematics, because it made me feel ashamed every time I engaged in it, and I could not understand this emotion at all.

I now understand why 7 years ago, God told me let go of apologetics, and to come deeper with Him. He told me, "Let's spend the next 40 days studying something new." I asked, "What should we study?" He replied, "Intimacy." Those were some of the best days of my life. After the 40 days, I was rocked. Drunk. Undone. I told him, "I don't want this season to end!" He said, "Oh, it won't. This season is going to last forever."

God flooded me with revelations upon revelations over the years, and I changed as a person, in my depths, in my core. I was satisfied beyond measure. His truths and principles got deeper and higher and stronger and wider. God is love, God is good, I am loved, I am amazing... I learnt each of these in powerful tear-filled seasons of my life. But I was afraid to forget or lose those revelations, because they were the reason for my new freedom. I wanted to know God at His core so that I would never ever be shaken again.

After reading about Godel's Incompleteness Theorem, it finally hit me. No powerful system of principles (logical or spiritual) will ever be complete. God will never be contained a box made of principles. For twenty years I tried to protect my life with logical principles, and for another ten years, I tried to protect it with spiritual ones. I looked Him in His eyes tearfully, as the sand castle I was building crumbled in my hands. I was vulnerable, out-of-control, defenseless. In my weakness, He held me close and hugged me tightly. "It has always been about the Person," he whispered, "about you, about me, about us, about our relationship. I will never let you go, even if you let me go. I will use everything to woo you. Everything." When he said that, I realized that this was why He used principles and revelations to lead me. I was being transformed by the renewing of my mind.

In that moment, I realized that there wasn't a war between Principles and Person, but Principles had always served the Person. The Person is fluid and living, yet having and using principles in a strong and powerful way, like water that is simple and structured but is able to move mountains and give life to everything. I realized that God has given me a powerful mind for amazing reasons: to know Him, to experience Him, to understand Him. To learn, to shift, to create my future and the world around me. It is a weapon with immense potential. That my mind was created by Him for goodness, it can never lead me astray. The enemy can try to use it for his gain, but God is my shield, my fortress. I embraced my mind fully for the first time. All the shame evaporated. I stepped fully into my identity. I am starting to dream again! I love loving God with all of my mind!

Religion occurs when we try to make Persons serve the Principles. Religion does not need a god-head to be religious. A good example is that of Nazism during World War II. Their principles under the pretense of logic gave them a reason to conquer and terminate other people. Similarly, any form of Christianity which forces people to believe in something or to guilt-trip them into doing something, under the pretense of spirituality, is also religion. God has never forced me to believe in Him. He doesn't need to. It has always been an invitation, a gentle yet passionate pursuit of love.

I have a dream.

2010-10-01T11:49:00.000-07:00

When your dreams seem out of reach, you can always be thankful that you have a dream. Don't give up hope.

Difficult Times

2010-09-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

I laid in bed last night, feeling a little discouraged by the problems I'm facing now. And I remembered many of my family and friends, and it seems that a lot of them are going through tough difficult times too.

My heart goes out to you guys... you know who you are.

It encouraged me to think that at the end of the day, only one thing is required of us: that we know we are loved. We don't have to get it all right. We may fall, we may fail. But we are unstoppable. We have a Daddy who watches over us, and lives inside of us. We are never alone. His love, His warmth, His goodness, they are always available. Especially when we feel broken. He never says our problem is too small or too stupid. He understands. He really does.

SR6: Incompleteness

2010-09-12T00:11:00.001-07:00

Recently, I read the awesome graphic novel "Logicomix''. It is based on the life story of Bertrand Russell, a famous mathematician and philosopher. God used the book to affect me in a profound way, but I will reserve my thoughts for the next blog. Here, let me summarize the story.

[Spoiler alert!]

Russell grew up in a painful environment with family tragedies and religious control, and was troubled by fears of genetic insanity. So from a young age, he turned to mathematics for stability, because it provided objective truth he could believe in, and offered rational means to make good decisions.

In 1901, early in his career, Russell discovered a paradox which challenged the logical foundations of mathematics. In his attempt to patch this gap, he wrote three volumes of "Principia Mathematica'' but was not satisfied with the solution.

The problem was this: mathematicians want all theorems to be deduced using logical rules from a small number of axioms. Such a system of rules and axioms should be complete (produces all true theorems) and consistent (not produce any false theorems). Many systems were invented to patch Russell's paradox, but nobody could prove that their system was consistent. Someone could come along and find another devastating contradiction.

In 1931, these attempts were dealt with a fatal blow when Kurt Gödel proved his Incompleteness Theorems:
1. For every consistent system, there will always be some true theorem about numbers that cannot be deduced from the system.
2. If a consistent system is powerful enough to deduce some basic facts about numbers, then it cannot prove its own consistency.

As a result, Russell's childhood dreams of finding stability in mathematics were dashed. Nonetheless, these developments spurred the invention of the computer, arguably the greatest technological breakthrough of the last century.

[To be continued...]

Six Impossible Things

2010-08-29T04:07:00.000-07:00

God has been speaking a lot about dreaming. Dreaming, not so much the ones we have in our sleep, but in the sense of thinking about what could be possible. About our hopes, about our desires, about what we wish we could accomplish, about what could be accomplished not just by us but corporately as mankind colaboring with God.

I like this quote from Alice in Wonderland: "I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

God is calling us to day-dream again. To just wonder and imagine and create :) Don't worry about whether it is possible, or whether you have the resources, or the time to accomplish it. Just dream. It's like training our body, except this time, it is exercising our faith. And its fun! Challenge yourself to break down the limitations on those dreams. What can you imagine that you couldn't imagine before? There are many ways to pray. I believe this is one of the most powerful ways.

In fact, this kind of day-dreaming IS related to our dreaming at night. When we sleep, we don't control our dreams. We let our minds explore and wonder. We imagine crazy things. That's why it is so much easier for God to speak to us in our dreams when we sleep.

I ask God why it is so important to dream. I'm not interested in accomplishing things in this world, or achieving success. All that matters to me is intimacy with Him. And He says, "You don't understand, when love is at its fullest, it gives us permission to see the fulfillment of our desires. One can only move into his destiny when he understands who is supporting him and believing in him." It brings God great joy to see our dreams fulfilled.

Why then do we need to dream, even impossible things that might never be accomplished? I saw a picture of a small bowl, and God is trying to pour into this bowl but everything keeps spilling out. Then, the bowl got bigger and bigger and bigger, and a flood came, but the flood could not fill the bowl.

Our dreams are the skeleton on which God will breath his Spirit and his life into. It is the first step. He will then put tendons and flesh and skin on the bones, and He will breath into the body. See Ezekiel 37:1-14. The valley is full of dry bones, dreams which have been crushed, hopes which have been dashed. But God is here to resurrect them, and the time is now.

