I was having one of my down days. Many disappointments, sadness, grief, feelings of failure. I tried to come to Him, but felt as though I could not hear His voice. I struggled. I needed Him badly.
"I am pleased with you," He said.
"God, I don't need this now, I need to know you are real. I need to hear your voice. How do I know this is you?", I said.
"I am pleased with you. I will say it again. I am pleased with you. I will never be tired of saying it. Because I mean it. I don't say things to make you feel better. I say it because it is true."
"But Father, how could I have pleased you? I have disappointed you, I have disobeyed you, I have failed, I did not accomplish anything. I have not done anything that would make you happy."
He paused, deep in thought, as if memories are running through his head.
"Because you are still here," He replied, with tears are in His eyes.
And I saw a battle scene, and many were wounded. But they were not destroyed. God does not require anything from us, no tasks, no accomplishments, no successes. But the bible does mention something that pleases Him. "Without faith, it is impossible to please God."
And we only have to come back to Him. This is both the easiest thing and the hardest thing to do. To Him, it touches His heart deeply, immensely. To the beaten-down warriors out there, don't give up! God is good and He is more than enough.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Christ the Redeemer
Today, I want to share a photo that affected me deeply when I saw it. If there is anything such as prophetic photography, this is it.
An awesome brudder, Jerald, took it when he was in Brazil, of a huge statue of "Christ the Redeemer". (Incidentally, he took it when it was dark under long exposure.) Wanted to share it here, since we are on the topic of Shine.
God has blessed me with many amazing brothers in Christ over the years, and Jerald is truly a man after God's heart. Please do check out his blog. Deep revelations pouring out of his intimacy with his Lord and Brother.
Lastly, he shared with me a testimony about a Singaporean lady who had severe osteoporosis, rheumatism and leukemia at 30 years old and was going to die. Her testimony of how God healed her is amazing. Even more amazing is her encounter with God on her own kitchen floor... looking into the loving eyes of Jesus! Indeed, the lamp of the body is the eye.
Testimony
All of us have our reasons for believing in God. Some of us, crazy encounters, that the world would not believe even if we told them. But we know what we saw, heard, experienced. Those who have been given much, much would also be expected of them. And as the lady reminds us, when Jesus showed Thomas his hands, He gave him a crazy encounter. But He also said, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Faith pleases God.
An awesome brudder, Jerald, took it when he was in Brazil, of a huge statue of "Christ the Redeemer". (Incidentally, he took it when it was dark under long exposure.) Wanted to share it here, since we are on the topic of Shine.
God has blessed me with many amazing brothers in Christ over the years, and Jerald is truly a man after God's heart. Please do check out his blog. Deep revelations pouring out of his intimacy with his Lord and Brother.
Lastly, he shared with me a testimony about a Singaporean lady who had severe osteoporosis, rheumatism and leukemia at 30 years old and was going to die. Her testimony of how God healed her is amazing. Even more amazing is her encounter with God on her own kitchen floor... looking into the loving eyes of Jesus! Indeed, the lamp of the body is the eye.
Testimony
All of us have our reasons for believing in God. Some of us, crazy encounters, that the world would not believe even if we told them. But we know what we saw, heard, experienced. Those who have been given much, much would also be expected of them. And as the lady reminds us, when Jesus showed Thomas his hands, He gave him a crazy encounter. But He also said, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." Faith pleases God.
Monday, July 06, 2009
Shine Video
I saw this video at church last Sunday, and it really spoke to me because of all the things I've been seeing, hearing, wondering.. about Shine. Awesome. There are no coincidences :) Check it out!
http://www.highwayvideo.com/Radiate-P1163.aspx
1. May the Lord makes His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
2. From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth.
3. Restore us, O God; make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved.
4. Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
5. Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever.
6. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
7. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
8. For God, who said, "let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
http://www.highwayvideo.com/Radiate-P1163.aspx
1. May the Lord makes His face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
2. From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth.
3. Restore us, O God; make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved.
4. Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
5. Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever.
6. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
7. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
8. For God, who said, "let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Secret to shining
When God talks about light, He is talking about life.
John 1:4-5
In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
How do we have life? How do we become alive? How do we shine? First, don't hide what you have. Second, let yourself be filled.
Luke 11:33 -36
"No one, when he has lit a lamp, puts it in a secret place or under a basket, but on a lampstand, that those who come in may see the light. The lamp of the body is the eye. Therefore, when your eye is good, your whole body also is full of light. But when your eye is bad, your body also is full of darkness. Therefore take heed that the light which is in you is not darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, the whole body will be full of light, as when the bright shining of a lamp gives you light."
The secret to being filled is our spiritual eyes. It is the window INTO our soul, our spirit. What do we see in the world around us? What do we see in other people? What do we see in ourselves? What do we see in God? The lamp of the body is the eye. If we see as He sees, our body will be filled with life. Sit at His feet, look into His face. His love will transform us. His perspectives will change us. His joy will fill us. From the inside out.
How do we know if what we see is real? Externally, by its fruits. But more importantly, internally, because His ability is speak to us is greater than our ability to hear Him. We have to trust Him.
Indeed, this is the greatest blessing God has to give to us. He wanted Moses and Aaron to pray this for the Israelites.
Numbers 6:22-26
The LORD said to Moses,
"Tell Aaron and his sons,
'This is how you are to bless the Israelites.
Say to them:
"The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace." '
So they will put my name on the Israelites,
and I will bless them."
Psalm 4:6-8
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.
You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.
John 1:4-5
In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
How do we have life? How do we become alive? How do we shine? First, don't hide what you have. Second, let yourself be filled.
Luke 11:33 -36
"No one, when he has lit a lamp, puts it in a secret place or under a basket, but on a lampstand, that those who come in may see the light. The lamp of the body is the eye. Therefore, when your eye is good, your whole body also is full of light. But when your eye is bad, your body also is full of darkness. Therefore take heed that the light which is in you is not darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, the whole body will be full of light, as when the bright shining of a lamp gives you light."
The secret to being filled is our spiritual eyes. It is the window INTO our soul, our spirit. What do we see in the world around us? What do we see in other people? What do we see in ourselves? What do we see in God? The lamp of the body is the eye. If we see as He sees, our body will be filled with life. Sit at His feet, look into His face. His love will transform us. His perspectives will change us. His joy will fill us. From the inside out.
How do we know if what we see is real? Externally, by its fruits. But more importantly, internally, because His ability is speak to us is greater than our ability to hear Him. We have to trust Him.
Indeed, this is the greatest blessing God has to give to us. He wanted Moses and Aaron to pray this for the Israelites.
Numbers 6:22-26
The LORD said to Moses,
"Tell Aaron and his sons,
'This is how you are to bless the Israelites.
Say to them:
"The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace." '
So they will put my name on the Israelites,
and I will bless them."
Psalm 4:6-8
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.
You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Shine
"The Spirit of the LORD spoke through me;
his word was on my tongue.
The God of Israel spoke,
the Rock of Israel said to me:
'When one rules over men in righteousness,
when he rules in the fear of God,
he is like the light of morning at sunrise
on a cloudless morning,
like the brightness after rain
that brings the grass from the earth.' "
2 Sam 23:2-4
"Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.
See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the LORD rises upon you
and his glory appears over you.
Nations will come to your light,
and kings to the brightness of your dawn.
Lift up your eyes and look about you:
All assemble and come to you;
your sons come from afar,
and your daughters are carried on the arm.
Then you will look and be radiant,
your heart will throb and swell with joy;
the wealth on the seas will be brought to you,
to you the riches of the nations will come.''
Isaiah 60:1-5
his word was on my tongue.
The God of Israel spoke,
the Rock of Israel said to me:
'When one rules over men in righteousness,
when he rules in the fear of God,
he is like the light of morning at sunrise
on a cloudless morning,
like the brightness after rain
that brings the grass from the earth.' "
2 Sam 23:2-4
"Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.
See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the LORD rises upon you
and his glory appears over you.
Nations will come to your light,
and kings to the brightness of your dawn.
Lift up your eyes and look about you:
All assemble and come to you;
your sons come from afar,
and your daughters are carried on the arm.
