Modern Mystics

In the past one week, I've received two emails about two famous modern mystics. Admittedly, the word "mystic" has become tainted with bad connotations in recent times, but to me, it refers to a person who seeks intimacy with God wholeheartedly.


The first is Frank Laubach (1884-1970). He is also called the "Apostles to the Illiterates". You can find a compilation of his letters to his father in "Letters by a Modern Mystic" which speaks of the passion he has for spending time with God.

"This year I have started out trying to live all my waking moments in conscious listening to the inner voice, asking without ceasing, 'What, Father, do you desire said? What, Father, do you desire done this minute?' It is clear that this is exactly what Jesus was doing all day every day. But it is not what His followers have been doing in very large numbers." - F. Laubach

The second is Sundar Singh (1889-1929). I read the amazing story of how Jesus met him and saved him, and the life of love that he lived. Here is the website.

East Coast Park

On Labor Day (1 May), we went to East Coast Park, to roller-blade and bike. Boon Sim was practicing his cycling so that he will be prepared for bike-crazy Stanford.

Trina's Birthday

We celebrated Trina's birthday at the Biz canteen on 20 Apr. She is pretending to have a crush on Cheston, who looks really embarassed!

Man In The Hole

The following was posted on my ex-website on 18 Sep 2004:

I just watched the episode "Noel" of the second season of "The West Wing". It won an Oscar or Emmy or something like that I think. The episode is about Josh, one of the aides to the President.

Josh was shot during an assassination attempt on the President. Fortunately, he survived, but the trauma of the incident continues to come back to haunt him and torment him. Joe, the Chief of Staff at the White House, decides to get a psychologist to help him. Josh was initially very reluctant to undergo the treatment. Eventually, the psychologist succeeded in helping Josh overcome his problems, and Josh is extremely thankful to Joe.

At the end of the episode, Joe recites a story to Josh: a man was stuck in a deep hole, and he cries out for help. Initially, a pedestrain passes by, hears his cry, but writes something on a piece of paper and tosses it into the hole. Later, a priest passes by, hears his cry for help, takes a look at him, but scribbles something on a piece of paper and tosses it to the man. Finally, a friend passes by, sees that the man needs help, and jumped into the hole! Exasperated, the man questions his friend, "Now, how are we going to get out?!" The friend replies, "Just follow me, because I have been here before, and I know the way out."

The story really reminded me of my experience with Jesus. He steps suddenly into my life, and shows me that I am in a deep hole. I try to climb out by myself, but to no avail. Finally, I turn to Him and say, "I can't do this! I am sorry I have disappointed You. I do not deserve your attention or love." He looks into my eyes and replies, "That is the beauty of it all, I am here to help you! I have been here before, and I know the way out."

Some people ask if Christianity is a crutch for the weak. Here is my honest reply: yes, it totally is. Jesus is my crutch, because I have realised that I am too weak to heal myself. I am the patient who comes to the doctor and pleads him to help me, or I will die. I have become totally dependent on Him. Without Him, I will die.

Losing Faith

The following was posted on my ex-website on 28 Feb 2005:

I just read the testimony of a man who was a missionary and a bible translator who became an agnostic. His story can be found on http://www.geocities.com/kenandcharlene/Testimony.htm. I did not read the entire story but I can sense the sadness in him. He struggled a lot with his doubts, and could not find any resolution around them. He did the only thing he could: being honest with himself.

I started thinking a lot about my own faith in God, and I wonder if I have put my beliefs through the same rigorous thought that he had. Does my faith come out of peer pressure, or not wanting to admit that I am wrong, or from brain washing by the church? Or do I have faith because He is the one true God? I asked God what faith is like, and I am reminded of the story of Job. Many people say that the story of Job is a story of faith: about an innocent man who was put through the worst of suffering but put his trust in God. Yet, Job wrestled with doubt. He says, "I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me. You turn on me ruthlessly; with the might of your hand you attack me." (Job 30:20) Why does God torture us with doubt, why does He not just give us faith so that we need not be put through needless pain?

I feel that God is telling me that faith grows stronger with doubt: when we wrestle with doubt, our faith grows stronger. If we want to learn about Peace, He teaches us through Worry. If we want to learn about Love, He teaches us through Apathy or Unforgiveness. If we want to learn about Hope, He teaches us through Despair. In the same way, if we want to learn about Faith, He teaches us through Doubt. I ask God, why must you work through this way? I feel that He asks in return, "Do you know of any other way?"

God has taught me some important lessons about Faith. When I was in Budapest, I lost my debit card, and had to borrow money from my room-mates for a while. I applied by a new debit card but even after one and a half months, the card did not arrive. I was runnning out of money. I got worried, and following advice from my room-mate, I asked my bank to send me a new card by Fed-Ex. One week later, I had a very strong feeling that the card had arrived. I ran up to the mail room in the morning but it was not there. I prayed earnestly, and ran up the mail room again in the afternoon but it was not there. Not discouraged, I went up again at the end of the day and still, it was not there.

I became very disappointed and angry with God. I felt that He has all the power in the world to bring the card to me that day but He did not. I felt that He only wanted to break my faith. After a while, I felt angry with myself. I had fooled myself into thinking that God was telling me the card was here. Perhaps God does not speak to us in such a clear manner. Perhaps God only leads us to do nice things, and nothing more. This is what I recorded in my journal that day:

"You prayed for the card to come with all earnesty. I hear your prayer, and I long to fulfill it for your sake. Yet, for my sake, I draw you closer to me when I allow it not to come to you. Is this intellectual dishonesty on your part, or do you need to trust me more? Have you forgotten of my goodness in your life? Will one hurt deny all other blessings?

You heard me say that it will come today, and when it did not come, your heart was broken. Indeed, how should you look upon this? Does it mean you stop trying to hear me?"

