SR5: Miracles

How do we observe God? It depends on our definition of Him. I like to think of Him as a Person who exists outside the framework of this universe, that is interested in interacting with us. If He is not interested in interacting with us, what is the point of observing Him?

The word 'miracle' is synonymous with observing God. Wikipedia defines it as "an unexpected event attributed to divine intervention.'' We can break down this definition into two parts. Firstly, miracles are improbable events. Secondly, they occur seemingly with purpose. This second part is important. For instance, if we flip a fair coin a thousand times and it always lands on its edge, that's amazing but it says nothing about God. However, the story changes if we were doing it to save our lives.

I used to think that God had to break the laws of physics to create a miracle. I was troubled because it seemed to contradict His nature. For instance, even with the Law of Moses, Jesus said that he did not come to abolish the law but to fulfill it (Matt 5:17). How then can miracles happen?

One day, while on a ski lift, it suddenly occurred to me. Quantum mechanics provides the answer. How did Philip teleport from one place to another (Acts 8:39)? I've heard a similar phenomenon described in science textbooks: a particle can tunnel from one place to another through high energy barriers because of wave-particle duality. Thus, teleportation occurs when every particle in the object tunnels to another exact same place at the exact same moment. The improbability of such an event grows exponentially with the number of particles, but it is certainly not impossible! So God creates miracles without breaking the laws of physics. And through these improbable events, God hopes to get our attention. If only we were listening (Mark 4:12).

If God wanted to us to observe Him, why didn't He just speak out of the clouds, or reveal Himself in person? I believe He already has! (John 12:29, John 14:11) God continues to do many miracles today (my testimony is one example), but the single most amazing miracle in history is Jesus' resurrection from the cross.

In terms of improbability, it is the first time death was defeated, and Jesus received a new body (i.e. a new kind of matter) that can never be destroyed. Other people like Enoch, Elijah and Lazarus had either avoided death or been brought back from death, but they did not receive a new body. Jesus is called the first-born from the dead (Rev 1:5), because all of creation will be remade like his body (Rev 21:3-5). I believe the laws of physics governing this new creation does not include the law of entropy. In terms of purpose, Jesus' resurrection fulfilled all the purposes of God. He paid for our sins, bought us our blessings and proved God's love for us to us. Most of all, the veil was torn and our relationship with God was restored. Anyone serious about investigating the reality of God will have to examine the validity of this one controversial historical event.

Next up, Godel's Incompleteness Theorem!

[To be continued...]


UPDATE:

I decided to keep a list of miracles that are happening today. Of course, there have been many, too numerous to count! But not all of them were recorded online. Here are a few. If you have seen any, or have any stories of your own, do post them as comments!

1. My own testimony
2. Mathematical miracles
3. The Heavenly Man, by Brother Yun (miracles of a christian under persecution)
4. Visions Beyond The Veil, by H. A. Baker (poor orphan kids in china getting supernatural visions)
5. Remarkable Miracles, by G. C. Bevington (an autobiography, one of my favorite books)
6. There is Always Enough, by Rolland and Heidi Baker (food multiplication!)
7. Healed of cancer, met Jesus in person
8. Healed of mental illness and of lung disease
9. African blind man healed 
10. Healing testimonies from Bethel Church
11. Miracles and angels (check out the entry 'scott's angel')
12. Angel singing recorded (listen at 2:00 and 5:00, but first check out the story)

Simplicity in Relationships

I want to share an entry in my journal where God touched me deeply. It happened during a very difficult time in my relationship with a friend and brother of mine. I decided not to share this entry until now to protect the identity of my friend. Since then, we've become even closer than ever, and I'm sure he is okay with me sharing this. To my friends: in case you're wondering if it is you, it's not. If it is you, you would know, because I've shared the stuff below with you before. In any case, this blog is really more about the nature of people and the nature of relationships.

I was having a difficult time with my brother because through the friendship, I realized that we were very different. Even some of our core beliefs were different. I knew that he loved God deeply, and so did I, and I knew God called us to be brothers for a reason. But I felt like God made a wrong choice here. Perhaps we were only meant to be acquaintances. Here are some of the things God said in response:

"maybe he just needs someone to believe in him. he is like all of us, and like you."

"people are not one dimensional. there are the issues, and there are the deeper revelations, and then there is the person, the seed."

"we call out the person. so that the person can access the revelation and use it to overcome the issues. but the issues and the revelation do not define the person."

From this, I understood that there are people we dislike or even pity because of the problems in their lives. And likewise, there are people we revere because of the incredible revelation that they hold. But neither the issues or the revelation make up who the person really is.

How do we comfort, encourage and strengthen others? It is not just about giving revelation. Often, God has already given the person the revelation. We come along side, and see him as the overcomer. We believe in him. This empowers him to take hold of what God has already given.

"when we honor the person, we don't judge them by their issues, and we don't value them by their revelations. we go deeper. we find the person, created and chosen and destined by God. we see them for who they are, glorious, wonderful, fearfully and wonderfully made."

The issues and revelations exist only on the surface. The person, his identity, his seed, lies deeper still. It is this person that I hope to encounter. It is this person that I hope to enjoy. God enjoys us, beyond our issues, beyond our revelations. We enjoy God, from our seed, from our core. And He created us to enjoy each other too.

"you know deep inside, he loves Me and he loves you. and deep inside, he knows that you love Me and you love him. sometimes, that's all we need."

This is the simplicity in relationship. Two people can be extremely different, but yet the best of friends. Unity is diversity and codependence.

Strength to the weary

"I have a choice to be angry with God for what I don't have,
or be thankful for what I do have."

"There is no point being complete on the outside when you're broken on the inside;
God can heal you without changing your circumstances."

"The question was, why did You make me this way;
the answer was, do you trust Me?
And when you say yes to that question, nothing.. else.. matters."

"This is not about Nick, or Nick's capacity
or capability to become this conqueror...
I am NOTHING!
God though, lives in me, and I now live in His strength;
And whatever Jesus conquered, I conquered."

"Maybe you've compared your suffering to my suffering,
but that's not where hope is.
... Hope is in the name of God.
Hope is when you compare your suffering to
the infinite immeasurable love and grace of God."

"But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."
Isa 40:31

SR4: Evolution and Creation

In the last blog, we talked about PROCESS vs PURPOSE. This is the crux to understanding the conflict between evolution and creation.

There are actually two questions regarding the origin of life: How is there life on earth? Why is there life on earth? For the first question, either life appeared instantly (instantaneous creation), or it become more advanced over time (evolution). For the second question, either the process occurred by chance, or it was purposed by God. So there are four possible theories:

Random Instantaneous Creation	Random Evolution
Purposed Instantaneous Creation	Purposed Evolution

Logically, "Random Instantaneous Creation" makes no sense. So before Darwin, people who reject the God hypothesis had no explanation for the existence of life. To them, the theory of evolution freed them from their predicament, popularizing atheism. As a result, many religious groups saw Darwin's theory as an attack on their beliefs. This need not be the case.

The church has often been seen as science's greatest opponent. This is true to a large extent, but two facts are usually overlooked. First, the failure of the church does not represent the failure of God. Many people reject God because they reject the church, and this is unfortunate. Remember that Jesus himself was persecuted by the leading religious people of his time. The greatest enemy to revelation is the religious spirit. Second, many great thinkers have furthered science in their quest to understand God's creation. Thomas Aquinas challenged the widely accepted steady state theory by insisting the universe had a beginning. Francis Bacon formalized the scientific method. What about Kepler, Pascal, Boyle, Newton, Faraday, Stokes, Thomson and Maxwell? Or more recently, Charles Townes and Francis Collins?