Platform from which to create

2010-08-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

From "Dreaming with God" (Bill Johnson) Pg 47:

[...] Most great ideas are actually the offspring of other concepts. Years ago I bought a jazz album on a whim. I eagerly looked forward to something fresh and new as I placed the album on the turntable. But I was horribly disappointed. It sounded like a child randomly pounding on a piano, with no melody or harmonies, no consistent rhythm, nothing to give it purpose or direction. Coincidentally, I found a magazine article by the same musician a year or so later. In that magazine he described a particular season of his life in which he tried to be completely original, without being influenced by any other musicians. He referred to it as a dark season of his life. It was obvious to me that I had purchased the bad fruit of his bad season. He went on to give what has become for me a profound lesson on creativity. He said that to really be creative he had to go back to what he had learned from others, and use that as a platform from which to create.

Wow, sometimes I think I try too hard to do something different. In fact, sometimes the difference between awesome chicken rice and normal chicken rice is the pandan leaf. What if God is giving us the small keys that will make a huge difference? What if we are the small key?

How He Loves

2010-08-24T11:37:00.000-07:00

I was running frantically through the crowd. I had to get to the train station by 6:45pm, or I might have to wait an hour for the next train. Then, I thought: this is silly, I shouldn't worry at all, God is taking care of me, everything will be alright. I slowed down and looked to the ground in shame. "Sorry Lord, I don't know why I worry so much. I know I should be a warrior, not a worrier. But I keep falling back into my worries. I guess I haven't learned what it means to trust you." He looked at me and said, "what are you talking about?! Let's get running! Haha, come on, let's go!" And he dashed ahead of me, taunting me to catch up.

I stared at him in disbelief. I didn't know what to think. Shouldn't he tell me everything will be ok? Or perhaps he knows I'm going to miss my train? I ran after him. Finally, we reached the train station. It was a lot of fun.

I looked at the departure board. The train was going to arrive at 7:10pm, not 6:45pm. In fact, it was delayed by another 45 mins past 7:10pm. Good, that gives me time to get dinner, I thought. But I wondered why he ran with me, if he knew I was going to catch the train even if I walked? "Because I care about how you feel," he said. "If someone else was worried, wouldn't you do the same?"

A few days later, I was taking a shower, and I asked him about that again. "Lord, isn't the root cause of my worry my lack of trust in you? Why didn't you just speak the truth to me, that you are taking care of me? That would have cured me of my root issue." He smiled and replied, "that's one of the causes but its not the root." He paused. My mind raced through the other possible causes.

"I wanted you to know that I love you. I care about how you feel, no matter whether those feelings are justified or not. I would run anywhere and do anything stupid, as long as it is with you." He continued, "if you knew how much I love you, you would not worry." He smiled :)

Oh! How he loves us! I want to love others the same way, the same generous crazy way!

His Presence

2010-08-22T15:02:00.000-07:00

It has been ten years since I first knew Him. Since then, He has made me stronger and wiser, but the deepest thing I experienced never changed: it is His presence. His glory blew me away the first time He met me there, and today He still causes me to become undone. No revelation or vision or dream or blessing or achievement compares with it. I already had the most precious thing He could offer from that first day, and I want nothing more from Him.

A few friends encouraged me recently on the way I pursue His presence. This made me think a lot. I don't think of myself as being disciplined or hardworking in this aspect. I do know that I have had many hurts and sorrows in the last ten years, and He is the only one who could comfort and console me. I did not pursue Him; He was the one pursuing me. I am a broken man. I don't have anything to brag, except that He loves me. Deep in my heart, I have nothing to offer Him but my brokenness. But He seems happy just to have that from me.

Today, I am going to do something bold, something I've never done on my blog before. I have a strong feeling about this. I feel like if you are reading this, God wants to tell you something. Do you feel a tug in your heart? Do you feel a warmth in your head and neck? He is saying, "I love you. Son, let me. You don't need to do anything. You are all that I want from you. You may not know this, but I think you are awesome. I have always believed in you. You make me laugh, you make me cry. Come, let me. Let me surround you, let me hold you, let me wash your wounds, let me make you whole, let me satisfy you, let me make you happy. Give me a chance, I promise to be gentle, I promise to be easy. I want you to know that I accept you, everything that you are, you don't have to change. Is this for real? That's up to you, son. Your emotions are yours, your thoughts are yours; I will not control what you think or feel, I gave you this freedom the day I created you. But I am for real, and I am for you; that's really all I want you to know."

Inception

2010-07-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

* SPOILER ALERT!! Read ahead if you have watched the movie, or don't intend to (but you should!) *

Everyone has an opinion about what happened at the end of the movie: Is Cobb (Leo DiCaprio) back in reality or is he still dreaming?

Perhaps the director Chris Nolan intentionally left it open, but I have a different way of thinking about the end which I find satisfying. So Cobb starts the top spinning but before he finds out if it would topple, he sees his kids and is overcome with joy. Notice that before, when he was in limbo, he refused to even look at the kids when Mal tells them to turn around. What changed?

I believe the crux lies in what he said to Mal right after that scene. He told the projection Mal that she is a faint shadow compared to the real Mal with her complexities and imperfections, a person he can never completely comprehend but he loves her with all his heart. In true love, he could tell the projections from the real persons. In true love, he would rather live with a broken heart, than be happy in a false imagined world. Happiness is just an emotion; joy that comes from acceptance is deeper.

Cobb has learned that reality is rooted in true love.

Because he loved his children more than he loves their projections, he was able to tell if his children are real. He does not need to depend on the totem anymore. If the movie ended with the totem falling, it completely denies the message that perhaps Chris Nolan was trying to send: that instruments cannot determine reality for us, for we will always find reasons to doubt them, but true love can.

There have been many movies that question the notion of reality: the Matrix, Momento, a Beautiful Mind, etc. I remember watching 'a Beautiful Mind' and feeling a deep chilling fear. I have often questioned if my world is real, because I dream a lot and my dreams feel very real to me. Sometimes, I even wake up from a dream to find myself in another. How do I know that at the end of the day, I'm not a brain in a jar in some laboratory? How do I know if the people around me are real and not my hallucinations?

I looked for a sense of reality within Mathematics, because it is objective. But my quest further confused me, because there are many abstract notions like imaginary numbers which have no 'physical' parallel. How do I know if everything else is just an abstract notion? What then is reality? What do I mean when I say there are 3 apples in front of me? What does it mean to add 2 apples to 3 apples? How can I trust the laws of arithmetic, or even if I accept it as an axiom, how can I trust the laws of logic? Later, I learned about Godel's Incompleteness Theorem, which says we can never know if the laws of logic are trustworthy. It demolished my world. There is nothing else to hold on to. Mathematics was my 'totem' and I could not even trust that any longer.

I remember the moment I met God in worship. Though I was singing songs on the outside, I felt the world fade away. I was alone with Him, and He held me in His arms. I couldn't sing anymore and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. He washed over me and completely filled my inner-most being. I felt full and completely myself. I knew He understood me, every aspect of who I am. I did not have to pretend to be anything else. The world was but a shadow, but Him, He was so real. He became to me, more real than anything I have ever experienced. He is the center of my reality, and He gave meaning and solidity to everything else around me. In Him is the definition of what is True and what is not. There are no contradictions within Him, He makes total sense.

