Friends with God

Thoughts from "The Supernatural Ways of Royalty" by Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson.

Pg. 86, "A willing heart is a prerequisite to moving out of slavery into friendship."

The Lord is calling us to obey Him, not our of religious fear or self-righteousness, but to obey Him (i.e. follow His advice) because we love Him and trust Him. This is true friendship. John 15:14-15.

Spend quiet time with Him because you want to know Him more, not because it is a rule. Quiet time was never a rule, just as you never force a friend at gun-point to have dinner with you.

Genesis 18:23-25 Abrahma intercedes for Sodom.
Exodus 32:7-13 Moses intercedes for Israel after they made a golden calf.
Exodus 33:12-17 Moses asking God not to leave Israel alone.

Intercession can only occur through friendship with God. God allows us to change His mind because we are His friends.

Regarding Exodus 33:12-17,
Pg. 90, "Moses proves his friendship with God when he said, 'If you're not going to the Promised Land, I am not going either!" Moses was saying to God, 'You are more important to me than any vision that I have for my life.' This is a key to building a deeper relationship with the Father. We must want Him more than we want what He does."

Lord, we want you more than we want revival!

The focus is still Love

To the Intimacy Warriors out there:

"As things begin to unfold, do not be intimidated. Rather, continue to be in rooted in intimacy with Me, and receive My love, so that Satan cannot use those channels of reception to influence you."

"Do not be focussed on the work, but on My Love!"

My Apartment

Some people have asked me what my house, my neighborhood and Berkeley is like. Here are some photos:


This is my apartment building, on top of a hill next to the San Francisco Bay.


This is the crazy hill I have to climb every day on my way home. My daily dose of exercise as a busy grad student.


This is the Campanile, or clock tower.The symbol of Berkeley. It can be seen from my apartment because it is really tall!


This is the notorious grey Evans Hall, where the Math department is. Famous for being the second most ugliest building in Berkeley. And we are proud of it! Any guesses for the ugliest building?


From my house, I get a good view of San Francisco city, on a clear day!


And this is my favorite picture! If you stare at the middle, you will see the Golden Gate Bridge (which is red, not gold, in color). To me, the Bridge represents God's plan to usher in a great revival to the Bay Area and California. From here, revival fire spreads to Asia through certain gateways. Singapore is one of these gateways. That is why Singapore is called the Antioch of Asia! And we, the people who live in both Asia and California, are the bridge.

Love knows no Boundaries

"When you are trying to act out in love, and you hit a wall..."

(e.g. fear that your loving words will not be accepted, fear of people who are not like you and will not accept you, fear that you have done nothing to bless that person)

"... if only you can see what I am seeing in the spiritual: the confrontation of light with darkness, the battle that rages in the hearts of men!"

"Satan knows that love is invincible and love is unashamed of all things; that love drives out all fear and has the power to transform lives."

"He does all things to try to prevent authentic love from being expressed -- love that comes from the Father."

Love knows no boundaries! Nothing can stop the expression of love and the power of love!

Modern Mystics

In the past one week, I've received two emails about two famous modern mystics. Admittedly, the word "mystic" has become tainted with bad connotations in recent times, but to me, it refers to a person who seeks intimacy with God wholeheartedly.


The first is Frank Laubach (1884-1970). He is also called the "Apostles to the Illiterates". You can find a compilation of his letters to his father in "Letters by a Modern Mystic" which speaks of the passion he has for spending time with God.

"This year I have started out trying to live all my waking moments in conscious listening to the inner voice, asking without ceasing, 'What, Father, do you desire said? What, Father, do you desire done this minute?' It is clear that this is exactly what Jesus was doing all day every day. But it is not what His followers have been doing in very large numbers." - F. Laubach

The second is Sundar Singh (1889-1929). I read the amazing story of how Jesus met him and saved him, and the life of love that he lived. Here is the website.

East Coast Park

On Labor Day (1 May), we went to East Coast Park, to roller-blade and bike. Boon Sim was practicing his cycling so that he will be prepared for bike-crazy Stanford.