Then you will look and be radiant,
your heart will throb and swell with joy;
the wealth on the seas will be brought to you,
to you the riches of the nations will come.''
Isaiah 60:1-5
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Unity is diversity and codependence
I had a dream Friday night. Don't remember much of the details, but there was like a huge competitive event going on, and a lot of my friends from a long time ago was there. I remember someone fatherly giving me advice, saying "Unity is diversity and codependence." I replied, "You mean, Unity is codependence." He said, "No, it is DIVERSITY and codependence." And I understood that we are not united when we are all the same. Rather, it is our differences that make us strong.
I later checked the word "codependence" and realized that it is related to alcoholism and stuff. A better word might be "Interdependence" but I want to remain true to the word that I heard. Perhaps codependence is not just depending on each other, but that and also depending on God together.
I later checked the word "codependence" and realized that it is related to alcoholism and stuff. A better word might be "Interdependence" but I want to remain true to the word that I heard. Perhaps codependence is not just depending on each other, but that and also depending on God together.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Your love never fails
Tired of being tossed around by the waves. I need a rock, a base, a foundational revelation in my life. Something that never changes. Ever.
Jesus Culture - Your Love Never Fails
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails
Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails
Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails
The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails
Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good
Jesus Culture - Your Love Never Fails
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails
Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails
Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails
The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails
Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Family
God first. Family second. Ministry third.
In this revival, God is restoring intimacy and He is restoring the family.
He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
Here's a good sermon about the family by Tommy Barnett. Check out the one on 21st June.
Secrets to a strong family:
1. Commitment to each other.
2. Quantity and quality time.
3. Showing appreciation all the time.
4. Communication.
5. Coping skills for crisis.
6. Strong faith.
A good word I heard at Highway Church: "There are two important things you as a daddy can do for your daughter. The first is teaching her to tie her shoelace. The second is teaching her to love herself. And you can only do that by learning to love yourself first." (paraphrased)
In this revival, God is restoring intimacy and He is restoring the family.
He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
Here's a good sermon about the family by Tommy Barnett. Check out the one on 21st June.
Secrets to a strong family:
1. Commitment to each other.
2. Quantity and quality time.
3. Showing appreciation all the time.
4. Communication.
5. Coping skills for crisis.
6. Strong faith.
A good word I heard at Highway Church: "There are two important things you as a daddy can do for your daughter. The first is teaching her to tie her shoelace. The second is teaching her to love herself. And you can only do that by learning to love yourself first." (paraphrased)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Dream
It is better to have dreamed and failed, then not to dream at all.
It is better to have believed and not see its fulfillment, then not to believe at all.
"These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." Heb 12:39-40
When we believe, we are trusting in His character. The goodness of God will accomplish it. His power alone shall accomplish it. We do not believe because we fear disappointment. But when we believe, there is no disappointment.
"We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Rom 5:2-5.
We have been taught that we should take risks in what we do. It is better to have tried and failed, then not to try at all. In the same way, take risks in what we believe. There is something mysterious about hope, something mysterious about faith. It changes the one who carries it. It connects us higher, deeper to Him.
It is better to have believed and not see its fulfillment, then not to believe at all.
"These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." Heb 12:39-40
When we believe, we are trusting in His character. The goodness of God will accomplish it. His power alone shall accomplish it. We do not believe because we fear disappointment. But when we believe, there is no disappointment.
"We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Rom 5:2-5.
We have been taught that we should take risks in what we do. It is better to have tried and failed, then not to try at all. In the same way, take risks in what we believe. There is something mysterious about hope, something mysterious about faith. It changes the one who carries it. It connects us higher, deeper to Him.
Monday, June 22, 2009
I'll tell you how to serve
"I'll tell you how to serve. Sit at my feet, like Mary. Listen to what I have to say. Martha, Martha, Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.''
"Are you serving the world or serving me? A changed man changes the world. You are more important to me than the world. I will feed you, then you can feed my sheep."
"Are you serving the world or serving me? A changed man changes the world. You are more important to me than the world. I will feed you, then you can feed my sheep."
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Unreligious Guide to Dating
I was recommended this blog series on dating by Shawn Bolz, a candid young prophetic minister. He's one of my favorite guys because he doesn't say things to sound good or to please people. Just an honest dude trying to live life for God.
1. Unreligious guide to dating and being single
2. Single and loving/hating it
3. I'm not married and so can you be
4. I kissed dating goodbye and then i asked it out again
5. About guys. For guys. Anyone else read at your own risk
6. All about guys! Because its ladies night!
7. Friendship with the opposite sex
8. Obsession and stalkers
1. Unreligious guide to dating and being single
2. Single and loving/hating it
3. I'm not married and so can you be
4. I kissed dating goodbye and then i asked it out again
5. About guys. For guys. Anyone else read at your own risk
6. All about guys! Because its ladies night!
7. Friendship with the opposite sex
8. Obsession and stalkers
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Loving without agenda
Its taken me a long time to figure out what is ministry and evangelism. A part of me always felt offended by these concepts. I think I understand why now.
I was offended by how sometimes it seems like we are helping others because we want them in the church, and later for them to become like us. That we felt there was something wrong with their lives and that needs correction. If we help others out of this intention, how could that be love? I would be very sad if that was all love was. Yet God's love is different, I always feel accepted in His presence. What is the difference? There is a saying "God loves you the way you are, but He loves you too much for you to remain that way." I don't like the second half. It doesn't convey His love right.
A friend taught me something new recently. I asked him, "What do you do when you spend time with God?" I was expecting him to say something like worship, or telling Him his thoughts and feelings, or reading the bible. But he said, "I don't know, I don't really do anything." I got a little annoyed, then God revealed to me the wisdom in his words. I've somehow felt that I need to have an agenda when I come before God. Something to do, or to ask, or to accomplish. Kinda like calling a friend on the phone only because you need something from him. Yet when God comes to us, He has no agenda. He just wants to be with us.
In the documentary "Finger of God", one of the last scene shows Heidi Baker praying for a muslim woman. The woman gets healed, and thanks Allah. Someone from the ministry team corrects her, saying it was Jesus, not Allah. The woman refuses to acknowledge that and they get into a slight disagreement. But Heidi replies, Allah healed you and He loves you. She smiles and says goodbye to the woman.
God heals us because He loves us, not to get us to come back to Him. Yes, He does want us with Him, but it is far from being his primary reason for healing us. Like a mother, seeing her runaway child go hungry, would send food and money his way because he needs it, and not because she wants him to come home. Loving unconditionally, that's another way to say it. And when we love like that, people change. It is a side-effect, not a goal. That love is powerful, probably the most powerful thing in the universe.
Lord, teach me to love radically, without agenda.
UPDATE ON 29 JUNE 2009:
There is promise in the bible for those who love without agenda,
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." Matt 5:8
You will see God as He is.
I was offended by how sometimes it seems like we are helping others because we want them in the church, and later for them to become like us. That we felt there was something wrong with their lives and that needs correction. If we help others out of this intention, how could that be love? I would be very sad if that was all love was. Yet God's love is different, I always feel accepted in His presence. What is the difference? There is a saying "God loves you the way you are, but He loves you too much for you to remain that way." I don't like the second half. It doesn't convey His love right.
A friend taught me something new recently. I asked him, "What do you do when you spend time with God?" I was expecting him to say something like worship, or telling Him his thoughts and feelings, or reading the bible. But he said, "I don't know, I don't really do anything." I got a little annoyed, then God revealed to me the wisdom in his words. I've somehow felt that I need to have an agenda when I come before God. Something to do, or to ask, or to accomplish. Kinda like calling a friend on the phone only because you need something from him. Yet when God comes to us, He has no agenda. He just wants to be with us.
In the documentary "Finger of God", one of the last scene shows Heidi Baker praying for a muslim woman. The woman gets healed, and thanks Allah. Someone from the ministry team corrects her, saying it was Jesus, not Allah. The woman refuses to acknowledge that and they get into a slight disagreement. But Heidi replies, Allah healed you and He loves you. She smiles and says goodbye to the woman.