For the record, I am a PURPOSED EVOLUTIONIST. My belief in God inspires my belief in evolution. Why? Because God created me, yet I grew up from a baby to an adult. The same happens in my spiritual growth, with Him guiding me. Thus, I believe that the universe also went through a guided growth process. I do not see any conflict between the biblical account of creation and the process of evolution. God created the world step-by-step in six stages. Is it not possible that each stage also occurred in steps?

Coming next, miracles and how to observe God.

[To be continued...]

SR3: Process vs Purpose

Suppose you're a detective for a homocide case. What are some of the questions you would ask? First, you would want to know HOW the killing happened. Was the victim wounded by a gun or a knife? What happened before and after the incident? This is the question of PROCESS. Second, you would be interested in WHY the killing happened. Was there a conflict between the victim and the killer? Was it murder? Or was it an act of self-defence? This is the question of PURPOSE. Knowing the process helps us to uncover the purpose, but the two questions should never be confused with each other.

Science is the art of discovering HOW things happen. For such questions, we never use the God hypothesis. It would be silly if a physicist, who was investigating how magnets create currents in metal, concluded, ''It's God!'' A philosopher might be interested in such answers though. He may ponder over the discoveries of science and ask: Are the events of this universe governed completely by chance? How did the laws of physics come about? Were the laws set in place by a God? Does God interrupt these laws? Some of these questions do not make sense without a God hypothesis.

A conflict occurs when we take the assumptions of science, and turn it into a worldview. We take ideas which made science successful, and used them to set up fences around our beliefs. This is why I used to believe that questions of how the laws of physics came about are meaningless. As such, the God hypothesis is meaningless too. What I did not realize is that I merely replaced the God hypothesis with another one: the Chance hypothesis. It assumes that the universe is governed, not by God, but by chance, and only by chance.

How can we know which hypothesis is correct? Some point out correctly that science can never prove 100% that God exists. Yet, the same is true about Chance. How can we look at a string of digits

28318530717958647692528676655900576839433879875021

and say they are random? What if they are the first fifty digits of two times Pi? In fact, science can never prove 100% that you and I exist either. There is always a minuscule probability that our measuring instruments are wrong. It is a common misunderstanding that discoveries in science are black and white. Science is statistical, and our discoveries are at best probabilistic. Furthermore, if you are Bayesian, science allows us to update our probabilistic beliefs through observations. More on this later when we discuss how to observe God.

Next, I will continue this thread of PROCESS vs PURPOSE, and talk about evolution and creation.

[To be continued...]

Higher

"I owe you my life, I will worship you forever."

I am where I am now by your grace;
where I am going, I have nothing to fear.



Higher (Hillsong)

For unto us a Saviour came
Amazing grace that takes the weight
His name is hope for all the earth
His name now and beyond this life
God with us

And You shall be called Almighty God
And we shall declare

Your name is higher higher
Jesus Christ Your name is glorious

Now unto me the Christ redeemed
For you so loved and love me still

And You shall be called Almighty God
And we shall declare

Your name is higher higher
Jesus Christ Your name is glorious
Your name is greater sweeter
In all the earth

Higher, higher, higher, He's higher (2x)

So great and greatly to be praised are You
So great and greatly to be praised (2x)

And you shall be called Almighty God, and we shall declare

He's higher, higher, higher, higher(2x)

I owe you my life, I will worship you forever
I owe you my life, I will live to bring you praise (4x)

SR2: Meeting God

On 31 July 2000, God spoke to me (Why I am a Christian). It changed my life powerfully. I have no doubt that it was God. It is as sure to me as meeting Einstein in person, and realizing he is not a figment of pop culture or a conspiracy theory. God is real!

Excitedly, I shared my experience with many people, and met painfully with a lot of skepticism. I have come to understand that people have a right to decide what they want to believe. They have every reason to think that I was superstitious, misguided or naive, because my experience challenges their fundamental beliefs. But I also realized that their doubts do not lessen my experience in any way. I feel like the blind man who was healed by Jesus (John 9). The pharisees came to question him. The blind man replied that he does not know the answers, but said, "One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!"

Over the next two years, many more miracles occurred in my life. God continued to speak to me. I learnt a lot from Him. But in the back of my mind, I wondered how I could reconcile God with my scientific beliefs. I thought I had to give up being a mathematician.

A WRITING PROJECT

In 2002, I went to Stanford. In our writing class, we were given the chance to do a research project in any topic we want. It was the perfect opportunity for me to confront my philosophical dilemma. But I was afraid of what I would find. I didn't want to lose God because He was the best thing that happened to me. He told me to be strong and courageous. He told me to be honest in my search. He said that believing halfway or believing falsely is worse than not believing at all.

After much research (Science and Religion essay), I learnt where my old worldviews came from. I had taken the technical boundaries of Science, and made them the fundamental boundaries of the Universe. The scientific method is:

1. making hypotheses
2. making observations through experiments to test these hypotheses
3. making predictions about the past or the future using proven hypotheses

About the third point, predictions about the past include discovering the origins of life or the origins of the universe. Predictions about the future include knowing what will happen when we put certain mechanical, electronic, chemical and biological parts together, giving us inventions such as rockets, computers, plastics and medicine.

Meanwhile, in a parallel way, the main scientific arguments against God are:

1. There is no need for a God hypothesis.
2. God cannot be observed, so He cannot be real.
3. The Bible contradicts the laws of science: its miracles, and its accounts of the origin of life and of the universe.

I will summarize my thoughts about the above three arguments. Stay tuned.

[To be continued...]

SR1: Science and Religion

I'm writing a short series on Science and Religion, but it isn't about the supposed conflict between them. It is more about my mind wrestling with my experience of God through my life. It is about the way my worldviews have changed over time. And I want to write about the process, because that is more important than describing the final product.

Everyone who has a mind has a worldview, whether they like to admit it or not. Our worldview can empower us, or it can imprison us.

I used to be an atheist. Yups, not an agnostic (unsure or indifferent about the existence of God), but an atheist (believing that God does not exist).

MY OLD WORLDVIEW

1. that there is objective truth, i.e. not everything is meaningless, and our opinions are not all correct.

2. that the world is logical, i.e. that there are axioms we cannot prove or disprove, and logic allows us to deduce everything else.

3. that the world is scientific, i.e. observations of our world allows us to figure out what these axioms are, and our deductions allow us to control our environment in a way beneficial to us.

4. that as finite beings with limitations, we may never discover all of these axioms or be correct about the ones we know. But that should not deter us from trying, nor does it lessen the truth of this worldview.

5. that ultimately, our logic will teach us good morals, which we aim to live by, to enjoy life and to prevent the degradation of society.

6. that by "God", I do not mean the impersonal "Laws of Physics" or "Mother Nature", but a Person who exists outside the framework of this universe (someone who lives inside this framework is called an Alien).

7. that God can be a good thing: it helps some people live psychologically healthier lives and enables some societies to flourish, but there really is no need for this concept. It is a figment of man's imagination, invented to explain the things we do not understand and cannot control. Especially pain and suffering, which are results of randomness (natural disasters and accidents) and the limitations of Man.

Science and logic explains the world around us. That society (economics, politics, history, etc.) and the arts can be explained by human psychology, and psychology by biology, and biology by chemistry, and chemistry by physics, and physics by mathematics, and mathematics by logic and the axioms. So logic and the axioms are the foundation of the universe.

Some religious people will argue: where does the logic come from? I would have said it is a meaningless question, because it cannot be answered scientifically. We accept it like we accept the laws of physics.

