Inception

* SPOILER ALERT!! Read ahead if you have watched the movie, or don't intend to (but you should!) *

Everyone has an opinion about what happened at the end of the movie: Is Cobb (Leo DiCaprio) back in reality or is he still dreaming?

Perhaps the director Chris Nolan intentionally left it open, but I have a different way of thinking about the end which I find satisfying. So Cobb starts the top spinning but before he finds out if it would topple, he sees his kids and is overcome with joy. Notice that before, when he was in limbo, he refused to even look at the kids when Mal tells them to turn around. What changed?

I believe the crux lies in what he said to Mal right after that scene. He told the projection Mal that she is a faint shadow compared to the real Mal with her complexities and imperfections, a person he can never completely comprehend but he loves her with all his heart. In true love, he could tell the projections from the real persons. In true love, he would rather live with a broken heart, than be happy in a false imagined world. Happiness is just an emotion; joy that comes from acceptance is deeper.

Cobb has learned that reality is rooted in true love.

Because he loved his children more than he loves their projections, he was able to tell if his children are real. He does not need to depend on the totem anymore. If the movie ended with the totem falling, it completely denies the message that perhaps Chris Nolan was trying to send: that instruments cannot determine reality for us, for we will always find reasons to doubt them, but true love can.

There have been many movies that question the notion of reality: the Matrix, Momento, a Beautiful Mind, etc. I remember watching 'a Beautiful Mind' and feeling a deep chilling fear. I have often questioned if my world is real, because I dream a lot and my dreams feel very real to me. Sometimes, I even wake up from a dream to find myself in another. How do I know that at the end of the day, I'm not a brain in a jar in some laboratory? How do I know if the people around me are real and not my hallucinations?

I looked for a sense of reality within Mathematics, because it is objective. But my quest further confused me, because there are many abstract notions like imaginary numbers which have no 'physical' parallel. How do I know if everything else is just an abstract notion? What then is reality? What do I mean when I say there are 3 apples in front of me? What does it mean to add 2 apples to 3 apples? How can I trust the laws of arithmetic, or even if I accept it as an axiom, how can I trust the laws of logic? Later, I learned about Godel's Incompleteness Theorem, which says we can never know if the laws of logic are trustworthy. It demolished my world. There is nothing else to hold on to. Mathematics was my 'totem' and I could not even trust that any longer.

I remember the moment I met God in worship. Though I was singing songs on the outside, I felt the world fade away. I was alone with Him, and He held me in His arms. I couldn't sing anymore and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. He washed over me and completely filled my inner-most being. I felt full and completely myself. I knew He understood me, every aspect of who I am. I did not have to pretend to be anything else. The world was but a shadow, but Him, He was so real. He became to me, more real than anything I have ever experienced. He is the center of my reality, and He gave meaning and solidity to everything else around me. In Him is the definition of what is True and what is not. There are no contradictions within Him, He makes total sense.

He is Love, and reality is rooted in True Love.

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." @Heb4:12-13

Oh My Dear

Oh My Dear (Tenth Avenue North)

I called you up, you were in bed
Could barely make out the words that you said
But you wanted to see me instead
So I got dressed
And I stepped out into the snow
And walked for a mile or so
Felt the rush of blood come from the cold, in my chest

Well you finally came to the door
And we talked for an hour or more
Until I asked if you would stay up till four
You said “that’s fine”
But you said “there’s something I have to say
And I can’t because I’m just so afraid”
And so I held you as you started to shake, that night

Oh my dear
I will wait for you
Grace tonight, will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fear can sleep at night
Until the demons that you’re scared of, disappear inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Oh my dear
I’ll keep you in my arms tonight

You slowly lifted your head from your hands
You said “I just don’t think that you’ll understand
You’ll never look at me that way again, if you knew what I did”
And so your tears fell and melted the snow
You told me secrets nobody had known
Oh, but I never loved you more even though now I knew what you did

Oh my dear
I will wait for you
And grace tonight, will pull us through
Yeah, oh my dear, I will wait for you
And grace tonight will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fears can sleep at night
Until the demons that you’re scared of, disappear inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Oh my dear
I’ll keep you in my arms...