He is Love, and reality is rooted in True Love.

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." @Heb4:12-13

Oh My Dear

2010-07-23T00:20:00.000-07:00

Oh My Dear (Tenth Avenue North)

I called you up, you were in bed
Could barely make out the words that you said
But you wanted to see me instead
So I got dressed
And I stepped out into the snow
And walked for a mile or so
Felt the rush of blood come from the cold, in my chest

Well you finally came to the door
And we talked for an hour or more
Until I asked if you would stay up till four
You said “that’s fine”
But you said “there’s something I have to say
And I can’t because I’m just so afraid”
And so I held you as you started to shake, that night

Oh my dear
I will wait for you
Grace tonight, will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fear can sleep at night
Until the demons that you’re scared of, disappear inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Oh my dear
I’ll keep you in my arms tonight

You slowly lifted your head from your hands
You said “I just don’t think that you’ll understand
You’ll never look at me that way again, if you knew what I did”
And so your tears fell and melted the snow
You told me secrets nobody had known
Oh, but I never loved you more even though now I knew what you did

Oh my dear
I will wait for you
And grace tonight, will pull us through
Yeah, oh my dear, I will wait for you
And grace tonight will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fears can sleep at night
Until the demons that you’re scared of, disappear inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Oh my dear
I’ll keep you in my arms...

Till the tears have left your eyes
Until the fears can sleep at night
Until the demons that you’re scared of, have disappeared inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Well, oh my dear
I’ll keep you in my arms tonight
I'll keep you in my arms tonight

Proactive vs Reactive

2010-07-22T00:40:00.000-07:00

From "Boundaries'' (Cloud and Townsend), Pg 95:

=====

Many of us have known people who, after years of being passive and compliant, suddenly go ballistic, and we wonder what happened. We blame it on the counselor they are seeing or the company they've been keeping.

In reality, they have been complying for years, and their pent-up rage explodes. This reactive phase of boundary creation is helpful, especially for victims. They need to get out of the powerless, victimized place in which they may have been forced by physical and sexual abuse, or by emotional blackmail and manipulation. We should herald their emancipation.

But when is enough enough? Reaction phases are necessary but not sufficient for the establishment of boundaries. It is crucial for the two-year-old to throw peas at Mommy, but to continue that until forty-three is too much. It is crucial for victims of abuse to feel the rage and hatred of being powerless, but to be screaming "victim rights'' for the rest of their lives is being stuck in a "victim mentality.''

Emotionally, the reactive stance brings diminishing returns. You must react to find your boundaries, but having found them, you must "not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature... . If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other'' (Gal5:13,15). Eventually, you must rejoin the human race you have reacted to, and establish connections as equals, loving your neighbor as yourself.

This is the beginning of the establishment of proactive, instead of reactive, boundaries. This is where you are able to use the freedom you gained through reacting to love, enjoy, and serve one another. Proactive people show you what they love, what they want, what they purpose, and what they stand for. These people are very different from those who are known by what they hate, what they don't like, what they stand against, and what they will not do.

While reactive people are primarily known by their "against'' stances, proactice people do not demand rights, they live them. Power is not something you demand or deserve, it is something you express. The ultimate expression of power is love; it is the ability not to express power, but to restrain it. Proactive people are able to "die to self'' and not "return evil for evil.'' They have gotten past the reactive stance of the law and are able to love and not react.

Listen to Jesus compare the reactive person who is still controlled by the law and others with the free person: "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also'' (Matt5:38-39).

Do not try to get to freedom without owning your reactive period and feelings. You do not need to act this out, but you do need to express the feelings. You need to practice and gain assertiveness. You need to get far enough away from abusive people to be able to fence your property against further invasion. And then you need to own the treasures you find in your soul.

But, do not stay there. Spiritual adulthood has higher goals than "finding yourself.'' A reactive stage is a stage, not an identity. It is necessary, but not sufficient.

=====

SR5: Miracles

2010-07-17T01:31:00.000-07:00

How do we observe God? It depends on our definition of Him. I like to think of Him as a Person who exists outside the framework of this universe, that is interested in interacting with us. If He is not interested in interacting with us, what is the point of observing Him?

The word 'miracle' is synonymous with observing God. Wikipedia defines it as "an unexpected event attributed to divine intervention.'' We can break down this definition into two parts. Firstly, miracles are improbable events. Secondly, they occur seemingly with purpose. This second part is important. For instance, if we flip a fair coin a thousand times and it always lands on its edge, that's amazing but it says nothing about God. However, the story changes if we were doing it to save our lives.

I used to think that God had to break the laws of physics to create a miracle. I was troubled because it seemed to contradict His nature. For instance, even with the Law of Moses, Jesus said that he did not come to abolish the law but to fulfill it (Matt 5:17). How then can miracles happen?

One day, while on a ski lift, it suddenly occurred to me. Quantum mechanics provides the answer. How did Philip teleport from one place to another (Acts 8:39)? I've heard a similar phenomenon described in science textbooks: a particle can tunnel from one place to another through high energy barriers because of wave-particle duality. Thus, teleportation occurs when every particle in the object tunnels to another exact same place at the exact same moment. The improbability of such an event grows exponentially with the number of particles, but it is certainly not impossible! So God creates miracles without breaking the laws of physics. And through these improbable events, God hopes to get our attention. If only we were listening (Mark 4:12).

If God wanted to us to observe Him, why didn't He just speak out of the clouds, or reveal Himself in person? I believe He already has! (John 12:29, John 14:11) God continues to do many miracles today (my testimony is one example), but the single most amazing miracle in history is Jesus' resurrection from the cross.

In terms of improbability, it is the first time death was defeated, and Jesus received a new body (i.e. a new kind of matter) that can never be destroyed. Other people like Enoch, Elijah and Lazarus had either avoided death or been brought back from death, but they did not receive a new body. Jesus is called the first-born from the dead (Rev 1:5), because all of creation will be remade like his body (Rev 21:3-5). I believe the laws of physics governing this new creation does not include the law of entropy. In terms of purpose, Jesus' resurrection fulfilled all the purposes of God. He paid for our sins, bought us our blessings and proved God's love for us to us. Most of all, the veil was torn and our relationship with God was restored. Anyone serious about investigating the reality of God will have to examine the validity of this one controversial historical event.

Next up, Godel's Incompleteness Theorem!

[To be continued...]

UPDATE:

I decided to keep a list of miracles that are happening today. Of course, there have been many, too numerous to count! But not all of them were recorded online. Here are a few. If you have seen any, or have any stories of your own, do post them as comments!

