Passion, not obligation

I'm reading the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. If you haven't seen it, please do! It's awesome :)

I love what it says about compliance. There are many people who have difficulty saying "no" to things that hurt them (I don't just mean drugs). For instance, when asked for a favor, even if they do not have the time or energy to do it, they will say yes because "it is sacrificial love."

This kind of boundary conflict is called compliance. Compliant people have fuzzy and indistinct boundaries; they "melt" into the demands and needs of other people. They can't stand alone, distinct from people who want something from them. Compliants, for example, pretend to like the same restaurants and movies their friends do "just to get along." They minimize their differences with others so as not to rock the boat. Compliants are chameleons. After a while, it's hard to distinguish them from their environment.

So, what's the deal with this? There will be times for sacrificial love. How is that distinct from compliance? The difference is on the inside.

Biblical compliance needs to be distinguished from this kind of compliance. Mathew 9:13 says that God desires "compassion, not sacrifice" (NASB). In other words, God wants us to be compliant from the inside out (compassionate), not compliant on the outside and resentful on the inside (sacrificial). Compliants take on too many responsibilities and set too few boundaries, not by choice, but because they are afraid.

Love casts out all fear. Sacrificial love is a love that invokes a sacrifice, not a sacrifice pretending to be love. We desire to be passionate lovers. We need to find true desires deep inside of us, those which God created in us, and to respect and pursue those desires. We need a deeper work, and only God can do that.