Passionate worship will seek manifestation in various forms: song, dance, painting, music, books, film.
These forms will carry the tangible presence of God, the way worship music already does to us now. It will powerfully transform individuals, families and cities.
In the past decade, we learned about our identities as sons and daughters of a passionate loving Father.
We saw the immense treasures which were hidden deep in ourselves and in others.
In the next decade, we will learn the intricacies of our identities as it relates to others. We will learn the uniqueness of every relationship in our lives, and will teach our relationships to flourish.
The diverse parts of the body are coming together as one through love, honor and submission. Unity is diversity and codependence.
Two weeks ago, I had just finished my final projects, and was feeling a strong need to get away and be alone. As some of you know, my life has also changed dramatically since the start of December.
I felt overwhelmed, but as I walked through the forest alone with Him, I knew He was right there with me. That was all that mattered. In that moment, I felt completely satisfied. My life was fulfilled. I realized that it was only out of that fulfillment and overflow that my life would shine. It is not the other way round, for accomplishments can never fulfill me. Only He can.
I swam deeper into the moment with Him. I thirsted for more of Him, but I felt like I hit a ceiling.
Then, God said, "Son, I'm not holding anything back."
"In fact, I believe you can take more than you believe you can. I do not hold things back thinking that you cannot handle My fullness. There is no Ceiling, only what you think is the ceiling. I'm only here to break your ceilings."
"Son, you have held nothing back from Me. Why should I from you?"
"I want you to fly, to surpass others, to surpass Me, to be yourself."
I saw the sky, with no ceilings, where we could fly as we were made to be. We were not afraid that others would be threatened by our new freedom. And we would encourage those who are younger than us to fly higher than we have ever dared to go.
When I think about the past decade, a few things stand out. Let me begin with this prophecy by Jack Hayford in 1999 (thanks David for the video!)
2000 - It was a year of Awakening, not just for me, but for many other people. The verse for this year is
"In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.
Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days,
and they will prophesy." @Acts 2:17-18
2006 - It was a year of Breakthrough. Many people came to know the Lord, but more importantly, there was immense breakthrough in intimacy and identity.
2009 - God was teaching us to Shine.
2010 - God was teaching us to Dream.
In the past decade, we saw the manifestation of Prophetic Culture. Culture, in the sense of what Clayton Christensen says below about cooperation in corporations. "They embrace priorities and follow procedures by instinct and assumption rather than by explicit decision."
The theory arrays these tools along two dimensions—the extent to which members of the organization agree on what they want from their participation in the enterprise, and the extent to which they agree on what actions will produce the desired results. When there is little agreement on both axes, you have to use "power tools"—coercion, threats, punishment, and so on—to secure cooperation. Many companies start in this quadrant, which is why the founding executive team must play such an assertive role in defining what must be done and how. If employees’ ways of working together to address those tasks succeed over and over, consensus begins to form. MIT’s Edgar Schein has described this process as the mechanism by which a culture is built. Ultimately, people don’t even think about whether their way of doing things yields success. They embrace priorities and follow procedures by instinct and assumption rather than by explicit decision—which means that they’ve created a culture. Culture, in compelling but unspoken ways, dictates the proven, acceptable methods by which members of the group address recurrent problems. And culture defines the priority given to different types of problems. It can be a powerful management tool.
It became very natural for people to release prophetic revelation in the church.
We also saw the manifestation of Worship Culture. People were undone.
This helped to lead people into their identities as sons and daughters of God. We learned to be okay with our weaknesses, okay with making mistakes and taking risks, and to expect God to release blessings and provision in our lives.
We learned about the intensity and audacity of the Grace of God, the Goodness of God and the Love of God.
We learned about the immensity of our Destiny.
We saw the beginnings of Kingdom Supernatural Culture.
All this is going to be the foundation for people to go after their dreams in the next decade.
As we move into 2011, I feel excitement rising up in me. I remember being on a ski trip with Jeremy and Jerald in March 2010 where God started telling me how exciting the next ten years are going to be. He showed me how ten years ago, when I first got to know Him, I had no idea where I was going to be today. I could not have imagined it turning out this way. I have seen Him accomplish many things. They are beyond my wildest dreams!
God says that it is important to paint a picture of the future. We may not know exactly what is going to happen, but He wants us to hope and to dream. Without vision, the people perish.
I'm going to share nuggets as I get them. You will find links to them on the side bar.
Continuing in the topic of what greatness is, here is a snapshot from an article by Clayton Christensen (Harvard Business School) sent to me by a friend.
It is really humbling to hear this from someone who achieved considerable success in his life, then wrestled with death and came back with a clearer view of the purpose of life.
Choose the Right Yardstick
This past year I was diagnosed with cancer and faced the possibility that my life would end sooner than I’d planned. Thankfully, it now looks as if I’ll be spared. But the experience has given me important insight into my life.
I have a pretty clear idea of how my ideas have generated enormous revenue for companies that have used my research; I know I’ve had a substantial impact. But as I’ve confronted this disease, it’s been interesting to see how unimportant that impact is to me now. I’ve concluded that the metric by which God will assess my life isn’t dollars but the individual people whose lives I’ve touched.
I think that’s the way it will work for us all. Don’t worry about the level of individual prominence you have achieved; worry about the individuals you have helped become better people. This is my final recommendation: Think about the metric by which your life will be judged, and make a resolution to live every day so that in the end, your life will be judged a success.
The thought that the future of all his countrymen lay in his hands entered his mind. He has to succeed, or his people will suffer. Courage drained from him. Who is he to think that he can liberate his people? What if there was someone else more suited for the job?
God spoke from beside him, "Do you not think that I can take care of My people? Even if you try and failed today, I will still protect you and My people. But if you don't even try, then we have all failed."
"Turn around," said the Lord.
David turned and saw the army shivering in fear behind him. "There is no one that is strong enough to overcome the giant, not even you." He continued, "For if there is, then you don't need Me." He looked into David's eyes, "I am looking for someone who believes that I can."
David shivered. What a privilege, what an honor, to be a vessel of the Living God. He worshiped.
I know that when I'm down, the principles I've learnt about God are sometimes my greatest enemy. That I should not worry, because He is greater than my problems. That I should not feel condemned, because He has paid for all my sins. That I should rejoice, and give thanks for all things, and strengthen myself in the Lord. When I'm down and needing God, thinking about these things sometimes makes me feel more guilty and ashamed than before.
It was like that with Jesus in the desert. On the fortieth day, when he was at his weakest, the enemy came and used scripture to tempt him. The truth is that it is not the scriptures or principles which haunt us, but the enemy using these principles out of context to chain us down. Only Holy Spirit can lead us to the truth that will set us free. But this is not the main thing I want to say here.
What I want to say is this. That in our moment of sadness, we only have to remember we can come before Father God, and be completely honest and open with Him about how we are feeling and thinking. That I feel so stupid for what I did. That I feel like a failure. I feel angry and hate somebody. That I'm worried sick and God doesn't seem to care about me. God is not threatened at all by what we say to Him. But His not-being-threatened doesn't mean He doesn't care. In fact, He cares the world about how we feel. He says, "If only you know how much I love you."
He knows what we are trying to say, even if we cannot say it well. One of my favorite ways of unloading on Him is talking gibberish. As babies, we are extremely good at doing that, and as we grow up, we unlearn this spiritual gift. The truth is, we do not even have to say anything if we don't want to. We can just let Him hug us, or hold our hand, or sit next to us, and love on us.
He tells me that I can take my time and not rush. It is not about getting my issues resolved. That the most important thing is entering into the moment with Him. All the problems in the world can wait. All the tasks that need accomplishing, and all the people who need our help, they can wait. We are only called to enter into the moment with Him, and even that, He is the one who will draw us in, not by our own efforts. He knows exactly what we need. This entering-into-the-moment is entering His rest. On the seventh day of creation, God rested. We are still now in that seventh day, and learning how to enter into His rest (Hebrews 4).
Sometimes, we feel very alone in our struggles, because these things don't get preached very much in church. It seems as though everyone else is doing well, conquering and succeeding in their lives. But this is His heart: that He cares more about those who are struggling, than those who are doing well. He will leave ninety-nine sheep to go after one that needs Him (Luke 15:4). If you want to know where the presence of God is, find those who are hurting, and sit with them.
I am tired of pretending that my life is going well. The truth is, I have a lot of struggles in my life, but God always causes His goodness to permeate every situation. Life is hard, but God is gooder.
I want to correct a big misconception in the church, that God ignores our sins. Well, the story is that Jesus has died for our sins, so God doesn't see them anymore. We often say this so that people will feel better for the wrong they have done.
No, God doesn't ignore our sins. He sees every single one of them. He knows what we have done. But you need to know His heart. He sees our sins as symptoms of a child that is hurting. A child greatly in need of love, to be told that he is loved, to be shown in concrete ways that he is important to someone else, that he is of real worth and value, that he was not made by accident, but on purpose and for greatness. God extends that love every time we sin.
People don't need to feel better for the wrong they have done. They need forgiveness. How can they receive forgiveness from a God who doesn't see the sin? God is telling us that He sees the sin, and it needs to be punished, but we are more important to Him than the punishment, so He has someone else take the punishment for us, so that we can receive the love and healing instead. How cool is that! Plus, we are no longer sinners. Our identity as sinners has been replaced by our identity as sons and daughters of a loving passionate Father.
Something my pastor said a few weeks ago still rings in my heart:
"Emotions make good servants, but horrible masters."
He was talking about how we cannot let our emotions discourage us from fulfilling our dreams, even though it is important to pay attention to how we feel and to take our emotions seriously.
I realized how much God has redeemed my emotions over the years. I used to be disconnected from my emotions, because I thought they were unproductive, but probably more because I was afraid of being hurt. Then, He reconnected my feelings, like plugging a device into the USB port of a computer. I started to feel extreme sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, excitement and love. I experienced the world around me in new colors. I experienced Him like never before. But emotions can be more powerful than thoughts. I sometimes found myself in depression, and I had to learn to overcome the depression while honoring the validity of my emotions. This is when my spirit, through the strength of God, commanded my emotions to be still.
The same thing happened with my mind. I depended on my mind, then became afraid of it, then was reconnected to it, and finally my mind agreed to be subject to my spirit.
The same was true of my relationships: my friends, my family, my loved ones. My identity used to be built on what others thought of me, then I separated myself from others, then I reconnected and came to honor and enjoy people as creatures of glory. My identity in God is most seen through the way I connect with others around me, because God created us for relationship.
What about finances, prosperity and blessings? And appearances, body and health? How about rules, principles and laws? And most recently, giftings, accomplishments and dreams? They are all created to serve us, but they all make horrible masters. God created them to be subject to our spirit. But our spirit has a choice: to remain his own master, or be willingly subject to his loving Father. This is a choice that no one else can make for him, not even the Father.
I now understand why at the beginning of my journey with God, He asked if I would be intimate with Him. He knew that this was the only foundation on which everything else would be redeemed to me. That He would take me apart and reconstruct the core of who I am. That His love is the only solid thing I can hold on to in the whole process.
But now He stands before me, and I have a choice yet again. I now have ownership of all that was promised to me, and I must choose if I want to continue with Him as a counselor on the side, or as the desire and passion of my heart, using all that I have for this one pursuit of my life. I realize I am hopelessly unable to be intimate with Him, in the full spectrum of what intimacy can be.
BUT HE IS INTIMATE WITH ME! How can I wonder if I need to do more? How can I not be excited, exhilarated, fired up by the adventure that He lays before me? HE WILL ACCOMPLISH IT!
This is my dream, my purpose, my identity: being intimate with Him who is on fire for me. And, with my permission, He will use everything else -- everything He has redeemed in me -- to accomplish it.
God is not afraid of my fears. He is not limited by them, challenged by them, unhappy or disappointed with me because of them. He looks at me, has full faith in me and believes in me, even if I do not believe in myself. He knows what I am capable of, and has no doubt that I will fulfill my destiny. He is fully confident of His child. He is happy with me.
There is only one reality, and God sees that reality. Any other reality is inferior. Why should I choose any reality other than the one that God sees?
"The dogs of doom stand at the doors of destiny." Their purpose is to strike fear in us, because they themselves are fearful of what we will become. But fear cannot stop us. He who is with us is greater. Be strong and courageous, because you are.
You are awesome, whether you believe it or not. You really are.
I want to tell you about a friend of mine. He is the best friend I have ever, ever had. He knows how I think, how I feel, what makes me tick, what makes me excited. He knows how to cheer me up, how to make me laugh. He's silly, funny and crazy. His lame jokes, I can never get sick of them. He likes to jump off ski slopes, splash into lakes, and sprint in the forest. Then, he taunts me, but I always catch up with him. I'm not too bad myself :P
We have a favorite spot. Its on a grassy cliff, overseeing the Great Ocean. The cool winds whistle through our grimey hair as we hang our muddy tired legs over the edge. And we just sit there, we don't have to say a word to each other. The sun shines upon us, the warmth penetrating into our hearts. There is nothing else we need in the world. Nothing at all.
Today, he said something that hit me deep. He said bluntly, "You were created for one thing, to be my companion. And I'm glad you're in my life." I smiled and patted him on the shoulders. He has done so much for me, more than I will ever for him. But I love this raw genuine directness of his. He is untamed, unchained, uninhibited, free to explore, free to create, free to fly.
I saw the adventure that lay before us. The world is our canvas, eagerly awaiting our expression. And we get to do this together. There is nothing holding us back.
We are not responsible for making sure our dreams happen, but we're responsible for owning our dreams, to say that we want it not because others want it, but that we want it because we want it. (This last part comes from the movie "Secretariat".)
Nobody likes pain, but when you love and desire something with all your heart, it overcomes everything, even death. Love casts out all fear.
And trials only serve to show us how much we want something. If you don't want something very much, then to you, its not worth perservering for the prize. So trials do not show you whether you are a weak or a strong person. Trials reveal to us what really matters to us.
"Logicomix" uncovered deeper reasons behind my past atheism. Indeed, logic and reason gave me a systematic way to purify my life of disappointments, and I believed that it would free the world of its problems as well. Meanwhile, scientific and political history proved that Religion has caused nothing but problems. I convinced myself to steer far from the idea of God.
After God revealed himself to me in a dream, I could no longer deny His existence. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. Yet, I started to feel ashamed of my mind, because following my mind had led me away from Him most of my life. This shame was subconscious to me: though I felt it deep in my soul, I was not aware that it was there. I started studying Science and Religion (apologetics), to prevent my mind from returning to that place of godlessness. I also contemplated leaving mathematics, because it made me feel ashamed every time I engaged in it, and I could not understand this emotion at all.
I now understand why 7 years ago, God told me let go of apologetics, and to come deeper with Him. He told me, "Let's spend the next 40 days studying something new." I asked, "What should we study?" He replied, "Intimacy." Those were some of the best days of my life. After the 40 days, I was rocked. Drunk. Undone. I told him, "I don't want this season to end!" He said, "Oh, it won't. This season is going to last forever."