God heals us because He loves us, not to get us to come back to Him. Yes, He does want us with Him, but it is far from being his primary reason for healing us. Like a mother, seeing her runaway child go hungry, would send food and money his way because he needs it, and not because she wants him to come home. Loving unconditionally, that's another way to say it. And when we love like that, people change. It is a side-effect, not a goal. That love is powerful, probably the most powerful thing in the universe.
Lord, teach me to love radically, without agenda.
UPDATE ON 29 JUNE 2009:
There is promise in the bible for those who love without agenda,
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." Matt 5:8
You will see God as He is.
God understands loss
I guess, during such times, we don't have to figure out or justify why we feel the way we feel. God just wants to come close and whisper, "I know how you feel".
Goodbyes..
This has been a tremendously tough week for me... my two closest brudders left for singapore. my parents came and left too. my heart is grieving. i do not know what to do. overwhelmed. truly overwhelmed. i need you God.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Revelation Song
Jennie Riddle wrote Revelation Song, while singing a lullaby to her baby...
Then, Kari Jobe recorded it and the rest is history. Read the rest of this powerful story here.
Therefore, I asked the Holy Spirit to help me write a song that painted Him; a song that the angels and creation were already singing, so that we could join in with One Voice, as One Bride, to One King.
...
"Revelation Song" made its very first public outing when I introduced it to my local church on a Sunday when the Lord moved in such a way that it was called for unrehearsed and "on the fly". The song resonated with the congregation, and Jesus danced, I’m just sure of it.It quickly became a loved song. Next, it was introduced to my students at the high school. God met us every time we used it from that point on.
Then, Kari Jobe recorded it and the rest is history. Read the rest of this powerful story here.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Don't try!
From "Good Morning, Holy Spirit" by Benny Hinn, Chapter 12.
***
Just after I began to preach the gospel, I met David DuPlessis. He was known as "Mr. Pentecost" as a result of his presentation of the Holy Spirit to world religious leaders. He was a charismatic before anyone knew what the word meant.
I was walking down the same hallway with this anointed man at a conference in Brockville, Ontario, when I summoned the courage to stop him and ask a question. I nervously asked him. "Dr. DuPlessis, how can I truly please God?"
The old man, who is now with Jesus, stopped, put his briefcase down, pointed his finger in my chest and pushed me against the wall. I certainly didn't expect that from a frail preacher. All I had said was, "How can I please God?" and he nailed me to the wall. Then he said two words that I have never forgotten. He said: "Don't try!" He picked up his little case and walked on down the hall.
I caught up with him and said, "Dr. DuPlessis, I don't understand."
He calmly turned around and said, "Young man, it's not your ability. It's His ability in you." Then he said, "Good night," and walked into his room.
As I walked into my room, I was still puzzled. I lay down on my bed and thought about those words. "It's not your ability. It's His ability in you."
In that moment I hardly knew what to pray, but the Spirit began to unlock the truth of those words to me. How can I please God? By yielding! By not even trying. It was just as Mr. Pentecost said. The Holy Spirit will do the work. It's not my strength; it's His. Otherwise I would boast of my own accomplishments.
***
***
Just after I began to preach the gospel, I met David DuPlessis. He was known as "Mr. Pentecost" as a result of his presentation of the Holy Spirit to world religious leaders. He was a charismatic before anyone knew what the word meant.
I was walking down the same hallway with this anointed man at a conference in Brockville, Ontario, when I summoned the courage to stop him and ask a question. I nervously asked him. "Dr. DuPlessis, how can I truly please God?"
The old man, who is now with Jesus, stopped, put his briefcase down, pointed his finger in my chest and pushed me against the wall. I certainly didn't expect that from a frail preacher. All I had said was, "How can I please God?" and he nailed me to the wall. Then he said two words that I have never forgotten. He said: "Don't try!" He picked up his little case and walked on down the hall.
I caught up with him and said, "Dr. DuPlessis, I don't understand."
He calmly turned around and said, "Young man, it's not your ability. It's His ability in you." Then he said, "Good night," and walked into his room.
As I walked into my room, I was still puzzled. I lay down on my bed and thought about those words. "It's not your ability. It's His ability in you."
In that moment I hardly knew what to pray, but the Spirit began to unlock the truth of those words to me. How can I please God? By yielding! By not even trying. It was just as Mr. Pentecost said. The Holy Spirit will do the work. It's not my strength; it's His. Otherwise I would boast of my own accomplishments.
***
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Thirsty?
On the last and greatest day of the Feast,
Jesus stood up and said in a loud voice,
"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture as said,
streams of living water will flow from within him."
By this, he meant the Spirit,
whom those who believed in him were later to receive.
Up to that time, the Spirit had not yet been given,
since Jesus had not yet been glorified.
John 7:37-39
Drink of the Holy Spirit.
Jesus stood up and said in a loud voice,
"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture as said,
streams of living water will flow from within him."
By this, he meant the Spirit,
whom those who believed in him were later to receive.
Up to that time, the Spirit had not yet been given,
since Jesus had not yet been glorified.
John 7:37-39
Drink of the Holy Spirit.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Testing of your faith
We have heard great and marvelous things from the Lord, even deep and wonderful words of wisdom. But only when they are tested by fire, will they remain bonded to the heart.
Monday, March 02, 2009
What life would be like
Big Daddy Weave - What Life Would Be Like
I wish I was more of a man
Have you ever felt that way
And if I had to tell you the truth
I'm afraid I'd have to say
That after all I've done and failed to do
I feel like less than I was meant to be
What if I could fix myself
Maybe then I could get free
I could try to be somebody else
Who's much better off than me
But I need to remember this
That it's when I'm at my weakest
I can clearly see
Chorus:
He made the lame walk and the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time
Yet He knows our deepest desperate need
And the world waits while His heart aches
To realize the dream
I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus live through you and me
What if you could see yourself thru another pair of eyes
What if you could hear the truth
Instead of old familiar lies
What if you could feel inside
The power of the hand that made the universe You'd realize
Chorus:
All our hearts they burn within us
All our lives we've longed for more
So let us lay our lives before the one who gave His life for us
Monday, January 26, 2009
"Trust Me"
Here's another old entry that is really encouraging right now:
http://bananaguy.blogspot.com/2005/08/dental-surgery.html
http://bananaguy.blogspot.com/2005/08/dental-surgery.html
For the last few months, ever since my bike trip, I have been getting vivid flashbacks of my childhood and teenage days. Many hidden memories are coming slowly back to me. I have also been experiencing many emotions which I have never felt before. Sometimes, while in worship, I see myself sparking, like a florescent tube that has just been switched on. Many colors are flowing in and out. I think the colors represent these new emotions and the revival of old memories.
I think God is trying to heal me of my past and to show me who I am. A few days ago, something broke inside of me. I could feel a lot of pain coming out, but I have no idea where the pain is coming from. I am starting to feel afraid, not wanting the healing any longer. Part of me wants to bury the past and to go back to where I was before. But part of me knows wants to move on, because this is the only way I can be true to myself and true to Him. I can walk bravely forward, because He is with me. I am not afraid to fall, because He will pick me up. He calls out firmly and assuredly, "Trust Me." He knows what He is doing. I will overcome.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Focus on the core
In swimming, the kicking, paddling, breathing matters. But what matters most is the body core. If the core is straight and streamline, a little kicking, paddling, breathing goes a long way.
In living, service and giftings matter. But what matters most is the heart. If the heart is right, a little serving and gifting goes a long way. We must focus on our hearts. Jesus came for my heart. He came to pursue it, capture it and heal it. Sometimes, we are too focused on trying to remove sin from our lives or to achieve our giftings or to minister to others. These are important to Him, and He is saying that He can only accomplish them by speaking to our hearts. In fact, our hearts (what we feel, who we are, how we know Him) are more important to Him than all these things.
In helping others, we don't focus on healing their sicknesses or enabling their gifts. We learn to love, and walk with their hearts in finding the right way. That's how Jesus walks with us. Along this way, God may ask us to enable their gifts or to heal their sicknesses.