Till the tears have left your eyes
Until the fears can sleep at night
Until the demons that you’re scared of, have disappeared inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Well, oh my dear
I’ll keep you in my arms tonight
I'll keep you in my arms tonight

Proactive vs Reactive

From "Boundaries'' (Cloud and Townsend), Pg 95:

=====

Many of us have known people who, after years of being passive and compliant, suddenly go ballistic, and we wonder what happened. We blame it on the counselor they are seeing or the company they've been keeping.

In reality, they have been complying for years, and their pent-up rage explodes. This reactive phase of boundary creation is helpful, especially for victims. They need to get out of the powerless, victimized place in which they may have been forced by physical and sexual abuse, or by emotional blackmail and manipulation. We should herald their emancipation.

But when is enough enough? Reaction phases are necessary but not sufficient for the establishment of boundaries. It is crucial for the two-year-old to throw peas at Mommy, but to continue that until forty-three is too much. It is crucial for victims of abuse to feel the rage and hatred of being powerless, but to be screaming "victim rights'' for the rest of their lives is being stuck in a "victim mentality.''

Emotionally, the reactive stance brings diminishing returns. You must react to find your boundaries, but having found them, you must "not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature... . If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other'' (Gal5:13,15). Eventually, you must rejoin the human race you have reacted to, and establish connections as equals, loving your neighbor as yourself.

This is the beginning of the establishment of proactive, instead of reactive, boundaries. This is where you are able to use the freedom you gained through reacting to love, enjoy, and serve one another. Proactive people show you what they love, what they want, what they purpose, and what they stand for. These people are very different from those who are known by what they hate, what they don't like, what they stand against, and what they will not do.

While reactive people are primarily known by their "against'' stances, proactice people do not demand rights, they live them. Power is not something you demand or deserve, it is something you express. The ultimate expression of power is love; it is the ability not to express power, but to restrain it. Proactive people are able to "die to self'' and not "return evil for evil.'' They have gotten past the reactive stance of the law and are able to love and not react.

Listen to Jesus compare the reactive person who is still controlled by the law and others with the free person: "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also'' (Matt5:38-39).

Do not try to get to freedom without owning your reactive period and feelings. You do not need to act this out, but you do need to express the feelings. You need to practice and gain assertiveness. You need to get far enough away from abusive people to be able to fence your property against further invasion. And then you need to own the treasures you find in your soul.

But, do not stay there. Spiritual adulthood has higher goals than "finding yourself.'' A reactive stage is a stage, not an identity. It is necessary, but not sufficient.

=====

SR5: Miracles

How do we observe God? It depends on our definition of Him. I like to think of Him as a Person who exists outside the framework of this universe, that is interested in interacting with us. If He is not interested in interacting with us, what is the point of observing Him?

The word 'miracle' is synonymous with observing God. Wikipedia defines it as "an unexpected event attributed to divine intervention.'' We can break down this definition into two parts. Firstly, miracles are improbable events. Secondly, they occur seemingly with purpose. This second part is important. For instance, if we flip a fair coin a thousand times and it always lands on its edge, that's amazing but it says nothing about God. However, the story changes if we were doing it to save our lives.

I used to think that God had to break the laws of physics to create a miracle. I was troubled because it seemed to contradict His nature. For instance, even with the Law of Moses, Jesus said that he did not come to abolish the law but to fulfill it (Matt 5:17). How then can miracles happen?

One day, while on a ski lift, it suddenly occurred to me. Quantum mechanics provides the answer. How did Philip teleport from one place to another (Acts 8:39)? I've heard a similar phenomenon described in science textbooks: a particle can tunnel from one place to another through high energy barriers because of wave-particle duality. Thus, teleportation occurs when every particle in the object tunnels to another exact same place at the exact same moment. The improbability of such an event grows exponentially with the number of particles, but it is certainly not impossible! So God creates miracles without breaking the laws of physics. And through these improbable events, God hopes to get our attention. If only we were listening (Mark 4:12).

