Worship: A Conversation

When I first became a Christian, I always looked forward to worship at my church (FCBC) every week! I loved how I felt during worship: the joy, the love, the peace, the beauty, the overwhelming revelations of His Being & His Kingdom!

Later, I heard a message on how worship is not an experience. A lot of people go to worship to experience the music, or the happiness. But after that, they forget everything and return to their normal lives, living for themselves and not for the Lord. You can tell this is the attitude of the people when they say things like this: "Today's worship was really good! I felt really good at the end of it."

I think the message really woke me up to the true meaning of worship: that worship is what we are offering up to the Lord, and not what He is giving to us. In worship, we are trying to please God, and not about waiting for a wonderful experience from Him.

Then, after that, I felt guilty whenever I step into a worship session expecting a wonderful experience. I would focus my mind on giving my praise to Him: "You are good! You are Holy!" Yet, the words felt meaningless, because I did not say them with conviction.

Recently, I brought my guitar to my office in I2R, and starting practicing on it just as Joel had taught me. Sometimes, worship in the prayer closet, is even deeper and more beautiful than in church. I am not saying personal worship is better, because the Lord is greatly blessed when He sees His people coming together in love before Him. But He also desires worship that is deep, that is not distracted by thinking of what others think, that is in Spirit and in Truth.

Worship in the prayer closet taught me that just as "we love because He first loved us", we cannot worship Him unless He aids us. Worship is like a love conversation:

"God, I want to worship You."

"Then, let Me help you. Do you know of My great love for you?"

"Yes, I do, but I don't know enough. What I know is only a grain in Your ocean of love for me."

"You are right, that is why worship will carry on to eternity, as you receive surpassingly great revelations of that love, forever. My Spirit will reveal these things to you, for you cannot know them by your own."

"Then Lord, fill me with Your Spirit, so that Your Spirit may speak Truth to me, that I may worship You in Spirit and in Truth."

"My Spirit is free, you cannot earn it by your own deeds or righteousness. Yet, My Spirit comes with a deep price. That price was paid by Me, on the cross. I died, so that you can worship Me, as you do now. For the right and ability to worship is the greatest blessing I can give to you. You will desire it and enjoy it for eternity."

Oh, that when we worship, we will not stick to the words of a song! That the songs may guide us into Truth, but the songs are not the worship! Worship is a conversation, an experience by both the Lover and the loved! If we do not experience Him, how can we worship Him? Yes, there will be times in the desert when we do not feel Him, yet we will continue to worship Him with whatever left we have, just as Job did. However, the Lord desires that we experience Him in worship: the experience should not be the focus, but it should also not be neglected.

When looking back at some of the worship conversations I have with God, I find it interesting that when I remove God's parts, it sounds like some worship song to me. I realized that many worship songs were written as part of some spiritual conversation with the Lord, and we need to hear the Lord for the words between the lines!

I am still thankful for the message I heard about worship: that it is not about the gift (worship experience) but about the Giver. It has helped me to gain a deeper understanding of what worship truly means, and I can now come to worship at church, not just expecting a gift, but also prepared to give one!

Just Ask Him

Ever sat down in your prayer closet, and didn't feel like praying at all? That happens to me pretty often. Even though prayer always leaves me filled and joyful, somehow I still feel the reluctance when I sit down to pray. I always try to start by focusing my mind on Him, or by reading some Bible verses, or singing some worship songs. These methods often fail.

One method that always works is this: Just ask Him. Just ask Him to calm your nerves, so that you will not keep thinking of all the tasks that need your attention that day. Just ask Him to show you His love so that you will be filled with love for Him. Just ask Him to teach you more about Him, so that you may grow wiser and know His will for the day. Just ask Him. And wait.

The problem is that my mind cannot comprehend why this works. Even though I know that He is able to do all things, I keep depending on my own strength or effort to come to Him - I use my own effort to focus on Him, to read His word, to worship Him. I am learning more and more that by myself, it is impossible.

Perhaps this is why Paul says: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." in Phil 4:6-7.

