Raw

Raw... so raw. I trust you Bro.

"I give You all of me for all You are
Here I am
Take me apart
Take me apart"

Never Fall Down

Let me teach you how to never fall down, how to never get hurt: Don't put yourself out there. Don't do things that you don't already know how to do, or things that you do not do well. Don't put your emotions into what you do, don't raise your hopes too high. Try not to feel or experience the process. Focus on the goal and play it safe.

That way, you will never fail, because success is about accomplishing something, not about picking up yourself when you fall. And because you did not put your feelings into it, you won't be hurt when you fall. Even better: you won't have to depend on anyone else but yourself. Not even God.

And when you have lots of successes, you can be proud of yourself. You can say that you achieved everything you wanted, and did not experience any hurts, or anything at all, along the way.

***

"I have gone before you, you can trust in Me. Only be strong and courageous. Don't be afraid to fall. I am with you always, especially when it hurts. You are stronger than you think, more brave than you know. I know that about you."

You are loved

Reblogged from a friend :) the words are due to Graham Cooke, an amazing friend of God.

Epic Songs from the Epic Trip

Take me apart

I am finally ready to discover who I am.

"I give You all of me for all You are
Here I am
Take me apart
Take me apart"

Friends with God

I've not blogged for a while, and there is actually a lot that I want to write about. So here it is. I've bunched them all into one article, and I couldn't think of a good title for this entry but the above sums up my feelings pretty well.

First, let me tell you a story about one of my closest friends. After I first met him, God told me that we were going to be good friends. So I asked God to tell me everything about him. He said, "Why don't you get to know him the normal way?" I asked, "Which is?" And He said, "By talking to him."

Over the months, through our conversations, we indeed became close. I have been given many prophetic words for other people, but I received very few for him. Almost everything I know about him comes from talking to him. Recently, he asked me if I have any words of knowledge for him, and I said, "Unfortunately no. Looks like we have to do it the normal way!"

It occurred to me the next day that I often do the same with God. I go to Him asking if He has any words for me, to help me deal with my issues or my decisions. But He really desires to just talk with me. It is as though He switches off His prophetic gift (which by the way is really really powerful!) and smiles, "How are you today?" It hit me that He really really wants to be friends with us. Not primarily a master or a teacher or a counsellor, but a friend.

Here is another thread, bear with me, but it'll lead somewhere. The story of Peter having a vision where a voice tells him to "kill and eat" in Acts 10. Peter says that he will not eat anything impure. But the voice said, "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean." I've noticed that I'm subconsciously labeling everything as secular or christian. Especially people. I realized that God doesn't look at someone and thinks he or she is non-christian. So why should we?

There is something to be said about finding goodness in every situation and every person. There is no such thing as a secular situation or a christian situation, but in every situation, we can see God at work and we can see where God is not at work. This is also true about church, where we have come to believe that everything preached must be from God. We need to practice discernment. At the same time, I've learnt some of my deepest lessons from "secular" events and "secular" people!

Someone asked me recently, "Why do you always prophesy good things? Doesn't God see the negative in us that needs changing?" Then, I realized it is impossible for God to see us as bad or being defined by something bad. He sees the bad stuff hindering and crippling us like a disease that is not a part of us. The good news is that we no longer are bound to this disease. The cross accomplished this. But cross or no cross, God never saw the cup as half-empty. He always sees us as half-full. He sees our goodness and wants to give us even more. The cross accomplishes this.

Which brings me to the crux: that there is so much good in people! When I look around, the world is in color! I see the amazingness that God has created his people with. The fields are white for harvest, they are not black! We are not harvesting weeds! We are calling out the goodness in people, to bring it to their attention, to show them how much worth they have. This is the harvest!

Be Strong and Courageous

Sometimes, when we feel helpless and hopeless, it is time to be strong and courageous.

Passion, not obligation

I'm reading the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. If you haven't seen it, please do! It's awesome :)

I love what it says about compliance. There are many people who have difficulty saying "no" to things that hurt them (I don't just mean drugs). For instance, when asked for a favor, even if they do not have the time or energy to do it, they will say yes because "it is sacrificial love."

This kind of boundary conflict is called compliance. Compliant people have fuzzy and indistinct boundaries; they "melt" into the demands and needs of other people. They can't stand alone, distinct from people who want something from them. Compliants, for example, pretend to like the same restaurants and movies their friends do "just to get along." They minimize their differences with others so as not to rock the boat. Compliants are chameleons. After a while, it's hard to distinguish them from their environment.

So, what's the deal with this? There will be times for sacrificial love. How is that distinct from compliance? The difference is on the inside.

Biblical compliance needs to be distinguished from this kind of compliance. Mathew 9:13 says that God desires "compassion, not sacrifice" (NASB). In other words, God wants us to be compliant from the inside out (compassionate), not compliant on the outside and resentful on the inside (sacrificial). Compliants take on too many responsibilities and set too few boundaries, not by choice, but because they are afraid.

Love casts out all fear. Sacrificial love is a love that invokes a sacrifice, not a sacrifice pretending to be love. We desire to be passionate lovers. We need to find true desires deep inside of us, those which God created in us, and to respect and pursue those desires. We need a deeper work, and only God can do that.

The Invisible

"You ask, why is passion so important? Why are dreams important?

Let me ask you, why is love so important? Why is it important to go deep? To root yourselves? To understand, to know the truth? To see things are they are? The important things are often invisible. They will bear fruit, but in their own time."

Big Daddy

As I stand and looked my greatest fear in its eyes, it doesn't seem very big any more. my Daddy is bigger. much BIGGER!

Love is Here - Tenth Avenue North

Thoughts on teaching

It's late, I'm doing my laundry, and I'm still up. I'm thinking about my students.

I had a privilege of teaching an undergraduate math class this semester. It was completely different from relief teaching in high school. Mainly because they're so much closer in age and they're also much smarter than me. Seriously! And they are some of the most amazing, motivated, curious people I've met. Seriously!

I just finished grading their exam today and turned in the textbooks. I think I miss them already :P

Some of them are going to be so amazed by how they did overall. Its awesome, they should celebrate! Congrats!!

Some of them are going to feel disappointed. They did not do as well as they hoped. But they tried their best, and for that, they should celebrate!

At the same time, our emotions are important. It is natural to feel sad, especially if it is something we worked very hard on. And God is someone who empathizes with us. He is here to say, "I know how much it hurts." It really does hurt.

But they will arise from the dust. The wind and the sand cannot stop them. They will not give up. That is their greatest victory.

Overcast

The skies were overcast, and rain fell in a light drizzle.

As I walked down the street, I felt His presence surround me. I smiled and snuggled in His arms. I looked at my life and what I have done. He has done so much for me, and me? I feel like I have only been messing around, not accomplishing anything. I backed away from His embrace. "God, don't invest so much in me. I'm not worth anything. I like having you around, but I will never accomplish much. Don't put too much hopes in me."

He paused. There was a silence. He was deep in thought.

Then, He said, "Let me tell you something..."

I waited. There was no response. Puzzled, I looked up, wondering what He would say next.

And there, the sun shone through the clouds. It nearly blinded me. The clouds parted for the moment, and the sun put everything in their glory.

Then, He said, "You cannot stop the sun from shining." He continued, "The clouds may come, the rains may fall, but the sun continues shining. Nobody can stop it from shining."

"Just be yourself."