If God wanted to us to observe Him, why didn't He just speak out of the clouds, or reveal Himself in person? I believe He already has! (John 12:29, John 14:11) God continues to do many miracles today (my testimony is one example), but the single most amazing miracle in history is Jesus' resurrection from the cross.

In terms of improbability, it is the first time death was defeated, and Jesus received a new body (i.e. a new kind of matter) that can never be destroyed. Other people like Enoch, Elijah and Lazarus had either avoided death or been brought back from death, but they did not receive a new body. Jesus is called the first-born from the dead (Rev 1:5), because all of creation will be remade like his body (Rev 21:3-5). I believe the laws of physics governing this new creation does not include the law of entropy. In terms of purpose, Jesus' resurrection fulfilled all the purposes of God. He paid for our sins, bought us our blessings and proved God's love for us to us. Most of all, the veil was torn and our relationship with God was restored. Anyone serious about investigating the reality of God will have to examine the validity of this one controversial historical event.

Next up, Godel's Incompleteness Theorem!

[To be continued...]


UPDATE:

I decided to keep a list of miracles that are happening today. Of course, there have been many, too numerous to count! But not all of them were recorded online. Here are a few. If you have seen any, or have any stories of your own, do post them as comments!

1. My own testimony
2. Mathematical miracles
3. The Heavenly Man, by Brother Yun (miracles of a christian under persecution)
4. Visions Beyond The Veil, by H. A. Baker (poor orphan kids in china getting supernatural visions)
5. Remarkable Miracles, by G. C. Bevington (an autobiography, one of my favorite books)
6. There is Always Enough, by Rolland and Heidi Baker (food multiplication!)
7. Healed of cancer, met Jesus in person
8. Healed of mental illness and of lung disease
9. African blind man healed 
10. Healing testimonies from Bethel Church
11. Miracles and angels (check out the entry 'scott's angel')
12. Angel singing recorded (listen at 2:00 and 5:00, but first check out the story)

Simplicity in Relationships

I want to share an entry in my journal where God touched me deeply. It happened during a very difficult time in my relationship with a friend and brother of mine. I decided not to share this entry until now to protect the identity of my friend. Since then, we've become even closer than ever, and I'm sure he is okay with me sharing this. To my friends: in case you're wondering if it is you, it's not. If it is you, you would know, because I've shared the stuff below with you before. In any case, this blog is really more about the nature of people and the nature of relationships.

I was having a difficult time with my brother because through the friendship, I realized that we were very different. Even some of our core beliefs were different. I knew that he loved God deeply, and so did I, and I knew God called us to be brothers for a reason. But I felt like God made a wrong choice here. Perhaps we were only meant to be acquaintances. Here are some of the things God said in response:

"maybe he just needs someone to believe in him. he is like all of us, and like you."

"people are not one dimensional. there are the issues, and there are the deeper revelations, and then there is the person, the seed."

"we call out the person. so that the person can access the revelation and use it to overcome the issues. but the issues and the revelation do not define the person."

From this, I understood that there are people we dislike or even pity because of the problems in their lives. And likewise, there are people we revere because of the incredible revelation that they hold. But neither the issues or the revelation make up who the person really is.

How do we comfort, encourage and strengthen others? It is not just about giving revelation. Often, God has already given the person the revelation. We come along side, and see him as the overcomer. We believe in him. This empowers him to take hold of what God has already given.

"when we honor the person, we don't judge them by their issues, and we don't value them by their revelations. we go deeper. we find the person, created and chosen and destined by God. we see them for who they are, glorious, wonderful, fearfully and wonderfully made."

The issues and revelations exist only on the surface. The person, his identity, his seed, lies deeper still. It is this person that I hope to encounter. It is this person that I hope to enjoy. God enjoys us, beyond our issues, beyond our revelations. We enjoy God, from our seed, from our core. And He created us to enjoy each other too.

"you know deep inside, he loves Me and he loves you. and deep inside, he knows that you love Me and you love him. sometimes, that's all we need."

This is the simplicity in relationship. Two people can be extremely different, but yet the best of friends. Unity is diversity and codependence.

Strength to the weary

"I have a choice to be angry with God for what I don't have,
or be thankful for what I do have."