How could I be sure that God does not exist? Because if He does, He would have made himself known. If He can't be known, what is the point of believing in Him? And if He can be known, science would have had irrefutable proof that He exists.

[To be continued...]

Praise and Thanksgiving

A friend sent me a devotional from Mary Southerland. Liked the story in it. Haha! :)

* * *

Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Ephesians 5:20 "Always give thanks for everything to our God and Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

When our hearts and lives are filled with praise and thanksgiving, worry is a weed that will die from lack of attention. Praise and thanksgiving are powerful weapons against worry, freeing God to work in our lives because when we praise Him, we trust Him blindly.

The story is told of a young hippie who was sitting on a park bench reading his Bible. Suddenly he began to shout! "Praise the Lord! What a miracle!" An older, very distinguished man walking by stopped and asked why he was so excited. The young man replied, "I was just reading how God parted the Red Sea and the whole nation of Israel walked on dry ground!" The older man sneered, "Don't you know? That wasn't a real sea at all. It was just a few inches of water." The unbeliever turned to walk away, leaving the young man confused and discouraged - for a moment - until his shouts once again filled the air. The angry cynic returned asking, "What are you shouting about now?" "Well, sir, I just read how God drowned the whole Egyptian army in just a few inches of water." Don't let anyone keep you from praising God. Don't let any circumstance deny you the joy of praise. If you want to win over worry, praise Him!

Cry

The first thing a baby learns is how to cry. It's the same when we are born again.

A new way to live!

I had such an awesome conversation with a friend today, almost life-changing! He is such a humble man of God. He taught me that living life in Christ is simple, and he speaks with so much authority!

I want to share some nuggets. Haha, hope they'll bless ya too!

1. By looking at Jesus, we learn how sons are treated. Through Jesus, Papa is demonstrating how He treats His sons! I have to throw off the mindset of trying to figure out what sons have to do. Just soak in the excitement of learning how well He protects and provides for His family! It's a completely different way of living!

2. We do not have to worry or stress over bringing worship to Papa. He only wants us to enjoy His love, and out of that experience, worship comes naturally. Why do the angels worship? They are in direct contact with His love! If worship is an expression of our love, then we love because He first loved us! Make knowing His love our first priority over giving Him our love.

3. Stop believing that things will not happen if we do not ask God continually everyday. It is not by our efforts! Rather, start believing that everything has been accomplished by the cross. Everything. Faith is the act of receiving all that God has given us. I realized I've been fighting for things which God already paid the price for. Prayer is allowing God to change the way we think. We do not even have to worry about lacking faith, because this stems from a fear that we have not done enough. Jesus loves us so much that He paid the full price. He will even give us the faith to believe, if we allow Him to do that. Time to change the way we pray :)

4. How then shall we live? Our circumstances can discourage us. We do not see the fulfillment of His promises in our lives. When Paul was tormented by the thorn in his flesh, God replied that His grace is sufficient for him, for His power is made perfect in his weakness. We can rejoice, because He is more than enough! :D Paul sang and rejoiced in prison! The circumstances could not change his attitude. Rather, his attitude changed the circumstances! An earthquake came, the chains fell off, and he walked out a free man!

5. Our minds can imprison us. I used to be an atheist. My beliefs about His non-existence prevented me from experiencing His love, peace and joy! Even as Christians, our minds can hinder us from His blessings. How then do we change the way we think? Allow Him to remind us of His promises. They are so important that He recorded them in written form: the bible! It's like a receipt, telling you the things which have already been paid for. Show that receipt to the enemy when he tries to cheat you of your inheritance!

Self-control

I just read a wonderful blog that is just overflowing from the writer's intimacy with Jesus! I love her desire for fresh revelation from the Spirit, not wanting overlook old themes and stories as just being familiar. What a fun way to read the bible!

There is this verse that many can recite, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

Familiarity says, "This is about how you can tell someone is living by the Spirit, because he/she will display all these qualities in his/her life." But we take it to be nine extra things we need to accomplish in our lives.

Then, in discovering spiritual warfare, we learn, "This is a powerful way to tell if a spirit or a voice is from God or from the enemy." But we reduce discernment to a bunch of principles, forgetting the Person who is our Counselor, who leads us into all truth.

Hahaha, we as humans, myself included, are really *really* good at taking a relationship that is personal, and making it principled.

Okie, to self-control. I feel that this is the fruit that is most misunderstood. For many of us, self-control is about overcoming temptations. I believe it is so much more than that!

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things."

Self-control is not just about stopping bad stuff from coming into our lives, its also about allowing good stuff in. It is about controlling what feeds our souls, and Who we allow to guide our lives. It is about believing Him about our destinies, and following Him into the promised land. But anyone who has tried to live this good life will know that it is incredibly hard. What can we do? We are but humans. How can we have self-control?

I think the promise for us, is that we can ask the Holy Spirit for it, like picking fruit off a Tree. He who helps us to experience His love, joy and peace, will also imbue us with a supernatural ability to stand firm, that we not be like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

It is not one more thing we need to do, but one more thing we can depend on Him for.

BananaLOG?

Okay, I've been meaning to explain the name of this blog for a while.

In secondary school (grades 7-10), I was in the yellow house (kinda like those in Harry Potter movies). My house did a play called "Bananas and Cheese", if I remember the name right. The scriptwriter said he chose "bananas" because as a Chinese growing up in an English-speaking American-loving culture, he feels like a banana: yellow on the outside but white on the inside. Since then, I called myself the "Banana Guy", not just because I love eating the fruit, but also because I really *really* sucked at Chinese.

The name kinda stuck on me, and got embarrassing after I graduated from high school. But since becoming a Christian, I realized that God has a purpose for me in being a bridge between the East and the West. I was born again in the East in Singapore, grew up in the Lord in the West in America, and am returning soon to the East to my homeland.

I am ever aware of the special destiny that God has given my culture and my country. But I also appreciate the baton that the Western Church is passing to us, through two thousand years of incredible inheritance. Growing up, I have seen my culture reject Christianity as a Western religion. All this is changing. When the Holy Spirit prevented Paul from preaching in Asia (Acts 16:6), He had an end-time purpose in mind. The gospel has swept around the globe, and now Asia is in the middle of the greatest revival ever. More is coming! We are rising up to our unique part in the body of Christ. We are learning that Jesus is not only of the Jews nor only of the West, but the desire of all nations. I am amazed by how Jesus is manifesting himself to Asia now (1, 2, 3, 4) just as in the days of Paul and Peter!

So yes, BananaLOG is a play on words, the LOG book of a Banana, a B-LOG. That this is also a blog of a crazy person, one who has gone bananas. It is foolishness to the world, and I am deeply aware of that :) But I'm not claiming everything is right either :P I pray everyone practices Godly discernment. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

Steps of Faith

I want to keep this entry simple. It is about how He loves us, and how much we can trust Him.

Recently, I have been going through a really hard time. I could feel a lot of lies hitting me from all directions. I could feel myself slipping away from Him. I was losing control of my life. I felt depressed and desperate. I felt like I messed up big time. I felt stupid, worthless, hopeless.

One morning, I was so desperate, I got down on my knees and cried out to Papa. I said, "Father, I messed up big time, I do not deserve to come before you. But I really need you. I need you. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me." That's all I could say for a long time.

But then He comes, with tears of compassion in His eyes, and whispers "Hold on, My son. Trust me. You can trust me." I went through the rest of the day holding on to those two words, "Trust me." It kept me going, gave me courage so I wouldn't give up.