In prophecy, rather than knowing what is in the minds of people, it is better to understand what is in their hearts. The mind is often unconscious of what is in the heart. In their hearts, we see the image of God in them, we see their passions and we see their destinies. If God gives us the key into their hearts, He will also give us the key to unlock their destinies.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Born Again
Being born again means that we start out again as a baby. We don't grow up instantly. We have the pleasure of enjoying our childhood again, this time with Jesus.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Friday, October 12, 2007
You'll be in My Heart
"You'll Be In My Heart" (Phil Collins)
Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight
I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always
Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know
When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more
Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always
Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight
I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always
Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all
And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know
When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more
Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Lifehouse's "Everything" Skit
Esther Cheng sent this out, and it really touched me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
He really is right there next to me, holding my hand, squeezing them when I need His assurance. He created, so that I would know His love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v
He really is right there next to me, holding my hand, squeezing them when I need His assurance. He created, so that I would know His love.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Just Be...
Just be...
Just be loved.
Just be a lover.
Know that you are loved.
Know that you are a lover!
Just be loved.
Just be a lover.
Know that you are loved.
Know that you are a lover!
Monday, July 09, 2007
If You Believe
Also from "Ella Enchanted", the chorus of the song
If You Believe
...
Believe the voice inside of you
Live out your dreams and make them true
Through your eyes, I may see
With your love, you set me free
Wishes can come true
If you believe
...
Yes, believe the voice inside of you, let His love set you free, see through His eyes and be amazed by how lovely and precious you are to Him!
...
Believe the voice inside of you
Live out your dreams and make them true
Through your eyes, I may see
With your love, you set me free
Wishes can come true
If you believe
...
Yes, believe the voice inside of you, let His love set you free, see through His eyes and be amazed by how lovely and precious you are to Him!
True to Your Heart
Chris lent me the "Ella Enchanted" DVD, and I really liked this song that sang in the credits. I feel as though God is speaking through the lyrics:
True to Your Heart
Baby I knew at once
That you were meant for me
Deep in my soul I know
That I'm your destiny
Though you're unsure
Why fight the tide
Don't think so much
Let your heart decide
Baby I see your future
And it's tied to mine
I look in your eyes
And see you searching for a sign
But you'll never fall
'Til you let go
Don't be so scared
Of what you don't know
True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to me
Someone you know is on your side
Can set you free
I can do that for you
If you believe in me
Why second-guess
What feels so right
Just trust your heart
And you'll see the light
True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to me
Your heart knows what's good for you
Let your heart show you the way
It'll see you through
[Child] my heart is driving me to where you are
You can take both hands off the wheel and
Still get far
Be swept away enjoy the ride
You won't get lost
With your heart to guide you
True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to me
When things are getting crazy
And you don't know where to start
Keep on believing baby
Just be true to your heart
When all the world around you
It seems to fall apart
Keep on believing baby
Just be true to your heart
Baby I knew at once
That you were meant for me
Deep in my soul I know
That I'm your destiny
Though you're unsure
Why fight the tide
Don't think so much
Let your heart decide
Baby I see your future
And it's tied to mine
I look in your eyes
And see you searching for a sign
But you'll never fall
'Til you let go
Don't be so scared
Of what you don't know
True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to me
Someone you know is on your side
Can set you free
I can do that for you
If you believe in me
Why second-guess
What feels so right
Just trust your heart
And you'll see the light
True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to me
Your heart knows what's good for you
Let your heart show you the way
It'll see you through
[Child] my heart is driving me to where you are
You can take both hands off the wheel and
Still get far
Be swept away enjoy the ride
You won't get lost
With your heart to guide you
True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And baby shower you with my love
Open your eyes
Your heart can tell you no lies
And when you're true to your heart
I know it's gonna lead you straight to me
When things are getting crazy
And you don't know where to start
Keep on believing baby
Just be true to your heart
When all the world around you
It seems to fall apart
Keep on believing baby
Just be true to your heart
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Sacred Romance
Thanks to Ailin, I'm now reading "The Sacred Romance" by Brent Curtis & John Eldredge.
This book is SOOOO awesome! It is confirming all the stuff that I have been hearing from God for a long time, about intimacy and its importance. About God courting us and woo-ing us as His beloved. About his deep fiery passion and desire for us.
If you have the aching in your heart for something more; if you suspect that there is more to Christianity than going to church, singing in worship and serving in ministry; this book will not give you what you need, but it will sure point you in the right direction!
This book is SOOOO awesome! It is confirming all the stuff that I have been hearing from God for a long time, about intimacy and its importance. About God courting us and woo-ing us as His beloved. About his deep fiery passion and desire for us.
If you have the aching in your heart for something more; if you suspect that there is more to Christianity than going to church, singing in worship and serving in ministry; this book will not give you what you need, but it will sure point you in the right direction!
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Pascal's conversion
I found out from a friend today about Blaise Pascal's conversion story. He was a French mathematician, physicist and religious philosopher in the 1600s. It is claimed that he "had an intense religious vision and immediately recorded the experience in a brief note to himself which began: 'Fire. God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob, not of the philosophers and the scholars…' and concluded by quoting Psalm 119:16: 'I will not forget thy word. Amen.' " See more in the wiki article, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blaise_Pascal#Religious_conversion.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Grand Mathematician (cont.)
While posting my testimony on God's revelations in mathematics below, I am reminded to two other stories:
1. Charles Townes, Nobel prize-winning physicist who discovered maser and laser. He is also very well-known as a Christian speaker. He is the recipient of the Templeton Prize in 2005. Townes claims that a moment of revelation, rather than inspiration, gave him the idea of the maser (which later led to the invention of the laser) while he was walking in a park one day. See the following interview by UC Berkeley News (Jun 2005): http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/2005/06/17_townes.shtml
2. Recently, I was working on a problem in my Math 127 class. I needed to find some variants of a certain statistical model. I could not get any headway for 1-2 days, and I asked God if He had any ideas. As usual, He gives me a little chuckle! A few hours later, I had an idea to try the Fourier transformations described in class. At first, the transformations looked really clumsy, and the new Fourier coordinates did not factor nicely into one term. So I gave up. A few hours later with no success, while in the bathroom, I decided to try the Fourier idea again. And this time, everything worked out nicely! I told him that the idea did not come like a clear revelation as it did in Budapest, so I don't know if it was really from him or from myself. He told me that He doesn't really care if I choose to attribute the idea to Him or not: it was my own choice. I said I really want to give Him the praise even when I do not understand how He helped me, so I did.
When the homeworked was returned to us, God reminded me of how the professor in the Budapest class had remarked how His solutions were good. He joked that perhaps my professor would also comment on the Fourier solution. I laughed back. And surprisingly, my professor did talk about the Fourier solution in class!
1. Charles Townes, Nobel prize-winning physicist who discovered maser and laser. He is also very well-known as a Christian speaker. He is the recipient of the Templeton Prize in 2005. Townes claims that a moment of revelation, rather than inspiration, gave him the idea of the maser (which later led to the invention of the laser) while he was walking in a park one day. See the following interview by UC Berkeley News (Jun 2005): http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/2005/06/17_townes.shtml
2. Recently, I was working on a problem in my Math 127 class. I needed to find some variants of a certain statistical model. I could not get any headway for 1-2 days, and I asked God if He had any ideas. As usual, He gives me a little chuckle! A few hours later, I had an idea to try the Fourier transformations described in class. At first, the transformations looked really clumsy, and the new Fourier coordinates did not factor nicely into one term. So I gave up. A few hours later with no success, while in the bathroom, I decided to try the Fourier idea again. And this time, everything worked out nicely! I told him that the idea did not come like a clear revelation as it did in Budapest, so I don't know if it was really from him or from myself. He told me that He doesn't really care if I choose to attribute the idea to Him or not: it was my own choice. I said I really want to give Him the praise even when I do not understand how He helped me, so I did.
When the homeworked was returned to us, God reminded me of how the professor in the Budapest class had remarked how His solutions were good. He joked that perhaps my professor would also comment on the Fourier solution. I laughed back. And surprisingly, my professor did talk about the Fourier solution in class!