"There is no point being complete on the outside when you're broken on the inside;
God can heal you without changing your circumstances."

"The question was, why did You make me this way;
the answer was, do you trust Me?
And when you say yes to that question, nothing.. else.. matters."

"This is not about Nick, or Nick's capacity
or capability to become this conqueror...
I am NOTHING!
God though, lives in me, and I now live in His strength;
And whatever Jesus conquered, I conquered."

"Maybe you've compared your suffering to my suffering,
but that's not where hope is.
... Hope is in the name of God.
Hope is when you compare your suffering to
the infinite immeasurable love and grace of God."

"But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."
Isa 40:31

SR4: Evolution and Creation

In the last blog, we talked about PROCESS vs PURPOSE. This is the crux to understanding the conflict between evolution and creation.

There are actually two questions regarding the origin of life: How is there life on earth? Why is there life on earth? For the first question, either life appeared instantly (instantaneous creation), or it become more advanced over time (evolution). For the second question, either the process occurred by chance, or it was purposed by God. So there are four possible theories:

Random Instantaneous Creation	Random Evolution
Purposed Instantaneous Creation	Purposed Evolution

Logically, "Random Instantaneous Creation" makes no sense. So before Darwin, people who reject the God hypothesis had no explanation for the existence of life. To them, the theory of evolution freed them from their predicament, popularizing atheism. As a result, many religious groups saw Darwin's theory as an attack on their beliefs. This need not be the case.

The church has often been seen as science's greatest opponent. This is true to a large extent, but two facts are usually overlooked. First, the failure of the church does not represent the failure of God. Many people reject God because they reject the church, and this is unfortunate. Remember that Jesus himself was persecuted by the leading religious people of his time. The greatest enemy to revelation is the religious spirit. Second, many great thinkers have furthered science in their quest to understand God's creation. Thomas Aquinas challenged the widely accepted steady state theory by insisting the universe had a beginning. Francis Bacon formalized the scientific method. What about Kepler, Pascal, Boyle, Newton, Faraday, Stokes, Thomson and Maxwell? Or more recently, Charles Townes and Francis Collins?

For the record, I am a PURPOSED EVOLUTIONIST. My belief in God inspires my belief in evolution. Why? Because God created me, yet I grew up from a baby to an adult. The same happens in my spiritual growth, with Him guiding me. Thus, I believe that the universe also went through a guided growth process. I do not see any conflict between the biblical account of creation and the process of evolution. God created the world step-by-step in six stages. Is it not possible that each stage also occurred in steps?

Coming next, miracles and how to observe God.

[To be continued...]

SR3: Process vs Purpose

Suppose you're a detective for a homocide case. What are some of the questions you would ask? First, you would want to know HOW the killing happened. Was the victim wounded by a gun or a knife? What happened before and after the incident? This is the question of PROCESS. Second, you would be interested in WHY the killing happened. Was there a conflict between the victim and the killer? Was it murder? Or was it an act of self-defence? This is the question of PURPOSE. Knowing the process helps us to uncover the purpose, but the two questions should never be confused with each other.

Science is the art of discovering HOW things happen. For such questions, we never use the God hypothesis. It would be silly if a physicist, who was investigating how magnets create currents in metal, concluded, ''It's God!'' A philosopher might be interested in such answers though. He may ponder over the discoveries of science and ask: Are the events of this universe governed completely by chance? How did the laws of physics come about? Were the laws set in place by a God? Does God interrupt these laws? Some of these questions do not make sense without a God hypothesis.

A conflict occurs when we take the assumptions of science, and turn it into a worldview. We take ideas which made science successful, and used them to set up fences around our beliefs. This is why I used to believe that questions of how the laws of physics came about are meaningless. As such, the God hypothesis is meaningless too. What I did not realize is that I merely replaced the God hypothesis with another one: the Chance hypothesis. It assumes that the universe is governed, not by God, but by chance, and only by chance.