That evening, I played a song "Selah" that a friend sent me. In that moment, I felt pure joy fill my heart. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced. I felt all my worries, burdens melt away. I saw all the lies and the fear flee. I was so overwhelmed by His goodness. Most of all, I was so glad I trusted Him. Before, it felt like I had faith, and now, I had Faith. It was Faith that comes from him, not from myself. It felt so solid, so real, something I could lean on, something I could depend my life on.

I understood in that moment, two very basic things about the Kingdom of God. The first is His grace, how there is such an abundance of it! We can always come back to Him no matter how much we felt we messed up. Even if we can't hear His voice. This is such a basic principle! I felt like God wrote this onto my heart.

The second is trusting Him. Oh, how worthy He is of our trust! The Kingdom advances by our trust in Him, not by our efforts. It is such pure joy to trust in Him, even in our darkest hours, and see Him come through!

AND HE WILL COME THROUGH!

I saw how He advances our faith one step at a time. Our current faith leads us back to His feet in our times of desperation, and what we experience there propels us to the next step. From glory to glory!

I'm not through the valley of the shadow of death yet. But He gave me a glimpse of the end of the tunnel. I have the faith and the hope to finish the race.

Grace, and Trust. These are cornerstones of His kingdom. Lord, let me never ever forget that. And we will always come back to them, again and again and again.

It's all very simple

From an old journal entry:

"you just need to hear my voice. don’t worry, come forward my son. this is what you were made for. it is actually very simple, the goal of it all. intimacy with me. that’s what they desire. jesus, the desire of the nations. that is what i desire, from the very beginning, when i created adam. it is all very simple. intimacy."

"this is what you need the most courage for. to step forward in intimacy. the next thing you need the most courage for: to help others step into this intimacy, in a way special and unique to them. their gifts, their service, their glory, their legacy, all stems out of this intimacy, all flows into this intimacy.”

if it is that simple, why do i struggle so much? where is my boldness? what am i afraid of?

“standing at the door. not sure of whether you should come in. is there a right and a wrong? what if there is a wrong? come in, take a look and see. explore, take your time. you don’t always have to know what to do the first time. make mistakes. cry. laugh. pick yourself up. there is always mercy. there is always grace. lots of grace.”

father, i want to remain here. i want to sing. i don’t want to care what the world thinks anymore.

“good! fly, shine, arise. they are all symbols of the same thing. freedom. be yourself. be who you were created to be. allow me to flow through you and rejuvenate you.”

“you may seem silly to the world, but not in my eyes. there is an adventurous spirit in there. a boldness. a craziness. that’s you.”

“i will speak your destiny into your life. i will be the one, not you through your gift. it is different. you will know the difference.”

i love you Lord. i want you. you are so good. you know me.

!

You are my strength

You are my strength
Strength like no other
Strength like no other
Reaches to me

You are my hope
Hope like no other
Hope like no other
Reaches to me

In the fullness of Your grace
In the power of Your Name
You lift me up
You lift me up

Unfailing love
Stronger than mountains
Deeper than oceans
Reaches to me

Your love O Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness
Reaches to the skies

.

how long have I
been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I'd see you
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright

I know you didn't
bring me out here to drown
so why am I ten feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

Science and Religion

I found an old talk of mine online!

http://xastanford.org/messages/shaowei-science-and-religion.mp3

One thing I would have said differently is how God would have saved me from a gang of killers. Perhaps not an avalanche.

You hold me

You are my shepherd,
I shall not want.
You hold me in your hands.
I will let go so you can take over.

Simple

Simplicity. Enter the moment, the present, the now. Experience. You don't have to analyze, you don't have to understand everything. We can trust Him with where we are now. Rest. Rejoice!

Be thankful for the past. You can't be living in the past, even if it was really good, but you can be thankful for it. The good gets better.

Be hopeful for the future. God was good. Is good. Will always be.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." @ 1 Thess 5:16-18

We who are born again, we never die. The same goes with our relationships. Relationships never end. They may change but they never end. Every relationship different, every one unique. Each has a life of their own.

I am who I am

From the One who said "I am who I am," He gives us the freedom to be the same.

No need to change, or be someone else. Just where we are. Now.

I am who I am.

Contend.

I have seen what is possible. How can I still be content with what I have now?

"Then, contend. Contend. Contend with Me."

What do I contend for? I cannot find it here on earth.

"You'll be the first. You'll be the blueprint. Be the match that sparks a forest fire."

Raw

Raw... so raw. I trust you Bro.

"I give You all of me for all You are
Here I am
Take me apart
Take me apart"

Never Fall Down

Let me teach you how to never fall down, how to never get hurt: Don't put yourself out there. Don't do things that you don't already know how to do, or things that you do not do well. Don't put your emotions into what you do, don't raise your hopes too high. Try not to feel or experience the process. Focus on the goal and play it safe.

That way, you will never fail, because success is about accomplishing something, not about picking up yourself when you fall. And because you did not put your feelings into it, you won't be hurt when you fall. Even better: you won't have to depend on anyone else but yourself. Not even God.

And when you have lots of successes, you can be proud of yourself. You can say that you achieved everything you wanted, and did not experience any hurts, or anything at all, along the way.

***

"I have gone before you, you can trust in Me. Only be strong and courageous. Don't be afraid to fall. I am with you always, especially when it hurts. You are stronger than you think, more brave than you know. I know that about you."

You are loved

Reblogged from a friend :) the words are due to Graham Cooke, an amazing friend of God.

Epic Songs from the Epic Trip

Take me apart

I am finally ready to discover who I am.

"I give You all of me for all You are
Here I am
Take me apart
Take me apart"

Friends with God

I've not blogged for a while, and there is actually a lot that I want to write about. So here it is. I've bunched them all into one article, and I couldn't think of a good title for this entry but the above sums up my feelings pretty well.

First, let me tell you a story about one of my closest friends. After I first met him, God told me that we were going to be good friends. So I asked God to tell me everything about him. He said, "Why don't you get to know him the normal way?" I asked, "Which is?" And He said, "By talking to him."

Over the months, through our conversations, we indeed became close. I have been given many prophetic words for other people, but I received very few for him. Almost everything I know about him comes from talking to him. Recently, he asked me if I have any words of knowledge for him, and I said, "Unfortunately no. Looks like we have to do it the normal way!"

It occurred to me the next day that I often do the same with God. I go to Him asking if He has any words for me, to help me deal with my issues or my decisions. But He really desires to just talk with me. It is as though He switches off His prophetic gift (which by the way is really really powerful!) and smiles, "How are you today?" It hit me that He really really wants to be friends with us. Not primarily a master or a teacher or a counsellor, but a friend.

Here is another thread, bear with me, but it'll lead somewhere. The story of Peter having a vision where a voice tells him to "kill and eat" in Acts 10. Peter says that he will not eat anything impure. But the voice said, "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean." I've noticed that I'm subconsciously labeling everything as secular or christian. Especially people. I realized that God doesn't look at someone and thinks he or she is non-christian. So why should we?

There is something to be said about finding goodness in every situation and every person. There is no such thing as a secular situation or a christian situation, but in every situation, we can see God at work and we can see where God is not at work. This is also true about church, where we have come to believe that everything preached must be from God. We need to practice discernment. At the same time, I've learnt some of my deepest lessons from "secular" events and "secular" people!

Someone asked me recently, "Why do you always prophesy good things? Doesn't God see the negative in us that needs changing?" Then, I realized it is impossible for God to see us as bad or being defined by something bad. He sees the bad stuff hindering and crippling us like a disease that is not a part of us. The good news is that we no longer are bound to this disease. The cross accomplished this. But cross or no cross, God never saw the cup as half-empty. He always sees us as half-full. He sees our goodness and wants to give us even more. The cross accomplishes this.