"Lord, I am not afraid to make mistakes. I know that your grace is sufficient for me. Help me to be loving, patient, and faithful.

Do we dare to trust the Lord? Are we more afraid of getting hurt? What if we hear you wrong? What would happen if Jesus felt that He heard you wrong about dying for the sins of Man, and about things to come? Do you trust the Lord more, or do you trust yourself and the world?"

So, I decided that I will not allow this incident to weaken my faith. Rather, I will have faith that because He allowed it to happen, He must have something better in store. He has a better plan for me.

The next morning, I woke up, and again, I felt a really strong feeling that the card was here. In an unsure manner, I plodded into the mail room that morning, and checked, but the card was not there. I reminded myself to be faithful, knowing God has a reason for putting me through this. That afternoon, I checked the mail room again, and INCREDIBLY, THE CARD WAS THERE!!

I praised God all the way home. It was probably my happiest day in 6 months! My faith was strengthened, and God had answered my prayer for a stronger faith.

A few days later, I asked myself if I had been intellectually dishonest with myself: I knew the card was going to come anyday, since Fed-Ex usually takes about a week to deliver packages from the US. Perhaps that was the reason why I had a strong feeling that my card was here. My answer to myself then was this: I can never know - it is a plausible explanation but unless I can go back in time to "cancel" my prayer for the card to arrive, I will never know if the card was there because of Fed-Ex or because of my prayer.

God had a better answer for this question for me. Three weeks after I received my card, a Fed-Ex package came to me. I opened to found my "new" card: the one that I had requested to be sent quickly to me. So the first card was actually the original one that took more than one and a half months to come. There was no way I could have known that this card would come on one of those two days.

That strong feeling had to be from God. Through the incident, He showed me that indeed, He is the perfector of my faith.

Personal Identity

The following was posted on my ex-website on 04 Aug 2004:

A common question people ask themselves at critical turning points in their lives: Who am I? Peter Parker asked himself this question in Spiderman II, because he felt torn between his responsibility as a super-hero, and his own love for MJ. A lot of people come to realize that their passions and feelings and desires play a large part in answering this question. However, some people stop at this point and conclude that to be themselves, they need to follow their passions, feelings and desires. They let these things guide and rule their lives. The problem is that our feelings are often in flux, and it frustrates and confuses us to follow something that changes all the time.

The crux of the problem lies in realizing that we are created beings. If one does not accept this premise, the issue of who we are cannot be resolved. Life will remain a mystery. Suppose we ask a toaster, what is your purpose? The toaster should realize that its purpose is pretty much decided by its creator, and it is only when it fulfills the purpose in which it is created for that it will experience true joy. The toaster that thinks it is a coffee-maker is walking on the path to mechanical failure. In a similar way, we need to ask our Maker what our purpose is. Our Maker has created us with our passions, feelings and desires so that we can fulfill our purpose with joy and hope. That is why following our desires is part of the answer to the question of who we are, but not the full answer. Our feelings can often deceive us (because we have an Enemy that wants to take us away from the Maker) and we need to ask God to continually remind us of our true purpose.

Do we lose our freedom when we submit ourselves to the purpose of our Maker? No, not at all. What is freedom in the first place? We need to realize that freedom is not the state of being controlled by nothing. We are always controlled by something: our feelings, our needs, our loved ones, our society. Freedom is being able to choose who controls you. I would rather choose someone who loves me a lot and knows who I am to control me, and this person is none other than God. God knows exactly what will make us feel satisfied, and only He can give us true joy!

Science and Religion

Below is an essay I wrote as a freshman in Stanford for a writing class. As a young Christian back then, I was still unsure if my faith in God conflicts with my confidence in science. I was surprised to find great agreement between these two major parts of my life.

Science and Religion Essay

Here is a recording of a talk I gave in Stanford:

Science and Religion Talk

Over the years, my understanding about the relationship between Science and Religion has grown deeper. Below are the slides and recording of a talk on Science and Religion I gave at my workplace:

December Science and Religion Talk

Update on 22 Feb 2010:

My campus pastor sent a really interesting article by William Lane Craig on "5 Arguments for God". People who are more philosophically inclined may enjoy this. You can find it at

http://thegospelcoalition.org/publications/cci/five_arguments_for_god/

I have not written on this topic of Science and God for a long time, mainly because I've realized that nobody comes to know God by pure reason. Pure reason can inspire us to find this God, but ultimately it is our experience of Him that convinces us whole-heartedly that He is real. God is love, and nobody can truly know love unless they have experienced love.

However, I find apologetics extremely useful for the believer. We gain a deeper understanding of our Creator and Lover. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all of your soul and all of your strength and all of your mind." Something deep happens when you understand Him logically too. It always amazes me personally that a world-view with God makes a lot more sense than one without. I do not expect others to agree with me on this, but it really does make more sense. I'll write on my thoughts someday. Someday.

Peru

I was in Peru with Sean, Joel, Wenzheng, Xianyi and Jason three weeks ago. Here are some photos from the top of Waynapicchu which is in Machu Picchu.

Intimacy

Children of God,

Are you pursuing intimacy with Jesus
until your flesh cries out
and your heart thirsts for water?
If not,
you do not know what you are missing out on,
the greatest gift God has to give us --
His Heart!

Why worry about signs & wonders,
or salvations,
or blessings in your life?
Do you not know that
the man who is in God
is powerful
and blessed with all earthly
and heavenly riches?
He moves a finger,
and the mountain jumps into the sea!

Seek intimacy with God --
make that your key desire.

Hearing God

[The following talk comes from materials that I have collected over time in my journal, both from what God is telling me, and from sermons and books.]

Hearing God

1. Hearing God is not about "hearing", but about "listening". All of us have been hearing God all our lives. It is just that we often do not recognize that it is God speaking to us, and we always see it as our own thoughts, or other people's thoughts. There are two aspects of listening: one is recognizing, the other is understanding.