How can we know which hypothesis is correct? Some point out correctly that science can never prove 100% that God exists. Yet, the same is true about Chance. How can we look at a string of digits

28318530717958647692528676655900576839433879875021

and say they are random? What if they are the first fifty digits of two times Pi? In fact, science can never prove 100% that you and I exist either. There is always a minuscule probability that our measuring instruments are wrong. It is a common misunderstanding that discoveries in science are black and white. Science is statistical, and our discoveries are at best probabilistic. Furthermore, if you are Bayesian, science allows us to update our probabilistic beliefs through observations. More on this later when we discuss how to observe God.

Next, I will continue this thread of PROCESS vs PURPOSE, and talk about evolution and creation.

[To be continued...]

Higher

"I owe you my life, I will worship you forever."

I am where I am now by your grace;
where I am going, I have nothing to fear.



Higher (Hillsong)

For unto us a Saviour came
Amazing grace that takes the weight
His name is hope for all the earth
His name now and beyond this life
God with us

And You shall be called Almighty God
And we shall declare

Your name is higher higher
Jesus Christ Your name is glorious

Now unto me the Christ redeemed
For you so loved and love me still

And You shall be called Almighty God
And we shall declare

Your name is higher higher
Jesus Christ Your name is glorious
Your name is greater sweeter
In all the earth

Higher, higher, higher, He's higher (2x)

So great and greatly to be praised are You
So great and greatly to be praised (2x)

And you shall be called Almighty God, and we shall declare

He's higher, higher, higher, higher(2x)

I owe you my life, I will worship you forever
I owe you my life, I will live to bring you praise (4x)

SR2: Meeting God

On 31 July 2000, God spoke to me (Why I am a Christian). It changed my life powerfully. I have no doubt that it was God. It is as sure to me as meeting Einstein in person, and realizing he is not a figment of pop culture or a conspiracy theory. God is real!

Excitedly, I shared my experience with many people, and met painfully with a lot of skepticism. I have come to understand that people have a right to decide what they want to believe. They have every reason to think that I was superstitious, misguided or naive, because my experience challenges their fundamental beliefs. But I also realized that their doubts do not lessen my experience in any way. I feel like the blind man who was healed by Jesus (John 9). The pharisees came to question him. The blind man replied that he does not know the answers, but said, "One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!"

Over the next two years, many more miracles occurred in my life. God continued to speak to me. I learnt a lot from Him. But in the back of my mind, I wondered how I could reconcile God with my scientific beliefs. I thought I had to give up being a mathematician.

A WRITING PROJECT

In 2002, I went to Stanford. In our writing class, we were given the chance to do a research project in any topic we want. It was the perfect opportunity for me to confront my philosophical dilemma. But I was afraid of what I would find. I didn't want to lose God because He was the best thing that happened to me. He told me to be strong and courageous. He told me to be honest in my search. He said that believing halfway or believing falsely is worse than not believing at all.

After much research (Science and Religion essay), I learnt where my old worldviews came from. I had taken the technical boundaries of Science, and made them the fundamental boundaries of the Universe. The scientific method is:

1. making hypotheses
2. making observations through experiments to test these hypotheses
3. making predictions about the past or the future using proven hypotheses

About the third point, predictions about the past include discovering the origins of life or the origins of the universe. Predictions about the future include knowing what will happen when we put certain mechanical, electronic, chemical and biological parts together, giving us inventions such as rockets, computers, plastics and medicine.

Meanwhile, in a parallel way, the main scientific arguments against God are:

1. There is no need for a God hypothesis.
2. God cannot be observed, so He cannot be real.
3. The Bible contradicts the laws of science: its miracles, and its accounts of the origin of life and of the universe.

I will summarize my thoughts about the above three arguments. Stay tuned.

[To be continued...]

SR1: Science and Religion

I'm writing a short series on Science and Religion, but it isn't about the supposed conflict between them. It is more about my mind wrestling with my experience of God through my life. It is about the way my worldviews have changed over time. And I want to write about the process, because that is more important than describing the final product.

Everyone who has a mind has a worldview, whether they like to admit it or not. Our worldview can empower us, or it can imprison us.

I used to be an atheist. Yups, not an agnostic (unsure or indifferent about the existence of God), but an atheist (believing that God does not exist).