Grand Mathematician
Here is an interesting testimony of some of the miracles that God has been doing in my life, with regards to mathematics. I wrote it for Ps Derek Hong of Church of Our Savior, because he was preparing a sermon on Christians in the marketplace and had heard of my testimony from another friend:
It began in Dec 2002, when I was a freshman at Stanford. I was taking a maths competition called Putnam which university students from all over the US take part in. I was doing question A5 and was thinking about it for a long time but could not get the answer. I realized that God is the Greatest Mathematician in the universe, so I decided to ask Him for help. After some time, when I was looking at a sequence of number, I heard His familiar gentle inner voice telling me "Go forward 4 steps, go back 3." I doubted for a while if that was Him. After some struggle, I decided to give that suggestion a try. When I looked at the sequence by jumping forward 4 numbers and going back another 3, I found a pattern. This pattern allowed me to solve the problem. After the competition, God asked me if I would give Him the glory for His helping me with the questions, and I said I would. When I told my friends about how God helped me with the competition, not many believed me but it was a start. Three months later, I got the results for the competition, and found out that I was ranked 40th in the whole of USA. I was so thrilled.
During my second year at Stanford, I took a really difficult maths class called Modern Algebra which was for graduate students. I spent many nights trying to solve the problems, and it took me a while to remember how God helped me at the Putnam six months before. Again, I asked God to teach me to do the problems. While I did not get any clear words from him about the solutions, there were many times when I would suddenly see the link between different parts of the problem less than 5 minutes after I prayed. At the end of the term, I scored an A for the class. I was so thrilled. God was teaching me that He can help me with my Mathematics in more ways than just speaking the solution to me. He was teaching me that I have to humble myself before Him to ask Him for help, and stop thinking that I was invincible in solving all the problems by myself, but that with His help, indeed we can solve all problems. He also started showing me that since young, He has been the One guiding and teaching me as I grew in my mathematical gifting.
During my third and last year at Stanford, I did a 3-month math exchange programme in Budapest, Hungary. The programme is famous for stretching the students in their problem solving skills. During that term, my mind was not so much on the programme, because I was more worried about trying to graduate that year. I wanted to write a good research thesis to improve my chances of getting into a good PhD programme. But I was so desparate because I did not understand the material the professor gave me, nor did I have any new ideas to work on. Then, God asked me if I would give up my thesis for Him, that I would be contented not writing any thesis at all, or to sacrifice my thesis in the case He wanted me to be more involved in ministry. I struggled for many days before committing my thesis to Him. I reminded Him that He had promised me 1 year back that I would go to Berkeley for PhD. Berkeley is THE top maths school in the US. I complained that if I do not have a thesis, I would not be able to get into Berkeley. He said nothing in reply to my complaint, but I felt a peace that He had everything in His hands. During that term, God told me to take part in the Putnam again. I told Him that Putnam is a self-glorifying competition, and I was too busy with my thesis to take part. He asked me if I thought it is possible to glorify Him instead of myself through the competition, and I said yes. I asked Him if He would once again show me the solutions to the problems as He did 2 years ago. He said that He would rather I work hard practicing for the competition. Thus, I spent all my energy practicing, focussed on glorifying Him with the competition than glorifying myself. I would try my best, and this would glorify Him, even if I did not get 40th again in the competition.
During that time in Budapest, the professor for my combinatorics class gave some really difficult problems. There are two incidents of God's miraculous help. Once, there was this problem I could not solve for days. I gave up on my own strength, and prayed to the Grand Mathematician for help. While I was in the toilet, He spoke loudly to me, "COUNTING". Immediately, I set off to try all sorts of counting proofs but after a few days, I still could not get the anwer. I was doubting if I had heard God wrongly when I suddenly had an idea to look up the chapter on "Counting" in my textbook. And there it was, the first theorem in that chapter, is the problem I am trying to solve. So I just copied the solution. When the professor returned the assignement, he said only one person solved the problem, and that was me. He said it didn't count though, because I had used the solution in the textbook! I was so thrilled, because I realized that not everyone could tell that it was a "Counting" problem. Without His help, I could not have known where to find the answer!
The second time was a few weeks later. Again, I tried to depend on my own strength and gave up trying to solve a another problem. I asked Him to help me again. By now, God had taught me to "Watch". In other words, the answer often does not come immediately but I have to be waiting and watching on Him for it. One day I was walking to school when I saw a sign along the street (see attached picture). I kept staring at the sign and I did not know why. After I reached home and was trying to solve that problem, God asked me what I saw today. I told him about the sign. He asked me if it reminded me of anything. I thought for a while, and thought it looked like a tic-tac-toe board. Suddenly, I remembered that there was a theorem nicknamed the Tic-Tac-Toe Theorem in my textbook ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hales-Jewett_theorem). I applied it to the problem and immediately, the proof came right out of it. I was so thrilled. When the professor returned the assignment, he said that only two people solved the problem. One person solved it the standard way which he had in his official answer sheet. The other person solved it using a new way that was so short and ingenious that he was going to include that in his answer sheet. The second person turned out to be me.
These two incidences and some others convinced me that God was going to see me through my PhD and research career. Meanwhile, I hope that my encounters with God will challenge people to think about His reality and personality, especially in a world where God is relegated to fairy tales, or made to seem like an indifferent and angry dictator. To end my stories above, in Budapest He gave me new ideas for my thesis, allowing me to finish the project. As for the Putnam exam, I solved 9 out of 12 problems. When the results came out three months later, I got 13th place in USA. It was Stanford's best Putnam results since 1981, and Singapore's best Putnam result. When I graduated that year, I was also given a research distinction award by the Stanford maths dept for my thesis work. All this left me in awe with God for His goodness. And yes, I got into Berkeley eventually.
Now that I am in A*STAR, I have had other experiences of God helping me to solve my math problems. He continues to assure me, that in these Last Days, He will pour out even more than these on all His children, that He will bless them with the incredible new discoveries. However, we need to continue to humble ourselves before Him, to allow Him to use us than for us to use Him, to seek intimacy with Him first than to seek the research solutions, and to continually hear His voice in all areas of our lives.
It began in Dec 2002, when I was a freshman at Stanford. I was taking a maths competition called Putnam which university students from all over the US take part in. I was doing question A5 and was thinking about it for a long time but could not get the answer. I realized that God is the Greatest Mathematician in the universe, so I decided to ask Him for help. After some time, when I was looking at a sequence of number, I heard His familiar gentle inner voice telling me "Go forward 4 steps, go back 3." I doubted for a while if that was Him. After some struggle, I decided to give that suggestion a try. When I looked at the sequence by jumping forward 4 numbers and going back another 3, I found a pattern. This pattern allowed me to solve the problem. After the competition, God asked me if I would give Him the glory for His helping me with the questions, and I said I would. When I told my friends about how God helped me with the competition, not many believed me but it was a start. Three months later, I got the results for the competition, and found out that I was ranked 40th in the whole of USA. I was so thrilled.
During my second year at Stanford, I took a really difficult maths class called Modern Algebra which was for graduate students. I spent many nights trying to solve the problems, and it took me a while to remember how God helped me at the Putnam six months before. Again, I asked God to teach me to do the problems. While I did not get any clear words from him about the solutions, there were many times when I would suddenly see the link between different parts of the problem less than 5 minutes after I prayed. At the end of the term, I scored an A for the class. I was so thrilled. God was teaching me that He can help me with my Mathematics in more ways than just speaking the solution to me. He was teaching me that I have to humble myself before Him to ask Him for help, and stop thinking that I was invincible in solving all the problems by myself, but that with His help, indeed we can solve all problems. He also started showing me that since young, He has been the One guiding and teaching me as I grew in my mathematical gifting.
During my third and last year at Stanford, I did a 3-month math exchange programme in Budapest, Hungary. The programme is famous for stretching the students in their problem solving skills. During that term, my mind was not so much on the programme, because I was more worried about trying to graduate that year. I wanted to write a good research thesis to improve my chances of getting into a good PhD programme. But I was so desparate because I did not understand the material the professor gave me, nor did I have any new ideas to work on. Then, God asked me if I would give up my thesis for Him, that I would be contented not writing any thesis at all, or to sacrifice my thesis in the case He wanted me to be more involved in ministry. I struggled for many days before committing my thesis to Him. I reminded Him that He had promised me 1 year back that I would go to Berkeley for PhD. Berkeley is THE top maths school in the US. I complained that if I do not have a thesis, I would not be able to get into Berkeley. He said nothing in reply to my complaint, but I felt a peace that He had everything in His hands. During that term, God told me to take part in the Putnam again. I told Him that Putnam is a self-glorifying competition, and I was too busy with my thesis to take part. He asked me if I thought it is possible to glorify Him instead of myself through the competition, and I said yes. I asked Him if He would once again show me the solutions to the problems as He did 2 years ago. He said that He would rather I work hard practicing for the competition. Thus, I spent all my energy practicing, focussed on glorifying Him with the competition than glorifying myself. I would try my best, and this would glorify Him, even if I did not get 40th again in the competition.