And I saw my mind, my soul, my spirit glow with its own light. He likes me for who I am. He likes my quirkiness, my ups and downs, my humor, my struggles, my moments of intense joy. My life is interesting, many things have happened, many things are coming. I love my life. I wouldn't give it up for anyone else's. My successes worth celebrating, and my struggles even more amazing than my successes, though few people celebrate their struggles. People can judge me, will judge me, but as for me, I rejoice in who I am, because my Judge reviewed who I am and called it good.

"You are above and beyond understanding.
If we did not praise, the rocks would cry out."

I love my car

I love my car. It's beaten-down, worn-out, takes a while to warm up every morning. It has many dents and scratches, dust on the inside, dirt on the outside. Recently, its windshield cracked too.

But it goes places with me. It has character, almost a personality of its own. It is faithful, trustworthy. I love my car Shine.

And God is reminding me, that I'm like that car to Him. He loves spending time with me, every single moment. He loves every scratch, bump and crack. One day, He might give me a complete haul-over. But I matter more to Him than that. He likes me the way I am. Gee... : )

Humanity and Deity

When we fully embrace our humanity and we catch a glimpse of His deity, we start to marvel at His creation, how He created both to be meshed together! This, is Grace.

Oh, how He loves us!



He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

I met Jesus

I met Jesus yesterday.

There was an old homeless man carrying a lot of big bags and with a torn jacket. He walked into the seminar room where we were having a department talk on quantum information. He put down his bags, sat on the side steps and started to listen intently to the lectures. Then, he looked at me, and his eyes were so simple. His gaze pierced straight into my core. I thought, he could be Jesus for all we know, but ignored by everyone else in the room.

The King resides in His simple ones.

Don't give up

"If you trust me, then hear this: don't give up on yourself."

We were made for glory

In this season, every insignificant thing seems to be stripped away one by one. Until we are left facing our biggest fears. The ones that has been with us all our lives. The ones that live subconsciously, unconsciously. The ones which we thought we had dealt with but find are still around when we turn the corner. I see my friends around me. Their eyes, glazed over. Hopes melt away. What they knew, they now question. Then I realize I'm not alone.

Just when I thought, no one else understands. True, no one knows what really is going on deep in our hearts. No one else has experienced it before. We stand at the frontier. We are the first there. The giants snarl before us. The waves threaten to swallow us. We are like tiny midgets. "Where are you, God? WHERE ARE YOU?!" There is silence. We wait, but there is no sound.

A gentle breeze blows in the distance. We look around us, we are not alone. Everyone is taking their stand. We each face the bears and lions we fought before, only bigger. A light flickers inside us. It stirs. It arises, slowly but surely. He is with us. This time, He is inside.

We were made for glory. All of us special, all of us unique. Our journeys brought us here. He would not lead us here, if we were not ready. "There is much strength in you, that you know not about." Be strong and courageous. Now is the time.

My Father loves me

My Father loves me for who I am. For who I am now. For who I am in my deepest, beyond my deeds, beyond my habits, beyond my personality. He loves my core, my seed. He loves the sinner. He loves the hungry. He loves the sick. He loves the troubled. He loves the homeless. He loves the loveless. What is this love. I can never fully understand.

In His eyes, I am good. I am perfect. I'm His apple. I'm His favorite. He loves my voice, my eyes, my hands, my feet. He loves every strand of hair on my head. He loves my smell. He loves the way I move, the way I speak, the way I cry. Its all special to Him, its all precious to Him. Who am I? Who am I that He should do this? What does He see in me? What makes Him smile? Why is He like this? Who made Him like this? Who told Him to love me? Why should He love me? What does He see in me?

What if God was not good? What if He allowed bad things to happen? What if He is silent? What if He is gone, away? Why did Job stick by His God? What did he see in Him? Who is his God? Who is this God? What is the seed of God? What is the core of God? The immutable, the unchangeable? Not His deeds? Not His emotions? Not His words? What is the core of God that is so mesmerizing? Why is He like this? Who is He? Who is this God? How can He know me and yet I don't know Him?

"I want you."

I want you.

Swim deeper, Fly higher

Swim deeper into intimacy, fly higher onto glory and shine.

When the rubber hits the road...

When Moses met God face to face for the first time, God also met Moses face to face, as he is, for the first time. Moses had nothing to hide before God, and God did not hide His glory from Moses. Moses knew he was not perfect, but it did not stop him from coming before his Lover. His desire was greater.

That's the feeling of being real before God. It is like an airplane landing on a runway. The rubber hits the tarmac. The two surfaces engage each other. There is contact. Face to face is brutal honesty. Are we ready to be brutally honest before God? Its scary at first, but really it is not, if you know what He is like. He desires to be brutally honest with us, about Himself. He wants to reveal His glory. We got to press in, past the fear. This requires boldness.

The physical realm around us, there is a reason it doesn't feel real. When we take an outside look, everything is a bunch of atoms, acting and reacting to forces and to each other. Say music. It is just vibrations in the air. What makes music real? When we soak it in and it hits our mind, our emotions. So we take one step deeper. The spirit realm. That's gotta be real. Angels and demons warring it out. Signs and wonders. The physical realm is a reflection, a shadow of the spirit realm. But that's still not real enough. The rubber is not hitting the road. Why should the angels be on their missions? Why are there tsunami's in that realm?

The most real place in the world, is in the center of God's heart. We've all been there. In a quiet moment of worship, after a long day of work. We are at peace. Nothing else matters. Everything else fades away. That IS reality. From that reality, comes shadows and reflections in the spirit and physical realm. The history of the world is in His control, being orchestrated from His heart. He gives us the privilege of being there, beyond the outer courts and the inner courts. Past the veil, to the center. At the heart, the ark of His presence.

Wisdom

"Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens."

right off a bumper sticker :)

Face to Face

Face to Face is brutal honesty.

Identity

The day "You are beautiful to Me" means more than "You are beautiful".

Who can stop a tsunami?

The greatest outpouring man has ever seen. Who can stop a tsunami?

My Beloved

My Beloved - Kari Jobe

You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

You're Beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you
My child

You're Beautiful to Me
So Beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your care down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole

You're My beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love

Seated in Heavenly Places

"But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." @ Eph 2:4-7

Most of us think of our seat in heaven as a seat of power. It is, but that's not what it is primarily. It really is the seat of intimacy. Being next to the Father, and close to Jesus. The place where we tell silly jokes to each other, and feast on cheesecakes, pizza and chocolate wassants. With great excitement and pride, He unveils the plan of His creation to us.

The exceeding riches of His grace. Wow! :D

Modern day John the Baptist

John the Baptist was a revolutionary of his time. When the religious leaders of his time were teaching obedience to the rules as a sign of commitment to God, he told people,

"Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near."

He was saying, "Change the way you think about God. Forgiveness of sins is here. The veil is torn. Everyone has access to the Father. The blind see, the lame walk, the lepers cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead raised, and the good news preached to the poor. God saves." We spent the next two thousand years understanding all that.

In these last days, God is calling modern day John-the-Baptists, to prepare the way for Him. What is the message?

"Jesus is coming for His bride."

It is the most important revelation that binds everything else together. This word is so deep. It will require a lot of unpacking. The Holy Spirit alone will show us. He is accelerating the times. There has been a flood of revelation, and more is on the way.

