I just read the testimony of a man who was a missionary and a bible translator who became an agnostic. His story can be found on http://www.geocities.com/kenandcharlene/Testimony.htm. I did not read the entire story but I can sense the sadness in him. He struggled a lot with his doubts, and could not find any resolution around them. He did the only thing he could: being honest with himself.
I started thinking a lot about my own faith in God, and I wonder if I have put my beliefs through the same rigorous thought that he had. Does my faith come out of peer pressure, or not wanting to admit that I am wrong, or from brain washing by the church? Or do I have faith because He is the one true God? I asked God what faith is like, and I am reminded of the story of Job. Many people say that the story of Job is a story of faith: about an innocent man who was put through the worst of suffering but put his trust in God. Yet, Job wrestled with doubt. He says, "I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me. You turn on me ruthlessly; with the might of your hand you attack me." (Job 30:20) Why does God torture us with doubt, why does He not just give us faith so that we need not be put through needless pain?
I feel that God is telling me that faith grows stronger with doubt: when we wrestle with doubt, our faith grows stronger. If we want to learn about Peace, He teaches us through Worry. If we want to learn about Love, He teaches us through Apathy or Unforgiveness. If we want to learn about Hope, He teaches us through Despair. In the same way, if we want to learn about Faith, He teaches us through Doubt. I ask God, why must you work through this way? I feel that He asks in return, "Do you know of any other way?"
God has taught me some important lessons about Faith. When I was in Budapest, I lost my debit card, and had to borrow money from my room-mates for a while. I applied by a new debit card but even after one and a half months, the card did not arrive. I was runnning out of money. I got worried, and following advice from my room-mate, I asked my bank to send me a new card by Fed-Ex. One week later, I had a very strong feeling that the card had arrived. I ran up to the mail room in the morning but it was not there. I prayed earnestly, and ran up the mail room again in the afternoon but it was not there. Not discouraged, I went up again at the end of the day and still, it was not there.
I became very disappointed and angry with God. I felt that He has all the power in the world to bring the card to me that day but He did not. I felt that He only wanted to break my faith. After a while, I felt angry with myself. I had fooled myself into thinking that God was telling me the card was here. Perhaps God does not speak to us in such a clear manner. Perhaps God only leads us to do nice things, and nothing more. This is what I recorded in my journal that day:
"You prayed for the card to come with all earnesty. I hear your prayer, and I long to fulfill it for your sake. Yet, for my sake, I draw you closer to me when I allow it not to come to you. Is this intellectual dishonesty on your part, or do you need to trust me more? Have you forgotten of my goodness in your life? Will one hurt deny all other blessings?So, I decided that I will not allow this incident to weaken my faith. Rather, I will have faith that because He allowed it to happen, He must have something better in store. He has a better plan for me.
You heard me say that it will come today, and when it did not come, your heart was broken. Indeed, how should you look upon this? Does it mean you stop trying to hear me?"
"Lord, I am not afraid to make mistakes. I know that your grace is sufficient for me. Help me to be loving, patient, and faithful.
Do we dare to trust the Lord? Are we more afraid of getting hurt? What if we hear you wrong? What would happen if Jesus felt that He heard you wrong about dying for the sins of Man, and about things to come? Do you trust the Lord more, or do you trust yourself and the world?"
The next morning, I woke up, and again, I felt a really strong feeling that the card was here. In an unsure manner, I plodded into the mail room that morning, and checked, but the card was not there. I reminded myself to be faithful, knowing God has a reason for putting me through this. That afternoon, I checked the mail room again, and INCREDIBLY, THE CARD WAS THERE!!
I praised God all the way home. It was probably my happiest day in 6 months! My faith was strengthened, and God had answered my prayer for a stronger faith.
A few days later, I asked myself if I had been intellectually dishonest with myself: I knew the card was going to come anyday, since Fed-Ex usually takes about a week to deliver packages from the US. Perhaps that was the reason why I had a strong feeling that my card was here. My answer to myself then was this: I can never know - it is a plausible explanation but unless I can go back in time to "cancel" my prayer for the card to arrive, I will never know if the card was there because of Fed-Ex or because of my prayer.
God had a better answer for this question for me. Three weeks after I received my card, a Fed-Ex package came to me. I opened to found my "new" card: the one that I had requested to be sent quickly to me. So the first card was actually the original one that took more than one and a half months to come. There was no way I could have known that this card would come on one of those two days.
That strong feeling had to be from God. Through the incident, He showed me that indeed, He is the perfector of my faith.