1. My own testimony
2. Mathematical miracles
3. The Heavenly Man, by Brother Yun (miracles of a christian under persecution)
4. Visions Beyond The Veil, by H. A. Baker (poor orphan kids in china getting supernatural visions)
5. Remarkable Miracles, by G. C. Bevington (an autobiography, one of my favorite books)
6. There is Always Enough, by Rolland and Heidi Baker (food multiplication!)
7. Healed of cancer, met Jesus in person
8. Healed of mental illness and of lung disease
9. African blind man healed
10. Healing testimonies from Bethel Church
11. Miracles and angels (check out the entry 'scott's angel')
12. Angel singing recorded (listen at 2:00 and 5:00, but first check out the story)

Simplicity in Relationships

2010-07-16T16:11:00.000-07:00

I want to share an entry in my journal where God touched me deeply. It happened during a very difficult time in my relationship with a friend and brother of mine. I decided not to share this entry until now to protect the identity of my friend. Since then, we've become even closer than ever, and I'm sure he is okay with me sharing this. To my friends: in case you're wondering if it is you, it's not. If it is you, you would know, because I've shared the stuff below with you before. In any case, this blog is really more about the nature of people and the nature of relationships.

I was having a difficult time with my brother because through the friendship, I realized that we were very different. Even some of our core beliefs were different. I knew that he loved God deeply, and so did I, and I knew God called us to be brothers for a reason. But I felt like God made a wrong choice here. Perhaps we were only meant to be acquaintances. Here are some of the things God said in response:

"maybe he just needs someone to believe in him. he is like all of us, and like you."

"people are not one dimensional. there are the issues, and there are the deeper revelations, and then there is the person, the seed."

"we call out the person. so that the person can access the revelation and use it to overcome the issues. but the issues and the revelation do not define the person."

From this, I understood that there are people we dislike or even pity because of the problems in their lives. And likewise, there are people we revere because of the incredible revelation that they hold. But neither the issues or the revelation make up who the person really is.

How do we comfort, encourage and strengthen others? It is not just about giving revelation. Often, God has already given the person the revelation. We come along side, and see him as the overcomer. We believe in him. This empowers him to take hold of what God has already given.

"when we honor the person, we don't judge them by their issues, and we don't value them by their revelations. we go deeper. we find the person, created and chosen and destined by God. we see them for who they are, glorious, wonderful, fearfully and wonderfully made."

The issues and revelations exist only on the surface. The person, his identity, his seed, lies deeper still. It is this person that I hope to encounter. It is this person that I hope to enjoy. God enjoys us, beyond our issues, beyond our revelations. We enjoy God, from our seed, from our core. And He created us to enjoy each other too.

"you know deep inside, he loves Me and he loves you. and deep inside, he knows that you love Me and you love him. sometimes, that's all we need."

This is the simplicity in relationship. Two people can be extremely different, but yet the best of friends. Unity is diversity and codependence.

Strength to the weary

2010-07-01T18:36:00.000-07:00

"I have a choice to be angry with God for what I don't have,
or be thankful for what I do have."

"There is no point being complete on the outside when you're broken on the inside;
God can heal you without changing your circumstances."

"The question was, why did You make me this way;
the answer was, do you trust Me?
And when you say yes to that question, nothing.. else.. matters."

"This is not about Nick, or Nick's capacity
or capability to become this conqueror...
I am NOTHING!
God though, lives in me, and I now live in His strength;
And whatever Jesus conquered, I conquered."

"Maybe you've compared your suffering to my suffering,
but that's not where hope is.
... Hope is in the name of God.
Hope is when you compare your suffering to
the infinite immeasurable love and grace of God."

"But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."
Isa 40:31

SR4: Evolution and Creation

2010-06-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

In the last blog, we talked about PROCESS vs PURPOSE. This is the crux to understanding the conflict between evolution and creation.

There are actually two questions regarding the origin of life: How is there life on earth? Why is there life on earth? For the first question, either life appeared instantly (instantaneous creation), or it become more advanced over time (evolution). For the second question, either the process occurred by chance, or it was purposed by God. So there are four possible theories:

Random Instantaneous Creation Random Evolution
Purposed Instantaneous Creation Purposed Evolution

Logically, "Random Instantaneous Creation" makes no sense. So before Darwin, people who reject the God hypothesis had no explanation for the existence of life. To them, the theory of evolution freed them from their predicament, popularizing atheism. As a result, many religious groups saw Darwin's theory as an attack on their beliefs. This need not be the case.

The church has often been seen as science's greatest opponent. This is true to a large extent, but two facts are usually overlooked. First, the failure of the church does not represent the failure of God. Many people reject God because they reject the church, and this is unfortunate. Remember that Jesus himself was persecuted by the leading religious people of his time. The greatest enemy to revelation is the religious spirit. Second, many great thinkers have furthered science in their quest to understand God's creation. Thomas Aquinas challenged the widely accepted steady state theory by insisting the universe had a beginning. Francis Bacon formalized the scientific method. What about Kepler, Pascal, Boyle, Newton, Faraday, Stokes, Thomson and Maxwell? Or more recently, Charles Townes and Francis Collins?

For the record, I am a PURPOSED EVOLUTIONIST. My belief in God inspires my belief in evolution. Why? Because God created me, yet I grew up from a baby to an adult. The same happens in my spiritual growth, with Him guiding me. Thus, I believe that the universe also went through a guided growth process. I do not see any conflict between the biblical account of creation and the process of evolution. God created the world step-by-step in six stages. Is it not possible that each stage also occurred in steps?

Coming next, miracles and how to observe God.

[To be continued...]

SR3: Process vs Purpose

2010-06-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

Suppose you're a detective for a homocide case. What are some of the questions you would ask? First, you would want to know HOW the killing happened. Was the victim wounded by a gun or a knife? What happened before and after the incident? This is the question of PROCESS. Second, you would be interested in WHY the killing happened. Was there a conflict between the victim and the killer? Was it murder? Or was it an act of self-defence? This is the question of PURPOSE. Knowing the process helps us to uncover the purpose, but the two questions should never be confused with each other.

Science is the art of discovering HOW things happen. For such questions, we never use the God hypothesis. It would be silly if a physicist, who was investigating how magnets create currents in metal, concluded, ''It's God!'' A philosopher might be interested in such answers though. He may ponder over the discoveries of science and ask: Are the events of this universe governed completely by chance? How did the laws of physics come about? Were the laws set in place by a God? Does God interrupt these laws? Some of these questions do not make sense without a God hypothesis.

A conflict occurs when we take the assumptions of science, and turn it into a worldview. We take ideas which made science successful, and used them to set up fences around our beliefs. This is why I used to believe that questions of how the laws of physics came about are meaningless. As such, the God hypothesis is meaningless too. What I did not realize is that I merely replaced the God hypothesis with another one: the Chance hypothesis. It assumes that the universe is governed, not by God, but by chance, and only by chance.