Which brings me to the crux: that there is so much good in people! When I look around, the world is in color! I see the amazingness that God has created his people with. The fields are white for harvest, they are not black! We are not harvesting weeds! We are calling out the goodness in people, to bring it to their attention, to show them how much worth they have. This is the harvest!

Be Strong and Courageous

Sometimes, when we feel helpless and hopeless, it is time to be strong and courageous.

Passion, not obligation

I'm reading the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. If you haven't seen it, please do! It's awesome :)

I love what it says about compliance. There are many people who have difficulty saying "no" to things that hurt them (I don't just mean drugs). For instance, when asked for a favor, even if they do not have the time or energy to do it, they will say yes because "it is sacrificial love."

This kind of boundary conflict is called compliance. Compliant people have fuzzy and indistinct boundaries; they "melt" into the demands and needs of other people. They can't stand alone, distinct from people who want something from them. Compliants, for example, pretend to like the same restaurants and movies their friends do "just to get along." They minimize their differences with others so as not to rock the boat. Compliants are chameleons. After a while, it's hard to distinguish them from their environment.

So, what's the deal with this? There will be times for sacrificial love. How is that distinct from compliance? The difference is on the inside.

Biblical compliance needs to be distinguished from this kind of compliance. Mathew 9:13 says that God desires "compassion, not sacrifice" (NASB). In other words, God wants us to be compliant from the inside out (compassionate), not compliant on the outside and resentful on the inside (sacrificial). Compliants take on too many responsibilities and set too few boundaries, not by choice, but because they are afraid.

Love casts out all fear. Sacrificial love is a love that invokes a sacrifice, not a sacrifice pretending to be love. We desire to be passionate lovers. We need to find true desires deep inside of us, those which God created in us, and to respect and pursue those desires. We need a deeper work, and only God can do that.

The Invisible

"You ask, why is passion so important? Why are dreams important?

Let me ask you, why is love so important? Why is it important to go deep? To root yourselves? To understand, to know the truth? To see things are they are? The important things are often invisible. They will bear fruit, but in their own time."

Big Daddy

As I stand and looked my greatest fear in its eyes, it doesn't seem very big any more. my Daddy is bigger. much BIGGER!

Love is Here - Tenth Avenue North

Thoughts on teaching

It's late, I'm doing my laundry, and I'm still up. I'm thinking about my students.

I had a privilege of teaching an undergraduate math class this semester. It was completely different from relief teaching in high school. Mainly because they're so much closer in age and they're also much smarter than me. Seriously! And they are some of the most amazing, motivated, curious people I've met. Seriously!

I just finished grading their exam today and turned in the textbooks. I think I miss them already :P

Some of them are going to be so amazed by how they did overall. Its awesome, they should celebrate! Congrats!!

Some of them are going to feel disappointed. They did not do as well as they hoped. But they tried their best, and for that, they should celebrate!

At the same time, our emotions are important. It is natural to feel sad, especially if it is something we worked very hard on. And God is someone who empathizes with us. He is here to say, "I know how much it hurts." It really does hurt.

But they will arise from the dust. The wind and the sand cannot stop them. They will not give up. That is their greatest victory.

Overcast

The skies were overcast, and rain fell in a light drizzle.

As I walked down the street, I felt His presence surround me. I smiled and snuggled in His arms. I looked at my life and what I have done. He has done so much for me, and me? I feel like I have only been messing around, not accomplishing anything. I backed away from His embrace. "God, don't invest so much in me. I'm not worth anything. I like having you around, but I will never accomplish much. Don't put too much hopes in me."

He paused. There was a silence. He was deep in thought.

Then, He said, "Let me tell you something..."

I waited. There was no response. Puzzled, I looked up, wondering what He would say next.

And there, the sun shone through the clouds. It nearly blinded me. The clouds parted for the moment, and the sun put everything in their glory.

Then, He said, "You cannot stop the sun from shining." He continued, "The clouds may come, the rains may fall, but the sun continues shining. Nobody can stop it from shining."

"Just be yourself."

And I saw my mind, my soul, my spirit glow with its own light. He likes me for who I am. He likes my quirkiness, my ups and downs, my humor, my struggles, my moments of intense joy. My life is interesting, many things have happened, many things are coming. I love my life. I wouldn't give it up for anyone else's. My successes worth celebrating, and my struggles even more amazing than my successes, though few people celebrate their struggles. People can judge me, will judge me, but as for me, I rejoice in who I am, because my Judge reviewed who I am and called it good.

"You are above and beyond understanding.
If we did not praise, the rocks would cry out."

I love my car

I love my car. It's beaten-down, worn-out, takes a while to warm up every morning. It has many dents and scratches, dust on the inside, dirt on the outside. Recently, its windshield cracked too.

But it goes places with me. It has character, almost a personality of its own. It is faithful, trustworthy. I love my car Shine.

And God is reminding me, that I'm like that car to Him. He loves spending time with me, every single moment. He loves every scratch, bump and crack. One day, He might give me a complete haul-over. But I matter more to Him than that. He likes me the way I am. Gee... : )

Humanity and Deity

When we fully embrace our humanity and we catch a glimpse of His deity, we start to marvel at His creation, how He created both to be meshed together! This, is Grace.

Oh, how He loves us!



He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

I met Jesus

I met Jesus yesterday.

There was an old homeless man carrying a lot of big bags and with a torn jacket. He walked into the seminar room where we were having a department talk on quantum information. He put down his bags, sat on the side steps and started to listen intently to the lectures. Then, he looked at me, and his eyes were so simple. His gaze pierced straight into my core. I thought, he could be Jesus for all we know, but ignored by everyone else in the room.

The King resides in His simple ones.

Don't give up

"If you trust me, then hear this: don't give up on yourself."

We were made for glory

In this season, every insignificant thing seems to be stripped away one by one. Until we are left facing our biggest fears. The ones that has been with us all our lives. The ones that live subconsciously, unconsciously. The ones which we thought we had dealt with but find are still around when we turn the corner. I see my friends around me. Their eyes, glazed over. Hopes melt away. What they knew, they now question. Then I realize I'm not alone.

Just when I thought, no one else understands. True, no one knows what really is going on deep in our hearts. No one else has experienced it before. We stand at the frontier. We are the first there. The giants snarl before us. The waves threaten to swallow us. We are like tiny midgets. "Where are you, God? WHERE ARE YOU?!" There is silence. We wait, but there is no sound.

A gentle breeze blows in the distance. We look around us, we are not alone. Everyone is taking their stand. We each face the bears and lions we fought before, only bigger. A light flickers inside us. It stirs. It arises, slowly but surely. He is with us. This time, He is inside.

We were made for glory. All of us special, all of us unique. Our journeys brought us here. He would not lead us here, if we were not ready. "There is much strength in you, that you know not about." Be strong and courageous. Now is the time.

My Father loves me

My Father loves me for who I am. For who I am now. For who I am in my deepest, beyond my deeds, beyond my habits, beyond my personality. He loves my core, my seed. He loves the sinner. He loves the hungry. He loves the sick. He loves the troubled. He loves the homeless. He loves the loveless. What is this love. I can never fully understand.

In His eyes, I am good. I am perfect. I'm His apple. I'm His favorite. He loves my voice, my eyes, my hands, my feet. He loves every strand of hair on my head. He loves my smell. He loves the way I move, the way I speak, the way I cry. Its all special to Him, its all precious to Him. Who am I? Who am I that He should do this? What does He see in me? What makes Him smile? Why is He like this? Who made Him like this? Who told Him to love me? Why should He love me? What does He see in me?