God is good

I wish I always keep this revelation in my heart and never lose it. Every time I chance on it again, I realize that this is what my life is all about, what the universe is about, what He is about. In the light of it, every thing else becomes crystal clear.

That it is not about living a perfect life. That I will always make mistakes and I will fail. There is no point to me saying, "This will be the last time I'm doing something stupid." He never required that from us. Rather, he is such a big God! His plans are perfect, He knows exactly what he is doing and he knows exactly who we are. That he is always around to pick us up, to wipe our wounds, to comfort us, to say he feels our pain, no matter how much of it is self-inflicted or self-caused. He is a gentleman. He is a loving father. It is not about me becoming better through the lessons. Yes, that happens. But its about Daddy. I gain when I lose my focus of myself and where I am and catch a glimpse of him. It makes me wonder why I think anything else mattered.

It makes me want to write about him. About him alone. Tell the world how wonderful he is. I don't say it enuff. Revelation is not complicated. Its just about him, and he's easy. He loves his bride. Oh, to such an embarrassing degree. He is not ashamed of us.

"I'm coming for my bride, and you are my bride. Even if you are the only one, I'm coming for you. Just as I still would have died for you even if you were the only one. I want you to imagine that I'm coming for you alone. Yes, that's right. That's exactly how it is, because it is the heart of intimacy. That's how I'm coming for my bride, for each and every one of you, because all of you are special to me."

Wait patiently

Storm (Lifehouse)

how long have I
been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I'd see you
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright

I know you didn't
bring me out here to drown
so why am I ten feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface




Be Still (Kari Jobe)

He is here for the broken and life to the one who is undone
He is peace to the wounded and hope for the helpless one
He is here, He is here

Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still my soul, be still

When the waves rise against me and the wind tries to draw me away
I will stand on the mountain, safe in Your arms I will sing I will sing

Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still my soul, be still

Be still I know He is God
He is here, He is here
Be still I know He is God
He is here, He is here

Rebuilding? Or Returning?

I have been wondering, did I get it wrong? Should it not be "Returning to the Secret Place?" instead of "Rebuilding"? What does rebuilding mean?

He wants to rebuild the secret place. Returning makes sense only if we had left the place. But He wants to affirm us, that we have been faithful. Now, He is going to show us even more. He is going to reconstruct and redefine our notions of Intimacy. He is going to release revelations that will transform our walk with Him. This transition is not going to be easy. It will rub against every grain in our body. It will take Trust to know that He knows what He is doing.

Rebuilding the Secret Place

In worship, we sing, not for those around us, not for the angels in the heavens, not to create a breakthrough in the atmospheres, but for the Audience of One. For Him alone. He adores our voice. He is mesmerized by it. It is like the world is shut out and falls away. All our problems become distant and insignificant. The people become merely shadows. The universe, I am alone with Him. Just Him, and me. The Audience of One.

In our lives, we live, not for those around us, not for the angels in the heavens, not to create a breakthrough in the atmospheres, but for the Audience of One. For Him alone. He adores our life. He is mesmerized by it. He shines His face on us, and we shine with His glory. For the Audience of One.

We seek the Audience of One. But do we realize He treats us with the same honor? I am His audience of one.

"I am a jealous God. I want you alone. In the secret place, that's where we truly meet. That meeting means the world to me. What we do there, its between us. Us alone. No one else has to know."

"It is time to rebuild the secret place. It is time to take ownership of the promised land, Intimacy."

"Battles are won in the secret place. History is changed. Lives transformed. I will show you even more, what lies ahead in that place. You will be blown away. If only you knew, now."

"I am a jealous God. I want you alone."

Transition

The time is now.

"It's been a tough night, but morning is here. It is time to arise and shine."

We are in a marketplace, many people moving around, buying things, like for a dinner, for a celebration. Lots of activity, people shouting, singing, laughter, joy. People dancing. There is an air of excitement, an air of expectancy, and an air of hope.

"Live in it. Soak it in. That's the reality. The many people you do not see, the angels, the other spiritual creatures. The heavens are moving, and the earth is waiting. The time is now.''

God, what are you up to?

The Greatest Joy

The greatest joy, is giving Him glory. Nothing comes close to that joy. Worship, as we have experienced so far, is only the beginning.

A New Heart

"I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the LORD; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God, for they shall return to Me with their whole heart." @ Jer 24:7

Father, help me to know you. To experience your realness. Give me a new heart.

Ownership

It's been a while since I wrote. I really miss it. Things have been busy, but the bigger reason is this: I've been thinking about "ownership", and trying to understand what it means.

I first heard Him talk about it three weeks ago. There were certain areas of my life that seemed to be at a standstill, and I needed a breakthrough. "The key," He said, "is Ownership."

Remember Moses, after the Israelites complained about him angering the Pharoah, said to God,

"O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people? Is this why you sent me? Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has brought trouble upon this people, and you have not rescued your people at all." @ Exo 5:22

And later, when the Israelites worshipped the golden calf, the Lord said,

"Go down, because your people, whom you brought up out of Egypt, have become corrupt. ... I have seen these people, and they are a stiff-necked people. Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them. Then I will make you into a great nation." @ Exo 32:7-10

But Moses reminded the Lord of His people,

"O LORD, why should your anger burn against your people, whom you brought out of Egypt with great power and a mighty hand?" @ Exo 32:11

The things we own, are the things we will love, protect and sow into.

God desires to bless all that's in our hands. Except that we refuse to hold anything as ours. We let things happen to us, saying it is God's will. We wait for circumstances to make decisions for us. We say that nothing belongs to us, because we are only stewards. This is the mentality of the man who hid his one talent in the ground (Matt 25:14-30). God's picture of stewardship is much bigger than ours. "It is a co-laboring, it belongs not to Me or to you, but to us."

"If you would only reach out and claim what is yours, I will bless it, because you are important to me, and what is important to you is important to me too."

This is why God called Joshua and the Israelites to conquer the promised land. He did not just give it to them. He wanted them to take possession of it. He blessed everything that they laid their hands on. For the same reason, God is calling us to be strong and courageous, to take possession of all that Christ has paid the price for. Because the act of ownership allows God to release His blessings into something that would otherwise be meaningless, belonging to no one.

I struggled with this concept, because I thought He was asking me to own up to my problems. He does not say, "This is your problem, you better solve it!" He is not asking us to own the problem. He is asking us to own the very thing the problem is stealing from us! If we are sick, then it is our health that is being stolen from us. In realizing that our health belongs rightfully to us, that God has given it to us, that we are not unworthy of it because Christ has paid the price, we begin to take possession of it again. I want to take ownership of my work, my finances, my friendships, my family, my gifts, my passions, my emotions, my thoughts, my body, my will. They are the Lord's and they are mine too. This is where we begin to shine.

Joy, not Fear

"You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, because they could not bear what was commanded: 'If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned.' The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, 'I am trembling with fear.'

But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel." @ Hebrews 11:18-24.

Shon

Wanted to write this down to remember it.

My friend Jeremy used to call his car Shon. Later, when he sold me his car, we decided jokingly that we should change the name to Shine. The next day, we were hiking in Yosemite and noticed that the Gatorade bottle we had said this:



Shine on. Shine Shon. hahahah :)

Shine 9/9/9

This is just crazy...



Found it on the LA Dream Center website. Indeed, it is "the night of dreams", remembering the dreams that God has given us, His promises. Using what we have in our hands, not what we do not have. Seeing what we have been blessed with, not what we lack. And "09/09/09", it is the number of fruitfulness, the nine fruits of the Spirit.