God flooded me with revelations upon revelations over the years, and I changed as a person, in my depths, in my core. I was satisfied beyond measure. His truths and principles got deeper and higher and stronger and wider. God is love, God is good, I am loved, I am amazing... I learnt each of these in powerful tear-filled seasons of my life. But I was afraid to forget or lose those revelations, because they were the reason for my new freedom. I wanted to know God at His core so that I would never ever be shaken again.
After reading about Godel's Incompleteness Theorem, it finally hit me. No powerful system of principles (logical or spiritual) will ever be complete. God will never be contained a box made of principles. For twenty years I tried to protect my life with logical principles, and for another ten years, I tried to protect it with spiritual ones. I looked Him in His eyes tearfully, as the sand castle I was building crumbled in my hands. I was vulnerable, out-of-control, defenseless. In my weakness, He held me close and hugged me tightly. "It has always been about the Person," he whispered, "about you, about me, about us, about our relationship. I will never let you go, even if you let me go. I will use everything to woo you. Everything." When he said that, I realized that this was why He used principles and revelations to lead me. I was being transformed by the renewing of my mind.
In that moment, I realized that there wasn't a war between Principles and Person, but Principles had always served the Person. The Person is fluid and living, yet having and using principles in a strong and powerful way, like water that is simple and structured but is able to move mountains and give life to everything. I realized that God has given me a powerful mind for amazing reasons: to know Him, to experience Him, to understand Him. To learn, to shift, to create my future and the world around me. It is a weapon with immense potential. That my mind was created by Him for goodness, it can never lead me astray. The enemy can try to use it for his gain, but God is my shield, my fortress. I embraced my mind fully for the first time. All the shame evaporated. I stepped fully into my identity. I am starting to dream again! I love loving God with all of my mind!
Religion occurs when we try to make Persons serve the Principles. Religion does not need a god-head to be religious. A good example is that of Nazism during World War II. Their principles under the pretense of logic gave them a reason to conquer and terminate other people. Similarly, any form of Christianity which forces people to believe in something or to guilt-trip them into doing something, under the pretense of spirituality, is also religion. God has never forced me to believe in Him. He doesn't need to. It has always been an invitation, a gentle yet passionate pursuit of love.
I laid in bed last night, feeling a little discouraged by the problems I'm facing now. And I remembered many of my family and friends, and it seems that a lot of them are going through tough difficult times too.
My heart goes out to you guys... you know who you are.
It encouraged me to think that at the end of the day, only one thing is required of us: that we know we are loved. We don't have to get it all right. We may fall, we may fail. But we are unstoppable. We have a Daddy who watches over us, and lives inside of us. We are never alone. His love, His warmth, His goodness, they are always available. Especially when we feel broken. He never says our problem is too small or too stupid. He understands. He really does.
Recently, I read the awesome graphic novel "Logicomix''. It is based on the life story of Bertrand Russell, a famous mathematician and philosopher. God used the book to affect me in a profound way, but I will reserve my thoughts for the next blog. Here, let me summarize the story.
[Spoiler alert!]
Russell grew up in a painful environment with family tragedies and religious control, and was troubled by fears of genetic insanity. So from a young age, he turned to mathematics for stability, because it provided objective truth he could believe in, and offered rational means to make good decisions.
In 1901, early in his career, Russell discovered a paradox which challenged the logical foundations of mathematics. In his attempt to patch this gap, he wrote three volumes of "Principia Mathematica'' but was not satisfied with the solution.
The problem was this: mathematicians want all theorems to be deduced using logical rules from a small number of axioms. Such a system of rules and axioms should be complete (produces all true theorems) and consistent (not produce any false theorems). Many systems were invented to patch Russell's paradox, but nobody could prove that their system was consistent. Someone could come along and find another devastating contradiction.
In 1931, these attempts were dealt with a fatal blow when Kurt Gödel proved his Incompleteness Theorems:
1. For every consistent system, there will always be some true theorem about numbers that cannot be deduced from the system.
2. If a consistent system is powerful enough to deduce some basic facts about numbers, then it cannot prove its own consistency.
As a result, Russell's childhood dreams of finding stability in mathematics were dashed. Nonetheless, these developments spurred the invention of the computer, arguably the greatest technological breakthrough of the last century.
God has been speaking a lot about dreaming. Dreaming, not so much the ones we have in our sleep, but in the sense of thinking about what could be possible. About our hopes, about our desires, about what we wish we could accomplish, about what could be accomplished not just by us but corporately as mankind colaboring with God.
I like this quote from Alice in Wonderland: "I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
God is calling us to day-dream again. To just wonder and imagine and create :) Don't worry about whether it is possible, or whether you have the resources, or the time to accomplish it. Just dream. It's like training our body, except this time, it is exercising our faith. And its fun! Challenge yourself to break down the limitations on those dreams. What can you imagine that you couldn't imagine before? There are many ways to pray. I believe this is one of the most powerful ways.
In fact, this kind of day-dreaming IS related to our dreaming at night. When we sleep, we don't control our dreams. We let our minds explore and wonder. We imagine crazy things. That's why it is so much easier for God to speak to us in our dreams when we sleep.
I ask God why it is so important to dream. I'm not interested in accomplishing things in this world, or achieving success. All that matters to me is intimacy with Him. And He says, "You don't understand, when love is at its fullest, it gives us permission to see the fulfillment of our desires. One can only move into his destiny when he understands who is supporting him and believing in him." It brings God great joy to see our dreams fulfilled.
Why then do we need to dream, even impossible things that might never be accomplished? I saw a picture of a small bowl, and God is trying to pour into this bowl but everything keeps spilling out. Then, the bowl got bigger and bigger and bigger, and a flood came, but the flood could not fill the bowl.
Our dreams are the skeleton on which God will breath his Spirit and his life into. It is the first step. He will then put tendons and flesh and skin on the bones, and He will breath into the body. See Ezekiel 37:1-14. The valley is full of dry bones, dreams which have been crushed, hopes which have been dashed. But God is here to resurrect them, and the time is now.
[...] Most great ideas are actually the offspring of other concepts. Years ago I bought a jazz album on a whim. I eagerly looked forward to something fresh and new as I placed the album on the turntable. But I was horribly disappointed. It sounded like a child randomly pounding on a piano, with no melody or harmonies, no consistent rhythm, nothing to give it purpose or direction. Coincidentally, I found a magazine article by the same musician a year or so later. In that magazine he described a particular season of his life in which he tried to be completely original, without being influenced by any other musicians. He referred to it as a dark season of his life. It was obvious to me that I had purchased the bad fruit of his bad season. He went on to give what has become for me a profound lesson on creativity. He said that to really be creative he had to go back to what he had learned from others, and use that as a platform from which to create.
Wow, sometimes I think I try too hard to do something different. In fact, sometimes the difference between awesome chicken rice and normal chicken rice is the pandan leaf. What if God is giving us the small keys that will make a huge difference? What if we are the small key?
I was running frantically through the crowd. I had to get to the train station by 6:45pm, or I might have to wait an hour for the next train. Then, I thought: this is silly, I shouldn't worry at all, God is taking care of me, everything will be alright. I slowed down and looked to the ground in shame. "Sorry Lord, I don't know why I worry so much. I know I should be a warrior, not a worrier. But I keep falling back into my worries. I guess I haven't learned what it means to trust you." He looked at me and said, "what are you talking about?! Let's get running! Haha, come on, let's go!" And he dashed ahead of me, taunting me to catch up.