MY OLD WORLDVIEW

1. that there is objective truth, i.e. not everything is meaningless, and our opinions are not all correct.

2. that the world is logical, i.e. that there are axioms we cannot prove or disprove, and logic allows us to deduce everything else.

3. that the world is scientific, i.e. observations of our world allows us to figure out what these axioms are, and our deductions allow us to control our environment in a way beneficial to us.

4. that as finite beings with limitations, we may never discover all of these axioms or be correct about the ones we know. But that should not deter us from trying, nor does it lessen the truth of this worldview.

5. that ultimately, our logic will teach us good morals, which we aim to live by, to enjoy life and to prevent the degradation of society.

6. that by "God", I do not mean the impersonal "Laws of Physics" or "Mother Nature", but a Person who exists outside the framework of this universe (someone who lives inside this framework is called an Alien).

7. that God can be a good thing: it helps some people live psychologically healthier lives and enables some societies to flourish, but there really is no need for this concept. It is a figment of man's imagination, invented to explain the things we do not understand and cannot control. Especially pain and suffering, which are results of randomness (natural disasters and accidents) and the limitations of Man.

Science and logic explains the world around us. That society (economics, politics, history, etc.) and the arts can be explained by human psychology, and psychology by biology, and biology by chemistry, and chemistry by physics, and physics by mathematics, and mathematics by logic and the axioms. So logic and the axioms are the foundation of the universe.

Some religious people will argue: where does the logic come from? I would have said it is a meaningless question, because it cannot be answered scientifically. We accept it like we accept the laws of physics.

How could I be sure that God does not exist? Because if He does, He would have made himself known. If He can't be known, what is the point of believing in Him? And if He can be known, science would have had irrefutable proof that He exists.

[To be continued...]

Praise and Thanksgiving

A friend sent me a devotional from Mary Southerland. Liked the story in it. Haha! :)

* * *

Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Ephesians 5:20 "Always give thanks for everything to our God and Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

When our hearts and lives are filled with praise and thanksgiving, worry is a weed that will die from lack of attention. Praise and thanksgiving are powerful weapons against worry, freeing God to work in our lives because when we praise Him, we trust Him blindly.

The story is told of a young hippie who was sitting on a park bench reading his Bible. Suddenly he began to shout! "Praise the Lord! What a miracle!" An older, very distinguished man walking by stopped and asked why he was so excited. The young man replied, "I was just reading how God parted the Red Sea and the whole nation of Israel walked on dry ground!" The older man sneered, "Don't you know? That wasn't a real sea at all. It was just a few inches of water." The unbeliever turned to walk away, leaving the young man confused and discouraged - for a moment - until his shouts once again filled the air. The angry cynic returned asking, "What are you shouting about now?" "Well, sir, I just read how God drowned the whole Egyptian army in just a few inches of water." Don't let anyone keep you from praising God. Don't let any circumstance deny you the joy of praise. If you want to win over worry, praise Him!

Cry

The first thing a baby learns is how to cry. It's the same when we are born again.

A new way to live!

I had such an awesome conversation with a friend today, almost life-changing! He is such a humble man of God. He taught me that living life in Christ is simple, and he speaks with so much authority!

I want to share some nuggets. Haha, hope they'll bless ya too!

1. By looking at Jesus, we learn how sons are treated. Through Jesus, Papa is demonstrating how He treats His sons! I have to throw off the mindset of trying to figure out what sons have to do. Just soak in the excitement of learning how well He protects and provides for His family! It's a completely different way of living!

2. We do not have to worry or stress over bringing worship to Papa. He only wants us to enjoy His love, and out of that experience, worship comes naturally. Why do the angels worship? They are in direct contact with His love! If worship is an expression of our love, then we love because He first loved us! Make knowing His love our first priority over giving Him our love.