God, what are You up to?

Working as if for Him

I checked out a friend's link to the Dreamcenter and saw that the latest blog entry was called "Shining". Wow. It never fails to amaze me how many times God tries to get our attention!

http://dreamcenterla.blogspot.com/2009/07/shining.html

In short, whether you are speaking to a crowd of a million people, or scrubbing floors and corners in Starbucks, you are both serving the Lord and shining for Him (haha, i like the literal meaning of this one for Starbucks). There is no difference. There really really isn't.

Shine for me

"... I want you to know that I'm not letting go even when you come undone.
I love you more than the sun and the stars that I taught how to shine.
You are mine, and you shine for me too... "



More (Matthew West)

Take a look at the mountains
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am

And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to Me

And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

Shine for Me
Shine for Me
Shine on, shine on
Shine for Me

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Than the sun
and the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you, yesterday and today
Through the joy and the pain
I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

And I see you
And I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me

God You Reign

Not sure why, this song has been ringing in my head for a long time...



Lincoln Brewster - God You Reign

You paint the night
You count the stars and You call them by name
The skies proclaim
God You reign
Your glory shines
You teach the sun when to bring a new day
Creation sings
God You reign

God You reign
God You reign
Forever and ever
God You reign

You part the seas
You move the mountains with the words that you say
My song remains
God You reign
You hold my life
You know my heart and You call me by name
I live to say
God You reign

Hallelujah
Allelu

"I am pleased with you."

I was having one of my down days. Many disappointments, sadness, grief, feelings of failure. I tried to come to Him, but felt as though I could not hear His voice. I struggled. I needed Him badly.

"I am pleased with you," He said.

"God, I don't need this now, I need to know you are real. I need to hear your voice. How do I know this is you?", I said.

"I am pleased with you. I will say it again. I am pleased with you. I will never be tired of saying it. Because I mean it. I don't say things to make you feel better. I say it because it is true."

"But Father, how could I have pleased you? I have disappointed you, I have disobeyed you, I have failed, I did not accomplish anything. I have not done anything that would make you happy."

He paused, deep in thought, as if memories are running through his head.

"Because you are still here," He replied, with tears are in His eyes.

And I saw a battle scene, and many were wounded. But they were not destroyed. God does not require anything from us, no tasks, no accomplishments, no successes. But the bible does mention something that pleases Him. "Without faith, it is impossible to please God."

And we only have to come back to Him. This is both the easiest thing and the hardest thing to do. To Him, it touches His heart deeply, immensely. To the beaten-down warriors out there, don't give up! God is good and He is more than enough.

Christ the Redeemer

Today, I want to share a photo that affected me deeply when I saw it. If there is anything such as prophetic photography, this is it.



An awesome brudder, Jerald, took it when he was in Brazil, of a huge statue of "Christ the Redeemer". (Incidentally, he took it when it was dark under long exposure.) Wanted to share it here, since we are on the topic of Shine.

God has blessed me with many amazing brothers in Christ over the years, and Jerald is truly a man after God's heart. Please do check out his blog. Deep revelations pouring out of his intimacy with his Lord and Brother.

Lastly, he shared with me a testimony about a Singaporean lady who had severe osteoporosis, rheumatism and leukemia at 30 years old and was going to die. Her testimony of how God healed her is amazing. Even more amazing is her encounter with God on her own kitchen floor... looking into the loving eyes of Jesus! Indeed, the lamp of the body is the eye.

Testimony

All of us have our reasons for believing in God. Some of us, crazy encounters, that the world would not believe even if we told them. But we know what we saw, heard, experienced. Those who have been given much, much would also be expected of them. And as the lady reminds us, when Jesus showed Thomas his hands, He gave him a crazy encounter. But He also said, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Faith pleases God.

Shine Video

I saw this video at church last Sunday, and it really spoke to me because of all the things I've been seeing, hearing, wondering.. about Shine. Awesome. There are no coincidences :) Check it out!

http://www.highwayvideo.com/Radiate-P1163.aspx

1. May the Lord makes His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.

2. From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth.

3. Restore us, O God; make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved.

4. Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

5. Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever.

6. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

7. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

8. For God, who said, "let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

Secret to shining

When God talks about light, He is talking about life.

John 1:4-5
In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

How do we have life? How do we become alive? How do we shine? First, don't hide what you have. Second, let yourself be filled.

Luke 11:33 -36
"No one, when he has lit a lamp, puts it in a secret place or under a basket, but on a lampstand, that those who come in may see the light. The lamp of the body is the eye. Therefore, when your eye is good, your whole body also is full of light. But when your eye is bad, your body also is full of darkness. Therefore take heed that the light which is in you is not darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, the whole body will be full of light, as when the bright shining of a lamp gives you light."

The secret to being filled is our spiritual eyes. It is the window INTO our soul, our spirit. What do we see in the world around us? What do we see in other people? What do we see in ourselves? What do we see in God? The lamp of the body is the eye. If we see as He sees, our body will be filled with life. Sit at His feet, look into His face. His love will transform us. His perspectives will change us. His joy will fill us. From the inside out.

How do we know if what we see is real? Externally, by its fruits. But more importantly, internally, because His ability is speak to us is greater than our ability to hear Him. We have to trust Him.

Indeed, this is the greatest blessing God has to give to us. He wanted Moses and Aaron to pray this for the Israelites.

Numbers 6:22-26
The LORD said to Moses,
"Tell Aaron and his sons,
'This is how you are to bless the Israelites.
Say to them:
"The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace." '
So they will put my name on the Israelites,
and I will bless them."

Psalm 4:6-8
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.
You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.

Shine

"The Spirit of the LORD spoke through me;
his word was on my tongue.
The God of Israel spoke,
the Rock of Israel said to me:

'When one rules over men in righteousness,
when he rules in the fear of God,
he is like the light of morning at sunrise
on a cloudless morning,
like the brightness after rain
that brings the grass from the earth.' "

2 Sam 23:2-4

"Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.

See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the LORD rises upon you
and his glory appears over you.

Nations will come to your light,
and kings to the brightness of your dawn.

Lift up your eyes and look about you:
All assemble and come to you;
your sons come from afar,
and your daughters are carried on the arm.

Then you will look and be radiant,
your heart will throb and swell with joy;
the wealth on the seas will be brought to you,
to you the riches of the nations will come.''

Isaiah 60:1-5

Mission vs Ambition

thanks jer!

Mission vs Ambition

Unity is diversity and codependence

I had a dream Friday night. Don't remember much of the details, but there was like a huge competitive event going on, and a lot of my friends from a long time ago was there. I remember someone fatherly giving me advice, saying "Unity is diversity and codependence." I replied, "You mean, Unity is codependence." He said, "No, it is DIVERSITY and codependence." And I understood that we are not united when we are all the same. Rather, it is our differences that make us strong.

I later checked the word "codependence" and realized that it is related to alcoholism and stuff. A better word might be "Interdependence" but I want to remain true to the word that I heard. Perhaps codependence is not just depending on each other, but that and also depending on God together.

Your love never fails

Tired of being tossed around by the waves. I need a rock, a base, a foundational revelation in my life. Something that never changes. Ever.



Jesus Culture - Your Love Never Fails

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good

Family

God first. Family second. Ministry third.