I stared at him in disbelief. I didn't know what to think. Shouldn't he tell me everything will be ok? Or perhaps he knows I'm going to miss my train? I ran after him. Finally, we reached the train station. It was a lot of fun.
I looked at the departure board. The train was going to arrive at 7:10pm, not 6:45pm. In fact, it was delayed by another 45 mins past 7:10pm. Good, that gives me time to get dinner, I thought. But I wondered why he ran with me, if he knew I was going to catch the train even if I walked? "Because I care about how you feel," he said. "If someone else was worried, wouldn't you do the same?"
A few days later, I was taking a shower, and I asked him about that again. "Lord, isn't the root cause of my worry my lack of trust in you? Why didn't you just speak the truth to me, that you are taking care of me? That would have cured me of my root issue." He smiled and replied, "that's one of the causes but its not the root." He paused. My mind raced through the other possible causes.
"I wanted you to know that I love you. I care about how you feel, no matter whether those feelings are justified or not. I would run anywhere and do anything stupid, as long as it is with you." He continued, "if you knew how much I love you, you would not worry." He smiled :)
Oh! How he loves us! I want to love others the same way, the same generous crazy way!
It has been ten years since I first knew Him. Since then, He has made me stronger and wiser, but the deepest thing I experienced never changed: it is His presence. His glory blew me away the first time He met me there, and today He still causes me to become undone. No revelation or vision or dream or blessing or achievement compares with it. I already had the most precious thing He could offer from that first day, and I want nothing more from Him.
A few friends encouraged me recently on the way I pursue His presence. This made me think a lot. I don't think of myself as being disciplined or hardworking in this aspect. I do know that I have had many hurts and sorrows in the last ten years, and He is the only one who could comfort and console me. I did not pursue Him; He was the one pursuing me. I am a broken man. I don't have anything to brag, except that He loves me. Deep in my heart, I have nothing to offer Him but my brokenness. But He seems happy just to have that from me.
Today, I am going to do something bold, something I've never done on my blog before. I have a strong feeling about this. I feel like if you are reading this, God wants to tell you something. Do you feel a tug in your heart? Do you feel a warmth in your head and neck? He is saying, "I love you. Son, let me. You don't need to do anything. You are all that I want from you. You may not know this, but I think you are awesome. I have always believed in you. You make me laugh, you make me cry. Come, let me. Let me surround you, let me hold you, let me wash your wounds, let me make you whole, let me satisfy you, let me make you happy. Give me a chance, I promise to be gentle, I promise to be easy. I want you to know that I accept you, everything that you are, you don't have to change. Is this for real? That's up to you, son. Your emotions are yours, your thoughts are yours; I will not control what you think or feel, I gave you this freedom the day I created you. But I am for real, and I am for you; that's really all I want you to know."
* SPOILER ALERT!! Read ahead if you have watched the movie, or don't intend to (but you should!) *
Everyone has an opinion about what happened at the end of the movie: Is Cobb (Leo DiCaprio) back in reality or is he still dreaming?
Perhaps the director Chris Nolan intentionally left it open, but I have a different way of thinking about the end which I find satisfying. So Cobb starts the top spinning but before he finds out if it would topple, he sees his kids and is overcome with joy. Notice that before, when he was in limbo, he refused to even look at the kids when Mal tells them to turn around. What changed?
I believe the crux lies in what he said to Mal right after that scene. He told the projection Mal that she is a faint shadow compared to the real Mal with her complexities and imperfections, a person he can never completely comprehend but he loves her with all his heart. In true love, he could tell the projections from the real persons. In true love, he would rather live with a broken heart, than be happy in a false imagined world. Happiness is just an emotion; joy that comes from acceptance is deeper.
Cobb has learned that reality is rooted in true love.
Because he loved his children more than he loves their projections, he was able to tell if his children are real. He does not need to depend on the totem anymore. If the movie ended with the totem falling, it completely denies the message that perhaps Chris Nolan was trying to send: that instruments cannot determine reality for us, for we will always find reasons to doubt them, but true love can.
There have been many movies that question the notion of reality: the Matrix, Momento, a Beautiful Mind, etc. I remember watching 'a Beautiful Mind' and feeling a deep chilling fear. I have often questioned if my world is real, because I dream a lot and my dreams feel very real to me. Sometimes, I even wake up from a dream to find myself in another. How do I know that at the end of the day, I'm not a brain in a jar in some laboratory? How do I know if the people around me are real and not my hallucinations?
I looked for a sense of reality within Mathematics, because it is objective. But my quest further confused me, because there are many abstract notions like imaginary numbers which have no 'physical' parallel. How do I know if everything else is just an abstract notion? What then is reality? What do I mean when I say there are 3 apples in front of me? What does it mean to add 2 apples to 3 apples? How can I trust the laws of arithmetic, or even if I accept it as an axiom, how can I trust the laws of logic? Later, I learned about Godel's Incompleteness Theorem, which says we can never know if the laws of logic are trustworthy. It demolished my world. There is nothing else to hold on to. Mathematics was my 'totem' and I could not even trust that any longer.
I remember the moment I met God in worship. Though I was singing songs on the outside, I felt the world fade away. I was alone with Him, and He held me in His arms. I couldn't sing anymore and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. He washed over me and completely filled my inner-most being. I felt full and completely myself. I knew He understood me, every aspect of who I am. I did not have to pretend to be anything else. The world was but a shadow, but Him, He was so real. He became to me, more real than anything I have ever experienced. He is the center of my reality, and He gave meaning and solidity to everything else around me. In Him is the definition of what is True and what is not. There are no contradictions within Him, He makes total sense.
He is Love, and reality is rooted in True Love.
"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." @Heb4:12-13
I called you up, you were in bed
Could barely make out the words that you said
But you wanted to see me instead
So I got dressed
And I stepped out into the snow
And walked for a mile or so
Felt the rush of blood come from the cold, in my chest
Well you finally came to the door
And we talked for an hour or more
Until I asked if you would stay up till four
You said “that’s fine”
But you said “there’s something I have to say
And I can’t because I’m just so afraid”
And so I held you as you started to shake, that night
Oh my dear
I will wait for you
Grace tonight, will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fear can sleep at night
Until the demons that you’re scared of, disappear inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Oh my dear
I’ll keep you in my arms tonight
You slowly lifted your head from your hands
You said “I just don’t think that you’ll understand
You’ll never look at me that way again, if you knew what I did”
And so your tears fell and melted the snow
You told me secrets nobody had known
Oh, but I never loved you more even though now I knew what you did
Oh my dear
I will wait for you
And grace tonight, will pull us through
Yeah, oh my dear, I will wait for you
And grace tonight will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fears can sleep at night
Until the demons that you’re scared of, disappear inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Oh my dear
I’ll keep you in my arms...
Till the tears have left your eyes
Until the fears can sleep at night
Until the demons that you’re scared of, have disappeared inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Well, oh my dear
I’ll keep you in my arms tonight
I'll keep you in my arms tonight
Many of us have known people who, after years of being passive and compliant, suddenly go ballistic, and we wonder what happened. We blame it on the counselor they are seeing or the company they've been keeping.
In reality, they have been complying for years, and their pent-up rage explodes. This reactive phase of boundary creation is helpful, especially for victims. They need to get out of the powerless, victimized place in which they may have been forced by physical and sexual abuse, or by emotional blackmail and manipulation. We should herald their emancipation.
But when is enough enough? Reaction phases are necessary but not sufficient for the establishment of boundaries. It is crucial for the two-year-old to throw peas at Mommy, but to continue that until forty-three is too much. It is crucial for victims of abuse to feel the rage and hatred of being powerless, but to be screaming "victim rights'' for the rest of their lives is being stuck in a "victim mentality.''
Emotionally, the reactive stance brings diminishing returns. You must react to find your boundaries, but having found them, you must "not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature... . If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other'' (Gal5:13,15). Eventually, you must rejoin the human race you have reacted to, and establish connections as equals, loving your neighbor as yourself.
This is the beginning of the establishment of proactive, instead of reactive, boundaries. This is where you are able to use the freedom you gained through reacting to love, enjoy, and serve one another. Proactive people show you what they love, what they want, what they purpose, and what they stand for. These people are very different from those who are known by what they hate, what they don't like, what they stand against, and what they will not do.
While reactive people are primarily known by their "against'' stances, proactice people do not demand rights, they live them. Power is not something you demand or deserve, it is something you express. The ultimate expression of power is love; it is the ability not to express power, but to restrain it. Proactive people are able to "die to self'' and not "return evil for evil.'' They have gotten past the reactive stance of the law and are able to love and not react.
Listen to Jesus compare the reactive person who is still controlled by the law and others with the free person: "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also'' (Matt5:38-39).
Do not try to get to freedom without owning your reactive period and feelings. You do not need to act this out, but you do need to express the feelings. You need to practice and gain assertiveness. You need to get far enough away from abusive people to be able to fence your property against further invasion. And then you need to own the treasures you find in your soul.
But, do not stay there. Spiritual adulthood has higher goals than "finding yourself.'' A reactive stage is a stage, not an identity. It is necessary, but not sufficient.
How do we observe God? It depends on our definition of Him. I like to think of Him as a Person who exists outside the framework of this universe, that is interested in interacting with us. If He is not interested in interacting with us, what is the point of observing Him?
The word 'miracle' is synonymous with observing God. Wikipedia defines it as "an unexpected event attributed to divine intervention.'' We can break down this definition into two parts. Firstly, miracles are improbable events. Secondly, they occur seemingly with purpose. This second part is important. For instance, if we flip a fair coin a thousand times and it always lands on its edge, that's amazing but it says nothing about God. However, the story changes if we were doing it to save our lives.
I used to think that God had to break the laws of physics to create a miracle. I was troubled because it seemed to contradict His nature. For instance, even with the Law of Moses, Jesus said that he did not come to abolish the law but to fulfill it (Matt 5:17). How then can miracles happen?
One day, while on a ski lift, it suddenly occurred to me. Quantum mechanics provides the answer. How did Philip teleport from one place to another (Acts 8:39)? I've heard a similar phenomenon described in science textbooks: a particle can tunnel from one place to another through high energy barriers because of wave-particle duality. Thus, teleportation occurs when every particle in the object tunnels to another exact same place at the exact same moment. The improbability of such an event grows exponentially with the number of particles, but it is certainly not impossible! So God creates miracles without breaking the laws of physics. And through these improbable events, God hopes to get our attention. If only we were listening (Mark 4:12).
If God wanted to us to observe Him, why didn't He just speak out of the clouds, or reveal Himself in person? I believe He already has! (John 12:29, John 14:11) God continues to do many miracles today (my testimony is one example), but the single most amazing miracle in history is Jesus' resurrection from the cross.
In terms of improbability, it is the first time death was defeated, and Jesus received a new body (i.e. a new kind of matter) that can never be destroyed. Other people like Enoch, Elijah and Lazarus had either avoided death or been brought back from death, but they did not receive a new body. Jesus is called the first-born from the dead (Rev 1:5), because all of creation will be remade like his body (Rev 21:3-5). I believe the laws of physics governing this new creation does not include the law of entropy. In terms of purpose, Jesus' resurrection fulfilled all the purposes of God. He paid for our sins, bought us our blessings and proved God's love for us to us. Most of all, the veil was torn and our relationship with God was restored. Anyone serious about investigating the reality of God will have to examine the validity of this one controversial historical event.
Next up, Godel's Incompleteness Theorem!
[To be continued...]
UPDATE:
I decided to keep a list of miracles that are happening today. Of course, there have been many, too numerous to count! But not all of them were recorded online. Here are a few. If you have seen any, or have any stories of your own, do post them as comments!
I want to share an entry in my journal where God touched me deeply. It happened during a very difficult time in my relationship with a friend and brother of mine. I decided not to share this entry until now to protect the identity of my friend. Since then, we've become even closer than ever, and I'm sure he is okay with me sharing this. To my friends: in case you're wondering if it is you, it's not. If it is you, you would know, because I've shared the stuff below with you before. In any case, this blog is really more about the nature of people and the nature of relationships.
I was having a difficult time with my brother because through the friendship, I realized that we were very different. Even some of our core beliefs were different. I knew that he loved God deeply, and so did I, and I knew God called us to be brothers for a reason. But I felt like God made a wrong choice here. Perhaps we were only meant to be acquaintances. Here are some of the things God said in response:
"maybe he just needs someone to believe in him. he is like all of us, and like you."
"people are not one dimensional. there are the issues, and there are the deeper revelations, and then there is the person, the seed."
"we call out the person. so that the person can access the revelation and use it to overcome the issues. but the issues and the revelation do not define the person."
From this, I understood that there are people we dislike or even pity because of the problems in their lives. And likewise, there are people we revere because of the incredible revelation that they hold. But neither the issues or the revelation make up who the person really is.
How do we comfort, encourage and strengthen others? It is not just about giving revelation. Often, God has already given the person the revelation. We come along side, and see him as the overcomer. We believe in him. This empowers him to take hold of what God has already given.
"when we honor the person, we don't judge them by their issues, and we don't value them by their revelations. we go deeper. we find the person, created and chosen and destined by God. we see them for who they are, glorious, wonderful, fearfully and wonderfully made."
The issues and revelations exist only on the surface. The person, his identity, his seed, lies deeper still. It is this person that I hope to encounter. It is this person that I hope to enjoy. God enjoys us, beyond our issues, beyond our revelations. We enjoy God, from our seed, from our core. And He created us to enjoy each other too.
"you know deep inside, he loves Me and he loves you. and deep inside, he knows that you love Me and you love him. sometimes, that's all we need."
This is the simplicity in relationship. Two people can be extremely different, but yet the best of friends. Unity is diversity and codependence.
"I have a choice to be angry with God for what I don't have,
or be thankful for what I do have."
"There is no point being complete on the outside when you're broken on the inside;
God can heal you without changing your circumstances."
"The question was, why did You make me this way;
the answer was, do you trust Me?
And when you say yes to that question, nothing.. else.. matters."
"This is not about Nick, or Nick's capacity
or capability to become this conqueror...
I am NOTHING!
God though, lives in me, and I now live in His strength;
And whatever Jesus conquered, I conquered."
"Maybe you've compared your suffering to my suffering,
but that's not where hope is.
... Hope is in the name of God.
Hope is when you compare your suffering to
the infinite immeasurable love and grace of God."
"But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."
Isa 40:31
In the last blog, we talked about PROCESS vs PURPOSE. This is the crux to understanding the conflict between evolution and creation.
There are actually two questions regarding the origin of life: How is there life on earth? Why is there life on earth? For the first question, either life appeared instantly (instantaneous creation), or it become more advanced over time (evolution). For the second question, either the process occurred by chance, or it was purposed by God. So there are four possible theories:
Random Instantaneous Creation
Random Evolution
Purposed Instantaneous Creation
Purposed Evolution
Logically, "Random Instantaneous Creation" makes no sense. So before Darwin, people who reject the God hypothesis had no explanation for the existence of life. To them, the theory of evolution freed them from their predicament, popularizing atheism. As a result, many religious groups saw Darwin's theory as an attack on their beliefs. This need not be the case.
The church has often been seen as science's greatest opponent. This is true to a large extent, but two facts are usually overlooked. First, the failure of the church does not represent the failure of God. Many people reject God because they reject the church, and this is unfortunate. Remember that Jesus himself was persecuted by the leading religious people of his time. The greatest enemy to revelation is the religious spirit. Second, many great thinkers have furthered science in their quest to understand God's creation. Thomas Aquinas challenged the widely accepted steady state theory by insisting the universe had a beginning. Francis Bacon formalized the scientific method. What about Kepler, Pascal, Boyle, Newton, Faraday, Stokes, Thomson and Maxwell? Or more recently, Charles Townes and Francis Collins?
For the record, I am a PURPOSED EVOLUTIONIST. My belief in God inspires my belief in evolution. Why? Because God created me, yet I grew up from a baby to an adult. The same happens in my spiritual growth, with Him guiding me. Thus, I believe that the universe also went through a guided growth process. I do not see any conflict between the biblical account of creation and the process of evolution. God created the world step-by-step in six stages. Is it not possible that each stage also occurred in steps?
Suppose you're a detective for a homocide case. What are some of the questions you would ask? First, you would want to know HOW the killing happened. Was the victim wounded by a gun or a knife? What happened before and after the incident? This is the question of PROCESS. Second, you would be interested in WHY the killing happened. Was there a conflict between the victim and the killer? Was it murder? Or was it an act of self-defence? This is the question of PURPOSE. Knowing the process helps us to uncover the purpose, but the two questions should never be confused with each other.
Science is the art of discovering HOW things happen. For such questions, we never use the God hypothesis. It would be silly if a physicist, who was investigating how magnets create currents in metal, concluded, ''It's God!'' A philosopher might be interested in such answers though. He may ponder over the discoveries of science and ask: Are the events of this universe governed completely by chance? How did the laws of physics come about? Were the laws set in place by a God? Does God interrupt these laws? Some of these questions do not make sense without a God hypothesis.
A conflict occurs when we take the assumptions of science, and turn it into a worldview. We take ideas which made science successful, and used them to set up fences around our beliefs. This is why I used to believe that questions of how the laws of physics came about are meaningless. As such, the God hypothesis is meaningless too. What I did not realize is that I merely replaced the God hypothesis with another one: the Chance hypothesis. It assumes that the universe is governed, not by God, but by chance, and only by chance.
How can we know which hypothesis is correct? Some point out correctly that science can never prove 100% that God exists. Yet, the same is true about Chance. How can we look at a string of digits
and say they are random? What if they are the first fifty digits of two times Pi? In fact, science can never prove 100% that you and I exist either. There is always a minuscule probability that our measuring instruments are wrong. It is a common misunderstanding that discoveries in science are black and white. Science is statistical, and our discoveries are at best probabilistic. Furthermore, if you are Bayesian, science allows us to update our probabilistic beliefs through observations. More on this later when we discuss how to observe God.
Next, I will continue this thread of PROCESS vs PURPOSE, and talk about evolution and creation.
On 31 July 2000, God spoke to me (Why I am a Christian). It changed my life powerfully. I have no doubt that it was God. It is as sure to me as meeting Einstein in person, and realizing he is not a figment of pop culture or a conspiracy theory. God is real!
Excitedly, I shared my experience with many people, and met painfully with a lot of skepticism. I have come to understand that people have a right to decide what they want to believe. They have every reason to think that I was superstitious, misguided or naive, because my experience challenges their fundamental beliefs. But I also realized that their doubts do not lessen my experience in any way. I feel like the blind man who was healed by Jesus (John 9). The pharisees came to question him. The blind man replied that he does not know the answers, but said, "One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!"
Over the next two years, many more miracles occurred in my life. God continued to speak to me. I learnt a lot from Him. But in the back of my mind, I wondered how I could reconcile God with my scientific beliefs. I thought I had to give up being a mathematician.
A WRITING PROJECT
In 2002, I went to Stanford. In our writing class, we were given the chance to do a research project in any topic we want. It was the perfect opportunity for me to confront my philosophical dilemma. But I was afraid of what I would find. I didn't want to lose God because He was the best thing that happened to me. He told me to be strong and courageous. He told me to be honest in my search. He said that believing halfway or believing falsely is worse than not believing at all.
After much research (Science and Religion essay), I learnt where my old worldviews came from. I had taken the technical boundaries of Science, and made them the fundamental boundaries of the Universe. The scientific method is:
1. making hypotheses 2. making observations through experiments to test these hypotheses 3. making predictions about the past or the future using proven hypotheses
About the third point, predictions about the past include discovering the origins of life or the origins of the universe. Predictions about the future include knowing what will happen when we put certain mechanical, electronic, chemical and biological parts together, giving us inventions such as rockets, computers, plastics and medicine.
Meanwhile, in a parallel way, the main scientific arguments against God are:
1. There is no need for a God hypothesis. 2. God cannot be observed, so He cannot be real. 3. The Bible contradicts the laws of science: its miracles, and its accounts of the origin of life and of the universe.
I will summarize my thoughts about the above three arguments. Stay tuned.
I'm writing a short series on Science and Religion, but it isn't about the supposed conflict between them. It is more about my mind wrestling with my experience of God through my life. It is about the way my worldviews have changed over time. And I want to write about the process, because that is more important than describing the final product.
Everyone who has a mind has a worldview, whether they like to admit it or not. Our worldview can empower us, or it can imprison us.
I used to be an atheist. Yups, not an agnostic (unsure or indifferent about the existence of God), but an atheist (believing that God does not exist).
MY OLD WORLDVIEW
1. that there is objective truth, i.e. not everything is meaningless, and our opinions are not all correct.
2. that the world is logical, i.e. that there are axioms we cannot prove or disprove, and logic allows us to deduce everything else.
3. that the world is scientific, i.e. observations of our world allows us to figure out what these axioms are, and our deductions allow us to control our environment in a way beneficial to us.
4. that as finite beings with limitations, we may never discover all of these axioms or be correct about the ones we know. But that should not deter us from trying, nor does it lessen the truth of this worldview.
5. that ultimately, our logic will teach us good morals, which we aim to live by, to enjoy life and to prevent the degradation of society.
6. that by "God", I do not mean the impersonal "Laws of Physics" or "Mother Nature", but a Person who exists outside the framework of this universe (someone who lives inside this framework is called an Alien).
7. that God can be a good thing: it helps some people live psychologically healthier lives and enables some societies to flourish, but there really is no need for this concept. It is a figment of man's imagination, invented to explain the things we do not understand and cannot control. Especially pain and suffering, which are results of randomness (natural disasters and accidents) and the limitations of Man.
Science and logic explains the world around us. That society (economics, politics, history, etc.) and the arts can be explained by human psychology, and psychology by biology, and biology by chemistry, and chemistry by physics, and physics by mathematics, and mathematics by logic and the axioms. So logic and the axioms are the foundation of the universe.
Some religious people will argue: where does the logic come from? I would have said it is a meaningless question, because it cannot be answered scientifically. We accept it like we accept the laws of physics.
How could I be sure that God does not exist? Because if He does, He would have made himself known. If He can't be known, what is the point of believing in Him? And if He can be known, science would have had irrefutable proof that He exists.
A friend sent me a devotional from Mary Southerland. Liked the story in it. Haha! :)
* * *
Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Ephesians 5:20 "Always give thanks for everything to our God and Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."