How can we know which hypothesis is correct? Some point out correctly that science can never prove 100% that God exists. Yet, the same is true about Chance. How can we look at a string of digits

28318530717958647692528676655900576839433879875021

and say they are random? What if they are the first fifty digits of two times Pi? In fact, science can never prove 100% that you and I exist either. There is always a minuscule probability that our measuring instruments are wrong. It is a common misunderstanding that discoveries in science are black and white. Science is statistical, and our discoveries are at best probabilistic. Furthermore, if you are Bayesian, science allows us to update our probabilistic beliefs through observations. More on this later when we discuss how to observe God.

Next, I will continue this thread of PROCESS vs PURPOSE, and talk about evolution and creation.

[To be continued...]

Higher

2010-06-11T00:18:00.000-07:00

"I owe you my life, I will worship you forever."

I am where I am now by your grace;
where I am going, I have nothing to fear.

Higher (Hillsong)

For unto us a Saviour came
Amazing grace that takes the weight
His name is hope for all the earth
His name now and beyond this life
God with us

And You shall be called Almighty God
And we shall declare

Your name is higher higher
Jesus Christ Your name is glorious

Now unto me the Christ redeemed
For you so loved and love me still

And You shall be called Almighty God
And we shall declare

Your name is higher higher
Jesus Christ Your name is glorious
Your name is greater sweeter
In all the earth

Higher, higher, higher, He's higher (2x)

So great and greatly to be praised are You
So great and greatly to be praised (2x)

And you shall be called Almighty God, and we shall declare

He's higher, higher, higher, higher(2x)

I owe you my life, I will worship you forever
I owe you my life, I will live to bring you praise (4x)

SR2: Meeting God

2010-06-06T15:53:00.000-07:00

On 31 July 2000, God spoke to me (Why I am a Christian). It changed my life powerfully. I have no doubt that it was God. It is as sure to me as meeting Einstein in person, and realizing he is not a figment of pop culture or a conspiracy theory. God is real!

Excitedly, I shared my experience with many people, and met painfully with a lot of skepticism. I have come to understand that people have a right to decide what they want to believe. They have every reason to think that I was superstitious, misguided or naive, because my experience challenges their fundamental beliefs. But I also realized that their doubts do not lessen my experience in any way. I feel like the blind man who was healed by Jesus (John 9). The pharisees came to question him. The blind man replied that he does not know the answers, but said, "One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!"

Over the next two years, many more miracles occurred in my life. God continued to speak to me. I learnt a lot from Him. But in the back of my mind, I wondered how I could reconcile God with my scientific beliefs. I thought I had to give up being a mathematician.

A WRITING PROJECT

In 2002, I went to Stanford. In our writing class, we were given the chance to do a research project in any topic we want. It was the perfect opportunity for me to confront my philosophical dilemma. But I was afraid of what I would find. I didn't want to lose God because He was the best thing that happened to me. He told me to be strong and courageous. He told me to be honest in my search. He said that believing halfway or believing falsely is worse than not believing at all.

After much research (Science and Religion essay), I learnt where my old worldviews came from. I had taken the technical boundaries of Science, and made them the fundamental boundaries of the Universe. The scientific method is:

1. making hypotheses
2. making observations through experiments to test these hypotheses
3. making predictions about the past or the future using proven hypotheses

About the third point, predictions about the past include discovering the origins of life or the origins of the universe. Predictions about the future include knowing what will happen when we put certain mechanical, electronic, chemical and biological parts together, giving us inventions such as rockets, computers, plastics and medicine.

Meanwhile, in a parallel way, the main scientific arguments against God are:

1. There is no need for a God hypothesis.
2. God cannot be observed, so He cannot be real.
3. The Bible contradicts the laws of science: its miracles, and its accounts of the origin of life and of the universe.

I will summarize my thoughts about the above three arguments. Stay tuned.

[To be continued...]

SR1: Science and Religion

2010-06-05T01:04:00.003-07:00

I'm writing a short series on Science and Religion, but it isn't about the supposed conflict between them. It is more about my mind wrestling with my experience of God through my life. It is about the way my worldviews have changed over time. And I want to write about the process, because that is more important than describing the final product.

Everyone who has a mind has a worldview, whether they like to admit it or not. Our worldview can empower us, or it can imprison us.

I used to be an atheist. Yups, not an agnostic (unsure or indifferent about the existence of God), but an atheist (believing that God does not exist).

MY OLD WORLDVIEW

1. that there is objective truth, i.e. not everything is meaningless, and our opinions are not all correct.

2. that the world is logical, i.e. that there are axioms we cannot prove or disprove, and logic allows us to deduce everything else.

3. that the world is scientific, i.e. observations of our world allows us to figure out what these axioms are, and our deductions allow us to control our environment in a way beneficial to us.

4. that as finite beings with limitations, we may never discover all of these axioms or be correct about the ones we know. But that should not deter us from trying, nor does it lessen the truth of this worldview.

5. that ultimately, our logic will teach us good morals, which we aim to live by, to enjoy life and to prevent the degradation of society.

6. that by "God", I do not mean the impersonal "Laws of Physics" or "Mother Nature", but a Person who exists outside the framework of this universe (someone who lives inside this framework is called an Alien).

7. that God can be a good thing: it helps some people live psychologically healthier lives and enables some societies to flourish, but there really is no need for this concept. It is a figment of man's imagination, invented to explain the things we do not understand and cannot control. Especially pain and suffering, which are results of randomness (natural disasters and accidents) and the limitations of Man.

Science and logic explains the world around us. That society (economics, politics, history, etc.) and the arts can be explained by human psychology, and psychology by biology, and biology by chemistry, and chemistry by physics, and physics by mathematics, and mathematics by logic and the axioms. So logic and the axioms are the foundation of the universe.

Some religious people will argue: where does the logic come from? I would have said it is a meaningless question, because it cannot be answered scientifically. We accept it like we accept the laws of physics.

How could I be sure that God does not exist? Because if He does, He would have made himself known. If He can't be known, what is the point of believing in Him? And if He can be known, science would have had irrefutable proof that He exists.

[To be continued...]

Praise and Thanksgiving

2010-06-02T10:42:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me a devotional from Mary Southerland. Liked the story in it. Haha! :)

* * *

Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Ephesians 5:20 "Always give thanks for everything to our God and Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

When our hearts and lives are filled with praise and thanksgiving, worry is a weed that will die from lack of attention. Praise and thanksgiving are powerful weapons against worry, freeing God to work in our lives because when we praise Him, we trust Him blindly.

The story is told of a young hippie who was sitting on a park bench reading his Bible. Suddenly he began to shout! "Praise the Lord! What a miracle!" An older, very distinguished man walking by stopped and asked why he was so excited. The young man replied, "I was just reading how God parted the Red Sea and the whole nation of Israel walked on dry ground!" The older man sneered, "Don't you know? That wasn't a real sea at all. It was just a few inches of water." The unbeliever turned to walk away, leaving the young man confused and discouraged - for a moment - until his shouts once again filled the air. The angry cynic returned asking, "What are you shouting about now?" "Well, sir, I just read how God drowned the whole Egyptian army in just a few inches of water." Don't let anyone keep you from praising God. Don't let any circumstance deny you the joy of praise. If you want to win over worry, praise Him!