3 comments:
indeed shaowei there are many times when i have these feelings that my prayers are answered and they are. sometimes i could be waiting for a job application and god tells me i've got the job. the next day i called the national library and they say they are currently having interviews. but yet i have to wait for my application form cos apparently they couldn't find it. and have to get back to me.
for god so loved the world that he gave his only son.
The following article is from http://www.rbc.org/bible_study/answers_to_tough_questions/answers/30841.aspx, which I thought is very relevant to this posting!:
Isn't it a sign of deficient faith when a sick Christian isn't healed or a Christian isn't delivered from danger?
It would be a serious mistake to imply that deficient faith accounts for all instances in which a person does not receive healing or deliverance.
It's true that Scripture tells of people who were healed or delivered from danger because of their faith. Some examples are Gideon ( Judges 7:15-23 ); Naaman the Syrian ( 2 Kings 5:14-15 ); Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego ( Daniel 3:19-29 ); the centurion's servant ( Matthew 8:13 ); the woman with an issue of blood ( Matthew 9:20-22 ); the man with a withered hand ( Matthew 12:9-13 ); and Peter's deliverance from prison ( Acts 12:5-12 ). Even this partial list is impressive.
Clearly, faith in God may result in healing and deliverance. However, the Scriptures also show us just as clearly that there are times when a believer's suffering or sickness has nothing to do with a lack of faith.
When Job lost his family, wealth, and physical health, his friends "comforted" him with the message that his loss and suffering were due to his own moral failure (his lack of faith). But Job was confident in his integrity before God. God Himself had declared him perfect and upright ( Job 1:8 ). Later, God Himself denied the explanation that Job's "counselors" gave for his suffering ( Job 13:1-15 ). Even more importantly, God Himself denounced their words ( Job 42:7-8 ).
Job's faith wasn't the problem. In fact, Job's faith in God was so strong that he, without cursing or disrespect, defended his integrity to God and questioned Him about the injustice of his suffering. Yet, in the midst of his agony, he continued to trust:
Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him. He also shall be my salvation, for a hypocrite could not come before Him (Job 13:15-16).
For I know that my Redeemer lives, and He shall stand at last on the earth; and after my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. How my heart yearns within me! (Job 19:25-27).
Job's faith was eventually rewarded and vindicated. But he wasn't spared the terrible suffering that allowed his faith to be tested and proven.
Even at a time when miracles often occurred, God allowed Stephen to be stoned ( Acts 7:59-60 ) and James to be beheaded. Although Acts 12 tells of Peter's supernatural deliverance from captivity in prison, Jesus had already prophesied that he would eventually die a martyr's death ( John 21:17-19 ), as (according to tradition) did all of the other disciples except John.
In 2 Corinthians 11:23-30 Paul eloquently described the suffering and trials from which he hadn't been delivered. He also suffered from a particular "thorn in the flesh" ( 2 Corinthians 12:7, 10 ) for which God had not provided a remedy. When Timothy suffered from a stomach ailment, Paul didn't exhort him to have greater faith. Instead he told him to take some wine as medicine ( 1 Timothy 5:23 ). There isn't the slightest hint in these passages that Paul's trials and Timothy's sickness were the product of unconfessed sin or deficient faith. In fact, rather than proclaiming that our faith in Christ should deliver us from the suffering and trials of this world, Paul extols the spiritual benefits of suffering.
We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance [produces] character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us (Romans 5:3-5).
James also made it clear that strong faith is no insurance against suffering:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:2-4).
On the basis of Scripture, we can say that faith is always relevant to suffering. Our reaction to suffering -- whether in faith or in despair -- determines whether it will produce spiritual growth or despair. But because spiritual healing is more important to us than our physical circumstances, faith is not a barrier against suffering.
Whenever we are inclined to presume that the illness or suffering of another person is the result of that person's sin, we should recall the foolishness of Job's "counselors" in attempting to explain the mystery of God's will. Although faith won't always deliver us from tribulation, it will keep us conscious of God's promises and of the assurance that He will work everything out to good of His children ( Romans 8:28 ).
Dan Vander Lugt
This is Ken Daniels, author of the article you referenced at http://geocities.com/kenandcharlene/Testimony.htm. Thanks for posting the link. Geocities (the site that hosts my online story) is going away on October 26, 2009. This is just to let you know the new home for my story is http://kwdaniels.com/story/DanielsStory.htm. My homepage is now http://kwdaniels.com.
Thanks,
Ken
Post a Comment