God is not afraid of my fears. He is not limited by them, challenged by them, unhappy or disappointed with me because of them. He looks at me, has full faith in me and believes in me, even if I do not believe in myself. He knows what I am capable of, and has no doubt that I will fulfill my destiny. He is fully confident of His child. He is happy with me.
There is only one reality, and God sees that reality. Any other reality is inferior. Why should I choose any reality other than the one that God sees?
"The dogs of doom stand at the doors of destiny." Their purpose is to strike fear in us, because they themselves are fearful of what we will become. But fear cannot stop us. He who is with us is greater. Be strong and courageous, because you are.
You are awesome, whether you believe it or not. You really are.
I want to tell you about a friend of mine. He is the best friend I have ever, ever had. He knows how I think, how I feel, what makes me tick, what makes me excited. He knows how to cheer me up, how to make me laugh. He's silly, funny and crazy. His lame jokes, I can never get sick of them. He likes to jump off ski slopes, splash into lakes, and sprint in the forest. Then, he taunts me, but I always catch up with him. I'm not too bad myself :P
We have a favorite spot. Its on a grassy cliff, overseeing the Great Ocean. The cool winds whistle through our grimey hair as we hang our muddy tired legs over the edge. And we just sit there, we don't have to say a word to each other. The sun shines upon us, the warmth penetrating into our hearts. There is nothing else we need in the world. Nothing at all.
Today, he said something that hit me deep. He said bluntly, "You were created for one thing, to be my companion. And I'm glad you're in my life." I smiled and patted him on the shoulders. He has done so much for me, more than I will ever for him. But I love this raw genuine directness of his. He is untamed, unchained, uninhibited, free to explore, free to create, free to fly.
I saw the adventure that lay before us. The world is our canvas, eagerly awaiting our expression. And we get to do this together. There is nothing holding us back.
We are not responsible for making sure our dreams happen, but we're responsible for owning our dreams, to say that we want it not because others want it, but that we want it because we want it. (This last part comes from the movie "Secretariat".)
Nobody likes pain, but when you love and desire something with all your heart, it overcomes everything, even death. Love casts out all fear.
And trials only serve to show us how much we want something. If you don't want something very much, then to you, its not worth perservering for the prize. So trials do not show you whether you are a weak or a strong person. Trials reveal to us what really matters to us.
"Logicomix" uncovered deeper reasons behind my past atheism. Indeed, logic and reason gave me a systematic way to purify my life of disappointments, and I believed that it would free the world of its problems as well. Meanwhile, scientific and political history proved that Religion has caused nothing but problems. I convinced myself to steer far from the idea of God.
After God revealed himself to me in a dream, I could no longer deny His existence. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. Yet, I started to feel ashamed of my mind, because following my mind had led me away from Him most of my life. This shame was subconscious to me: though I felt it deep in my soul, I was not aware that it was there. I started studying Science and Religion (apologetics), to prevent my mind from returning to that place of godlessness. I also contemplated leaving mathematics, because it made me feel ashamed every time I engaged in it, and I could not understand this emotion at all.
I now understand why 7 years ago, God told me let go of apologetics, and to come deeper with Him. He told me, "Let's spend the next 40 days studying something new." I asked, "What should we study?" He replied, "Intimacy." Those were some of the best days of my life. After the 40 days, I was rocked. Drunk. Undone. I told him, "I don't want this season to end!" He said, "Oh, it won't. This season is going to last forever."
God flooded me with revelations upon revelations over the years, and I changed as a person, in my depths, in my core. I was satisfied beyond measure. His truths and principles got deeper and higher and stronger and wider. God is love, God is good, I am loved, I am amazing... I learnt each of these in powerful tear-filled seasons of my life. But I was afraid to forget or lose those revelations, because they were the reason for my new freedom. I wanted to know God at His core so that I would never ever be shaken again.
After reading about Godel's Incompleteness Theorem, it finally hit me. No powerful system of principles (logical or spiritual) will ever be complete. God will never be contained a box made of principles. For twenty years I tried to protect my life with logical principles, and for another ten years, I tried to protect it with spiritual ones. I looked Him in His eyes tearfully, as the sand castle I was building crumbled in my hands. I was vulnerable, out-of-control, defenseless. In my weakness, He held me close and hugged me tightly. "It has always been about the Person," he whispered, "about you, about me, about us, about our relationship. I will never let you go, even if you let me go. I will use everything to woo you. Everything." When he said that, I realized that this was why He used principles and revelations to lead me. I was being transformed by the renewing of my mind.
In that moment, I realized that there wasn't a war between Principles and Person, but Principles had always served the Person. The Person is fluid and living, yet having and using principles in a strong and powerful way, like water that is simple and structured but is able to move mountains and give life to everything. I realized that God has given me a powerful mind for amazing reasons: to know Him, to experience Him, to understand Him. To learn, to shift, to create my future and the world around me. It is a weapon with immense potential. That my mind was created by Him for goodness, it can never lead me astray. The enemy can try to use it for his gain, but God is my shield, my fortress. I embraced my mind fully for the first time. All the shame evaporated. I stepped fully into my identity. I am starting to dream again! I love loving God with all of my mind!
Religion occurs when we try to make Persons serve the Principles. Religion does not need a god-head to be religious. A good example is that of Nazism during World War II. Their principles under the pretense of logic gave them a reason to conquer and terminate other people. Similarly, any form of Christianity which forces people to believe in something or to guilt-trip them into doing something, under the pretense of spirituality, is also religion. God has never forced me to believe in Him. He doesn't need to. It has always been an invitation, a gentle yet passionate pursuit of love.