Cry

2010-05-28T16:45:00.000-07:00

The first thing a baby learns is how to cry. It's the same when we are born again.

A new way to live!

2010-05-27T00:35:00.000-07:00

I had such an awesome conversation with a friend today, almost life-changing! He is such a humble man of God. He taught me that living life in Christ is simple, and he speaks with so much authority!

I want to share some nuggets. Haha, hope they'll bless ya too!

1. By looking at Jesus, we learn how sons are treated. Through Jesus, Papa is demonstrating how He treats His sons! I have to throw off the mindset of trying to figure out what sons have to do. Just soak in the excitement of learning how well He protects and provides for His family! It's a completely different way of living!

2. We do not have to worry or stress over bringing worship to Papa. He only wants us to enjoy His love, and out of that experience, worship comes naturally. Why do the angels worship? They are in direct contact with His love! If worship is an expression of our love, then we love because He first loved us! Make knowing His love our first priority over giving Him our love.

3. Stop believing that things will not happen if we do not ask God continually everyday. It is not by our efforts! Rather, start believing that everything has been accomplished by the cross. Everything. Faith is the act of receiving all that God has given us. I realized I've been fighting for things which God already paid the price for. Prayer is allowing God to change the way we think. We do not even have to worry about lacking faith, because this stems from a fear that we have not done enough. Jesus loves us so much that He paid the full price. He will even give us the faith to believe, if we allow Him to do that. Time to change the way we pray :)

4. How then shall we live? Our circumstances can discourage us. We do not see the fulfillment of His promises in our lives. When Paul was tormented by the thorn in his flesh, God replied that His grace is sufficient for him, for His power is made perfect in his weakness. We can rejoice, because He is more than enough! :D Paul sang and rejoiced in prison! The circumstances could not change his attitude. Rather, his attitude changed the circumstances! An earthquake came, the chains fell off, and he walked out a free man!

5. Our minds can imprison us. I used to be an atheist. My beliefs about His non-existence prevented me from experiencing His love, peace and joy! Even as Christians, our minds can hinder us from His blessings. How then do we change the way we think? Allow Him to remind us of His promises. They are so important that He recorded them in written form: the bible! It's like a receipt, telling you the things which have already been paid for. Show that receipt to the enemy when he tries to cheat you of your inheritance!

Self-control

2010-05-22T18:02:00.000-07:00

I just read a wonderful blog that is just overflowing from the writer's intimacy with Jesus! I love her desire for fresh revelation from the Spirit, not wanting overlook old themes and stories as just being familiar. What a fun way to read the bible!

There is this verse that many can recite, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

Familiarity says, "This is about how you can tell someone is living by the Spirit, because he/she will display all these qualities in his/her life." But we take it to be nine extra things we need to accomplish in our lives.

Then, in discovering spiritual warfare, we learn, "This is a powerful way to tell if a spirit or a voice is from God or from the enemy." But we reduce discernment to a bunch of principles, forgetting the Person who is our Counselor, who leads us into all truth.

Hahaha, we as humans, myself included, are really *really* good at taking a relationship that is personal, and making it principled.

Okie, to self-control. I feel that this is the fruit that is most misunderstood. For many of us, self-control is about overcoming temptations. I believe it is so much more than that!

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things."

Self-control is not just about stopping bad stuff from coming into our lives, its also about allowing good stuff in. It is about controlling what feeds our souls, and Who we allow to guide our lives. It is about believing Him about our destinies, and following Him into the promised land. But anyone who has tried to live this good life will know that it is incredibly hard. What can we do? We are but humans. How can we have self-control?

I think the promise for us, is that we can ask the Holy Spirit for it, like picking fruit off a Tree. He who helps us to experience His love, joy and peace, will also imbue us with a supernatural ability to stand firm, that we not be like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

It is not one more thing we need to do, but one more thing we can depend on Him for.

BananaLOG?

2010-05-20T15:53:00.001-07:00

Okay, I've been meaning to explain the name of this blog for a while.

In secondary school (grades 7-10), I was in the yellow house (kinda like those in Harry Potter movies). My house did a play called "Bananas and Cheese", if I remember the name right. The scriptwriter said he chose "bananas" because as a Chinese growing up in an English-speaking American-loving culture, he feels like a banana: yellow on the outside but white on the inside. Since then, I called myself the "Banana Guy", not just because I love eating the fruit, but also because I really *really* sucked at Chinese.

The name kinda stuck on me, and got embarrassing after I graduated from high school. But since becoming a Christian, I realized that God has a purpose for me in being a bridge between the East and the West. I was born again in the East in Singapore, grew up in the Lord in the West in America, and am returning soon to the East to my homeland.

I am ever aware of the special destiny that God has given my culture and my country. But I also appreciate the baton that the Western Church is passing to us, through two thousand years of incredible inheritance. Growing up, I have seen my culture reject Christianity as a Western religion. All this is changing. When the Holy Spirit prevented Paul from preaching in Asia (Acts 16:6), He had an end-time purpose in mind. The gospel has swept around the globe, and now Asia is in the middle of the greatest revival ever. More is coming! We are rising up to our unique part in the body of Christ. We are learning that Jesus is not only of the Jews nor only of the West, but the desire of all nations. I am amazed by how Jesus is manifesting himself to Asia now (1, 2, 3, 4) just as in the days of Paul and Peter!

So yes, BananaLOG is a play on words, the LOG book of a Banana, a B-LOG. That this is also a blog of a crazy person, one who has gone bananas. It is foolishness to the world, and I am deeply aware of that :) But I'm not claiming everything is right either :P I pray everyone practices Godly discernment. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

Steps of Faith

2010-05-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

I want to keep this entry simple. It is about how He loves us, and how much we can trust Him.

Recently, I have been going through a really hard time. I could feel a lot of lies hitting me from all directions. I could feel myself slipping away from Him. I was losing control of my life. I felt depressed and desperate. I felt like I messed up big time. I felt stupid, worthless, hopeless.

One morning, I was so desperate, I got down on my knees and cried out to Papa. I said, "Father, I messed up big time, I do not deserve to come before you. But I really need you. I need you. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me." That's all I could say for a long time.

But then He comes, with tears of compassion in His eyes, and whispers "Hold on, My son. Trust me. You can trust me." I went through the rest of the day holding on to those two words, "Trust me." It kept me going, gave me courage so I wouldn't give up.

That evening, I played a song "Selah" that a friend sent me. In that moment, I felt pure joy fill my heart. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced. I felt all my worries, burdens melt away. I saw all the lies and the fear flee. I was so overwhelmed by His goodness. Most of all, I was so glad I trusted Him. Before, it felt like I had faith, and now, I had Faith. It was Faith that comes from him, not from myself. It felt so solid, so real, something I could lean on, something I could depend my life on.

I understood in that moment, two very basic things about the Kingdom of God. The first is His grace, how there is such an abundance of it! We can always come back to Him no matter how much we felt we messed up. Even if we can't hear His voice. This is such a basic principle! I felt like God wrote this onto my heart.

