Servants, not masters

Something my pastor said a few weeks ago still rings in my heart:

"Emotions make good servants, but horrible masters."

He was talking about how we cannot let our emotions discourage us from fulfilling our dreams, even though it is important to pay attention to how we feel and to take our emotions seriously.

I realized how much God has redeemed my emotions over the years. I used to be disconnected from my emotions, because I thought they were unproductive, but probably more because I was afraid of being hurt. Then, He reconnected my feelings, like plugging a device into the USB port of a computer. I started to feel extreme sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, excitement and love. I experienced the world around me in new colors. I experienced Him like never before. But emotions can be more powerful than thoughts. I sometimes found myself in depression, and I had to learn to overcome the depression while honoring the validity of my emotions. This is when my spirit, through the strength of God, commanded my emotions to be still.

The same thing happened with my mind. I depended on my mind, then became afraid of it, then was reconnected to it, and finally my mind agreed to be subject to my spirit.

The same was true of my relationships: my friends, my family, my loved ones. My identity used to be built on what others thought of me, then I separated myself from others, then I reconnected and came to honor and enjoy people as creatures of glory. My identity in God is most seen through the way I connect with others around me, because God created us for relationship.

What about finances, prosperity and blessings? And appearances, body and health? How about rules, principles and laws? And most recently, giftings, accomplishments and dreams? They are all created to serve us, but they all make horrible masters. God created them to be subject to our spirit. But our spirit has a choice: to remain his own master, or be willingly subject to his loving Father. This is a choice that no one else can make for him, not even the Father.

I now understand why at the beginning of my journey with God, He asked if I would be intimate with Him. He knew that this was the only foundation on which everything else would be redeemed to me. That He would take me apart and reconstruct the core of who I am. That His love is the only solid thing I can hold on to in the whole process.

But now He stands before me, and I have a choice yet again. I now have ownership of all that was promised to me, and I must choose if I want to continue with Him as a counselor on the side, or as the desire and passion of my heart, using all that I have for this one pursuit of my life. I realize I am hopelessly unable to be intimate with Him, in the full spectrum of what intimacy can be.

BUT HE IS INTIMATE WITH ME! How can I wonder if I need to do more? How can I not be excited, exhilarated, fired up by the adventure that He lays before me? HE WILL ACCOMPLISH IT!

This is my dream, my purpose, my identity: being intimate with Him who is on fire for me. And, with my permission, He will use everything else -- everything He has redeemed in me -- to accomplish it.