2. God speaks to us in a myriad of ways: through sermons, the bible, friends, songs, movies, nature, etc. One other way God speaks to us is through His Voice. There are two types of Voice: the audible voice of God, and God's inner voice speaking to us in our minds. I believe that God wants to speak to us both audibly, and through that inner voice. I have never heard God's audible voice, but I continue to have the faith that one day He will do it. (Note that when God speaks to the people in the Bible audibly, the non-believers often hear it as thunder because they do not understand it.) In this talk, I will share about the inner voice of God.

3. God desires to speak to us through that inner voice. This is the key message of my talk. One of the purposes God has given me is to declare to the whole world that God is dying to talk to all of us! He desires to talk to us much much more than we desire to hear him!

4. Here are some biblical verses which talks about God's desire to speak to us:

Now all the people witnessed the thunderings, the lightning flashes, the sound of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking; and when the people saw it, they trembled and stood afar off. Then they said to Moses, "You speak with us, and we will hear; but let not God speak with us, lest we die." And Moses said to the people, "Do not fear; for God has come to test you, and that His fear may be before you, so that you may not sin." So the people stood afar off, but Moses drew near the thick darkness where God was.

Exodus 20:18-21

The Israelites were afraid to have God speak to them, even though God gave them the invitation. This invitation is still valid today. When we accept the invitation to hear him, a deep respect of who God is will fill us. We start to walk in holiness because we have experienced the person and goodness of God. Like Moses, we need to take a step forward to accept the invitation, because God does not force himself on us. We will find that after we accept the invitation, we don't have to use our effort to hear Him. He will speak to us by His grace, rather than by our works.

Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Deut 30:19-20

If we want to have life, we need to listen to His voice, for He is our life.

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.

John 16:13

The Holy Spirit is the one who speaks to us through the inner voice. He only speaks what He hears from the Father. Here is an experience I had when I was in Budapest in Nov 2004. I was asking Jesus why He doesn't stay back on earth, living forever, and teach us right from His own mouth. That way, we can hear Him clearly and not doubt what He wants us to do. Then, Jesus told me that because He is flesh, He can only be in one place at one time. Whereas the Holy Spirit can be everywhere speaking to everyone at the same time. That is why Jesus says He has to go so that the Holy Spirit can come. In fact, the Holy Spirit and Jesus both speak the exact same words, because both of them hear from the Father. The Holy Spirit desires to teach and speak to us clearly, just as Jesus did. He is a real person, like Jesus. He is our personal companion, with us guiding us and strengthening us wherever we go. We need to interact with Him exactly as if Jesus was standing right next to us! We need to learn how to interact with Him.

"The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice. [...] I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd."

John 10:2-5, 16

Jesus promises us that we, who are His sheep, will recognize his voice! We are as one flock because we all hear His voice.

"The Heavenly Man", Pg 346
Brother Yun says, "My message to the Western Church is to get back to the basics in order to hear again the voice of Jesus speaking to you." Hearing the voice of Jesus, according to Brother Yun, is a basic part of our faith.

5. Paul tells us to eagerly desire the spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy (1 Cor 14:1-5). Prophecy is simply hearing the heart of God and sharing it with others to minister to them. Prophecy is being God's mouthpiece (Exodus 4:16). Prophecy has to start with us learning how to hear God. This applies not just to hearing the inner voice of God, but to all forms of hearing God. What is the primary purpose of prophecy, or even just hearing God? It is to know Jesus more. "The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy." (Rev 19:10)

6. Some people think that the Scriptures are all there is to hearing God. The Bible demonstrates again and again in the Old and New Testaments that God speaks to us outside of the Scriptures (See Paul, Peter, Isaiah, Ezekiel, Daniel, Elijah, etc).

The boy Samuel ministered before the LORD under Eli. In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions. One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the LORD, where the ark of God was. Then the LORD called Samuel. Samuel answered, "Here I am." And he ran to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." But Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down." So he went and lay down. Again the LORD called, "Samuel!" And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." "My son," Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down." Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD: the word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him.

1 Sam 3:1-7

This passage shows us that while Israel had the Scriptures of Moses, the Word of the Lord was rare in their time. It does not mean that the Scriptures were rare. It means that God did not speak much to the people. Samuel was trained in the temple, but the Word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him. Many of us have been attending church: we believe in the Lord and we know a lot about Him. But we need to have the Word of the Lord revealed to us as well.

While God speaks to us outside of Bible, He will never ever EVER contradict His Word in the Bible. Personally, I have often heard God speak something, and later found out that there is a scripture that says exactly that! In fact, hearing God's voice makes us hunger even more for the Bible, so that we can hear His voice even more clearly. The Bible is the only Word of God that is 100% correct because of the anointing that He gave to the authors to pass His word to His people. Other than that, all of us are flawed vessels, and we will always be capable of making mistakes: either wrongly recognizing something not from God as His, or understanding that He said wrongly. That is why we always need to come back to Scripture and Fellowship for discernment.

7. My own experience.

When I first became a Christian, God spoke to me a lot through pop music. Later, I read the Bible more and God starting speaking to me through that too. Also, God used many people around me to speak to me. I thought that I knew all about how God speaks to us.

When I came to Stanford, I spent my first year learning about spending quiet time with Him. In my second year, my thoughts started to say, "This is I (God) talking to you. Do you not recognize it?" I shook it off because I thought it was blasphemous -- to pretend that my thoughts are actually from God. I told God to cast it away if it is not from Him. However, the thoughts came more and more often. One day, I realized that it takes faith to believe that God would speak to me that way. I confessed before God that He was trying to talk to me. Suddenly, the floodgates seem to open, and God starting speaking a lot to be through that inner voice, often telling me things that I know I would never have thought of because they are too wise.