Trina's Birthday

We celebrated Trina's birthday at the Biz canteen on 20 Apr. She is pretending to have a crush on Cheston, who looks really embarassed!

Man In The Hole

The following was posted on my ex-website on 18 Sep 2004:

I just watched the episode "Noel" of the second season of "The West Wing". It won an Oscar or Emmy or something like that I think. The episode is about Josh, one of the aides to the President.

Josh was shot during an assassination attempt on the President. Fortunately, he survived, but the trauma of the incident continues to come back to haunt him and torment him. Joe, the Chief of Staff at the White House, decides to get a psychologist to help him. Josh was initially very reluctant to undergo the treatment. Eventually, the psychologist succeeded in helping Josh overcome his problems, and Josh is extremely thankful to Joe.

At the end of the episode, Joe recites a story to Josh: a man was stuck in a deep hole, and he cries out for help. Initially, a pedestrain passes by, hears his cry, but writes something on a piece of paper and tosses it into the hole. Later, a priest passes by, hears his cry for help, takes a look at him, but scribbles something on a piece of paper and tosses it to the man. Finally, a friend passes by, sees that the man needs help, and jumped into the hole! Exasperated, the man questions his friend, "Now, how are we going to get out?!" The friend replies, "Just follow me, because I have been here before, and I know the way out."

The story really reminded me of my experience with Jesus. He steps suddenly into my life, and shows me that I am in a deep hole. I try to climb out by myself, but to no avail. Finally, I turn to Him and say, "I can't do this! I am sorry I have disappointed You. I do not deserve your attention or love." He looks into my eyes and replies, "That is the beauty of it all, I am here to help you! I have been here before, and I know the way out."

Some people ask if Christianity is a crutch for the weak. Here is my honest reply: yes, it totally is. Jesus is my crutch, because I have realised that I am too weak to heal myself. I am the patient who comes to the doctor and pleads him to help me, or I will die. I have become totally dependent on Him. Without Him, I will die.

Losing Faith

The following was posted on my ex-website on 28 Feb 2005:

I just read the testimony of a man who was a missionary and a bible translator who became an agnostic. His story can be found on http://www.geocities.com/kenandcharlene/Testimony.htm. I did not read the entire story but I can sense the sadness in him. He struggled a lot with his doubts, and could not find any resolution around them. He did the only thing he could: being honest with himself.

I started thinking a lot about my own faith in God, and I wonder if I have put my beliefs through the same rigorous thought that he had. Does my faith come out of peer pressure, or not wanting to admit that I am wrong, or from brain washing by the church? Or do I have faith because He is the one true God? I asked God what faith is like, and I am reminded of the story of Job. Many people say that the story of Job is a story of faith: about an innocent man who was put through the worst of suffering but put his trust in God. Yet, Job wrestled with doubt. He says, "I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me. You turn on me ruthlessly; with the might of your hand you attack me." (Job 30:20) Why does God torture us with doubt, why does He not just give us faith so that we need not be put through needless pain?

I feel that God is telling me that faith grows stronger with doubt: when we wrestle with doubt, our faith grows stronger. If we want to learn about Peace, He teaches us through Worry. If we want to learn about Love, He teaches us through Apathy or Unforgiveness. If we want to learn about Hope, He teaches us through Despair. In the same way, if we want to learn about Faith, He teaches us through Doubt. I ask God, why must you work through this way? I feel that He asks in return, "Do you know of any other way?"

God has taught me some important lessons about Faith. When I was in Budapest, I lost my debit card, and had to borrow money from my room-mates for a while. I applied by a new debit card but even after one and a half months, the card did not arrive. I was runnning out of money. I got worried, and following advice from my room-mate, I asked my bank to send me a new card by Fed-Ex. One week later, I had a very strong feeling that the card had arrived. I ran up to the mail room in the morning but it was not there. I prayed earnestly, and ran up the mail room again in the afternoon but it was not there. Not discouraged, I went up again at the end of the day and still, it was not there.