3. Stop believing that things will not happen if we do not ask God continually everyday. It is not by our efforts! Rather, start believing that everything has been accomplished by the cross. Everything. Faith is the act of receiving all that God has given us. I realized I've been fighting for things which God already paid the price for. Prayer is allowing God to change the way we think. We do not even have to worry about lacking faith, because this stems from a fear that we have not done enough. Jesus loves us so much that He paid the full price. He will even give us the faith to believe, if we allow Him to do that. Time to change the way we pray :)

4. How then shall we live? Our circumstances can discourage us. We do not see the fulfillment of His promises in our lives. When Paul was tormented by the thorn in his flesh, God replied that His grace is sufficient for him, for His power is made perfect in his weakness. We can rejoice, because He is more than enough! :D Paul sang and rejoiced in prison! The circumstances could not change his attitude. Rather, his attitude changed the circumstances! An earthquake came, the chains fell off, and he walked out a free man!

5. Our minds can imprison us. I used to be an atheist. My beliefs about His non-existence prevented me from experiencing His love, peace and joy! Even as Christians, our minds can hinder us from His blessings. How then do we change the way we think? Allow Him to remind us of His promises. They are so important that He recorded them in written form: the bible! It's like a receipt, telling you the things which have already been paid for. Show that receipt to the enemy when he tries to cheat you of your inheritance!

Self-control

I just read a wonderful blog that is just overflowing from the writer's intimacy with Jesus! I love her desire for fresh revelation from the Spirit, not wanting overlook old themes and stories as just being familiar. What a fun way to read the bible!

There is this verse that many can recite, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

Familiarity says, "This is about how you can tell someone is living by the Spirit, because he/she will display all these qualities in his/her life." But we take it to be nine extra things we need to accomplish in our lives.

Then, in discovering spiritual warfare, we learn, "This is a powerful way to tell if a spirit or a voice is from God or from the enemy." But we reduce discernment to a bunch of principles, forgetting the Person who is our Counselor, who leads us into all truth.

Hahaha, we as humans, myself included, are really *really* good at taking a relationship that is personal, and making it principled.

Okie, to self-control. I feel that this is the fruit that is most misunderstood. For many of us, self-control is about overcoming temptations. I believe it is so much more than that!

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things."

Self-control is not just about stopping bad stuff from coming into our lives, its also about allowing good stuff in. It is about controlling what feeds our souls, and Who we allow to guide our lives. It is about believing Him about our destinies, and following Him into the promised land. But anyone who has tried to live this good life will know that it is incredibly hard. What can we do? We are but humans. How can we have self-control?

I think the promise for us, is that we can ask the Holy Spirit for it, like picking fruit off a Tree. He who helps us to experience His love, joy and peace, will also imbue us with a supernatural ability to stand firm, that we not be like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

It is not one more thing we need to do, but one more thing we can depend on Him for.

BananaLOG?

Okay, I've been meaning to explain the name of this blog for a while.

In secondary school (grades 7-10), I was in the yellow house (kinda like those in Harry Potter movies). My house did a play called "Bananas and Cheese", if I remember the name right. The scriptwriter said he chose "bananas" because as a Chinese growing up in an English-speaking American-loving culture, he feels like a banana: yellow on the outside but white on the inside. Since then, I called myself the "Banana Guy", not just because I love eating the fruit, but also because I really *really* sucked at Chinese.

The name kinda stuck on me, and got embarrassing after I graduated from high school. But since becoming a Christian, I realized that God has a purpose for me in being a bridge between the East and the West. I was born again in the East in Singapore, grew up in the Lord in the West in America, and am returning soon to the East to my homeland.

I am ever aware of the special destiny that God has given my culture and my country. But I also appreciate the baton that the Western Church is passing to us, through two thousand years of incredible inheritance. Growing up, I have seen my culture reject Christianity as a Western religion. All this is changing. When the Holy Spirit prevented Paul from preaching in Asia (Acts 16:6), He had an end-time purpose in mind. The gospel has swept around the globe, and now Asia is in the middle of the greatest revival ever. More is coming! We are rising up to our unique part in the body of Christ. We are learning that Jesus is not only of the Jews nor only of the West, but the desire of all nations. I am amazed by how Jesus is manifesting himself to Asia now (1, 2, 3, 4) just as in the days of Paul and Peter!