This verse really spoke to me when recently, I felt overwhelmed by the amount of work required of me for the upcoming Japan and Iran trips. On top of that, I had quite a bit of research and reading to catch up on. Then, there was the Spook Show: I was worried that my friends would not enjoy themselves that evening. One method that always works in relieving me of stress is to write all my worries down. I did that. I felt worse. I had a lot more work back when I was in OCS HQ, but I never felt the same kind of stress. I felt useless.

So I did the only thing I could: I asked Him for help. I didn't know what this help would be. He should know better. For a while, I waited and nothing happened. Then, Paul's words came to mind: "Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." Wow, it is PURE JOY! Pure, like gold or silver! Isn't that amazing, that I can experience pure joy through my trials. Paul has often written on joy, but seldom has he talked of joy that is PURE. I saw that my problems were a testing of my faith. I saw that in my weakness, I have to learn to depend on God. Woo hoo! More glory to Him! More victory! More miracles! More wisdom! More joy! How awesome! How exciting this adventure will be!

I still don't understand how it works: just asking God. I think I subconsciously still feel that by asking God, I am just reminding myself to think about what the Bible says about my problem. Yet, the solution comes out of the blue, from God's heavenly realm into my mind. I can't explain it, I am not exaggerating. Perhaps that's why it is so beautiful : )

Worship in Spirit and Truth

I read the following from "The Call" by Rick Joyner. Here, Rick just fell into a deep sleep, and is caught up to the Heavenly realms where he witnessed these things. Hope it will bless your heart as much as it did mine. From Page 203:

"I saw the Father. Millions and millions were attending Him. His glory is so great and the power of His presence so awesome that I fel that the whole earth would not have even measured as a grain of sand before Him. When I had once heard His audible voice, I felt like an atom standing before the sun, but when I saw Him, I knew that the sun was like an atom before Him. The galaxies were like curtains around Him. His robe was composed of millions and millions of living stars. Everything in His presence was living -- His throne, His crown, His scepter. I knew I could dwell before Him forever and never cease to marvel; there was no higher purpose in the universe than to worship Him.

Then the Father became intent on one thing. All of heaven seemed to stop and watch. He was beholding the cross. The Son's love for His Father which He continued to express through all the pain and darkness then coming upon Him touched the Father so deeply that He began to quake. When He did, heaven and earth quaked. When the Father closed His eyes, heaven and earth grew dark. The emotion of the Father was so great that I did not think I could have survived if I had beheld this scene for more than the brief moment that I did.

Then I was in a different place, beholding a worship service in a little church building. As sometimes happens in a prophetic experience, I just seemed to know everything about everyone in the battered little room. All were experiencing severe trials in their lives, but they were not even thinking of them here. They were all trying to compose songs of thanksgiving to the Lord. They were happy, and their joy was sincere.

I saw heaven, and all of heaven weeping. I then saw the Father again and knew why heaven was weeping. They were weeping because of the tears in the eyes of the Father. This little group of seemingly beaten down, struggling people had moved God so deeply that He wept. They were not tears of pain, but of joy. When I saw the love that He felt for these few worshippers, I could not contain my own tears.

Nothing I had experienced gripped me more than this scene. Worshipping the Lord on earth was not more desirable to me than dwelling in all of the glory of heaven. I knew that I had been given a message that could help prepare the saints for the battles that remained on earth, but now this did not mean nearly as much to me as trying to convey how we could touch the Father. Genuine adoration expressed by even the most humble believer on earth could cause all of heaven to rejoice, but even more than that, it touches the Father. This is why the angels would rather be given charge over a single believer on the earth than to be given authority over many galaxies of stars.

I saw Jesus standing next to the Father. Beholding the joy of the Father as He watched the little prayer meeting, He turned to me and said, "This is why I went to the cross. Giving My Father joy for just one moment would have been worth it all. Your worship can cause Him joy every day. Your worship when you are in the midst of difficulties touches Him even more than all of the worship of heaven. Here, where His glory is seen, the angels cannot help but to worship. When you worship without seeing His glory in the midst of your trails, that is worship in Spirit and in truth. The Father seeks such to be His worshippers. Do not waste your trials. Worship the Father, not for what you will receive, but to bring Him joy. You will never be stronger than when you bring Him joy, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."