I became very disappointed and angry with God. I felt that He has all the power in the world to bring the card to me that day but He did not. I felt that He only wanted to break my faith. After a while, I felt angry with myself. I had fooled myself into thinking that God was telling me the card was here. Perhaps God does not speak to us in such a clear manner. Perhaps God only leads us to do nice things, and nothing more. This is what I recorded in my journal that day:

"You prayed for the card to come with all earnesty. I hear your prayer, and I long to fulfill it for your sake. Yet, for my sake, I draw you closer to me when I allow it not to come to you. Is this intellectual dishonesty on your part, or do you need to trust me more? Have you forgotten of my goodness in your life? Will one hurt deny all other blessings?

You heard me say that it will come today, and when it did not come, your heart was broken. Indeed, how should you look upon this? Does it mean you stop trying to hear me?"

"Lord, I am not afraid to make mistakes. I know that your grace is sufficient for me. Help me to be loving, patient, and faithful.

Do we dare to trust the Lord? Are we more afraid of getting hurt? What if we hear you wrong? What would happen if Jesus felt that He heard you wrong about dying for the sins of Man, and about things to come? Do you trust the Lord more, or do you trust yourself and the world?"

So, I decided that I will not allow this incident to weaken my faith. Rather, I will have faith that because He allowed it to happen, He must have something better in store. He has a better plan for me.

The next morning, I woke up, and again, I felt a really strong feeling that the card was here. In an unsure manner, I plodded into the mail room that morning, and checked, but the card was not there. I reminded myself to be faithful, knowing God has a reason for putting me through this. That afternoon, I checked the mail room again, and INCREDIBLY, THE CARD WAS THERE!!

I praised God all the way home. It was probably my happiest day in 6 months! My faith was strengthened, and God had answered my prayer for a stronger faith.

A few days later, I asked myself if I had been intellectually dishonest with myself: I knew the card was going to come anyday, since Fed-Ex usually takes about a week to deliver packages from the US. Perhaps that was the reason why I had a strong feeling that my card was here. My answer to myself then was this: I can never know - it is a plausible explanation but unless I can go back in time to "cancel" my prayer for the card to arrive, I will never know if the card was there because of Fed-Ex or because of my prayer.

God had a better answer for this question for me. Three weeks after I received my card, a Fed-Ex package came to me. I opened to found my "new" card: the one that I had requested to be sent quickly to me. So the first card was actually the original one that took more than one and a half months to come. There was no way I could have known that this card would come on one of those two days.

That strong feeling had to be from God. Through the incident, He showed me that indeed, He is the perfector of my faith.

Personal Identity

The following was posted on my ex-website on 04 Aug 2004:

A common question people ask themselves at critical turning points in their lives: Who am I? Peter Parker asked himself this question in Spiderman II, because he felt torn between his responsibility as a super-hero, and his own love for MJ. A lot of people come to realize that their passions and feelings and desires play a large part in answering this question. However, some people stop at this point and conclude that to be themselves, they need to follow their passions, feelings and desires. They let these things guide and rule their lives. The problem is that our feelings are often in flux, and it frustrates and confuses us to follow something that changes all the time.

The crux of the problem lies in realizing that we are created beings. If one does not accept this premise, the issue of who we are cannot be resolved. Life will remain a mystery. Suppose we ask a toaster, what is your purpose? The toaster should realize that its purpose is pretty much decided by its creator, and it is only when it fulfills the purpose in which it is created for that it will experience true joy. The toaster that thinks it is a coffee-maker is walking on the path to mechanical failure. In a similar way, we need to ask our Maker what our purpose is. Our Maker has created us with our passions, feelings and desires so that we can fulfill our purpose with joy and hope. That is why following our desires is part of the answer to the question of who we are, but not the full answer. Our feelings can often deceive us (because we have an Enemy that wants to take us away from the Maker) and we need to ask God to continually remind us of our true purpose.