In this revival, God is restoring intimacy and He is restoring the family.

He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Here's a good sermon about the family by Tommy Barnett. Check out the one on 21st June.

Secrets to a strong family:
1. Commitment to each other.
2. Quantity and quality time.
3. Showing appreciation all the time.
4. Communication.
5. Coping skills for crisis.
6. Strong faith.

A good word I heard at Highway Church: "There are two important things you as a daddy can do for your daughter. The first is teaching her to tie her shoelace. The second is teaching her to love herself. And you can only do that by learning to love yourself first." (paraphrased)

Dream

It is better to have dreamed and failed, then not to dream at all.

It is better to have believed and not see its fulfillment, then not to believe at all.

"These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." Heb 12:39-40

When we believe, we are trusting in His character. The goodness of God will accomplish it. His power alone shall accomplish it. We do not believe because we fear disappointment. But when we believe, there is no disappointment.

"We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Rom 5:2-5.

We have been taught that we should take risks in what we do. It is better to have tried and failed, then not to try at all. In the same way, take risks in what we believe. There is something mysterious about hope, something mysterious about faith. It changes the one who carries it. It connects us higher, deeper to Him.

I'll tell you how to serve

"I'll tell you how to serve. Sit at my feet, like Mary. Listen to what I have to say. Martha, Martha, Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.''

"Are you serving the world or serving me? A changed man changes the world. You are more important to me than the world. I will feed you, then you can feed my sheep."

Unreligious Guide to Dating

I was recommended this blog series on dating by Shawn Bolz, a candid young prophetic minister. He's one of my favorite guys because he doesn't say things to sound good or to please people. Just an honest dude trying to live life for God.

1. Unreligious guide to dating and being single
2. Single and loving/hating it
3. I'm not married and so can you be
4. I kissed dating goodbye and then i asked it out again
5. About guys. For guys. Anyone else read at your own risk
6. All about guys! Because its ladies night!
7. Friendship with the opposite sex
8. Obsession and stalkers

Loving without agenda

Its taken me a long time to figure out what is ministry and evangelism. A part of me always felt offended by these concepts. I think I understand why now.

I was offended by how sometimes it seems like we are helping others because we want them in the church, and later for them to become like us. That we felt there was something wrong with their lives and that needs correction. If we help others out of this intention, how could that be love? I would be very sad if that was all love was. Yet God's love is different, I always feel accepted in His presence. What is the difference? There is a saying "God loves you the way you are, but He loves you too much for you to remain that way." I don't like the second half. It doesn't convey His love right.

A friend taught me something new recently. I asked him, "What do you do when you spend time with God?" I was expecting him to say something like worship, or telling Him his thoughts and feelings, or reading the bible. But he said, "I don't know, I don't really do anything." I got a little annoyed, then God revealed to me the wisdom in his words. I've somehow felt that I need to have an agenda when I come before God. Something to do, or to ask, or to accomplish. Kinda like calling a friend on the phone only because you need something from him. Yet when God comes to us, He has no agenda. He just wants to be with us.

In the documentary "Finger of God", one of the last scene shows Heidi Baker praying for a muslim woman. The woman gets healed, and thanks Allah. Someone from the ministry team corrects her, saying it was Jesus, not Allah. The woman refuses to acknowledge that and they get into a slight disagreement. But Heidi replies, Allah healed you and He loves you. She smiles and says goodbye to the woman.

God heals us because He loves us, not to get us to come back to Him. Yes, He does want us with Him, but it is far from being his primary reason for healing us. Like a mother, seeing her runaway child go hungry, would send food and money his way because he needs it, and not because she wants him to come home. Loving unconditionally, that's another way to say it. And when we love like that, people change. It is a side-effect, not a goal. That love is powerful, probably the most powerful thing in the universe.

Lord, teach me to love radically, without agenda.

UPDATE ON 29 JUNE 2009:

There is promise in the bible for those who love without agenda,

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." Matt 5:8

You will see God as He is.

God understands loss

I guess, during such times, we don't have to figure out or justify why we feel the way we feel. God just wants to come close and whisper, "I know how you feel".

Goodbyes..

This has been a tremendously tough week for me... my two closest brudders left for singapore. my parents came and left too. my heart is grieving. i do not know what to do. overwhelmed. truly overwhelmed. i need you God.

Revelation Song

Jennie Riddle wrote Revelation Song, while singing a lullaby to her baby...

Therefore, I asked the Holy Spirit to help me write a song that painted Him; a song that the angels and creation were already singing, so that we could join in with One Voice, as One Bride, to One King.

...

"Revelation Song" made its very first public outing when I introduced it to my local church on a Sunday when the Lord moved in such a way that it was called for unrehearsed and "on the fly". The song resonated with the congregation, and Jesus danced, I’m just sure of it.It quickly became a loved song. Next, it was introduced to my students at the high school. God met us every time we used it from that point on.

Then, Kari Jobe recorded it and the rest is history. Read the rest of this powerful story here.

Don't try!

From "Good Morning, Holy Spirit" by Benny Hinn, Chapter 12.

***

Just after I began to preach the gospel, I met David DuPlessis. He was known as "Mr. Pentecost" as a result of his presentation of the Holy Spirit to world religious leaders. He was a charismatic before anyone knew what the word meant.

I was walking down the same hallway with this anointed man at a conference in Brockville, Ontario, when I summoned the courage to stop him and ask a question. I nervously asked him. "Dr. DuPlessis, how can I truly please God?"

The old man, who is now with Jesus, stopped, put his briefcase down, pointed his finger in my chest and pushed me against the wall. I certainly didn't expect that from a frail preacher. All I had said was, "How can I please God?" and he nailed me to the wall. Then he said two words that I have never forgotten. He said: "Don't try!" He picked up his little case and walked on down the hall.

I caught up with him and said, "Dr. DuPlessis, I don't understand."

He calmly turned around and said, "Young man, it's not your ability. It's His ability in you." Then he said, "Good night," and walked into his room.

As I walked into my room, I was still puzzled. I lay down on my bed and thought about those words. "It's not your ability. It's His ability in you."

In that moment I hardly knew what to pray, but the Spirit began to unlock the truth of those words to me. How can I please God? By yielding! By not even trying. It was just as Mr. Pentecost said. The Holy Spirit will do the work. It's not my strength; it's His. Otherwise I would boast of my own accomplishments.

***

Thirsty?

On the last and greatest day of the Feast,
Jesus stood up and said in a loud voice,
"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture as said,
streams of living water will flow from within him."

By this, he meant the Spirit,
whom those who believed in him were later to receive.
Up to that time, the Spirit had not yet been given,
since Jesus had not yet been glorified.

John 7:37-39

Drink of the Holy Spirit.

Testing of your faith

We have heard great and marvelous things from the Lord, even deep and wonderful words of wisdom. But only when they are tested by fire, will they remain bonded to the heart.