When our hearts and lives are filled with praise and thanksgiving, worry is a weed that will die from lack of attention. Praise and thanksgiving are powerful weapons against worry, freeing God to work in our lives because when we praise Him, we trust Him blindly.
The story is told of a young hippie who was sitting on a park bench reading his Bible. Suddenly he began to shout! "Praise the Lord! What a miracle!" An older, very distinguished man walking by stopped and asked why he was so excited. The young man replied, "I was just reading how God parted the Red Sea and the whole nation of Israel walked on dry ground!" The older man sneered, "Don't you know? That wasn't a real sea at all. It was just a few inches of water." The unbeliever turned to walk away, leaving the young man confused and discouraged - for a moment - until his shouts once again filled the air. The angry cynic returned asking, "What are you shouting about now?" "Well, sir, I just read how God drowned the whole Egyptian army in just a few inches of water." Don't let anyone keep you from praising God. Don't let any circumstance deny you the joy of praise. If you want to win over worry, praise Him!
I had such an awesome conversation with a friend today, almost life-changing! He is such a humble man of God. He taught me that living life in Christ is simple, and he speaks with so much authority!
I want to share some nuggets. Haha, hope they'll bless ya too!
1. By looking at Jesus, we learn how sons are treated. Through Jesus, Papa is demonstrating how He treats His sons! I have to throw off the mindset of trying to figure out what sons have to do. Just soak in the excitement of learning how well He protects and provides for His family! It's a completely different way of living!
2. We do not have to worry or stress over bringing worship to Papa. He only wants us to enjoy His love, and out of that experience, worship comes naturally. Why do the angels worship? They are in direct contact with His love! If worship is an expression of our love, then we love because He first loved us! Make knowing His love our first priority over giving Him our love.
3. Stop believing that things will not happen if we do not ask God continually everyday. It is not by our efforts! Rather, start believing that everything has been accomplished by the cross. Everything. Faith is the act of receiving all that God has given us. I realized I've been fighting for things which God already paid the price for. Prayer is allowing God to change the way we think. We do not even have to worry about lacking faith, because this stems from a fear that we have not done enough. Jesus loves us so much that He paid the full price. He will even give us the faith to believe, if we allow Him to do that. Time to change the way we pray :)
4. How then shall we live? Our circumstances can discourage us. We do not see the fulfillment of His promises in our lives. When Paul was tormented by the thorn in his flesh, God replied that His grace is sufficient for him, for His power is made perfect in his weakness. We can rejoice, because He is more than enough! :D Paul sang and rejoiced in prison! The circumstances could not change his attitude. Rather, his attitude changed the circumstances! An earthquake came, the chains fell off, and he walked out a free man!
5. Our minds can imprison us. I used to be an atheist. My beliefs about His non-existence prevented me from experiencing His love, peace and joy! Even as Christians, our minds can hinder us from His blessings. How then do we change the way we think? Allow Him to remind us of His promises. They are so important that He recorded them in written form: the bible! It's like a receipt, telling you the things which have already been paid for. Show that receipt to the enemy when he tries to cheat you of your inheritance!
I just read a wonderful blog that is just overflowing from the writer's intimacy with Jesus! I love her desire for fresh revelation from the Spirit, not wanting overlook old themes and stories as just being familiar. What a fun way to read the bible!
There is this verse that many can recite, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."
Familiarity says, "This is about how you can tell someone is living by the Spirit, because he/she will display all these qualities in his/her life." But we take it to be nine extra things we need to accomplish in our lives.
Then, in discovering spiritual warfare, we learn, "This is a powerful way to tell if a spirit or a voice is from God or from the enemy." But we reduce discernment to a bunch of principles, forgetting the Person who is our Counselor, who leads us into all truth.
Hahaha, we as humans, myself included, are really *really* good at taking a relationship that is personal, and making it principled.
Okie, to self-control. I feel that this is the fruit that is most misunderstood. For many of us, self-control is about overcoming temptations. I believe it is so much more than that!
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things."
Self-control is not just about stopping bad stuff from coming into our lives, its also about allowing good stuff in. It is about controlling what feeds our souls, and Who we allow to guide our lives. It is about believing Him about our destinies, and following Him into the promised land. But anyone who has tried to live this good life will know that it is incredibly hard. What can we do? We are but humans. How can we have self-control?
I think the promise for us, is that we can ask the Holy Spirit for it, like picking fruit off a Tree. He who helps us to experience His love, joy and peace, will also imbue us with a supernatural ability to stand firm, that we not be like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
It is not one more thing we need to do, but one more thing we can depend on Him for.
Okay, I've been meaning to explain the name of this blog for a while.
In secondary school (grades 7-10), I was in the yellow house (kinda like those in Harry Potter movies). My house did a play called "Bananas and Cheese", if I remember the name right. The scriptwriter said he chose "bananas" because as a Chinese growing up in an English-speaking American-loving culture, he feels like a banana: yellow on the outside but white on the inside. Since then, I called myself the "Banana Guy", not just because I love eating the fruit, but also because I really *really* sucked at Chinese.
The name kinda stuck on me, and got embarrassing after I graduated from high school. But since becoming a Christian, I realized that God has a purpose for me in being a bridge between the East and the West. I was born again in the East in Singapore, grew up in the Lord in the West in America, and am returning soon to the East to my homeland.
I am ever aware of the special destiny that God has given my culture and my country. But I also appreciate the baton that the Western Church is passing to us, through two thousand years of incredible inheritance. Growing up, I have seen my culture reject Christianity as a Western religion. All this is changing. When the Holy Spirit prevented Paul from preaching in Asia (Acts 16:6), He had an end-time purpose in mind. The gospel has swept around the globe, and now Asia is in the middle of the greatest revival ever. More is coming! We are rising up to our unique part in the body of Christ. We are learning that Jesus is not only of the Jews nor only of the West, but the desire of all nations. I am amazed by how Jesus is manifesting himself to Asia now (1, 2, 3, 4) just as in the days of Paul and Peter!
So yes, BananaLOG is a play on words, the LOG book of a Banana, a B-LOG. That this is also a blog of a crazy person, one who has gone bananas. It is foolishness to the world, and I am deeply aware of that :) But I'm not claiming everything is right either :P I pray everyone practices Godly discernment. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.
I want to keep this entry simple. It is about how He loves us, and how much we can trust Him.
Recently, I have been going through a really hard time. I could feel a lot of lies hitting me from all directions. I could feel myself slipping away from Him. I was losing control of my life. I felt depressed and desperate. I felt like I messed up big time. I felt stupid, worthless, hopeless.
One morning, I was so desperate, I got down on my knees and cried out to Papa. I said, "Father, I messed up big time, I do not deserve to come before you. But I really need you. I need you. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me." That's all I could say for a long time.
But then He comes, with tears of compassion in His eyes, and whispers "Hold on, My son. Trust me. You can trust me." I went through the rest of the day holding on to those two words, "Trust me." It kept me going, gave me courage so I wouldn't give up.
That evening, I played a song "Selah" that a friend sent me. In that moment, I felt pure joy fill my heart. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced. I felt all my worries, burdens melt away. I saw all the lies and the fear flee. I was so overwhelmed by His goodness. Most of all, I was so glad I trusted Him. Before, it felt like I had faith, and now, I had Faith. It was Faith that comes from him, not from myself. It felt so solid, so real, something I could lean on, something I could depend my life on.
I understood in that moment, two very basic things about the Kingdom of God. The first is His grace, how there is such an abundance of it! We can always come back to Him no matter how much we felt we messed up. Even if we can't hear His voice. This is such a basic principle! I felt like God wrote this onto my heart.