Do we lose our freedom when we submit ourselves to the purpose of our Maker? No, not at all. What is freedom in the first place? We need to realize that freedom is not the state of being controlled by nothing. We are always controlled by something: our feelings, our needs, our loved ones, our society. Freedom is being able to choose who controls you. I would rather choose someone who loves me a lot and knows who I am to control me, and this person is none other than God. God knows exactly what will make us feel satisfied, and only He can give us true joy!

Science and Religion

Below is an essay I wrote as a freshman in Stanford for a writing class. As a young Christian back then, I was still unsure if my faith in God conflicts with my confidence in science. I was surprised to find great agreement between these two major parts of my life.

Science and Religion Essay

Here is a recording of a talk I gave in Stanford:

Science and Religion Talk

Over the years, my understanding about the relationship between Science and Religion has grown deeper. Below are the slides and recording of a talk on Science and Religion I gave at my workplace:

December Science and Religion Talk

Update on 22 Feb 2010:

My campus pastor sent a really interesting article by William Lane Craig on "5 Arguments for God". People who are more philosophically inclined may enjoy this. You can find it at

http://thegospelcoalition.org/publications/cci/five_arguments_for_god/

I have not written on this topic of Science and God for a long time, mainly because I've realized that nobody comes to know God by pure reason. Pure reason can inspire us to find this God, but ultimately it is our experience of Him that convinces us whole-heartedly that He is real. God is love, and nobody can truly know love unless they have experienced love.

However, I find apologetics extremely useful for the believer. We gain a deeper understanding of our Creator and Lover. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all of your soul and all of your strength and all of your mind." Something deep happens when you understand Him logically too. It always amazes me personally that a world-view with God makes a lot more sense than one without. I do not expect others to agree with me on this, but it really does make more sense. I'll write on my thoughts someday. Someday.

Peru

I was in Peru with Sean, Joel, Wenzheng, Xianyi and Jason three weeks ago. Here are some photos from the top of Waynapicchu which is in Machu Picchu.

Intimacy

Children of God,

Are you pursuing intimacy with Jesus
until your flesh cries out
and your heart thirsts for water?
If not,
you do not know what you are missing out on,
the greatest gift God has to give us --
His Heart!

Why worry about signs & wonders,
or salvations,
or blessings in your life?
Do you not know that
the man who is in God
is powerful
and blessed with all earthly
and heavenly riches?
He moves a finger,
and the mountain jumps into the sea!

Seek intimacy with God --
make that your key desire.

Hearing God

[The following talk comes from materials that I have collected over time in my journal, both from what God is telling me, and from sermons and books.]

Hearing God

1. Hearing God is not about "hearing", but about "listening". All of us have been hearing God all our lives. It is just that we often do not recognize that it is God speaking to us, and we always see it as our own thoughts, or other people's thoughts. There are two aspects of listening: one is recognizing, the other is understanding.

2. God speaks to us in a myriad of ways: through sermons, the bible, friends, songs, movies, nature, etc. One other way God speaks to us is through His Voice. There are two types of Voice: the audible voice of God, and God's inner voice speaking to us in our minds. I believe that God wants to speak to us both audibly, and through that inner voice. I have never heard God's audible voice, but I continue to have the faith that one day He will do it. (Note that when God speaks to the people in the Bible audibly, the non-believers often hear it as thunder because they do not understand it.) In this talk, I will share about the inner voice of God.

3. God desires to speak to us through that inner voice. This is the key message of my talk. One of the purposes God has given me is to declare to the whole world that God is dying to talk to all of us! He desires to talk to us much much more than we desire to hear him!

4. Here are some biblical verses which talks about God's desire to speak to us:

Now all the people witnessed the thunderings, the lightning flashes, the sound of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking; and when the people saw it, they trembled and stood afar off. Then they said to Moses, "You speak with us, and we will hear; but let not God speak with us, lest we die." And Moses said to the people, "Do not fear; for God has come to test you, and that His fear may be before you, so that you may not sin." So the people stood afar off, but Moses drew near the thick darkness where God was.