What life would be like

Big Daddy Weave - What Life Would Be Like

I wish I was more of a man
Have you ever felt that way
And if I had to tell you the truth
I'm afraid I'd have to say
That after all I've done and failed to do
I feel like less than I was meant to be

What if I could fix myself
Maybe then I could get free
I could try to be somebody else
Who's much better off than me
But I need to remember this
That it's when I'm at my weakest
I can clearly see

Chorus:
He made the lame walk and the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time
Yet He knows our deepest desperate need
And the world waits while His heart aches
To realize the dream
I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus live through you and me

What if you could see yourself thru another pair of eyes
What if you could hear the truth
Instead of old familiar lies
What if you could feel inside
The power of the hand that made the universe You'd realize

Chorus:

All our hearts they burn within us
All our lives we've longed for more
So let us lay our lives before the one who gave His life for us

"Trust Me"

Here's another old entry that is really encouraging right now:

http://bananaguy.blogspot.com/2005/08/dental-surgery.html

For the last few months, ever since my bike trip, I have been getting vivid flashbacks of my childhood and teenage days. Many hidden memories are coming slowly back to me. I have also been experiencing many emotions which I have never felt before. Sometimes, while in worship, I see myself sparking, like a florescent tube that has just been switched on. Many colors are flowing in and out. I think the colors represent these new emotions and the revival of old memories. 

I think God is trying to heal me of my past and to show me who I am. A few days ago, something broke inside of me. I could feel a lot of pain coming out, but I have no idea where the pain is coming from. I am starting to feel afraid, not wanting the healing any longer. Part of me wants to bury the past and to go back to where I was before. But part of me knows wants to move on, because this is the only way I can be true to myself and true to Him. I can walk bravely forward, because He is with me. I am not afraid to fall, because He will pick me up. He calls out firmly and assuredly, "Trust Me." He knows what He is doing. I will overcome.

I will overcome

Sometimes, it is good to read old blog posts again!

http://bananaguy.blogspot.com/2005/11/overcomer.html

Focus on the core

In swimming, the kicking, paddling, breathing matters. But what matters most is the body core. If the core is straight and streamline, a little kicking, paddling, breathing goes a long way.

In living, service and giftings matter. But what matters most is the heart. If the heart is right, a little serving and gifting goes a long way. We must focus on our hearts. Jesus came for my heart. He came to pursue it, capture it and heal it. Sometimes, we are too focused on trying to remove sin from our lives or to achieve our giftings or to minister to others. These are important to Him, and He is saying that He can only accomplish them by speaking to our hearts. In fact, our hearts (what we feel, who we are, how we know Him) are more important to Him than all these things.

In helping others, we don't focus on healing their sicknesses or enabling their gifts. We learn to love, and walk with their hearts in finding the right way. That's how Jesus walks with us. Along this way, God may ask us to enable their gifts or to heal their sicknesses. 

In prophecy, rather than knowing what is in the minds of people, it is better to understand what is in their hearts. The mind is often unconscious of what is in the heart. In their hearts, we see the image of God in them, we see their passions and we see their destinies. If God gives us the key into their hearts, He will also give us the key to unlock their destinies.

Born Again

Being born again means that we start out again as a baby. We don't grow up instantly. We have the pleasure of enjoying our childhood again, this time with Jesus.

Fly.

You'll be in My Heart

"You'll Be In My Heart" (Phil Collins)

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

Lifehouse's "Everything" Skit

Esther Cheng sent this out, and it really touched me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA


He really is right there next to me, holding my hand, squeezing them when I need His assurance. He created, so that I would know His love.

Just Be...

Just be...
Just be loved.
Just be a lover.
Know that you are loved.
Know that you are a lover!

If You Believe

Also from "Ella Enchanted", the chorus of the song

If You Believe

...
Believe the voice inside of you
Live out your dreams and make them true
Through your eyes, I may see
With your love, you set me free
Wishes can come true
If you believe
...

Yes, believe the voice inside of you, let His love set you free, see through His eyes and be amazed by how lovely and precious you are to Him!

True to Your Heart

Chris lent me the "Ella Enchanted" DVD, and I really liked this song that sang in the credits. I feel as though God is speaking through the lyrics:

True to Your Heart

Baby I knew at once
That you were meant for me
Deep in my soul I know
That I'm your destiny
Though you're unsure
Why fight the tide
Don't think so much
Let your heart decide

Baby I see your future
And it's tied to mine
I look in your eyes
And see you searching for a sign
But you'll never fall
'Til you let go
Don't be so scared
Of what you don't know

True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to me

Someone you know is on your side
Can set you free
I can do that for you
If you believe in me
Why second-guess
What feels so right
Just trust your heart
And you'll see the light

True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to me

Your heart knows what's good for you
Let your heart show you the way
It'll see you through

[Child] my heart is driving me to where you are
You can take both hands off the wheel and
Still get far
Be swept away enjoy the ride
You won't get lost
With your heart to guide you

True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to me

When things are getting crazy
And you don't know where to start
Keep on believing baby
Just be true to your heart
When all the world around you
It seems to fall apart
Keep on believing baby
Just be true to your heart

Sacred Romance

Thanks to Ailin, I'm now reading "The Sacred Romance" by Brent Curtis & John Eldredge.

This book is SOOOO awesome! It is confirming all the stuff that I have been hearing from God for a long time, about intimacy and its importance. About God courting us and woo-ing us as His beloved. About his deep fiery passion and desire for us.

If you have the aching in your heart for something more; if you suspect that there is more to Christianity than going to church, singing in worship and serving in ministry; this book will not give you what you need, but it will sure point you in the right direction!

Pascal's conversion

I found out from a friend today about Blaise Pascal's conversion story. He was a French mathematician, physicist and religious philosopher in the 1600s. It is claimed that he "had an intense religious vision and immediately recorded the experience in a brief note to himself which began: 'Fire. God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob, not of the philosophers and the scholars…' and concluded by quoting Psalm 119:16: 'I will not forget thy word. Amen.' " See more in the wiki article, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blaise_Pascal#Religious_conversion.

Grand Mathematician (cont.)

While posting my testimony on God's revelations in mathematics below, I am reminded to two other stories:

1. Charles Townes, Nobel prize-winning physicist who discovered maser and laser. He is also very well-known as a Christian speaker. He is the recipient of the Templeton Prize in 2005. Townes claims that a moment of revelation, rather than inspiration, gave him the idea of the maser (which later led to the invention of the laser) while he was walking in a park one day. See the following interview by UC Berkeley News (Jun 2005): http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/2005/06/17_townes.shtml

2. Recently, I was working on a problem in my Math 127 class. I needed to find some variants of a certain statistical model. I could not get any headway for 1-2 days, and I asked God if He had any ideas. As usual, He gives me a little chuckle! A few hours later, I had an idea to try the Fourier transformations described in class. At first, the transformations looked really clumsy, and the new Fourier coordinates did not factor nicely into one term. So I gave up. A few hours later with no success, while in the bathroom, I decided to try the Fourier idea again. And this time, everything worked out nicely! I told him that the idea did not come like a clear revelation as it did in Budapest, so I don't know if it was really from him or from myself. He told me that He doesn't really care if I choose to attribute the idea to Him or not: it was my own choice. I said I really want to give Him the praise even when I do not understand how He helped me, so I did.

When the homeworked was returned to us, God reminded me of how the professor in the Budapest class had remarked how His solutions were good. He joked that perhaps my professor would also comment on the Fourier solution. I laughed back. And surprisingly, my professor did talk about the Fourier solution in class!