During that time in Budapest, the professor for my combinatorics class gave some really difficult problems. There are two incidents of God's miraculous help. Once, there was this problem I could not solve for days. I gave up on my own strength, and prayed to the Grand Mathematician for help. While I was in the toilet, He spoke loudly to me, "COUNTING". Immediately, I set off to try all sorts of counting proofs but after a few days, I still could not get the anwer. I was doubting if I had heard God wrongly when I suddenly had an idea to look up the chapter on "Counting" in my textbook. And there it was, the first theorem in that chapter, is the problem I am trying to solve. So I just copied the solution. When the professor returned the assignement, he said only one person solved the problem, and that was me. He said it didn't count though, because I had used the solution in the textbook! I was so thrilled, because I realized that not everyone could tell that it was a "Counting" problem. Without His help, I could not have known where to find the answer!
The second time was a few weeks later. Again, I tried to depend on my own strength and gave up trying to solve a another problem. I asked Him to help me again. By now, God had taught me to "Watch". In other words, the answer often does not come immediately but I have to be waiting and watching on Him for it. One day I was walking to school when I saw a sign along the street (see attached picture). I kept staring at the sign and I did not know why. After I reached home and was trying to solve that problem, God asked me what I saw today. I told him about the sign. He asked me if it reminded me of anything. I thought for a while, and thought it looked like a tic-tac-toe board. Suddenly, I remembered that there was a theorem nicknamed the Tic-Tac-Toe Theorem in my textbook ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hales-Jewett_theorem). I applied it to the problem and immediately, the proof came right out of it. I was so thrilled. When the professor returned the assignment, he said that only two people solved the problem. One person solved it the standard way which he had in his official answer sheet. The other person solved it using a new way that was so short and ingenious that he was going to include that in his answer sheet. The second person turned out to be me.
These two incidences and some others convinced me that God was going to see me through my PhD and research career. Meanwhile, I hope that my encounters with God will challenge people to think about His reality and personality, especially in a world where God is relegated to fairy tales, or made to seem like an indifferent and angry dictator. To end my stories above, in Budapest He gave me new ideas for my thesis, allowing me to finish the project. As for the Putnam exam, I solved 9 out of 12 problems. When the results came out three months later, I got 13th place in USA. It was Stanford's best Putnam results since 1981, and Singapore's best Putnam result. When I graduated that year, I was also given a research distinction award by the Stanford maths dept for my thesis work. All this left me in awe with God for His goodness. And yes, I got into Berkeley eventually.
Now that I am in A*STAR, I have had other experiences of God helping me to solve my math problems. He continues to assure me, that in these Last Days, He will pour out even more than these on all His children, that He will bless them with the incredible new discoveries. However, we need to continue to humble ourselves before Him, to allow Him to use us than for us to use Him, to seek intimacy with Him first than to seek the research solutions, and to continually hear His voice in all areas of our lives.
Loving My Weaknesses
After God taught me to do everything out of love, out of the want in my heart, I went through another few weeks of fluctuating experiences. Sometimes, I understood His goodness to such a deep extent that I felt like exploding, and I could not stop praising Him. Sometimes, I felt so dry because I have not been spending as much time as I want with Him. I felt like I had disappointed Him, even though He probably still loved me just as much anyway. He deserved so much more from me. He is already happy with me, but I wanted to be good and perfect, so that He could be even happier. I wanted my Father to be happy.
But on 3rd Apr, I had a breakthough, and I wrote it down in my journal (BOLD represents what I think He is saying to me):
"There are many things I don't know, many ways I am not perfect, many areas I am still weak. But I am strong in my weakness! I will boast of my weakness, because they cause me to depend on Him, who is strong!
MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS. (2 Cor 12)
I am already perfect!! I used to keep thinking that there is one more aspect of me that needs changing. My problem wasn't that area which needs changing. It was my attitude that I always have a weakness, that I am ashamed of my weaknesses. Now, even that attitude isn't a problem anymore! I have no more problems, I'm not ashamed of my weaknesses; rather, I will boast of them, because by them, His power rests on me, and His power makes me perfect. I'm proud of my weaknesses -- my worrying, my temptations, my slowness to understanding complex mathematics. And I'm proud of everyone else's weaknesses; I love them for their weaknesses, for I see the perfection of God in their weaknesses. Everyone is perfect and everyone is lovable because I now love myself: my weak but perfect self.
He is all about Intimacy; because of that, He allows us to be weak so that we will draw near to Him. We will fail but He will not. So what if we fail, if it causes us to draw near to Him?
He is all about Faith; He commended the centurion and the woman with the issue of blood and the woman who asked for crumbs from the table -- for their faith. He commended people first and foremost for their faith. He did not commend the rich young ruler for his good deeds. Why did He favor faith over many other things, including good deeds? Because these people saw their weaknesses, accepted them, and trusted Him to provide the rest.
We find it hard to trust a stranger or an acquaintance to help us in times of need, even if that stranger is good or powerful. We can only sincerely trust with our hearts, a close friend, a brother or a father. Jesus does not expect us to trust him, if we only know him as a stranger or acquaintance or a famous person out of a book. He desires intimacy with us, so that out of that intimacy comes trust and faith. We don't have to be ashamed of ourselves for our lack of faith. If we want more faith, we just need to draw close to Him. Even for that act of drawing close, He will provide the strength and passion to draw close. We only have to ask. When praying for something, faith is not about putting our Hopes in a good outcome. It is about putting our hope in Him. When we do that, no matter what the outcome is, we have won.
So now, we have Faith, Hope and Intimacy (Love). But the greatest of these is Intimacy."
So seek first, Intimacy. Do not veer left or right. Everything else follows.
But on 3rd Apr, I had a breakthough, and I wrote it down in my journal (BOLD represents what I think He is saying to me):
"There are many things I don't know, many ways I am not perfect, many areas I am still weak. But I am strong in my weakness! I will boast of my weakness, because they cause me to depend on Him, who is strong!
MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS. (2 Cor 12)
I am already perfect!! I used to keep thinking that there is one more aspect of me that needs changing. My problem wasn't that area which needs changing. It was my attitude that I always have a weakness, that I am ashamed of my weaknesses. Now, even that attitude isn't a problem anymore! I have no more problems, I'm not ashamed of my weaknesses; rather, I will boast of them, because by them, His power rests on me, and His power makes me perfect. I'm proud of my weaknesses -- my worrying, my temptations, my slowness to understanding complex mathematics. And I'm proud of everyone else's weaknesses; I love them for their weaknesses, for I see the perfection of God in their weaknesses. Everyone is perfect and everyone is lovable because I now love myself: my weak but perfect self.
He is all about Intimacy; because of that, He allows us to be weak so that we will draw near to Him. We will fail but He will not. So what if we fail, if it causes us to draw near to Him?
He is all about Faith; He commended the centurion and the woman with the issue of blood and the woman who asked for crumbs from the table -- for their faith. He commended people first and foremost for their faith. He did not commend the rich young ruler for his good deeds. Why did He favor faith over many other things, including good deeds? Because these people saw their weaknesses, accepted them, and trusted Him to provide the rest.
We find it hard to trust a stranger or an acquaintance to help us in times of need, even if that stranger is good or powerful. We can only sincerely trust with our hearts, a close friend, a brother or a father. Jesus does not expect us to trust him, if we only know him as a stranger or acquaintance or a famous person out of a book. He desires intimacy with us, so that out of that intimacy comes trust and faith. We don't have to be ashamed of ourselves for our lack of faith. If we want more faith, we just need to draw close to Him. Even for that act of drawing close, He will provide the strength and passion to draw close. We only have to ask. When praying for something, faith is not about putting our Hopes in a good outcome. It is about putting our hope in Him. When we do that, no matter what the outcome is, we have won.