Exodus 20:18-21

The Israelites were afraid to have God speak to them, even though God gave them the invitation. This invitation is still valid today. When we accept the invitation to hear him, a deep respect of who God is will fill us. We start to walk in holiness because we have experienced the person and goodness of God. Like Moses, we need to take a step forward to accept the invitation, because God does not force himself on us. We will find that after we accept the invitation, we don't have to use our effort to hear Him. He will speak to us by His grace, rather than by our works.

Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Deut 30:19-20

If we want to have life, we need to listen to His voice, for He is our life.

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.

John 16:13

The Holy Spirit is the one who speaks to us through the inner voice. He only speaks what He hears from the Father. Here is an experience I had when I was in Budapest in Nov 2004. I was asking Jesus why He doesn't stay back on earth, living forever, and teach us right from His own mouth. That way, we can hear Him clearly and not doubt what He wants us to do. Then, Jesus told me that because He is flesh, He can only be in one place at one time. Whereas the Holy Spirit can be everywhere speaking to everyone at the same time. That is why Jesus says He has to go so that the Holy Spirit can come. In fact, the Holy Spirit and Jesus both speak the exact same words, because both of them hear from the Father. The Holy Spirit desires to teach and speak to us clearly, just as Jesus did. He is a real person, like Jesus. He is our personal companion, with us guiding us and strengthening us wherever we go. We need to interact with Him exactly as if Jesus was standing right next to us! We need to learn how to interact with Him.

"The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice. [...] I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd."

John 10:2-5, 16

Jesus promises us that we, who are His sheep, will recognize his voice! We are as one flock because we all hear His voice.

"The Heavenly Man", Pg 346
Brother Yun says, "My message to the Western Church is to get back to the basics in order to hear again the voice of Jesus speaking to you." Hearing the voice of Jesus, according to Brother Yun, is a basic part of our faith.

5. Paul tells us to eagerly desire the spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy (1 Cor 14:1-5). Prophecy is simply hearing the heart of God and sharing it with others to minister to them. Prophecy is being God's mouthpiece (Exodus 4:16). Prophecy has to start with us learning how to hear God. This applies not just to hearing the inner voice of God, but to all forms of hearing God. What is the primary purpose of prophecy, or even just hearing God? It is to know Jesus more. "The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy." (Rev 19:10)

6. Some people think that the Scriptures are all there is to hearing God. The Bible demonstrates again and again in the Old and New Testaments that God speaks to us outside of the Scriptures (See Paul, Peter, Isaiah, Ezekiel, Daniel, Elijah, etc).

The boy Samuel ministered before the LORD under Eli. In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions. One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the LORD, where the ark of God was. Then the LORD called Samuel. Samuel answered, "Here I am." And he ran to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." But Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down." So he went and lay down. Again the LORD called, "Samuel!" And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." "My son," Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down." Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD: the word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him.

1 Sam 3:1-7

This passage shows us that while Israel had the Scriptures of Moses, the Word of the Lord was rare in their time. It does not mean that the Scriptures were rare. It means that God did not speak much to the people. Samuel was trained in the temple, but the Word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him. Many of us have been attending church: we believe in the Lord and we know a lot about Him. But we need to have the Word of the Lord revealed to us as well.

While God speaks to us outside of Bible, He will never ever EVER contradict His Word in the Bible. Personally, I have often heard God speak something, and later found out that there is a scripture that says exactly that! In fact, hearing God's voice makes us hunger even more for the Bible, so that we can hear His voice even more clearly. The Bible is the only Word of God that is 100% correct because of the anointing that He gave to the authors to pass His word to His people. Other than that, all of us are flawed vessels, and we will always be capable of making mistakes: either wrongly recognizing something not from God as His, or understanding that He said wrongly. That is why we always need to come back to Scripture and Fellowship for discernment.

7. My own experience.

When I first became a Christian, God spoke to me a lot through pop music. Later, I read the Bible more and God starting speaking to me through that too. Also, God used many people around me to speak to me. I thought that I knew all about how God speaks to us.