Grand Mathematician

Here is an interesting testimony of some of the miracles that God has been doing in my life, with regards to mathematics. I wrote it for Ps Derek Hong of Church of Our Savior, because he was preparing a sermon on Christians in the marketplace and had heard of my testimony from another friend:

It began in Dec 2002, when I was a freshman at Stanford. I was taking a maths competition called Putnam which university students from all over the US take part in. I was doing question A5 and was thinking about it for a long time but could not get the answer. I realized that God is the Greatest Mathematician in the universe, so I decided to ask Him for help. After some time, when I was looking at a sequence of number, I heard His familiar gentle inner voice telling me "Go forward 4 steps, go back 3." I doubted for a while if that was Him. After some struggle, I decided to give that suggestion a try. When I looked at the sequence by jumping forward 4 numbers and going back another 3, I found a pattern. This pattern allowed me to solve the problem. After the competition, God asked me if I would give Him the glory for His helping me with the questions, and I said I would. When I told my friends about how God helped me with the competition, not many believed me but it was a start. Three months later, I got the results for the competition, and found out that I was ranked 40th in the whole of USA. I was so thrilled.

During my second year at Stanford, I took a really difficult maths class called Modern Algebra which was for graduate students. I spent many nights trying to solve the problems, and it took me a while to remember how God helped me at the Putnam six months before. Again, I asked God to teach me to do the problems. While I did not get any clear words from him about the solutions, there were many times when I would suddenly see the link between different parts of the problem less than 5 minutes after I prayed. At the end of the term, I scored an A for the class. I was so thrilled. God was teaching me that He can help me with my Mathematics in more ways than just speaking the solution to me. He was teaching me that I have to humble myself before Him to ask Him for help, and stop thinking that I was invincible in solving all the problems by myself, but that with His help, indeed we can solve all problems. He also started showing me that since young, He has been the One guiding and teaching me as I grew in my mathematical gifting.

During my third and last year at Stanford, I did a 3-month math exchange programme in Budapest, Hungary. The programme is famous for stretching the students in their problem solving skills. During that term, my mind was not so much on the programme, because I was more worried about trying to graduate that year. I wanted to write a good research thesis to improve my chances of getting into a good PhD programme. But I was so desparate because I did not understand the material the professor gave me, nor did I have any new ideas to work on. Then, God asked me if I would give up my thesis for Him, that I would be contented not writing any thesis at all, or to sacrifice my thesis in the case He wanted me to be more involved in ministry. I struggled for many days before committing my thesis to Him. I reminded Him that He had promised me 1 year back that I would go to Berkeley for PhD. Berkeley is THE top maths school in the US. I complained that if I do not have a thesis, I would not be able to get into Berkeley. He said nothing in reply to my complaint, but I felt a peace that He had everything in His hands. During that term, God told me to take part in the Putnam again. I told Him that Putnam is a self-glorifying competition, and I was too busy with my thesis to take part. He asked me if I thought it is possible to glorify Him instead of myself through the competition, and I said yes. I asked Him if He would once again show me the solutions to the problems as He did 2 years ago. He said that He would rather I work hard practicing for the competition. Thus, I spent all my energy practicing, focussed on glorifying Him with the competition than glorifying myself. I would try my best, and this would glorify Him, even if I did not get 40th again in the competition.

During that time in Budapest, the professor for my combinatorics class gave some really difficult problems. There are two incidents of God's miraculous help. Once, there was this problem I could not solve for days. I gave up on my own strength, and prayed to the Grand Mathematician for help. While I was in the toilet, He spoke loudly to me, "COUNTING". Immediately, I set off to try all sorts of counting proofs but after a few days, I still could not get the anwer. I was doubting if I had heard God wrongly when I suddenly had an idea to look up the chapter on "Counting" in my textbook. And there it was, the first theorem in that chapter, is the problem I am trying to solve. So I just copied the solution. When the professor returned the assignement, he said only one person solved the problem, and that was me. He said it didn't count though, because I had used the solution in the textbook! I was so thrilled, because I realized that not everyone could tell that it was a "Counting" problem. Without His help, I could not have known where to find the answer!

The second time was a few weeks later. Again, I tried to depend on my own strength and gave up trying to solve a another problem. I asked Him to help me again. By now, God had taught me to "Watch". In other words, the answer often does not come immediately but I have to be waiting and watching on Him for it. One day I was walking to school when I saw a sign along the street (see attached picture). I kept staring at the sign and I did not know why. After I reached home and was trying to solve that problem, God asked me what I saw today. I told him about the sign. He asked me if it reminded me of anything. I thought for a while, and thought it looked like a tic-tac-toe board. Suddenly, I remembered that there was a theorem nicknamed the Tic-Tac-Toe Theorem in my textbook ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hales-Jewett_theorem). I applied it to the problem and immediately, the proof came right out of it. I was so thrilled. When the professor returned the assignment, he said that only two people solved the problem. One person solved it the standard way which he had in his official answer sheet. The other person solved it using a new way that was so short and ingenious that he was going to include that in his answer sheet. The second person turned out to be me.

These two incidences and some others convinced me that God was going to see me through my PhD and research career. Meanwhile, I hope that my encounters with God will challenge people to think about His reality and personality, especially in a world where God is relegated to fairy tales, or made to seem like an indifferent and angry dictator. To end my stories above, in Budapest He gave me new ideas for my thesis, allowing me to finish the project. As for the Putnam exam, I solved 9 out of 12 problems. When the results came out three months later, I got 13th place in USA. It was Stanford's best Putnam results since 1981, and Singapore's best Putnam result. When I graduated that year, I was also given a research distinction award by the Stanford maths dept for my thesis work. All this left me in awe with God for His goodness. And yes, I got into Berkeley eventually.

Now that I am in A*STAR, I have had other experiences of God helping me to solve my math problems. He continues to assure me, that in these Last Days, He will pour out even more than these on all His children, that He will bless them with the incredible new discoveries. However, we need to continue to humble ourselves before Him, to allow Him to use us than for us to use Him, to seek intimacy with Him first than to seek the research solutions, and to continually hear His voice in all areas of our lives.

Loving My Weaknesses

After God taught me to do everything out of love, out of the want in my heart, I went through another few weeks of fluctuating experiences. Sometimes, I understood His goodness to such a deep extent that I felt like exploding, and I could not stop praising Him. Sometimes, I felt so dry because I have not been spending as much time as I want with Him. I felt like I had disappointed Him, even though He probably still loved me just as much anyway. He deserved so much more from me. He is already happy with me, but I wanted to be good and perfect, so that He could be even happier. I wanted my Father to be happy.

But on 3rd Apr, I had a breakthough, and I wrote it down in my journal (BOLD represents what I think He is saying to me):

"There are many things I don't know, many ways I am not perfect, many areas I am still weak. But I am strong in my weakness! I will boast of my weakness, because they cause me to depend on Him, who is strong!

MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS. (2 Cor 12)

I am already perfect!! I used to keep thinking that there is one more aspect of me that needs changing. My problem wasn't that area which needs changing. It was my attitude that I always have a weakness, that I am ashamed of my weaknesses. Now, even that attitude isn't a problem anymore! I have no more problems, I'm not ashamed of my weaknesses; rather, I will boast of them, because by them, His power rests on me, and His power makes me perfect. I'm proud of my weaknesses -- my worrying, my temptations, my slowness to understanding complex mathematics. And I'm proud of everyone else's weaknesses; I love them for their weaknesses, for I see the perfection of God in their weaknesses. Everyone is perfect and everyone is lovable because I now love myself: my weak but perfect self.

He is all about Intimacy; because of that, He allows us to be weak so that we will draw near to Him. We will fail but He will not. So what if we fail, if it causes us to draw near to Him?

He is all about Faith; He commended the centurion and the woman with the issue of blood and the woman who asked for crumbs from the table -- for their faith. He commended people first and foremost for their faith. He did not commend the rich young ruler for his good deeds. Why did He favor faith over many other things, including good deeds? Because these people saw their weaknesses, accepted them, and trusted Him to provide the rest.

We find it hard to trust a stranger or an acquaintance to help us in times of need, even if that stranger is good or powerful. We can only sincerely trust with our hearts, a close friend, a brother or a father. Jesus does not expect us to trust him, if we only know him as a stranger or acquaintance or a famous person out of a book. He desires intimacy with us, so that out of that intimacy comes trust and faith. We don't have to be ashamed of ourselves for our lack of faith. If we want more faith, we just need to draw close to Him. Even for that act of drawing close, He will provide the strength and passion to draw close. We only have to ask. When praying for something, faith is not about putting our Hopes in a good outcome. It is about putting our hope in Him. When we do that, no matter what the outcome is, we have won.

So now, we have Faith, Hope and Intimacy (Love). But the greatest of these is Intimacy."

So seek first, Intimacy. Do not veer left or right. Everything else follows.

Loving Myself

The last 3 months has been a very memorable season for me.

Since coming back from Nigeria (mid-January), there has been a great reduction in revelations, miracles and service to others. I struggled with what I believed to be basics: my temptations, my sins, my work, my relationships, my daily disciplines. I thought I was back-sliding. But His voice assured me that I was in the right place. To tell you the truth, I was scared. I have never walked this way before, and my first response to something unfamiliar is that it is wrong. Only He is able to lead me in the right direction. He taught me to focus on His ability to lead me, rather than my ability to follow Him. I remember waiting for the bus late one night, and fears that I was back-sliding started to arise again in me. I spoke to Him, but continually doubted if it was Him I was talking to. He said, "I am in control, I know where you are even though you are not in control and do not know where you are. Trust me! As a sign, the bus will arrive in 5 minutes." I looked at my watch, it was 9:32:30 pm. I closed my eyes and said "I don't want to test you." Actually, I was more afraid of being disappointed. I waited for a long time. The bus did not come. I said, "See, I knew I should not have tested you." I opened my eyes, looked up in the distance and saw the bus coming. I looked at my watch, and was surprised to find it was 9:37:05 pm. Eventually, the bus arrived, stopped and the doors opened. I looked at my watch again, it was 9:37:30 pm. Tears came. "Remember this day," He said, "I am in control."

Here is the word for this season: "Do what you want to do.", He seems to be telling me. If I do not want to do my homework, I should not do it. If I do not want to do my quiet time, I should not do it. If I do not want to help someone, I should not do it. If I do not want to go to church, I should not go. I was scared because these are the things that I thought a Christian needs to do. I cried out to Him for direction, "Tell me to do my quiet time, and I will follow. Tell me to help that person, and I will go!" He responds lovingly, "You don't need to do anything." To me, it was really frustrating. I realized that I wanted to gain His approval by doing what He commands, but He already approves of me. I realized that I do a lot of things out of obligation, rather than out of passion. We need to be driven by passion, because at the end of the day, it is not what we do that matters but how much love we have in our hearts.

Ps 32:8-9 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you."

When I finally decided to follow his advice and "do what I want", I found that I could not. The pharisee in me condemned me for not following the rules of being a proper Christian. Even after I struggled past that pharisee, I looked into my heart and saw emptiness. I did not know what I want at all. I was like a shell: alive on the outside but dead on the inside. One day while driving, I became overwhelmed by the darkness and emptiness, and tears welled up in my eyes. I cried in a loud voice, out of desperation, "Lord, I want to want! Put passion in me, so I can be alive!" I felt a tiny seed shake in my heart. It was awakening. His Spirit filled me. The seed began to grow. That night, I felt for the first time, excited to do my homework. I wanted to learn new things! I was thrilled with the thought of meeting Him in the secret place the next morning, I just wanted to spend time with Him. I loved Him because I wanted to! Wow! It was so awesome! I can love!!

All of my life, I have been suppressing my wants until all of them died. I did that because I do not love myself enough. I used to think that my own wants are selfish and prideful, and that I need to think about what He wants all the time. But He is teaching me to listen to my heart, to see and understand what I really want. He is showing me that He has redeemed my heart, and instead of finding an ugly messy muck in my heart, I found His beauty in who He created me to be. I found that deep inside my heart, all I really want is Him. I have to start doing what I really want, instead of what others want or what my flesh wants. I have to stop trying to do things to gain His approval, because I am redeemed and He already approves of me and is pleased with me.

Sonship Revolution

God is birthing in Berkeley, a revolution in sonship that will sweep out and cover the world. The Bride of Christ will know Intimacy at a level so deep that it is beyond our wildest imaginations!

Dependence

It is becoming increasingly difficult to survive without depending on God and depending on others. Dependence leads to unity.

Friends with God

Thoughts from "The Supernatural Ways of Royalty" by Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson.

Pg. 86, "A willing heart is a prerequisite to moving out of slavery into friendship."

The Lord is calling us to obey Him, not our of religious fear or self-righteousness, but to obey Him (i.e. follow His advice) because we love Him and trust Him. This is true friendship. John 15:14-15.

Spend quiet time with Him because you want to know Him more, not because it is a rule. Quiet time was never a rule, just as you never force a friend at gun-point to have dinner with you.

Genesis 18:23-25 Abrahma intercedes for Sodom.
Exodus 32:7-13 Moses intercedes for Israel after they made a golden calf.
Exodus 33:12-17 Moses asking God not to leave Israel alone.

Intercession can only occur through friendship with God. God allows us to change His mind because we are His friends.

Regarding Exodus 33:12-17,
Pg. 90, "Moses proves his friendship with God when he said, 'If you're not going to the Promised Land, I am not going either!" Moses was saying to God, 'You are more important to me than any vision that I have for my life.' This is a key to building a deeper relationship with the Father. We must want Him more than we want what He does."

Lord, we want you more than we want revival!

The focus is still Love

To the Intimacy Warriors out there:

"As things begin to unfold, do not be intimidated. Rather, continue to be in rooted in intimacy with Me, and receive My love, so that Satan cannot use those channels of reception to influence you."

"Do not be focussed on the work, but on My Love!"

My Apartment

Some people have asked me what my house, my neighborhood and Berkeley is like. Here are some photos:


This is my apartment building, on top of a hill next to the San Francisco Bay.


This is the crazy hill I have to climb every day on my way home. My daily dose of exercise as a busy grad student.


This is the Campanile, or clock tower.The symbol of Berkeley. It can be seen from my apartment because it is really tall!


This is the notorious grey Evans Hall, where the Math department is. Famous for being the second most ugliest building in Berkeley. And we are proud of it! Any guesses for the ugliest building?


From my house, I get a good view of San Francisco city, on a clear day!


And this is my favorite picture! If you stare at the middle, you will see the Golden Gate Bridge (which is red, not gold, in color). To me, the Bridge represents God's plan to usher in a great revival to the Bay Area and California. From here, revival fire spreads to Asia through certain gateways. Singapore is one of these gateways. That is why Singapore is called the Antioch of Asia! And we, the people who live in both Asia and California, are the bridge.