What if God was not good? What if He allowed bad things to happen? What if He is silent? What if He is gone, away? Why did Job stick by His God? What did he see in Him? Who is his God? Who is this God? What is the seed of God? What is the core of God? The immutable, the unchangeable? Not His deeds? Not His emotions? Not His words? What is the core of God that is so mesmerizing? Why is He like this? Who is He? Who is this God? How can He know me and yet I don't know Him?

"I want you."

I want you.

Swim deeper, Fly higher

Swim deeper into intimacy, fly higher onto glory and shine.

When the rubber hits the road...

When Moses met God face to face for the first time, God also met Moses face to face, as he is, for the first time. Moses had nothing to hide before God, and God did not hide His glory from Moses. Moses knew he was not perfect, but it did not stop him from coming before his Lover. His desire was greater.

That's the feeling of being real before God. It is like an airplane landing on a runway. The rubber hits the tarmac. The two surfaces engage each other. There is contact. Face to face is brutal honesty. Are we ready to be brutally honest before God? Its scary at first, but really it is not, if you know what He is like. He desires to be brutally honest with us, about Himself. He wants to reveal His glory. We got to press in, past the fear. This requires boldness.

The physical realm around us, there is a reason it doesn't feel real. When we take an outside look, everything is a bunch of atoms, acting and reacting to forces and to each other. Say music. It is just vibrations in the air. What makes music real? When we soak it in and it hits our mind, our emotions. So we take one step deeper. The spirit realm. That's gotta be real. Angels and demons warring it out. Signs and wonders. The physical realm is a reflection, a shadow of the spirit realm. But that's still not real enough. The rubber is not hitting the road. Why should the angels be on their missions? Why are there tsunami's in that realm?

The most real place in the world, is in the center of God's heart. We've all been there. In a quiet moment of worship, after a long day of work. We are at peace. Nothing else matters. Everything else fades away. That IS reality. From that reality, comes shadows and reflections in the spirit and physical realm. The history of the world is in His control, being orchestrated from His heart. He gives us the privilege of being there, beyond the outer courts and the inner courts. Past the veil, to the center. At the heart, the ark of His presence.

Wisdom

"Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens."

right off a bumper sticker :)

Face to Face

Face to Face is brutal honesty.

Identity

The day "You are beautiful to Me" means more than "You are beautiful".

Who can stop a tsunami?

The greatest outpouring man has ever seen. Who can stop a tsunami?

My Beloved

My Beloved - Kari Jobe

You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

You're Beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you
My child

You're Beautiful to Me
So Beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your care down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole

You're My beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love

Seated in Heavenly Places

"But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." @ Eph 2:4-7

Most of us think of our seat in heaven as a seat of power. It is, but that's not what it is primarily. It really is the seat of intimacy. Being next to the Father, and close to Jesus. The place where we tell silly jokes to each other, and feast on cheesecakes, pizza and chocolate wassants. With great excitement and pride, He unveils the plan of His creation to us.

The exceeding riches of His grace. Wow! :D

Modern day John the Baptist

John the Baptist was a revolutionary of his time. When the religious leaders of his time were teaching obedience to the rules as a sign of commitment to God, he told people,

"Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near."

He was saying, "Change the way you think about God. Forgiveness of sins is here. The veil is torn. Everyone has access to the Father. The blind see, the lame walk, the lepers cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead raised, and the good news preached to the poor. God saves." We spent the next two thousand years understanding all that.

In these last days, God is calling modern day John-the-Baptists, to prepare the way for Him. What is the message?

"Jesus is coming for His bride."

It is the most important revelation that binds everything else together. This word is so deep. It will require a lot of unpacking. The Holy Spirit alone will show us. He is accelerating the times. There has been a flood of revelation, and more is on the way.

God is good

I wish I always keep this revelation in my heart and never lose it. Every time I chance on it again, I realize that this is what my life is all about, what the universe is about, what He is about. In the light of it, every thing else becomes crystal clear.

That it is not about living a perfect life. That I will always make mistakes and I will fail. There is no point to me saying, "This will be the last time I'm doing something stupid." He never required that from us. Rather, he is such a big God! His plans are perfect, He knows exactly what he is doing and he knows exactly who we are. That he is always around to pick us up, to wipe our wounds, to comfort us, to say he feels our pain, no matter how much of it is self-inflicted or self-caused. He is a gentleman. He is a loving father. It is not about me becoming better through the lessons. Yes, that happens. But its about Daddy. I gain when I lose my focus of myself and where I am and catch a glimpse of him. It makes me wonder why I think anything else mattered.

It makes me want to write about him. About him alone. Tell the world how wonderful he is. I don't say it enuff. Revelation is not complicated. Its just about him, and he's easy. He loves his bride. Oh, to such an embarrassing degree. He is not ashamed of us.

"I'm coming for my bride, and you are my bride. Even if you are the only one, I'm coming for you. Just as I still would have died for you even if you were the only one. I want you to imagine that I'm coming for you alone. Yes, that's right. That's exactly how it is, because it is the heart of intimacy. That's how I'm coming for my bride, for each and every one of you, because all of you are special to me."

Wait patiently

Storm (Lifehouse)

how long have I
been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I'd see you
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright

I know you didn't
bring me out here to drown
so why am I ten feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface




Be Still (Kari Jobe)

He is here for the broken and life to the one who is undone
He is peace to the wounded and hope for the helpless one
He is here, He is here

Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still my soul, be still

When the waves rise against me and the wind tries to draw me away
I will stand on the mountain, safe in Your arms I will sing I will sing

Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still my soul, be still

Be still I know He is God
He is here, He is here
Be still I know He is God
He is here, He is here

Rebuilding? Or Returning?

I have been wondering, did I get it wrong? Should it not be "Returning to the Secret Place?" instead of "Rebuilding"? What does rebuilding mean?

He wants to rebuild the secret place. Returning makes sense only if we had left the place. But He wants to affirm us, that we have been faithful. Now, He is going to show us even more. He is going to reconstruct and redefine our notions of Intimacy. He is going to release revelations that will transform our walk with Him. This transition is not going to be easy. It will rub against every grain in our body. It will take Trust to know that He knows what He is doing.

Rebuilding the Secret Place

In worship, we sing, not for those around us, not for the angels in the heavens, not to create a breakthrough in the atmospheres, but for the Audience of One. For Him alone. He adores our voice. He is mesmerized by it. It is like the world is shut out and falls away. All our problems become distant and insignificant. The people become merely shadows. The universe, I am alone with Him. Just Him, and me. The Audience of One.

In our lives, we live, not for those around us, not for the angels in the heavens, not to create a breakthrough in the atmospheres, but for the Audience of One. For Him alone. He adores our life. He is mesmerized by it. He shines His face on us, and we shine with His glory. For the Audience of One.

We seek the Audience of One. But do we realize He treats us with the same honor? I am His audience of one.

"I am a jealous God. I want you alone. In the secret place, that's where we truly meet. That meeting means the world to me. What we do there, its between us. Us alone. No one else has to know."

"It is time to rebuild the secret place. It is time to take ownership of the promised land, Intimacy."

"Battles are won in the secret place. History is changed. Lives transformed. I will show you even more, what lies ahead in that place. You will be blown away. If only you knew, now."

"I am a jealous God. I want you alone."

Transition

The time is now.

"It's been a tough night, but morning is here. It is time to arise and shine."

We are in a marketplace, many people moving around, buying things, like for a dinner, for a celebration. Lots of activity, people shouting, singing, laughter, joy. People dancing. There is an air of excitement, an air of expectancy, and an air of hope.