When I came to Stanford, I spent my first year learning about spending quiet time with Him. In my second year, my thoughts started to say, "This is I (God) talking to you. Do you not recognize it?" I shook it off because I thought it was blasphemous -- to pretend that my thoughts are actually from God. I told God to cast it away if it is not from Him. However, the thoughts came more and more often. One day, I realized that it takes faith to believe that God would speak to me that way. I confessed before God that He was trying to talk to me. Suddenly, the floodgates seem to open, and God starting speaking a lot to be through that inner voice, often telling me things that I know I would never have thought of because they are too wise.

It has been a process of learning to discern (recognize) God's voice, and understanding what He is saying. For instance, there was once I was praying and He said, "India" to me. I thought He wanted me to go to India for a missions trip that December. I tried to buy air tickets but they costed at least US$2500. I emailed many missionary centers but no one replied me. I realized that God was closing doors on me. I thought, "God, why did you tell me something, only to close doors on me?" Then, I thought that perhaps it was not God. But God reaffirmed that it was from Him. I shared that word with my room-mate Joel, and he gave me a book on missions in India. He said that he had read it before, but just when he was packing his bag to come to Stanford, God told him to bring it to Stanford but he didn't know why. So I read that book and found out that what India needs is not more missionaries but more financial help and prayers. I started contributing financially regularly to the India missions field.

The second time was just recently, this January. I was sharing about God wanting to talk to us with a christian friend. We were on bus 95 to Buona Vista, where we will take bus 105 to Orchard and change to bus 143. God told me, "105 will take a long time to come; 143 will arrive on the dot." I was afraid to share this with my friend because I was afraid that it would be wrong. But God gave me the faith. So we were at Buona Vista, and indeed 105 took a long time to come. The, bus 111 came, and my friend suggested we took it. I was not sure, and I thought that the prophecy would now be ruined. But we got on the bus anyway. When we came to Orchard, and walked to the next bus-stop to catch bus 143, bus 143 arrived just when we stepped into the second bus-stop. We were totally amazed. It was a learning experiend for both my friend and I. I learned that God did not say that we would take bus 105. I had recognized God correctly, but understood him wrongly.

8. How do we start hearing God? First, you need to desire it with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength! "Eagerly desire the spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy." Be willing to try and make mistakes because this is how we learn. This is humility.

9. Hearing God is a growing process. Never let yourself reach a place where you say, "I know everything about hearing God."

10. God desires to speak to us every moment of the day. Like what Bingren shared yesterday, it is fun and enjoyable soaking in the presence of God throughout the day. Speak to him when you are enjoying that time, and He will speak to you.

11. Let me end with this invitation to hear God's voice from Rev 3:20

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me."

[See also Does God Speak To Us?]

Why I am a Christian

The following is taken from my website (which is now not available):

I became a Christian on 5 August 2000. After looking through the journal which I kept when I was in Delta Wing, I recount the following story to the best of my ability:

You can't prove that God exists.
I have been an atheist most of my life. I believed strongly that God does not exist, because there was no scientific evidence for it, and because there was no need for God in any of our scientific theories. I was always intrigued by the objectivity and simplicity of math and science: I was convinced that our world was inherently meaningless, and that we could invent systems of meaning using symbolic systems to describe and predict events in our universe.

Arguing with Christians
I used to argue with Christians on their beliefs. It seems that their system of meaning, built on a symbolic system that assumes the existence of a supernatural and all powerful being, was also infallible. Just as science, built on the axioms of relativity and quantum mechanics, was infallible. I didn't like the way Christians put down the Theory of Evolution, and I didn't like the way they put so many restrictions on the things they can and cannot do in life. What I did like was their strong sense of purpose and morality, as well as their love for one another. However, there was no reason for me to change my point of view: I was very comfortable with the way my life was turning out.