The second is trusting Him. Oh, how worthy He is of our trust! The Kingdom advances by our trust in Him, not by our efforts. It is such pure joy to trust in Him, even in our darkest hours, and see Him come through!

AND HE WILL COME THROUGH!

I saw how He advances our faith one step at a time. Our current faith leads us back to His feet in our times of desperation, and what we experience there propels us to the next step. From glory to glory!

I'm not through the valley of the shadow of death yet. But He gave me a glimpse of the end of the tunnel. I have the faith and the hope to finish the race.

Grace, and Trust. These are cornerstones of His kingdom. Lord, let me never ever forget that. And we will always come back to them, again and again and again.

It's all very simple

2010-04-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

From an old journal entry:

"you just need to hear my voice. don’t worry, come forward my son. this is what you were made for. it is actually very simple, the goal of it all. intimacy with me. that’s what they desire. jesus, the desire of the nations. that is what i desire, from the very beginning, when i created adam. it is all very simple. intimacy."

"this is what you need the most courage for. to step forward in intimacy. the next thing you need the most courage for: to help others step into this intimacy, in a way special and unique to them. their gifts, their service, their glory, their legacy, all stems out of this intimacy, all ﬂows into this intimacy.”

if it is that simple, why do i struggle so much? where is my boldness? what am i afraid of?

“standing at the door. not sure of whether you should come in. is there a right and a wrong? what if there is a wrong? come in, take a look and see. explore, take your time. you don’t always have to know what to do the ﬁrst time. make mistakes. cry. laugh. pick yourself up. there is always mercy. there is always grace. lots of grace.”

father, i want to remain here. i want to sing. i don’t want to care what the world thinks anymore.

“good! ﬂy, shine, arise. they are all symbols of the same thing. freedom. be yourself. be who you were created to be. allow me to ﬂow through you and rejuvenate you.”

“you may seem silly to the world, but not in my eyes. there is an adventurous spirit in there. a boldness. a craziness. that’s you.”

“i will speak your destiny into your life. i will be the one, not you through your gift. it is different. you will know the difference.”

i love you Lord. i want you. you are so good. you know me.

!

2010-04-21T17:35:00.000-07:00

You are my strength

You are my strength
Strength like no other
Strength like no other
Reaches to me

You are my hope
Hope like no other
Hope like no other
Reaches to me

In the fullness of Your grace
In the power of Your Name
You lift me up
You lift me up

Unfailing love
Stronger than mountains
Deeper than oceans
Reaches to me

Your love O Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness
Reaches to the skies

.

2010-04-21T16:09:00.001-07:00

how long have I
been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I'd see you
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright

I know you didn't
bring me out here to drown
so why am I ten feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

Science and Religion

2010-04-20T12:11:00.000-07:00

I found an old talk of mine online!

http://xastanford.org/messages/shaowei-science-and-religion.mp3

One thing I would have said differently is how God would have saved me from a gang of killers. Perhaps not an avalanche.

You hold me

2010-04-19T21:30:00.000-07:00

You are my shepherd,
I shall not want.
You hold me in your hands.
I will let go so you can take over.

Simple

2010-04-19T09:38:00.000-07:00

Simplicity. Enter the moment, the present, the now. Experience. You don't have to analyze, you don't have to understand everything. We can trust Him with where we are now. Rest. Rejoice!

Be thankful for the past. You can't be living in the past, even if it was really good, but you can be thankful for it. The good gets better.

Be hopeful for the future. God was good. Is good. Will always be.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." @ 1 Thess 5:16-18

We who are born again, we never die. The same goes with our relationships. Relationships never end. They may change but they never end. Every relationship different, every one unique. Each has a life of their own.

I am who I am

2010-04-15T10:42:00.000-07:00

From the One who said "I am who I am," He gives us the freedom to be the same.

No need to change, or be someone else. Just where we are. Now.

I am who I am.

Contend.

2010-04-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

I have seen what is possible. How can I still be content with what I have now?

"Then, contend. Contend. Contend with Me."

What do I contend for? I cannot find it here on earth.

"You'll be the first. You'll be the blueprint. Be the match that sparks a forest fire."

Raw

2010-04-12T09:28:00.000-07:00

Raw... so raw. I trust you Bro.

"I give You all of me for all You are
Here I am
Take me apart
Take me apart"

Never Fall Down

2010-03-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

Let me teach you how to never fall down, how to never get hurt: Don't put yourself out there. Don't do things that you don't already know how to do, or things that you do not do well. Don't put your emotions into what you do, don't raise your hopes too high. Try not to feel or experience the process. Focus on the goal and play it safe.

That way, you will never fail, because success is about accomplishing something, not about picking up yourself when you fall. And because you did not put your feelings into it, you won't be hurt when you fall. Even better: you won't have to depend on anyone else but yourself. Not even God.

And when you have lots of successes, you can be proud of yourself. You can say that you achieved everything you wanted, and did not experience any hurts, or anything at all, along the way.

***

"I have gone before you, you can trust in Me. Only be strong and courageous. Don't be afraid to fall. I am with you always, especially when it hurts. You are stronger than you think, more brave than you know. I know that about you."

You are loved

2010-03-29T11:16:00.000-07:00

Reblogged from a friend :) the words are due to Graham Cooke, an amazing friend of God.

Epic Songs from the Epic Trip

2010-03-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

Take me apart

2010-03-23T18:04:00.000-07:00

I am finally ready to discover who I am.

"I give You all of me for all You are
Here I am
Take me apart
Take me apart"

Friends with God

2010-02-22T08:31:00.000-08:00

I've not blogged for a while, and there is actually a lot that I want to write about. So here it is. I've bunched them all into one article, and I couldn't think of a good title for this entry but the above sums up my feelings pretty well.

First, let me tell you a story about one of my closest friends. After I first met him, God told me that we were going to be good friends. So I asked God to tell me everything about him. He said, "Why don't you get to know him the normal way?" I asked, "Which is?" And He said, "By talking to him."

Over the months, through our conversations, we indeed became close. I have been given many prophetic words for other people, but I received very few for him. Almost everything I know about him comes from talking to him. Recently, he asked me if I have any words of knowledge for him, and I said, "Unfortunately no. Looks like we have to do it the normal way!"

It occurred to me the next day that I often do the same with God. I go to Him asking if He has any words for me, to help me deal with my issues or my decisions. But He really desires to just talk with me. It is as though He switches off His prophetic gift (which by the way is really really powerful!) and smiles, "How are you today?" It hit me that He really really wants to be friends with us. Not primarily a master or a teacher or a counsellor, but a friend.

Here is another thread, bear with me, but it'll lead somewhere. The story of Peter having a vision where a voice tells him to "kill and eat" in Acts 10. Peter says that he will not eat anything impure. But the voice said, "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean." I've noticed that I'm subconsciously labeling everything as secular or christian. Especially people. I realized that God doesn't look at someone and thinks he or she is non-christian. So why should we?