"Live in it. Soak it in. That's the reality. The many people you do not see, the angels, the other spiritual creatures. The heavens are moving, and the earth is waiting. The time is now.''

God, what are you up to?

The Greatest Joy

The greatest joy, is giving Him glory. Nothing comes close to that joy. Worship, as we have experienced so far, is only the beginning.

A New Heart

"I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the LORD; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God, for they shall return to Me with their whole heart." @ Jer 24:7

Father, help me to know you. To experience your realness. Give me a new heart.

Ownership

It's been a while since I wrote. I really miss it. Things have been busy, but the bigger reason is this: I've been thinking about "ownership", and trying to understand what it means.

I first heard Him talk about it three weeks ago. There were certain areas of my life that seemed to be at a standstill, and I needed a breakthrough. "The key," He said, "is Ownership."

Remember Moses, after the Israelites complained about him angering the Pharoah, said to God,

"O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people? Is this why you sent me? Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has brought trouble upon this people, and you have not rescued your people at all." @ Exo 5:22

And later, when the Israelites worshipped the golden calf, the Lord said,

"Go down, because your people, whom you brought up out of Egypt, have become corrupt. ... I have seen these people, and they are a stiff-necked people. Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them. Then I will make you into a great nation." @ Exo 32:7-10

But Moses reminded the Lord of His people,

"O LORD, why should your anger burn against your people, whom you brought out of Egypt with great power and a mighty hand?" @ Exo 32:11

The things we own, are the things we will love, protect and sow into.

God desires to bless all that's in our hands. Except that we refuse to hold anything as ours. We let things happen to us, saying it is God's will. We wait for circumstances to make decisions for us. We say that nothing belongs to us, because we are only stewards. This is the mentality of the man who hid his one talent in the ground (Matt 25:14-30). God's picture of stewardship is much bigger than ours. "It is a co-laboring, it belongs not to Me or to you, but to us."

"If you would only reach out and claim what is yours, I will bless it, because you are important to me, and what is important to you is important to me too."

This is why God called Joshua and the Israelites to conquer the promised land. He did not just give it to them. He wanted them to take possession of it. He blessed everything that they laid their hands on. For the same reason, God is calling us to be strong and courageous, to take possession of all that Christ has paid the price for. Because the act of ownership allows God to release His blessings into something that would otherwise be meaningless, belonging to no one.

I struggled with this concept, because I thought He was asking me to own up to my problems. He does not say, "This is your problem, you better solve it!" He is not asking us to own the problem. He is asking us to own the very thing the problem is stealing from us! If we are sick, then it is our health that is being stolen from us. In realizing that our health belongs rightfully to us, that God has given it to us, that we are not unworthy of it because Christ has paid the price, we begin to take possession of it again. I want to take ownership of my work, my finances, my friendships, my family, my gifts, my passions, my emotions, my thoughts, my body, my will. They are the Lord's and they are mine too. This is where we begin to shine.

Joy, not Fear

"You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, because they could not bear what was commanded: 'If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned.' The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, 'I am trembling with fear.'

But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel." @ Hebrews 11:18-24.

Shon

Wanted to write this down to remember it.

My friend Jeremy used to call his car Shon. Later, when he sold me his car, we decided jokingly that we should change the name to Shine. The next day, we were hiking in Yosemite and noticed that the Gatorade bottle we had said this:



Shine on. Shine Shon. hahahah :)

Shine 9/9/9

This is just crazy...



Found it on the LA Dream Center website. Indeed, it is "the night of dreams", remembering the dreams that God has given us, His promises. Using what we have in our hands, not what we do not have. Seeing what we have been blessed with, not what we lack. And "09/09/09", it is the number of fruitfulness, the nine fruits of the Spirit.

God, what are You up to?

Working as if for Him

I checked out a friend's link to the Dreamcenter and saw that the latest blog entry was called "Shining". Wow. It never fails to amaze me how many times God tries to get our attention!

http://dreamcenterla.blogspot.com/2009/07/shining.html

In short, whether you are speaking to a crowd of a million people, or scrubbing floors and corners in Starbucks, you are both serving the Lord and shining for Him (haha, i like the literal meaning of this one for Starbucks). There is no difference. There really really isn't.

Shine for me

"... I want you to know that I'm not letting go even when you come undone.
I love you more than the sun and the stars that I taught how to shine.
You are mine, and you shine for me too... "



More (Matthew West)

Take a look at the mountains
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am

And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to Me

And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

Shine for Me
Shine for Me
Shine on, shine on
Shine for Me

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Than the sun
and the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you, yesterday and today
Through the joy and the pain
I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

And I see you
And I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me

God You Reign

Not sure why, this song has been ringing in my head for a long time...



Lincoln Brewster - God You Reign

You paint the night
You count the stars and You call them by name
The skies proclaim
God You reign
Your glory shines
You teach the sun when to bring a new day
Creation sings
God You reign

God You reign
God You reign
Forever and ever
God You reign

You part the seas
You move the mountains with the words that you say
My song remains
God You reign
You hold my life
You know my heart and You call me by name
I live to say
God You reign

Hallelujah
Allelu

"I am pleased with you."

I was having one of my down days. Many disappointments, sadness, grief, feelings of failure. I tried to come to Him, but felt as though I could not hear His voice. I struggled. I needed Him badly.

"I am pleased with you," He said.

"God, I don't need this now, I need to know you are real. I need to hear your voice. How do I know this is you?", I said.

"I am pleased with you. I will say it again. I am pleased with you. I will never be tired of saying it. Because I mean it. I don't say things to make you feel better. I say it because it is true."

"But Father, how could I have pleased you? I have disappointed you, I have disobeyed you, I have failed, I did not accomplish anything. I have not done anything that would make you happy."

He paused, deep in thought, as if memories are running through his head.

"Because you are still here," He replied, with tears are in His eyes.

And I saw a battle scene, and many were wounded. But they were not destroyed. God does not require anything from us, no tasks, no accomplishments, no successes. But the bible does mention something that pleases Him. "Without faith, it is impossible to please God."

And we only have to come back to Him. This is both the easiest thing and the hardest thing to do. To Him, it touches His heart deeply, immensely. To the beaten-down warriors out there, don't give up! God is good and He is more than enough.

Christ the Redeemer

Today, I want to share a photo that affected me deeply when I saw it. If there is anything such as prophetic photography, this is it.



An awesome brudder, Jerald, took it when he was in Brazil, of a huge statue of "Christ the Redeemer". (Incidentally, he took it when it was dark under long exposure.) Wanted to share it here, since we are on the topic of Shine.

God has blessed me with many amazing brothers in Christ over the years, and Jerald is truly a man after God's heart. Please do check out his blog. Deep revelations pouring out of his intimacy with his Lord and Brother.

Lastly, he shared with me a testimony about a Singaporean lady who had severe osteoporosis, rheumatism and leukemia at 30 years old and was going to die. Her testimony of how God healed her is amazing. Even more amazing is her encounter with God on her own kitchen floor... looking into the loving eyes of Jesus! Indeed, the lamp of the body is the eye.

Testimony

All of us have our reasons for believing in God. Some of us, crazy encounters, that the world would not believe even if we told them. But we know what we saw, heard, experienced. Those who have been given much, much would also be expected of them. And as the lady reminds us, when Jesus showed Thomas his hands, He gave him a crazy encounter. But He also said, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Faith pleases God.

Shine Video

I saw this video at church last Sunday, and it really spoke to me because of all the things I've been seeing, hearing, wondering.. about Shine. Awesome. There are no coincidences :) Check it out!

http://www.highwayvideo.com/Radiate-P1163.aspx

1. May the Lord makes His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.

2. From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth.

3. Restore us, O God; make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved.

4. Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

5. Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever.

6. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

7. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

8. For God, who said, "let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

Secret to shining

When God talks about light, He is talking about life.

John 1:4-5
In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

How do we have life? How do we become alive? How do we shine? First, don't hide what you have. Second, let yourself be filled.

Luke 11:33 -36
"No one, when he has lit a lamp, puts it in a secret place or under a basket, but on a lampstand, that those who come in may see the light. The lamp of the body is the eye. Therefore, when your eye is good, your whole body also is full of light. But when your eye is bad, your body also is full of darkness. Therefore take heed that the light which is in you is not darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, the whole body will be full of light, as when the bright shining of a lamp gives you light."

The secret to being filled is our spiritual eyes. It is the window INTO our soul, our spirit. What do we see in the world around us? What do we see in other people? What do we see in ourselves? What do we see in God? The lamp of the body is the eye. If we see as He sees, our body will be filled with life. Sit at His feet, look into His face. His love will transform us. His perspectives will change us. His joy will fill us. From the inside out.

How do we know if what we see is real? Externally, by its fruits. But more importantly, internally, because His ability is speak to us is greater than our ability to hear Him. We have to trust Him.

Indeed, this is the greatest blessing God has to give to us. He wanted Moses and Aaron to pray this for the Israelites.

Numbers 6:22-26
The LORD said to Moses,
"Tell Aaron and his sons,
'This is how you are to bless the Israelites.
Say to them:
"The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace." '
So they will put my name on the Israelites,
and I will bless them."

Psalm 4:6-8
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.
You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.

Shine

"The Spirit of the LORD spoke through me;
his word was on my tongue.
The God of Israel spoke,
the Rock of Israel said to me:

'When one rules over men in righteousness,
when he rules in the fear of God,
he is like the light of morning at sunrise
on a cloudless morning,
like the brightness after rain
that brings the grass from the earth.' "

2 Sam 23:2-4

"Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.

See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the LORD rises upon you
and his glory appears over you.

Nations will come to your light,
and kings to the brightness of your dawn.

Lift up your eyes and look about you:
All assemble and come to you;
your sons come from afar,
and your daughters are carried on the arm.

Then you will look and be radiant,
your heart will throb and swell with joy;
the wealth on the seas will be brought to you,
to you the riches of the nations will come.''

Isaiah 60:1-5

Mission vs Ambition

thanks jer!

Mission vs Ambition

Unity is diversity and codependence

I had a dream Friday night. Don't remember much of the details, but there was like a huge competitive event going on, and a lot of my friends from a long time ago was there. I remember someone fatherly giving me advice, saying "Unity is diversity and codependence." I replied, "You mean, Unity is codependence." He said, "No, it is DIVERSITY and codependence." And I understood that we are not united when we are all the same. Rather, it is our differences that make us strong.

I later checked the word "codependence" and realized that it is related to alcoholism and stuff. A better word might be "Interdependence" but I want to remain true to the word that I heard. Perhaps codependence is not just depending on each other, but that and also depending on God together.

Your love never fails

Tired of being tossed around by the waves. I need a rock, a base, a foundational revelation in my life. Something that never changes. Ever.



Jesus Culture - Your Love Never Fails

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good

Family

God first. Family second. Ministry third.

In this revival, God is restoring intimacy and He is restoring the family.

He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Here's a good sermon about the family by Tommy Barnett. Check out the one on 21st June.

Secrets to a strong family:
1. Commitment to each other.
2. Quantity and quality time.
3. Showing appreciation all the time.
4. Communication.
5. Coping skills for crisis.
6. Strong faith.

A good word I heard at Highway Church: "There are two important things you as a daddy can do for your daughter. The first is teaching her to tie her shoelace. The second is teaching her to love herself. And you can only do that by learning to love yourself first." (paraphrased)

Dream

It is better to have dreamed and failed, then not to dream at all.

It is better to have believed and not see its fulfillment, then not to believe at all.

"These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." Heb 12:39-40

When we believe, we are trusting in His character. The goodness of God will accomplish it. His power alone shall accomplish it. We do not believe because we fear disappointment. But when we believe, there is no disappointment.

"We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Rom 5:2-5.

We have been taught that we should take risks in what we do. It is better to have tried and failed, then not to try at all. In the same way, take risks in what we believe. There is something mysterious about hope, something mysterious about faith. It changes the one who carries it. It connects us higher, deeper to Him.

I'll tell you how to serve

"I'll tell you how to serve. Sit at my feet, like Mary. Listen to what I have to say. Martha, Martha, Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.''

"Are you serving the world or serving me? A changed man changes the world. You are more important to me than the world. I will feed you, then you can feed my sheep."

Unreligious Guide to Dating

I was recommended this blog series on dating by Shawn Bolz, a candid young prophetic minister. He's one of my favorite guys because he doesn't say things to sound good or to please people. Just an honest dude trying to live life for God.

1. Unreligious guide to dating and being single
2. Single and loving/hating it
3. I'm not married and so can you be
4. I kissed dating goodbye and then i asked it out again
5. About guys. For guys. Anyone else read at your own risk
6. All about guys! Because its ladies night!
7. Friendship with the opposite sex
8. Obsession and stalkers

Loving without agenda

Its taken me a long time to figure out what is ministry and evangelism. A part of me always felt offended by these concepts. I think I understand why now.

I was offended by how sometimes it seems like we are helping others because we want them in the church, and later for them to become like us. That we felt there was something wrong with their lives and that needs correction. If we help others out of this intention, how could that be love? I would be very sad if that was all love was. Yet God's love is different, I always feel accepted in His presence. What is the difference? There is a saying "God loves you the way you are, but He loves you too much for you to remain that way." I don't like the second half. It doesn't convey His love right.

A friend taught me something new recently. I asked him, "What do you do when you spend time with God?" I was expecting him to say something like worship, or telling Him his thoughts and feelings, or reading the bible. But he said, "I don't know, I don't really do anything." I got a little annoyed, then God revealed to me the wisdom in his words. I've somehow felt that I need to have an agenda when I come before God. Something to do, or to ask, or to accomplish. Kinda like calling a friend on the phone only because you need something from him. Yet when God comes to us, He has no agenda. He just wants to be with us.

In the documentary "Finger of God", one of the last scene shows Heidi Baker praying for a muslim woman. The woman gets healed, and thanks Allah. Someone from the ministry team corrects her, saying it was Jesus, not Allah. The woman refuses to acknowledge that and they get into a slight disagreement. But Heidi replies, Allah healed you and He loves you. She smiles and says goodbye to the woman.

God heals us because He loves us, not to get us to come back to Him. Yes, He does want us with Him, but it is far from being his primary reason for healing us. Like a mother, seeing her runaway child go hungry, would send food and money his way because he needs it, and not because she wants him to come home. Loving unconditionally, that's another way to say it. And when we love like that, people change. It is a side-effect, not a goal. That love is powerful, probably the most powerful thing in the universe.

Lord, teach me to love radically, without agenda.

UPDATE ON 29 JUNE 2009:

There is promise in the bible for those who love without agenda,

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." Matt 5:8

You will see God as He is.

God understands loss

I guess, during such times, we don't have to figure out or justify why we feel the way we feel. God just wants to come close and whisper, "I know how you feel".

Goodbyes..

This has been a tremendously tough week for me... my two closest brudders left for singapore. my parents came and left too. my heart is grieving. i do not know what to do. overwhelmed. truly overwhelmed. i need you God.