Prayer at Harvest Event
Clarence and Ruiwen (from the Student Council) invited me to a Christian event at the National Stadium. A speaker from Argentina was sharing on how God had changed his country and people. There were even some miracle healing at the end of the talk. Just when the helpers were passing round the offering bags amongst the audience, I remarked to Clarence that it seems to me that the speaker was trying to deceive the audience of their money. Brainwashed by the so-called "miracle healings", the audience was tricked into believing in the speaker's supernatural anointing and donated money for fear of God. Clarence and Ruiwen spoke to me calmly, and asked if I thought it possible that God really exists. I replied that it was possible but unlikely. They asked if I would take a moment to imagine that God really exists and pray to Him to reveal Himself to me. Seeing that there was no harm in doing so, I agreed and closed my eyes for a short prayer. When I opened my eyes again, there was no thunder or lightning. There was no sign at all.

A Strange Dream: God says "I exist!"
That prayer was made around June 1999. One year later, when I was in Officer Cadet School, I was sleeping one Sunday night in July 2000 in my bunk. I just returned from a relaxing weekend, and everything was going smoothly in training. That night, I dreamt that I built a wonderful new invention: an escalator that travels to the sky! The invention was ingenious in that the bottom step would break up and reassemble itself on the top of the escalator, hence raising the flight of steps towards the sky. The people on earth were all very proud of me, and they came to the Launch Ceremony to bid me farewell. All of them were extremely happy and excited for me, except for my sister, who appeared as a 5 year old girl in my dream (in real life, she was 18). She seemed sad and was tearing. Now, as the escalator launched off, candy was released from the bottom of the escalator, and everyone scrambled to get their greedy hands on them. Only my sister stood at one side and continued to watch. The escalator climbed towards the sky, and soon, I could not see the earth. I was surrounded by clouds and blue sky. I wanted to reach the heavens to see the moon, the planets and the stars. However, my sense direction then became confused: I did not know where was Up. Like the people on weird staircases in M. C. Esher paintings, I flipped myself onto the other side of the escalator and the escalator changed its direction of movement. After several of such confusing changes, I found myself coming back to Earth. I could not figure out why my invention could not ascend to the heavens. Suddenly, everything blacked out. I knew I was semi-awake. I did not hear any voice, nor see any words, but there was a loud and strong meaning: "I EXIST!" I woke up and found myself in my bunk. I was shivering with cold sweat, and I knew something just spoke to me, and I knew that something was God. The meaning did not tell me that it came from God, but in my heart, I just knew, somehow, that it was from God. I was really scared. Lying in my bed, too afraid to move, I heard voices murmuring around me going, "He's awake! He's awake!" I was so afraid because I knew I was not dreaming anymore, but the voices were still continuing. And I knew that the meaning did not speak to me in my dream, it spoke to me when I was almost awake. Eventually, out of tiredness, I fell asleep again.

Discovering God's Identity
When I woke up the next morning, I did not dare to tell anyone what had happened. Eric Ong was my room-mate then, but I did not tell him about my dream. I sat on my bed, shaken by the events in the night. I closed my eyes and spoke to the God who had given me the meaning: "God, tell me if you are the God of Islam, or of Buddhism, or of Christianity. If you are real, let me know you are real." That Wednesday, Joseph, also from my platoon, came up to me and invited me to go to church with him that Saturday night (5 Aug 2003) It was weird because no one from my platoon has ever invited me to their church. I agreed to go because I wanted to find out more about Christianity. It was as though the Christian God heard my prayer and was beckoning to me.

A Prayer for Jackson
A more miraculous thing happened during Exercise Zebra that Saturday. In Exercise Zebra, we had to execute a platoon attack on a knoll that had communication trenches dug everywhere on it. One of my section-mates, Jackson, was rushing up the hill in the final assault, and he accidentally fell into a trench. His chest hit the concrete side of the trench, and he was in a lot of pain. He could not breath, and he thought he was going to die. At this point of time, I was at the side of the hill while I watched all the instructors rush to him. I closed my eyes and did my first serious prayer: "God, if you are real, please help Jackson, protect him from harm and let no bones be hurt in him. If he is hurt, may be recover quickly so that he can resume with his training soon." So Jackson was rushed to the hospital where the doctors inspected his injury. Two hours later, he returned to the platoon safe and sound. "What happened?", we asked him. He told us that the doctor thought that he had broken a few ribs, but when they took an X-ray, they realized the everything was okay. Furthermore, there was no cut or bruises on him. He still felt a bit sore, but other than that everything was fine. I was so excited and happy for him. I told some people about my prayer for him, but no one believed me.