Prayer by Faith

I just started reading "Why Revival Tarries" by Leonard Ravenhill. I thought it was interesting and important how the author mentions prayer in the first few chapters of the book. So today, I asked God what it means to "pray by faith".

First, He told me to hold out my hand in front of me, and keep my eyes closed. He told me to see my hand with the eyes of my heart. Even though I could not see my hand with my physical eyes, I knew that my hand was right in front of me.

God asked me why I knew my hand was right in front of me. I replied that because I had willed it to go there, and I knew that I had the strength in my arm to bring it there. "Those are the key words," He noted, "Will and Strength".

To pray is to ask to know the will of the Lord. When we pray knowing the Will of the Lord, we pray with confidence that He who wills it will also bring it to pass. We also pray because we have confidence that He has to Strength to bring it to pass. Our prayer is an expression of our trust in His Will and His Strength.

We do not see the fulfilment of the prayer with our physical eyes, yet God wants to teach us to see it with the eyes of our heart. With confidence, we know that it is fulfilled, just as I was confident that my hand was in front of me. This faith is important, because without faith, it is impossible to please God.

How to do know if something is the will of the Lord? Put it on the altar, and ask the Lord to burn away anything that is not of Him. He will reveal to you what remains, and if He does not reveal, He will show us what we need to learn or overcome in order to see it with our heart.

Dental Surgery

I went for a dental surgery yesterday, to have a piece of my bone moved from the chin to my gums. Before the surgery, I was totally at peace, feeling no stress at all. God told me that He would be with me throughout. It was only when I was wearing my surgery clothes that I started to fear the pain. He, in all honesty, told me that there would be pain, but His grace would be sufficient for me to bear it.

Indeed, there was a point in the operation when they were drilling the bone out of my chin, and they could not loosen it so they used a chisel. The pain struck straight to my bone. In that moment, God shouted out, "TRUST ME!". I gripped my hands and thought, "God, save me!" His peace filled me, and He told me, it would soon be over.

After the operation, I realised why He said, "TRUST ME!". I was not to trust in my own courage (which I had none), nor was I to trust in the dentists. Yet, God was guiding the hands of the dentists, He is the real one who was doing the operation. That's why I should trust Him. Only He can give me peace.

I was also reminded during the surgery, how it was like surgery on our hearts. God did not promise us no pain. In fact, He warns us of it, and tells us to count the cost. Without surgery, there can be no healing and no change. We need to Trust in Him, our master Surgeon. His grace is sufficient for the enduring of our pains.

The Final Quest

I am reading this awesome book by Rick Joyner called "The Final Quest". It is about the visions that God gave him with regards to the Last Days, and God's calling for us to stand firm in Jesus, seeking after Him with all that we have. At first, I was apprehensive about the truthfulness of his visions, but God showed me that even if I was very sure that the visions were from Him, I should still test everything it says with discernment.

As Rick Joyner himself mentions, just because there is a danger that prophecy can be misused, it does not mean that we should avoid or ignore it. It is a gift given by God for our encouragement, comfort, and edification (building up). Never, however, should prophecy be given the same certainty as the Sciptures. We should test everything we hear by coming before Jesus for wisdom.

I have not regretted reading it. It really challenges me to live up to the ideals that Jesus calls us to. It really challenges me to reconsider the realness of the spiritual realm over our physical world. It really challenges me to have a new sense of urgency.

"The Final Quest" is the first in a series of three books about Rick Joyner's visions, which includes "The Call", and "The Sword and The Torch". I thank Cynthia for first encouraging me to read his books, and Shih Yang for kindly lending them to me.

Introduction

Hi everyone, I decided to start blogging in order to share some of the thoughts which are shaping and changing me as a person. Perhaps, it would be appropriate to begin by sharing about how I came to be a believer in Christ Jesus. Below is a link to the testimony on my website:

http://www.stanford.edu/~swlin/projects/church/testimony.htm