It has been a process of learning to discern (recognize) God's voice, and understanding what He is saying. For instance, there was once I was praying and He said, "India" to me. I thought He wanted me to go to India for a missions trip that December. I tried to buy air tickets but they costed at least US$2500. I emailed many missionary centers but no one replied me. I realized that God was closing doors on me. I thought, "God, why did you tell me something, only to close doors on me?" Then, I thought that perhaps it was not God. But God reaffirmed that it was from Him. I shared that word with my room-mate Joel, and he gave me a book on missions in India. He said that he had read it before, but just when he was packing his bag to come to Stanford, God told him to bring it to Stanford but he didn't know why. So I read that book and found out that what India needs is not more missionaries but more financial help and prayers. I started contributing financially regularly to the India missions field.

The second time was just recently, this January. I was sharing about God wanting to talk to us with a christian friend. We were on bus 95 to Buona Vista, where we will take bus 105 to Orchard and change to bus 143. God told me, "105 will take a long time to come; 143 will arrive on the dot." I was afraid to share this with my friend because I was afraid that it would be wrong. But God gave me the faith. So we were at Buona Vista, and indeed 105 took a long time to come. The, bus 111 came, and my friend suggested we took it. I was not sure, and I thought that the prophecy would now be ruined. But we got on the bus anyway. When we came to Orchard, and walked to the next bus-stop to catch bus 143, bus 143 arrived just when we stepped into the second bus-stop. We were totally amazed. It was a learning experiend for both my friend and I. I learned that God did not say that we would take bus 105. I had recognized God correctly, but understood him wrongly.

8. How do we start hearing God? First, you need to desire it with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength! "Eagerly desire the spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy." Be willing to try and make mistakes because this is how we learn. This is humility.

9. Hearing God is a growing process. Never let yourself reach a place where you say, "I know everything about hearing God."

10. God desires to speak to us every moment of the day. Like what Bingren shared yesterday, it is fun and enjoyable soaking in the presence of God throughout the day. Speak to him when you are enjoying that time, and He will speak to you.

11. Let me end with this invitation to hear God's voice from Rev 3:20

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me."

[See also Does God Speak To Us?]

Why I am a Christian

The following is taken from my website (which is now not available):

I became a Christian on 5 August 2000. After looking through the journal which I kept when I was in Delta Wing, I recount the following story to the best of my ability:

You can't prove that God exists.
I have been an atheist most of my life. I believed strongly that God does not exist, because there was no scientific evidence for it, and because there was no need for God in any of our scientific theories. I was always intrigued by the objectivity and simplicity of math and science: I was convinced that our world was inherently meaningless, and that we could invent systems of meaning using symbolic systems to describe and predict events in our universe.

Arguing with Christians
I used to argue with Christians on their beliefs. It seems that their system of meaning, built on a symbolic system that assumes the existence of a supernatural and all powerful being, was also infallible. Just as science, built on the axioms of relativity and quantum mechanics, was infallible. I didn't like the way Christians put down the Theory of Evolution, and I didn't like the way they put so many restrictions on the things they can and cannot do in life. What I did like was their strong sense of purpose and morality, as well as their love for one another. However, there was no reason for me to change my point of view: I was very comfortable with the way my life was turning out.

Prayer at Harvest Event
Clarence and Ruiwen (from the Student Council) invited me to a Christian event at the National Stadium. A speaker from Argentina was sharing on how God had changed his country and people. There were even some miracle healing at the end of the talk. Just when the helpers were passing round the offering bags amongst the audience, I remarked to Clarence that it seems to me that the speaker was trying to deceive the audience of their money. Brainwashed by the so-called "miracle healings", the audience was tricked into believing in the speaker's supernatural anointing and donated money for fear of God. Clarence and Ruiwen spoke to me calmly, and asked if I thought it possible that God really exists. I replied that it was possible but unlikely. They asked if I would take a moment to imagine that God really exists and pray to Him to reveal Himself to me. Seeing that there was no harm in doing so, I agreed and closed my eyes for a short prayer. When I opened my eyes again, there was no thunder or lightning. There was no sign at all.

A Strange Dream: God says "I exist!"
That prayer was made around June 1999. One year later, when I was in Officer Cadet School, I was sleeping one Sunday night in July 2000 in my bunk. I just returned from a relaxing weekend, and everything was going smoothly in training. That night, I dreamt that I built a wonderful new invention: an escalator that travels to the sky! The invention was ingenious in that the bottom step would break up and reassemble itself on the top of the escalator, hence raising the flight of steps towards the sky. The people on earth were all very proud of me, and they came to the Launch Ceremony to bid me farewell. All of them were extremely happy and excited for me, except for my sister, who appeared as a 5 year old girl in my dream (in real life, she was 18). She seemed sad and was tearing. Now, as the escalator launched off, candy was released from the bottom of the escalator, and everyone scrambled to get their greedy hands on them. Only my sister stood at one side and continued to watch. The escalator climbed towards the sky, and soon, I could not see the earth. I was surrounded by clouds and blue sky. I wanted to reach the heavens to see the moon, the planets and the stars. However, my sense direction then became confused: I did not know where was Up. Like the people on weird staircases in M. C. Esher paintings, I flipped myself onto the other side of the escalator and the escalator changed its direction of movement. After several of such confusing changes, I found myself coming back to Earth. I could not figure out why my invention could not ascend to the heavens. Suddenly, everything blacked out. I knew I was semi-awake. I did not hear any voice, nor see any words, but there was a loud and strong meaning: "I EXIST!" I woke up and found myself in my bunk. I was shivering with cold sweat, and I knew something just spoke to me, and I knew that something was God. The meaning did not tell me that it came from God, but in my heart, I just knew, somehow, that it was from God. I was really scared. Lying in my bed, too afraid to move, I heard voices murmuring around me going, "He's awake! He's awake!" I was so afraid because I knew I was not dreaming anymore, but the voices were still continuing. And I knew that the meaning did not speak to me in my dream, it spoke to me when I was almost awake. Eventually, out of tiredness, I fell asleep again.