So yes, BananaLOG is a play on words, the LOG book of a Banana, a B-LOG. That this is also a blog of a crazy person, one who has gone bananas. It is foolishness to the world, and I am deeply aware of that :) But I'm not claiming everything is right either :P I pray everyone practices Godly discernment. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

Steps of Faith

I want to keep this entry simple. It is about how He loves us, and how much we can trust Him.

Recently, I have been going through a really hard time. I could feel a lot of lies hitting me from all directions. I could feel myself slipping away from Him. I was losing control of my life. I felt depressed and desperate. I felt like I messed up big time. I felt stupid, worthless, hopeless.

One morning, I was so desperate, I got down on my knees and cried out to Papa. I said, "Father, I messed up big time, I do not deserve to come before you. But I really need you. I need you. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me." That's all I could say for a long time.

But then He comes, with tears of compassion in His eyes, and whispers "Hold on, My son. Trust me. You can trust me." I went through the rest of the day holding on to those two words, "Trust me." It kept me going, gave me courage so I wouldn't give up.

That evening, I played a song "Selah" that a friend sent me. In that moment, I felt pure joy fill my heart. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced. I felt all my worries, burdens melt away. I saw all the lies and the fear flee. I was so overwhelmed by His goodness. Most of all, I was so glad I trusted Him. Before, it felt like I had faith, and now, I had Faith. It was Faith that comes from him, not from myself. It felt so solid, so real, something I could lean on, something I could depend my life on.

I understood in that moment, two very basic things about the Kingdom of God. The first is His grace, how there is such an abundance of it! We can always come back to Him no matter how much we felt we messed up. Even if we can't hear His voice. This is such a basic principle! I felt like God wrote this onto my heart.

The second is trusting Him. Oh, how worthy He is of our trust! The Kingdom advances by our trust in Him, not by our efforts. It is such pure joy to trust in Him, even in our darkest hours, and see Him come through!

AND HE WILL COME THROUGH!

I saw how He advances our faith one step at a time. Our current faith leads us back to His feet in our times of desperation, and what we experience there propels us to the next step. From glory to glory!

I'm not through the valley of the shadow of death yet. But He gave me a glimpse of the end of the tunnel. I have the faith and the hope to finish the race.

Grace, and Trust. These are cornerstones of His kingdom. Lord, let me never ever forget that. And we will always come back to them, again and again and again.

It's all very simple

From an old journal entry:

"you just need to hear my voice. don’t worry, come forward my son. this is what you were made for. it is actually very simple, the goal of it all. intimacy with me. that’s what they desire. jesus, the desire of the nations. that is what i desire, from the very beginning, when i created adam. it is all very simple. intimacy."

"this is what you need the most courage for. to step forward in intimacy. the next thing you need the most courage for: to help others step into this intimacy, in a way special and unique to them. their gifts, their service, their glory, their legacy, all stems out of this intimacy, all flows into this intimacy.”

if it is that simple, why do i struggle so much? where is my boldness? what am i afraid of?

“standing at the door. not sure of whether you should come in. is there a right and a wrong? what if there is a wrong? come in, take a look and see. explore, take your time. you don’t always have to know what to do the first time. make mistakes. cry. laugh. pick yourself up. there is always mercy. there is always grace. lots of grace.”

father, i want to remain here. i want to sing. i don’t want to care what the world thinks anymore.

“good! fly, shine, arise. they are all symbols of the same thing. freedom. be yourself. be who you were created to be. allow me to flow through you and rejuvenate you.”

“you may seem silly to the world, but not in my eyes. there is an adventurous spirit in there. a boldness. a craziness. that’s you.”

“i will speak your destiny into your life. i will be the one, not you through your gift. it is different. you will know the difference.”

i love you Lord. i want you. you are so good. you know me.

!

You are my strength

You are my strength
Strength like no other
Strength like no other
Reaches to me

You are my hope
Hope like no other
Hope like no other
Reaches to me

In the fullness of Your grace
In the power of Your Name
You lift me up
You lift me up

Unfailing love
Stronger than mountains
Deeper than oceans
Reaches to me

Your love O Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness
Reaches to the skies

.

how long have I
been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I'd see you
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright

I know you didn't
bring me out here to drown
so why am I ten feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface