Entering His Rest

Are you down?

I know that when I'm down, the principles I've learnt about God are sometimes my greatest enemy. That I should not worry, because He is greater than my problems. That I should not feel condemned, because He has paid for all my sins. That I should rejoice, and give thanks for all things, and strengthen myself in the Lord. When I'm down and needing God, thinking about these things sometimes makes me feel more guilty and ashamed than before.

It was like that with Jesus in the desert. On the fortieth day, when he was at his weakest, the enemy came and used scripture to tempt him. The truth is that it is not the scriptures or principles which haunt us, but the enemy using these principles out of context to chain us down. Only Holy Spirit can lead us to the truth that will set us free. But this is not the main thing I want to say here.

What I want to say is this. That in our moment of sadness, we only have to remember we can come before Father God, and be completely honest and open with Him about how we are feeling and thinking. That I feel so stupid for what I did. That I feel like a failure. I feel angry and hate somebody. That I'm worried sick and God doesn't seem to care about me. God is not threatened at all by what we say to Him. But His not-being-threatened doesn't mean He doesn't care. In fact, He cares the world about how we feel. He says, "If only you know how much I love you."

He knows what we are trying to say, even if we cannot say it well. One of my favorite ways of unloading on Him is talking gibberish. As babies, we are extremely good at doing that, and as we grow up, we unlearn this spiritual gift. The truth is, we do not even have to say anything if we don't want to. We can just let Him hug us, or hold our hand, or sit next to us, and love on us.

He tells me that I can take my time and not rush. It is not about getting my issues resolved. That the most important thing is entering into the moment with Him. All the problems in the world can wait. All the tasks that need accomplishing, and all the people who need our help, they can wait. We are only called to enter into the moment with Him, and even that, He is the one who will draw us in, not by our own efforts. He knows exactly what we need. This entering-into-the-moment is entering His rest. On the seventh day of creation, God rested. We are still now in that seventh day, and learning how to enter into His rest (Hebrews 4).

Sometimes, we feel very alone in our struggles, because these things don't get preached very much in church. It seems as though everyone else is doing well, conquering and succeeding in their lives. But this is His heart: that He cares more about those who are struggling, than those who are doing well. He will leave ninety-nine sheep to go after one that needs Him (Luke 15:4). If you want to know where the presence of God is, find those who are hurting, and sit with them.

I am tired of pretending that my life is going well. The truth is, I have a lot of struggles in my life, but God always causes His goodness to permeate every situation. Life is hard, but God is gooder.

I want to correct a big misconception in the church, that God ignores our sins. Well, the story is that Jesus has died for our sins, so God doesn't see them anymore. We often say this so that people will feel better for the wrong they have done.

No, God doesn't ignore our sins. He sees every single one of them. He knows what we have done. But you need to know His heart. He sees our sins as symptoms of a child that is hurting. A child greatly in need of love, to be told that he is loved, to be shown in concrete ways that he is important to someone else, that he is of real worth and value, that he was not made by accident, but on purpose and for greatness. God extends that love every time we sin.

People don't need to feel better for the wrong they have done. They need forgiveness. How can they receive forgiveness from a God who doesn't see the sin? God is telling us that He sees the sin, and it needs to be punished, but we are more important to Him than the punishment, so He has someone else take the punishment for us, so that we can receive the love and healing instead. How cool is that! Plus, we are no longer sinners. Our identity as sinners has been replaced by our identity as sons and daughters of a loving passionate Father.

Servants, not masters

Something my pastor said a few weeks ago still rings in my heart:

"Emotions make good servants, but horrible masters."

He was talking about how we cannot let our emotions discourage us from fulfilling our dreams, even though it is important to pay attention to how we feel and to take our emotions seriously.

I realized how much God has redeemed my emotions over the years. I used to be disconnected from my emotions, because I thought they were unproductive, but probably more because I was afraid of being hurt. Then, He reconnected my feelings, like plugging a device into the USB port of a computer. I started to feel extreme sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, excitement and love. I experienced the world around me in new colors. I experienced Him like never before. But emotions can be more powerful than thoughts. I sometimes found myself in depression, and I had to learn to overcome the depression while honoring the validity of my emotions. This is when my spirit, through the strength of God, commanded my emotions to be still.

The same thing happened with my mind. I depended on my mind, then became afraid of it, then was reconnected to it, and finally my mind agreed to be subject to my spirit.

The same was true of my relationships: my friends, my family, my loved ones. My identity used to be built on what others thought of me, then I separated myself from others, then I reconnected and came to honor and enjoy people as creatures of glory. My identity in God is most seen through the way I connect with others around me, because God created us for relationship.

What about finances, prosperity and blessings? And appearances, body and health? How about rules, principles and laws? And most recently, giftings, accomplishments and dreams? They are all created to serve us, but they all make horrible masters. God created them to be subject to our spirit. But our spirit has a choice: to remain his own master, or be willingly subject to his loving Father. This is a choice that no one else can make for him, not even the Father.

I now understand why at the beginning of my journey with God, He asked if I would be intimate with Him. He knew that this was the only foundation on which everything else would be redeemed to me. That He would take me apart and reconstruct the core of who I am. That His love is the only solid thing I can hold on to in the whole process.

But now He stands before me, and I have a choice yet again. I now have ownership of all that was promised to me, and I must choose if I want to continue with Him as a counselor on the side, or as the desire and passion of my heart, using all that I have for this one pursuit of my life. I realize I am hopelessly unable to be intimate with Him, in the full spectrum of what intimacy can be.

BUT HE IS INTIMATE WITH ME! How can I wonder if I need to do more? How can I not be excited, exhilarated, fired up by the adventure that He lays before me? HE WILL ACCOMPLISH IT!

This is my dream, my purpose, my identity: being intimate with Him who is on fire for me. And, with my permission, He will use everything else -- everything He has redeemed in me -- to accomplish it.