Discovering God's Identity
When I woke up the next morning, I did not dare to tell anyone what had happened. Eric Ong was my room-mate then, but I did not tell him about my dream. I sat on my bed, shaken by the events in the night. I closed my eyes and spoke to the God who had given me the meaning: "God, tell me if you are the God of Islam, or of Buddhism, or of Christianity. If you are real, let me know you are real." That Wednesday, Joseph, also from my platoon, came up to me and invited me to go to church with him that Saturday night (5 Aug 2003) It was weird because no one from my platoon has ever invited me to their church. I agreed to go because I wanted to find out more about Christianity. It was as though the Christian God heard my prayer and was beckoning to me.

A Prayer for Jackson
A more miraculous thing happened during Exercise Zebra that Saturday. In Exercise Zebra, we had to execute a platoon attack on a knoll that had communication trenches dug everywhere on it. One of my section-mates, Jackson, was rushing up the hill in the final assault, and he accidentally fell into a trench. His chest hit the concrete side of the trench, and he was in a lot of pain. He could not breath, and he thought he was going to die. At this point of time, I was at the side of the hill while I watched all the instructors rush to him. I closed my eyes and did my first serious prayer: "God, if you are real, please help Jackson, protect him from harm and let no bones be hurt in him. If he is hurt, may be recover quickly so that he can resume with his training soon." So Jackson was rushed to the hospital where the doctors inspected his injury. Two hours later, he returned to the platoon safe and sound. "What happened?", we asked him. He told us that the doctor thought that he had broken a few ribs, but when they took an X-ray, they realized the everything was okay. Furthermore, there was no cut or bruises on him. He still felt a bit sore, but other than that everything was fine. I was so excited and happy for him. I told some people about my prayer for him, but no one believed me.

A Prophet Speaks on Dreams and Visions
After Ex Zebra, we booked out, and I followed Joseph to church. That day, a prophet was visiting the church (Faith Community Baptist Church at Marine Parade). He spoke about the book of Revelations and the end times, and how young men and women would have dreams and visions during those days (Acts 2:16-17). I was so shocked that he was talking about dreams and visions; it was as though he knew what I was going through then. My heart pounded wildly, wondering if it was just another coincidence. The events of Ex. Zebra that morning had already shaken my mind and my spirit. When it came to the time for the alter call, the pastor asked those who felt the need to know Jesus Christ to step forward so that they can be prayed for. There was such a strong tugging on my heart that I responded to his call, and asked Jesus to step into my life. I prayed that the Lord would teach me more about Himself.

Discovering God's Character
Two days later, when we booked in again on Monday night (7 Aug 2003), my platoon-mate Adrian came to me and said that his girlfriend Carolyn bought a book for me. At that time, I did not know Carolyn at all, and she did not know who I was. However, Carolyn had heard from Adrian that on some occasions, I had attended the platoon Christian fellowship (back then, they used to get together to talk about the problems they experienced during training, and to sing worship songs). Adrian explained that Carolyn and him were walking down Orchard Road on Saturday when they passed by a Christian bookstore. She suddenly felt a strong urge to buy a book for me. The book was "Questions of Life: a beginner's guide to the Christian Faith" by Nicky Gumbel. I was shaken by Adrian's story, because the book answered my prayer to know more about Jesus. Could it still be a coincidence? Even then, I did not dare to tell Adrian or anyone else about my dream.

My Sister's Prayer for my Conversion
About two weeks later, I decided to tell my sister about my dream. I had been afraid to share because my family was Taoist and I knew my parent would object to my being a Christian. I told my sister how I felt she had a role to pay in my conversion because she was different from everyone else in the dream: she was sad. She gave me a surprised look, was silent for a while before she told me how about one week before my dream, she went to a church with a friend, and there (even though she wasn't a Christian), she prayed that I would be converted. Today, I am still very amazed and thankful to my sister for her prayer.

The Lord's Grace and Love
I thank the Lord for His grace in revealing Himself to me. I was such a wretched and rotten person, yet He was willing to bring me into His Kingdom. He was changed me in so many ways since July 2000. I am so glad I have seen the true light instead of still being kept in the dark, bounded by my reluctance to accept new ideas due to my strong intellectualism. Sometimes, I ask Him what the significance of the escalator in the dream was. He told me that the escalator represent how I try to reach Him or disprove Him using logic. However, just as the escalator failed to reach the heavens, so will my logical attempts. In my philosophical debates, I would be lost and confused, always coming back to square one. What I really needed was a step of Faith. He revealed that all my life, this issue of Faith is something which I would constantly be struggling with on many new and deeper levels. But He assured me that He would be there with me every step of the way. Because He loves me.

Let Your Glory Fall

Father of creation, unfold your sovereign plan
Raise up a chosen generation
That will march through the land
All of creation is longing
For your unveiling of power
Would you release your anointing
Oh God let this be the hour

Let your glory fall in this room
Let it go forth from here to the nations
Let your fragrance rest in this place
As we gather to seek your face

Ruler of the nations the world has yet to see
The full release of your promise
The church in victory
Turn to us Lord and touch us
Make us strong in your might
Overcome our weakness
That we could stand up and fight

Let your kingdom come
Let your will be done
Let us see on earth
The glory of your son

Does God speak to us?

Here is a response I gave to my friend blog on God speaking to us:

This is a really interesting topic! I like your entry on "Does God only speak to Christians?" I believe that He speaks to everyone, though being a Bible-believing Christian helps because the Bible tells us that God speaks to us.