So now, we have Faith, Hope and Intimacy (Love). But the greatest of these is Intimacy."
So seek first, Intimacy. Do not veer left or right. Everything else follows.
Loving Myself
The last 3 months has been a very memorable season for me.
Since coming back from Nigeria (mid-January), there has been a great reduction in revelations, miracles and service to others. I struggled with what I believed to be basics: my temptations, my sins, my work, my relationships, my daily disciplines. I thought I was back-sliding. But His voice assured me that I was in the right place. To tell you the truth, I was scared. I have never walked this way before, and my first response to something unfamiliar is that it is wrong. Only He is able to lead me in the right direction. He taught me to focus on His ability to lead me, rather than my ability to follow Him. I remember waiting for the bus late one night, and fears that I was back-sliding started to arise again in me. I spoke to Him, but continually doubted if it was Him I was talking to. He said, "I am in control, I know where you are even though you are not in control and do not know where you are. Trust me! As a sign, the bus will arrive in 5 minutes." I looked at my watch, it was 9:32:30 pm. I closed my eyes and said "I don't want to test you." Actually, I was more afraid of being disappointed. I waited for a long time. The bus did not come. I said, "See, I knew I should not have tested you." I opened my eyes, looked up in the distance and saw the bus coming. I looked at my watch, and was surprised to find it was 9:37:05 pm. Eventually, the bus arrived, stopped and the doors opened. I looked at my watch again, it was 9:37:30 pm. Tears came. "Remember this day," He said, "I am in control."
Here is the word for this season: "Do what you want to do.", He seems to be telling me. If I do not want to do my homework, I should not do it. If I do not want to do my quiet time, I should not do it. If I do not want to help someone, I should not do it. If I do not want to go to church, I should not go. I was scared because these are the things that I thought a Christian needs to do. I cried out to Him for direction, "Tell me to do my quiet time, and I will follow. Tell me to help that person, and I will go!" He responds lovingly, "You don't need to do anything." To me, it was really frustrating. I realized that I wanted to gain His approval by doing what He commands, but He already approves of me. I realized that I do a lot of things out of obligation, rather than out of passion. We need to be driven by passion, because at the end of the day, it is not what we do that matters but how much love we have in our hearts.
Ps 32:8-9 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you."
When I finally decided to follow his advice and "do what I want", I found that I could not. The pharisee in me condemned me for not following the rules of being a proper Christian. Even after I struggled past that pharisee, I looked into my heart and saw emptiness. I did not know what I want at all. I was like a shell: alive on the outside but dead on the inside. One day while driving, I became overwhelmed by the darkness and emptiness, and tears welled up in my eyes. I cried in a loud voice, out of desperation, "Lord, I want to want! Put passion in me, so I can be alive!" I felt a tiny seed shake in my heart. It was awakening. His Spirit filled me. The seed began to grow. That night, I felt for the first time, excited to do my homework. I wanted to learn new things! I was thrilled with the thought of meeting Him in the secret place the next morning, I just wanted to spend time with Him. I loved Him because I wanted to! Wow! It was so awesome! I can love!!
All of my life, I have been suppressing my wants until all of them died. I did that because I do not love myself enough. I used to think that my own wants are selfish and prideful, and that I need to think about what He wants all the time. But He is teaching me to listen to my heart, to see and understand what I really want. He is showing me that He has redeemed my heart, and instead of finding an ugly messy muck in my heart, I found His beauty in who He created me to be. I found that deep inside my heart, all I really want is Him. I have to start doing what I really want, instead of what others want or what my flesh wants. I have to stop trying to do things to gain His approval, because I am redeemed and He already approves of me and is pleased with me.
Since coming back from Nigeria (mid-January), there has been a great reduction in revelations, miracles and service to others. I struggled with what I believed to be basics: my temptations, my sins, my work, my relationships, my daily disciplines. I thought I was back-sliding. But His voice assured me that I was in the right place. To tell you the truth, I was scared. I have never walked this way before, and my first response to something unfamiliar is that it is wrong. Only He is able to lead me in the right direction. He taught me to focus on His ability to lead me, rather than my ability to follow Him. I remember waiting for the bus late one night, and fears that I was back-sliding started to arise again in me. I spoke to Him, but continually doubted if it was Him I was talking to. He said, "I am in control, I know where you are even though you are not in control and do not know where you are. Trust me! As a sign, the bus will arrive in 5 minutes." I looked at my watch, it was 9:32:30 pm. I closed my eyes and said "I don't want to test you." Actually, I was more afraid of being disappointed. I waited for a long time. The bus did not come. I said, "See, I knew I should not have tested you." I opened my eyes, looked up in the distance and saw the bus coming. I looked at my watch, and was surprised to find it was 9:37:05 pm. Eventually, the bus arrived, stopped and the doors opened. I looked at my watch again, it was 9:37:30 pm. Tears came. "Remember this day," He said, "I am in control."
Here is the word for this season: "Do what you want to do.", He seems to be telling me. If I do not want to do my homework, I should not do it. If I do not want to do my quiet time, I should not do it. If I do not want to help someone, I should not do it. If I do not want to go to church, I should not go. I was scared because these are the things that I thought a Christian needs to do. I cried out to Him for direction, "Tell me to do my quiet time, and I will follow. Tell me to help that person, and I will go!" He responds lovingly, "You don't need to do anything." To me, it was really frustrating. I realized that I wanted to gain His approval by doing what He commands, but He already approves of me. I realized that I do a lot of things out of obligation, rather than out of passion. We need to be driven by passion, because at the end of the day, it is not what we do that matters but how much love we have in our hearts.
Ps 32:8-9 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you."
When I finally decided to follow his advice and "do what I want", I found that I could not. The pharisee in me condemned me for not following the rules of being a proper Christian. Even after I struggled past that pharisee, I looked into my heart and saw emptiness. I did not know what I want at all. I was like a shell: alive on the outside but dead on the inside. One day while driving, I became overwhelmed by the darkness and emptiness, and tears welled up in my eyes. I cried in a loud voice, out of desperation, "Lord, I want to want! Put passion in me, so I can be alive!" I felt a tiny seed shake in my heart. It was awakening. His Spirit filled me. The seed began to grow. That night, I felt for the first time, excited to do my homework. I wanted to learn new things! I was thrilled with the thought of meeting Him in the secret place the next morning, I just wanted to spend time with Him. I loved Him because I wanted to! Wow! It was so awesome! I can love!!
All of my life, I have been suppressing my wants until all of them died. I did that because I do not love myself enough. I used to think that my own wants are selfish and prideful, and that I need to think about what He wants all the time. But He is teaching me to listen to my heart, to see and understand what I really want. He is showing me that He has redeemed my heart, and instead of finding an ugly messy muck in my heart, I found His beauty in who He created me to be. I found that deep inside my heart, all I really want is Him. I have to start doing what I really want, instead of what others want or what my flesh wants. I have to stop trying to do things to gain His approval, because I am redeemed and He already approves of me and is pleased with me.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Sonship Revolution
God is birthing in Berkeley, a revolution in sonship that will sweep out and cover the world. The Bride of Christ will know Intimacy at a level so deep that it is beyond our wildest imaginations!
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Dependence
It is becoming increasingly difficult to survive without depending on God and depending on others. Dependence leads to unity.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Friends with God
Thoughts from "The Supernatural Ways of Royalty" by Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson.
Pg. 86, "A willing heart is a prerequisite to moving out of slavery into friendship."
The Lord is calling us to obey Him, not our of religious fear or self-righteousness, but to obey Him (i.e. follow His advice) because we love Him and trust Him. This is true friendship. John 15:14-15.
Spend quiet time with Him because you want to know Him more, not because it is a rule. Quiet time was never a rule, just as you never force a friend at gun-point to have dinner with you.
Genesis 18:23-25 Abrahma intercedes for Sodom.
Exodus 32:7-13 Moses intercedes for Israel after they made a golden calf.
