Steps of Faith

I want to keep this entry simple. It is about how He loves us, and how much we can trust Him.

Recently, I have been going through a really hard time. I could feel a lot of lies hitting me from all directions. I could feel myself slipping away from Him. I was losing control of my life. I felt depressed and desperate. I felt like I messed up big time. I felt stupid, worthless, hopeless.

One morning, I was so desperate, I got down on my knees and cried out to Papa. I said, "Father, I messed up big time, I do not deserve to come before you. But I really need you. I need you. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me." That's all I could say for a long time.

But then He comes, with tears of compassion in His eyes, and whispers "Hold on, My son. Trust me. You can trust me." I went through the rest of the day holding on to those two words, "Trust me." It kept me going, gave me courage so I wouldn't give up.

That evening, I played a song "Selah" that a friend sent me. In that moment, I felt pure joy fill my heart. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced. I felt all my worries, burdens melt away. I saw all the lies and the fear flee. I was so overwhelmed by His goodness. Most of all, I was so glad I trusted Him. Before, it felt like I had faith, and now, I had Faith. It was Faith that comes from him, not from myself. It felt so solid, so real, something I could lean on, something I could depend my life on.

I understood in that moment, two very basic things about the Kingdom of God. The first is His grace, how there is such an abundance of it! We can always come back to Him no matter how much we felt we messed up. Even if we can't hear His voice. This is such a basic principle! I felt like God wrote this onto my heart.

The second is trusting Him. Oh, how worthy He is of our trust! The Kingdom advances by our trust in Him, not by our efforts. It is such pure joy to trust in Him, even in our darkest hours, and see Him come through!

AND HE WILL COME THROUGH!

I saw how He advances our faith one step at a time. Our current faith leads us back to His feet in our times of desperation, and what we experience there propels us to the next step. From glory to glory!

I'm not through the valley of the shadow of death yet. But He gave me a glimpse of the end of the tunnel. I have the faith and the hope to finish the race.

Grace, and Trust. These are cornerstones of His kingdom. Lord, let me never ever forget that. And we will always come back to them, again and again and again.