I like to use the analogy of a phone call. Have you ever noticed that when your friend calls on the phone (let us assume you do not have Caller-ID), you will recognize his voice even if he does not tell you who he is? Being able to recognize someone's voice comes with a relationship. Having a relationship with God -- praying to Him, telling Him our problems, listening to Him respond to our problems, trusting Him in our difficult times -- all these help us to hear His voice better day by day.

Just as your friend can write emails, or send pictures, or talk to you over the phone, or meet you face to face, I believe God can speak to us through all these avenues too! Through emails (His Bible), through pictures (dreams and visions), through phone conversations (His voice in our head, or audible voice), or face to face (Moses' encounter with the Lord, seeing only His back). When I first began as a Christian, I was amazed how God spoke to me through pop music: the lyrics would answer the questions I had. Then, God started speaking to me through the words in the Bible. At that time, I thought I knew all about how God speaks to us. At that time, I found it funny that people like Daniel, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Moses heard God spoke to them, with a voice. I thought perhaps God doesn't do that anymore. Yet, I could not find any scripture to prove this.

After being Christian for three years, I started to question the voices I heard in my head: what if the voice is not my own, but God's? So I asked the voice, Are you God or just a figment of my imagination? Surprisingly, the voice spoke back and said that He is God. Still, I thought I was hallucinating. I wrestled over this issue for months, and the voice continued to teach me that He is God, not myself. He taught me to have conversations with Him. He asked me if I thought the wisdom that was in the voice is from myself, or from someone outside of myself. He also warned me that there are many times when the voice is indeed not Himself, but my own voice, or the voice of evil. He taught me that in order to discern His voice more, to separate His voice from other voices, I have to read the Bible more. The Bible is a record of His Confirmed Words: i.e. there is no doubt the Bible is His voice. When I read more of the Bible, I will learn what His voice sounds like.

One day, I gave in, and confessed that I could not ignore the voice any longer. I confessed that the voice is God's own voice. Since then, my new commitment to this caused exponential growth in my ability to hear His voice. I have seen some people claim that such a thing is heretic: it lessens the importance of the Bible as God's Word. I disagree. Since accepting His voice, I gained a deep hunger to read more of the Bible. God says that He desires to speak to us clearly and directly, through the Bible, through friends, through the church, through pictures, through songs, and even through our thoughts, the voice in our head. "Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy." 1 Cor 14:1

The more love, for God and for His people, we have in our hearts, the clearer we hear His voice, and the more love we gain in the process as well. Learning to hear God's voice is a life-long process: now we can only hear in part, but when we see Him at the end of time, we will hear clearly (1 Cor 13:9). We must always bear in mind that because of our sinful nature, we often do not hear God 100% correctly. We should always test what we hear with scripture and with others (1 Cor 14:29).

Hearing God's voice is pure joy! Imagine what our Quiet Times will become with His voice guiding us! "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened."

Dude, who made the car?

Science discovers how the world works, pretty much like a mechanic investigating how a car works. In science, we do not invoke God in explaining our theories, just as a mechanic does not investigate who designed the car in the first place.

Yet, such questions about who created our world can be an important one.

We need find an answer for ourselves, whether this world has a Maker in the first place, and if it has one, who is this Maker. We should not leave the question unanswered because of our bias in how we think this world should operate: e.g. believing that this world should operate in a completely random and deterministic manner. Some people go through their lives without questioning their beliefs.

If we believe that this world operates in a random fashion, without a God, the question is: what are our reasons for believing this? Similarly, if we believe that this world has a God, what are our reasons for believing this? Contrary to popular belief, Faith goes hand in hand with Reason.

When I was an atheist, my reason for believing there is no God is this: because I do not see any evidence of His existence. I have heard stories of miracles, but I have never witnessed one in my life. It seems to me that all the miracle stories are made up by over-zealous Christians or other religious people. Many times, these people believe their own made-up stories!

Many events have occurred in my life since God revealed Himself to me. To me, the evidence of God is now undeniable. When I look back on my life, I realize that I was not approaching the question of God's existence in a fair manner. I had often rejected people's experiences or historical texts like the bible as false. I never investigated these accounts in a scientific manner, which is to reject them only when I find evidence of falsity. I rejected them because I had a bias: I believed that there could be no God. Instead, I was finding evidence to support my belief. "Evolution", "Dinosaurs", "Big Bang", "Science says so": these were some of the evidence which I collected against the Bible. And the best part was that I had never read or studied the text which I attacked so much.

As a science researcher, it excites me to learn new things about how our world works. It amazes me even more now, that all the beauty and symmetry in the laws of physics and in mathematics I had admired since young -- all this beauty is there because we have a wise, smart and creative God. This is one of the reasons why I love science so much: because I know that God has so much more in store for us to discover in His wonderful creation!

Science and Religion

I finally recorded my talk on Science and Religion! I gave the talk to some colleagues here at my worksplace on 1 Dec, and we had some really interesting discussion after that. Thanks to my brudder Joel, you can access the presentation file and voice recording at this website:

http://www.stanford.edu/~joelgoh/shaowei/talk/

Here is a short gist of what I spoke about:

1. Science vs Religion

Three major arguments by Science against Religion:

• To understand our world, there is no need for a "God hypothesis".
• We cannot observe God, so God cannot be real.
• Evolution and Big Bang has proven that God does not exist.

We will discover that these arguments are true to a large extent (which is why they are so convincing), and will uncover some deep unexpected questions as well.

2. If God exists, how are we supposed to find Him?

We discover that the Greeks who lived 2000 years ago wondered about the same question, and a man named Paul had some answers for them.

What's with God and worship?!