The second is trusting Him. Oh, how worthy He is of our trust! The Kingdom advances by our trust in Him, not by our efforts. It is such pure joy to trust in Him, even in our darkest hours, and see Him come through!
AND HE WILL COME THROUGH!
I saw how He advances our faith one step at a time. Our current faith leads us back to His feet in our times of desperation, and what we experience there propels us to the next step. From glory to glory!
I'm not through the valley of the shadow of death yet. But He gave me a glimpse of the end of the tunnel. I have the faith and the hope to finish the race.
Grace, and Trust. These are cornerstones of His kingdom. Lord, let me never ever forget that. And we will always come back to them, again and again and again.
"you just need to hear my voice. don’t worry, come forward my son. this is what you were made for. it is actually very simple, the goal of it all. intimacy with me. that’s what they desire. jesus, the desire of the nations. that is what i desire, from the very beginning, when i created adam. it is all very simple. intimacy."
"this is what you need the most courage for. to step forward in intimacy. the next thing you need the most courage for: to help others step into this intimacy, in a way special and unique to them. their gifts, their service, their glory, their legacy, all stems out of this intimacy, all flows into this intimacy.”
if it is that simple, why do i struggle so much? where is my boldness? what am i afraid of?
“standing at the door. not sure of whether you should come in. is there a right and a wrong? what if there is a wrong? come in, take a look and see. explore, take your time. you don’t always have to know what to do the first time. make mistakes. cry. laugh. pick yourself up. there is always mercy. there is always grace. lots of grace.”
father, i want to remain here. i want to sing. i don’t want to care what the world thinks anymore.
“good! fly, shine, arise. they are all symbols of the same thing. freedom. be yourself. be who you were created to be. allow me to flow through you and rejuvenate you.”
“you may seem silly to the world, but not in my eyes. there is an adventurous spirit in there. a boldness. a craziness. that’s you.”
“i will speak your destiny into your life. i will be the one, not you through your gift. it is different. you will know the difference.”
i love you Lord. i want you. you are so good. you know me.
how long have I been in this storm so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form water's getting harder to tread with these waves crashing over my head
if I could just see you everything will be alright if I'd see you the storminess will turn to light
and I will walk on water and you will catch me if I fall and I will get lost into your eyes and everything will be alright and everything will be alright
I know you didn't bring me out here to drown so why am I ten feet under and upside down barely surviving has become my purpose cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface
Simplicity. Enter the moment, the present, the now. Experience. You don't have to analyze, you don't have to understand everything. We can trust Him with where we are now. Rest. Rejoice!
Be thankful for the past. You can't be living in the past, even if it was really good, but you can be thankful for it. The good gets better.
Be hopeful for the future. God was good. Is good. Will always be.
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." @ 1 Thess 5:16-18
We who are born again, we never die. The same goes with our relationships. Relationships never end. They may change but they never end. Every relationship different, every one unique. Each has a life of their own.
Let me teach you how to never fall down, how to never get hurt: Don't put yourself out there. Don't do things that you don't already know how to do, or things that you do not do well. Don't put your emotions into what you do, don't raise your hopes too high. Try not to feel or experience the process. Focus on the goal and play it safe.
That way, you will never fail, because success is about accomplishing something, not about picking up yourself when you fall. And because you did not put your feelings into it, you won't be hurt when you fall. Even better: you won't have to depend on anyone else but yourself. Not even God.
And when you have lots of successes, you can be proud of yourself. You can say that you achieved everything you wanted, and did not experience any hurts, or anything at all, along the way.
***
"I have gone before you, you can trust in Me. Only be strong and courageous. Don't be afraid to fall. I am with you always, especially when it hurts. You are stronger than you think, more brave than you know. I know that about you."
I've not blogged for a while, and there is actually a lot that I want to write about. So here it is. I've bunched them all into one article, and I couldn't think of a good title for this entry but the above sums up my feelings pretty well.
First, let me tell you a story about one of my closest friends. After I first met him, God told me that we were going to be good friends. So I asked God to tell me everything about him. He said, "Why don't you get to know him the normal way?" I asked, "Which is?" And He said, "By talking to him."
Over the months, through our conversations, we indeed became close. I have been given many prophetic words for other people, but I received very few for him. Almost everything I know about him comes from talking to him. Recently, he asked me if I have any words of knowledge for him, and I said, "Unfortunately no. Looks like we have to do it the normal way!"
It occurred to me the next day that I often do the same with God. I go to Him asking if He has any words for me, to help me deal with my issues or my decisions. But He really desires to just talk with me. It is as though He switches off His prophetic gift (which by the way is really really powerful!) and smiles, "How are you today?" It hit me that He really really wants to be friends with us. Not primarily a master or a teacher or a counsellor, but a friend.
Here is another thread, bear with me, but it'll lead somewhere. The story of Peter having a vision where a voice tells him to "kill and eat" in Acts 10. Peter says that he will not eat anything impure. But the voice said, "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean." I've noticed that I'm subconsciously labeling everything as secular or christian. Especially people. I realized that God doesn't look at someone and thinks he or she is non-christian. So why should we?
There is something to be said about finding goodness in every situation and every person. There is no such thing as a secular situation or a christian situation, but in every situation, we can see God at work and we can see where God is not at work. This is also true about church, where we have come to believe that everything preached must be from God. We need to practice discernment. At the same time, I've learnt some of my deepest lessons from "secular" events and "secular" people!
Someone asked me recently, "Why do you always prophesy good things? Doesn't God see the negative in us that needs changing?" Then, I realized it is impossible for God to see us as bad or being defined by something bad. He sees the bad stuff hindering and crippling us like a disease that is not a part of us. The good news is that we no longer are bound to this disease. The cross accomplished this. But cross or no cross, God never saw the cup as half-empty. He always sees us as half-full. He sees our goodness and wants to give us even more. The cross accomplishes this.
Which brings me to the crux: that there is so much good in people! When I look around, the world is in color! I see the amazingness that God has created his people with. The fields are white for harvest, they are not black! We are not harvesting weeds! We are calling out the goodness in people, to bring it to their attention, to show them how much worth they have. This is the harvest!
I'm reading the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. If you haven't seen it, please do! It's awesome :)
I love what it says about compliance. There are many people who have difficulty saying "no" to things that hurt them (I don't just mean drugs). For instance, when asked for a favor, even if they do not have the time or energy to do it, they will say yes because "it is sacrificial love."
This kind of boundary conflict is called compliance. Compliant people have fuzzy and indistinct boundaries; they "melt" into the demands and needs of other people. They can't stand alone, distinct from people who want something from them. Compliants, for example, pretend to like the same restaurants and movies their friends do "just to get along." They minimize their differences with others so as not to rock the boat. Compliants are chameleons. After a while, it's hard to distinguish them from their environment.
So, what's the deal with this? There will be times for sacrificial love. How is that distinct from compliance? The difference is on the inside.
Biblical compliance needs to be distinguished from this kind of compliance. Mathew 9:13 says that God desires "compassion, not sacrifice" (NASB). In other words, God wants us to be compliant from the inside out (compassionate), not compliant on the outside and resentful on the inside (sacrificial). Compliants take on too many responsibilities and set too few boundaries, not by choice, but because they are afraid.
Love casts out all fear. Sacrificial love is a love that invokes a sacrifice, not a sacrifice pretending to be love. We desire to be passionate lovers. We need to find true desires deep inside of us, those which God created in us, and to respect and pursue those desires. We need a deeper work, and only God can do that.