There is something to be said about finding goodness in every situation and every person. There is no such thing as a secular situation or a christian situation, but in every situation, we can see God at work and we can see where God is not at work. This is also true about church, where we have come to believe that everything preached must be from God. We need to practice discernment. At the same time, I've learnt some of my deepest lessons from "secular" events and "secular" people!

Someone asked me recently, "Why do you always prophesy good things? Doesn't God see the negative in us that needs changing?" Then, I realized it is impossible for God to see us as bad or being defined by something bad. He sees the bad stuff hindering and crippling us like a disease that is not a part of us. The good news is that we no longer are bound to this disease. The cross accomplished this. But cross or no cross, God never saw the cup as half-empty. He always sees us as half-full. He sees our goodness and wants to give us even more. The cross accomplishes this.

Which brings me to the crux: that there is so much good in people! When I look around, the world is in color! I see the amazingness that God has created his people with. The fields are white for harvest, they are not black! We are not harvesting weeds! We are calling out the goodness in people, to bring it to their attention, to show them how much worth they have. This is the harvest!

Be Strong and Courageous

2010-02-18T08:37:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, when we feel helpless and hopeless, it is time to be strong and courageous.

Passion, not obligation

2010-01-07T13:12:00.000-08:00

I'm reading the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. If you haven't seen it, please do! It's awesome :)

I love what it says about compliance. There are many people who have difficulty saying "no" to things that hurt them (I don't just mean drugs). For instance, when asked for a favor, even if they do not have the time or energy to do it, they will say yes because "it is sacrificial love."

This kind of boundary conflict is called compliance. Compliant people have fuzzy and indistinct boundaries; they "melt" into the demands and needs of other people. They can't stand alone, distinct from people who want something from them. Compliants, for example, pretend to like the same restaurants and movies their friends do "just to get along." They minimize their differences with others so as not to rock the boat. Compliants are chameleons. After a while, it's hard to distinguish them from their environment.

So, what's the deal with this? There will be times for sacrificial love. How is that distinct from compliance? The difference is on the inside.

Biblical compliance needs to be distinguished from this kind of compliance. Mathew 9:13 says that God desires "compassion, not sacrifice" (NASB). In other words, God wants us to be compliant from the inside out (compassionate), not compliant on the outside and resentful on the inside (sacrificial). Compliants take on too many responsibilities and set too few boundaries, not by choice, but because they are afraid.

Love casts out all fear. Sacrificial love is a love that invokes a sacrifice, not a sacrifice pretending to be love. We desire to be passionate lovers. We need to find true desires deep inside of us, those which God created in us, and to respect and pursue those desires. We need a deeper work, and only God can do that.

The Invisible

2009-12-28T16:07:00.000-08:00

"You ask, why is passion so important? Why are dreams important?

Let me ask you, why is love so important? Why is it important to go deep? To root yourselves? To understand, to know the truth? To see things are they are? The important things are often invisible. They will bear fruit, but in their own time."

Big Daddy

2009-12-24T12:58:00.000-08:00

As I stand and looked my greatest fear in its eyes, it doesn't seem very big any more. my Daddy is bigger. much BIGGER!

Love is Here - Tenth Avenue North

Thoughts on teaching

2009-12-18T01:52:00.000-08:00

It's late, I'm doing my laundry, and I'm still up. I'm thinking about my students.

I had a privilege of teaching an undergraduate math class this semester. It was completely different from relief teaching in high school. Mainly because they're so much closer in age and they're also much smarter than me. Seriously! And they are some of the most amazing, motivated, curious people I've met. Seriously!

I just finished grading their exam today and turned in the textbooks. I think I miss them already :P

Some of them are going to be so amazed by how they did overall. Its awesome, they should celebrate! Congrats!!

Some of them are going to feel disappointed. They did not do as well as they hoped. But they tried their best, and for that, they should celebrate!

At the same time, our emotions are important. It is natural to feel sad, especially if it is something we worked very hard on. And God is someone who empathizes with us. He is here to say, "I know how much it hurts." It really does hurt.

But they will arise from the dust. The wind and the sand cannot stop them. They will not give up. That is their greatest victory.

Overcast

2009-12-13T13:34:00.001-08:00

The skies were overcast, and rain fell in a light drizzle.

As I walked down the street, I felt His presence surround me. I smiled and snuggled in His arms. I looked at my life and what I have done. He has done so much for me, and me? I feel like I have only been messing around, not accomplishing anything. I backed away from His embrace. "God, don't invest so much in me. I'm not worth anything. I like having you around, but I will never accomplish much. Don't put too much hopes in me."

He paused. There was a silence. He was deep in thought.

Then, He said, "Let me tell you something..."

I waited. There was no response. Puzzled, I looked up, wondering what He would say next.

And there, the sun shone through the clouds. It nearly blinded me. The clouds parted for the moment, and the sun put everything in their glory.

Then, He said, "You cannot stop the sun from shining." He continued, "The clouds may come, the rains may fall, but the sun continues shining. Nobody can stop it from shining."

"Just be yourself."

And I saw my mind, my soul, my spirit glow with its own light. He likes me for who I am. He likes my quirkiness, my ups and downs, my humor, my struggles, my moments of intense joy. My life is interesting, many things have happened, many things are coming. I love my life. I wouldn't give it up for anyone else's. My successes worth celebrating, and my struggles even more amazing than my successes, though few people celebrate their struggles. People can judge me, will judge me, but as for me, I rejoice in who I am, because my Judge reviewed who I am and called it good.

"You are above and beyond understanding.
If we did not praise, the rocks would cry out."

I love my car

2009-12-12T15:28:00.000-08:00

I love my car. It's beaten-down, worn-out, takes a while to warm up every morning. It has many dents and scratches, dust on the inside, dirt on the outside. Recently, its windshield cracked too.

But it goes places with me. It has character, almost a personality of its own. It is faithful, trustworthy. I love my car Shine.

And God is reminding me, that I'm like that car to Him. He loves spending time with me, every single moment. He loves every scratch, bump and crack. One day, He might give me a complete haul-over. But I matter more to Him than that. He likes me the way I am. Gee... : )

Humanity and Deity

2009-12-12T14:54:00.000-08:00

When we fully embrace our humanity and we catch a glimpse of His deity, we start to marvel at His creation, how He created both to be meshed together! This, is Grace.

Oh, how He loves us!

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

I met Jesus

2009-12-04T09:08:00.000-08:00

I met Jesus yesterday.

There was an old homeless man carrying a lot of big bags and with a torn jacket. He walked into the seminar room where we were having a department talk on quantum information. He put down his bags, sat on the side steps and started to listen intently to the lectures. Then, he looked at me, and his eyes were so simple. His gaze pierced straight into my core. I thought, he could be Jesus for all we know, but ignored by everyone else in the room.

The King resides in His simple ones.

Random Instantaneous Creation	Random Evolution
Purposed Instantaneous Creation	Purposed Evolution