I got the following dialogue about worship from my Stanford campus pastor, Glen Davis. As usual, Glen invents an incredibly witty and funny way of explaining difficult concepts. He is one guy I really respect for being truly intellectually honest about faith! Hope you enjoy the following as much as I did!

Q: Does God need us?
A: No. God did not create us because he was lonely or lacking in anything. He had perfect community within the trinity before creating anything.

Q: I thought maybe he fed on our worship or something.
A: No. You've been playing too much Dungeons & Dragons.

Q: Then why did God create?
A: For the same reason that an artist paints or a singer sings. For the joy of it.

Q: So why should God care whether we worship him or not?
A: Because God is love.

Q: You didn't answer my question. What does that have to do with worship?
A: Yes I did, I just didn't unpack it. Here's how it goes: love is to desire good for someone else. God is the ultimate good and so he desires Himself for us.

Q: That sounds fishy. How is worshiping God good for us?
A: Let's hit it from a different angle - God's highest value is God. That's not arrogance--that's a simple realization of truth. God understands that He is greater than any thing in the universe (or indeed the whole universe put together), both from a standpoint of raw power and from a standpoint of moral perfection. If God were not intelligent enough to understand his own greatness and not truth-loving enough to admit it he would be a very poor God indeed. In fact, to not recognize his own perfection would be evidence of horrendous imperfection.

This is where we come in. When we don't acknowledge God's greatness and give due honor to his perfection (which is another way of describing worship), we reveal our horrendous imperfection. Moreover, we begin to build our lives on false assumptions--assumptions that are dangerous. We begin to ignore the existence of a real and binding moral code external to ourselves, and so we take immoral actions and reap painful consequences. Ultimately, we reap the final consequence and are consigned to eternity apart from God (a fate more horrendous that we can conceive of, for we are not truly separated from him now).

Because God loves us, He doesn't want that fate for us.

Q: Saying how not worshiping is bad is not the same thing as saying how worshiping is good.
A: True enough. The flip side of the coin is that God wants to help us overcome our horrendous imperfection. He wants us to become morally admirable, even as he is. We have to at least admire moral perfection to make any progress towards it. There are other ingredients, but not admiring or desiring moral perfection will certainly stymie progress.

To admire it is to admire God, which returns us to the idea of worship.

Q: Perhaps. What does that have to do with evangelism?
A: Everything--we aspire to moral perfection (or at least sustained moral improvement) and so we desire to become more like God. God wants people to worship him and so we desire the same thing for much the same reasons.

Q: Much the same reasons? What reasons are different for us?
A: An additional motive for us is the desire to bring God pleasure.

Q: Not only do I have to worship him but I have to make him happy as well? How neurotic is this guy?
A: You miss the point. First, we don't have to worship him. We have a choice, and the choice (like all choices) has consequences. We either understand the nature of reality accurately or we do not. Upon understanding it, we either act congruently or we do not.

Second, we don't have to make him happy. But what else can you get for the guy who has everything? Bringing him pleasure is about all that we can offer.

Q: Why should I care whether or not I offer him anything?
A: Let's see--gratitude for being created, gratitude for being forgiven, gratitude for giving us help in our journey towards being like him, and that whole love thing.

Q: That whole love thing?
A: Yeah. We ought to love him because love is moral. Loving him means we want what's best for him. Bringing him pleasure is undeniably better than bringing him pain.

Q: But why doesn't that motivate me?
A: That brings us back to the whole horrendous imperfection thing...

God of Debugging

I want to share an amazing story from my friend, Sieweng, who works here at I2R with me. I meet her every morning on the bus to work, and we would chat about many things. One day, we talked about prayer: that it is about having a conversation with God. I told her that we have a God who desires to help us in all our problems.

Sieweng is writing a program for one of her research work. She has spent a lot of time debugging the complex program. About two weeks ago, she got really frustrated over a particular bug, so she asked her God to help her. That Sunday night (13 Nov '05), she had a dream. In the dream, she solved the bug and was extremely happy. When she woke up, she tried to remember the solution but could not. She felt a little upset, but she was encouraged by the dream to work at the program again.

So that faithful Monday morning, she studied the bug. She had an idea to view the problem from a different perspective, and tried it out. Suddenly, the program worked! She felt so happy that the next morning on the bus, she was still beaming about it when she told me about her marvelous encounter with God.

To others, it may all seem like a coincidence. But many of us who have been touched by God in a similar way know how it feels. You know deep in your heart that it did not happen by chance.

Overcomer

That is one word which God spoke clearly into me, since last year when I was in Budapest. Another word that God spoke clearly of is warrior . It seems at first to me, that perhaps God was telling me about my future, that I would have to endure and overcome the troubles of some sort, or that I would be a mighty warrior of God extending His kingdom here with the rest of His army of saints.

Then, I realized that God was using the words to tell me more about my existing circumstances: the problems I had adjusting to life in Budapest, the weak relationship I had with my family which He wanted to strengthen, the stress over applying for graduate school. God wanted me to overcome those problems. Even if I fell down again and again, He just wanted me to pick myself up again and again. He wanted me to never give up.

A few months later, I was especially encouraged when I read Revelations. In Jesus' words to the seven churchs, he always ended of by encouraging those who overcome.

"To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God." Rev 2:7

"He who overcomes will not be hurt by the second death." Rev 2:11

"To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it." Rev 2:17

"To him who overcomes and does my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations, ..., just as I have receuived authority from my Father. I will also give him the morning star." Rev 2:26

"He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels." Rev 3:5

"Him who overcomes, I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will he leave it. I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on him my new name." Rev 3:12

"To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne." Rev 3:21

What was encouraging was that Jesus didn't say, "To him who accomplishes many things". He said that we only have to remain faithful to Him, never giving up. Recently, I was reading "Day of the Saints" by Bill Hamon, and the author talked about exactly the same things! He described how as saints, we are overcomers and warriors in the Lord! The book touched my heart deeply in a way only God can. This is why I chose to write this here in my blog.