A Prophet Speaks on Dreams and Visions
After Ex Zebra, we booked out, and I followed Joseph to church. That day, a prophet was visiting the church (Faith Community Baptist Church at Marine Parade). He spoke about the book of Revelations and the end times, and how young men and women would have dreams and visions during those days (Acts 2:16-17). I was so shocked that he was talking about dreams and visions; it was as though he knew what I was going through then. My heart pounded wildly, wondering if it was just another coincidence. The events of Ex. Zebra that morning had already shaken my mind and my spirit. When it came to the time for the alter call, the pastor asked those who felt the need to know Jesus Christ to step forward so that they can be prayed for. There was such a strong tugging on my heart that I responded to his call, and asked Jesus to step into my life. I prayed that the Lord would teach me more about Himself.

Discovering God's Character
Two days later, when we booked in again on Monday night (7 Aug 2003), my platoon-mate Adrian came to me and said that his girlfriend Carolyn bought a book for me. At that time, I did not know Carolyn at all, and she did not know who I was. However, Carolyn had heard from Adrian that on some occasions, I had attended the platoon Christian fellowship (back then, they used to get together to talk about the problems they experienced during training, and to sing worship songs). Adrian explained that Carolyn and him were walking down Orchard Road on Saturday when they passed by a Christian bookstore. She suddenly felt a strong urge to buy a book for me. The book was "Questions of Life: a beginner's guide to the Christian Faith" by Nicky Gumbel. I was shaken by Adrian's story, because the book answered my prayer to know more about Jesus. Could it still be a coincidence? Even then, I did not dare to tell Adrian or anyone else about my dream.

My Sister's Prayer for my Conversion
About two weeks later, I decided to tell my sister about my dream. I had been afraid to share because my family was Taoist and I knew my parent would object to my being a Christian. I told my sister how I felt she had a role to pay in my conversion because she was different from everyone else in the dream: she was sad. She gave me a surprised look, was silent for a while before she told me how about one week before my dream, she went to a church with a friend, and there (even though she wasn't a Christian), she prayed that I would be converted. Today, I am still very amazed and thankful to my sister for her prayer.

The Lord's Grace and Love
I thank the Lord for His grace in revealing Himself to me. I was such a wretched and rotten person, yet He was willing to bring me into His Kingdom. He was changed me in so many ways since July 2000. I am so glad I have seen the true light instead of still being kept in the dark, bounded by my reluctance to accept new ideas due to my strong intellectualism. Sometimes, I ask Him what the significance of the escalator in the dream was. He told me that the escalator represent how I try to reach Him or disprove Him using logic. However, just as the escalator failed to reach the heavens, so will my logical attempts. In my philosophical debates, I would be lost and confused, always coming back to square one. What I really needed was a step of Faith. He revealed that all my life, this issue of Faith is something which I would constantly be struggling with on many new and deeper levels. But He assured me that He would be there with me every step of the way. Because He loves me.

Let Your Glory Fall

Father of creation, unfold your sovereign plan
Raise up a chosen generation
That will march through the land
All of creation is longing
For your unveiling of power
Would you release your anointing
Oh God let this be the hour

Let your glory fall in this room
Let it go forth from here to the nations
Let your fragrance rest in this place
As we gather to seek your face

Ruler of the nations the world has yet to see
The full release of your promise
The church in victory
Turn to us Lord and touch us
Make us strong in your might
Overcome our weakness
That we could stand up and fight

Let your kingdom come
Let your will be done
Let us see on earth
The glory of your son