God gave me a word two weeks ago: "I desire to work through my people - not through those who do not fall, but through those who fall and always pick themselves up again." The Bible is full of stories about people who fell and picked themselves up again to be used by God: Moses who killed someone, Joseph who was thrown in jail, David who killed a man for his wife, Peter who denied the Lord, Paul who persecuted the Christians. God is an expert in helping people to their feet, if they would allow him to do it and not depend on their own strengths.

Worship: A Conversation

When I first became a Christian, I always looked forward to worship at my church (FCBC) every week! I loved how I felt during worship: the joy, the love, the peace, the beauty, the overwhelming revelations of His Being & His Kingdom!

Later, I heard a message on how worship is not an experience. A lot of people go to worship to experience the music, or the happiness. But after that, they forget everything and return to their normal lives, living for themselves and not for the Lord. You can tell this is the attitude of the people when they say things like this: "Today's worship was really good! I felt really good at the end of it."

I think the message really woke me up to the true meaning of worship: that worship is what we are offering up to the Lord, and not what He is giving to us. In worship, we are trying to please God, and not about waiting for a wonderful experience from Him.

Then, after that, I felt guilty whenever I step into a worship session expecting a wonderful experience. I would focus my mind on giving my praise to Him: "You are good! You are Holy!" Yet, the words felt meaningless, because I did not say them with conviction.

Recently, I brought my guitar to my office in I2R, and starting practicing on it just as Joel had taught me. Sometimes, worship in the prayer closet, is even deeper and more beautiful than in church. I am not saying personal worship is better, because the Lord is greatly blessed when He sees His people coming together in love before Him. But He also desires worship that is deep, that is not distracted by thinking of what others think, that is in Spirit and in Truth.

Worship in the prayer closet taught me that just as "we love because He first loved us", we cannot worship Him unless He aids us. Worship is like a love conversation:

"God, I want to worship You."

"Then, let Me help you. Do you know of My great love for you?"

"Yes, I do, but I don't know enough. What I know is only a grain in Your ocean of love for me."

"You are right, that is why worship will carry on to eternity, as you receive surpassingly great revelations of that love, forever. My Spirit will reveal these things to you, for you cannot know them by your own."

"Then Lord, fill me with Your Spirit, so that Your Spirit may speak Truth to me, that I may worship You in Spirit and in Truth."

"My Spirit is free, you cannot earn it by your own deeds or righteousness. Yet, My Spirit comes with a deep price. That price was paid by Me, on the cross. I died, so that you can worship Me, as you do now. For the right and ability to worship is the greatest blessing I can give to you. You will desire it and enjoy it for eternity."

Oh, that when we worship, we will not stick to the words of a song! That the songs may guide us into Truth, but the songs are not the worship! Worship is a conversation, an experience by both the Lover and the loved! If we do not experience Him, how can we worship Him? Yes, there will be times in the desert when we do not feel Him, yet we will continue to worship Him with whatever left we have, just as Job did. However, the Lord desires that we experience Him in worship: the experience should not be the focus, but it should also not be neglected.

When looking back at some of the worship conversations I have with God, I find it interesting that when I remove God's parts, it sounds like some worship song to me. I realized that many worship songs were written as part of some spiritual conversation with the Lord, and we need to hear the Lord for the words between the lines!

I am still thankful for the message I heard about worship: that it is not about the gift (worship experience) but about the Giver. It has helped me to gain a deeper understanding of what worship truly means, and I can now come to worship at church, not just expecting a gift, but also prepared to give one!

Just Ask Him

Ever sat down in your prayer closet, and didn't feel like praying at all? That happens to me pretty often. Even though prayer always leaves me filled and joyful, somehow I still feel the reluctance when I sit down to pray. I always try to start by focusing my mind on Him, or by reading some Bible verses, or singing some worship songs. These methods often fail.

One method that always works is this: Just ask Him. Just ask Him to calm your nerves, so that you will not keep thinking of all the tasks that need your attention that day. Just ask Him to show you His love so that you will be filled with love for Him. Just ask Him to teach you more about Him, so that you may grow wiser and know His will for the day. Just ask Him. And wait.

The problem is that my mind cannot comprehend why this works. Even though I know that He is able to do all things, I keep depending on my own strength or effort to come to Him - I use my own effort to focus on Him, to read His word, to worship Him. I am learning more and more that by myself, it is impossible.

Perhaps this is why Paul says: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." in Phil 4:6-7.

This verse really spoke to me when recently, I felt overwhelmed by the amount of work required of me for the upcoming Japan and Iran trips. On top of that, I had quite a bit of research and reading to catch up on. Then, there was the Spook Show: I was worried that my friends would not enjoy themselves that evening. One method that always works in relieving me of stress is to write all my worries down. I did that. I felt worse. I had a lot more work back when I was in OCS HQ, but I never felt the same kind of stress. I felt useless.

So I did the only thing I could: I asked Him for help. I didn't know what this help would be. He should know better. For a while, I waited and nothing happened. Then, Paul's words came to mind: "Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." Wow, it is PURE JOY! Pure, like gold or silver! Isn't that amazing, that I can experience pure joy through my trials. Paul has often written on joy, but seldom has he talked of joy that is PURE. I saw that my problems were a testing of my faith. I saw that in my weakness, I have to learn to depend on God. Woo hoo! More glory to Him! More victory! More miracles! More wisdom! More joy! How awesome! How exciting this adventure will be!

I still don't understand how it works: just asking God. I think I subconsciously still feel that by asking God, I am just reminding myself to think about what the Bible says about my problem. Yet, the solution comes out of the blue, from God's heavenly realm into my mind. I can't explain it, I am not exaggerating. Perhaps that's why it is so beautiful : )