Exodus 33:12-17 Moses asking God not to leave Israel alone.
Intercession can only occur through friendship with God. God allows us to change His mind because we are His friends.
Regarding Exodus 33:12-17,
Pg. 90, "Moses proves his friendship with God when he said, 'If you're not going to the Promised Land, I am not going either!" Moses was saying to God, 'You are more important to me than any vision that I have for my life.' This is a key to building a deeper relationship with the Father. We must want Him more than we want what He does."
Lord, we want you more than we want revival!
Pg. 86, "A willing heart is a prerequisite to moving out of slavery into friendship."
The Lord is calling us to obey Him, not our of religious fear or self-righteousness, but to obey Him (i.e. follow His advice) because we love Him and trust Him. This is true friendship. John 15:14-15.
Spend quiet time with Him because you want to know Him more, not because it is a rule. Quiet time was never a rule, just as you never force a friend at gun-point to have dinner with you.
Genesis 18:23-25 Abrahma intercedes for Sodom.
Exodus 32:7-13 Moses intercedes for Israel after they made a golden calf.
Exodus 33:12-17 Moses asking God not to leave Israel alone.
Intercession can only occur through friendship with God. God allows us to change His mind because we are His friends.
Regarding Exodus 33:12-17,
Pg. 90, "Moses proves his friendship with God when he said, 'If you're not going to the Promised Land, I am not going either!" Moses was saying to God, 'You are more important to me than any vision that I have for my life.' This is a key to building a deeper relationship with the Father. We must want Him more than we want what He does."
Lord, we want you more than we want revival!
Monday, November 06, 2006
The focus is still Love
To the Intimacy Warriors out there:
"As things begin to unfold, do not be intimidated. Rather, continue to be in rooted in intimacy with Me, and receive My love, so that Satan cannot use those channels of reception to influence you."
"Do not be focussed on the work, but on My Love!"
"As things begin to unfold, do not be intimidated. Rather, continue to be in rooted in intimacy with Me, and receive My love, so that Satan cannot use those channels of reception to influence you."
"Do not be focussed on the work, but on My Love!"
Sunday, November 05, 2006
My Apartment
Some people have asked me what my house, my neighborhood and Berkeley is like. Here are some photos:
This is my apartment building, on top of a hill next to the San Francisco Bay.
This is the crazy hill I have to climb every day on my way home. My daily dose of exercise as a busy grad student.
This is the Campanile, or clock tower.The symbol of Berkeley. It can be seen from my apartment because it is really tall!
This is the notorious grey Evans Hall, where the Math department is. Famous for being the second most ugliest building in Berkeley. And we are proud of it! Any guesses for the ugliest building?
From my house, I get a good view of San Francisco city, on a clear day!
And this is my favorite picture! If you stare at the middle, you will see the Golden Gate Bridge (which is red, not gold, in color). To me, the Bridge represents God's plan to usher in a great revival to the Bay Area and California. From here, revival fire spreads to Asia through certain gateways. Singapore is one of these gateways. That is why Singapore is called the Antioch of Asia! And we, the people who live in both Asia and California, are the bridge.
This is my apartment building, on top of a hill next to the San Francisco Bay.
This is the crazy hill I have to climb every day on my way home. My daily dose of exercise as a busy grad student.
This is the Campanile, or clock tower.The symbol of Berkeley. It can be seen from my apartment because it is really tall!
This is the notorious grey Evans Hall, where the Math department is. Famous for being the second most ugliest building in Berkeley. And we are proud of it! Any guesses for the ugliest building?
From my house, I get a good view of San Francisco city, on a clear day!
And this is my favorite picture! If you stare at the middle, you will see the Golden Gate Bridge (which is red, not gold, in color). To me, the Bridge represents God's plan to usher in a great revival to the Bay Area and California. From here, revival fire spreads to Asia through certain gateways. Singapore is one of these gateways. That is why Singapore is called the Antioch of Asia! And we, the people who live in both Asia and California, are the bridge.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Love knows no Boundaries
"When you are trying to act out in love, and you hit a wall..."
(e.g. fear that your loving words will not be accepted, fear of people who are not like you and will not accept you, fear that you have done nothing to bless that person)
"... if only you can see what I am seeing in the spiritual: the confrontation of light with darkness, the battle that rages in the hearts of men!"
"Satan knows that love is invincible and love is unashamed of all things; that love drives out all fear and has the power to transform lives."
"He does all things to try to prevent authentic love from being expressed -- love that comes from the Father."
Love knows no boundaries! Nothing can stop the expression of love and the power of love!
(e.g. fear that your loving words will not be accepted, fear of people who are not like you and will not accept you, fear that you have done nothing to bless that person)
"... if only you can see what I am seeing in the spiritual: the confrontation of light with darkness, the battle that rages in the hearts of men!"
"Satan knows that love is invincible and love is unashamed of all things; that love drives out all fear and has the power to transform lives."
"He does all things to try to prevent authentic love from being expressed -- love that comes from the Father."
Love knows no boundaries! Nothing can stop the expression of love and the power of love!
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Modern Mystics
In the past one week, I've received two emails about two famous modern mystics. Admittedly, the word "mystic" has become tainted with bad connotations in recent times, but to me, it refers to a person who seeks intimacy with God wholeheartedly.
The first is Frank Laubach (1884-1970). He is also called the "Apostles to the Illiterates". You can find a compilation of his letters to his father in "Letters by a Modern Mystic" which speaks of the passion he has for spending time with God.
The second is Sundar Singh (1889-1929). I read the amazing story of how Jesus met him and saved him, and the life of love that he lived. Here is the website.
The first is Frank Laubach (1884-1970). He is also called the "Apostles to the Illiterates". You can find a compilation of his letters to his father in "Letters by a Modern Mystic" which speaks of the passion he has for spending time with God.
"This year I have started out trying to live all my waking moments in conscious listening to the inner voice, asking without ceasing, 'What, Father, do you desire said? What, Father, do you desire done this minute?' It is clear that this is exactly what Jesus was doing all day every day. But it is not what His followers have been doing in very large numbers." - F. Laubach
The second is Sundar Singh (1889-1929). I read the amazing story of how Jesus met him and saved him, and the life of love that he lived. Here is the website.
Friday, May 05, 2006
East Coast Park
On Labor Day (1 May), we went to East Coast Park, to roller-blade and bike. Boon Sim was practicing his cycling so that he will be prepared for bike-crazy Stanford.
Trina's Birthday
We celebrated Trina's birthday at the Biz canteen on 20 Apr. She is pretending to have a crush on Cheston, who looks really embarassed!
Man In The Hole
The following was posted on my ex-website on 18 Sep 2004:
I just watched the episode "Noel" of the second season of "The West Wing". It won an Oscar or Emmy or something like that I think. The episode is about Josh, one of the aides to the President.
Josh was shot during an assassination attempt on the President. Fortunately, he survived, but the trauma of the incident continues to come back to haunt him and torment him. Joe, the Chief of Staff at the White House, decides to get a psychologist to help him. Josh was initially very reluctant to undergo the treatment. Eventually, the psychologist succeeded in helping Josh overcome his problems, and Josh is extremely thankful to Joe.
At the end of the episode, Joe recites a story to Josh: a man was stuck in a deep hole, and he cries out for help. Initially, a pedestrain passes by, hears his cry, but writes something on a piece of paper and tosses it into the hole. Later, a priest passes by, hears his cry for help, takes a look at him, but scribbles something on a piece of paper and tosses it to the man. Finally, a friend passes by, sees that the man needs help, and jumped into the hole! Exasperated, the man questions his friend, "Now, how are we going to get out?!" The friend replies, "Just follow me, because I have been here before, and I know the way out."
The story really reminded me of my experience with Jesus. He steps suddenly into my life, and shows me that I am in a deep hole. I try to climb out by myself, but to no avail. Finally, I turn to Him and say, "I can't do this! I am sorry I have disappointed You. I do not deserve your attention or love." He looks into my eyes and replies, "That is the beauty of it all, I am here to help you! I have been here before, and I know the way out."
Some people ask if Christianity is a crutch for the weak. Here is my honest reply: yes, it totally is. Jesus is my crutch, because I have realised that I am too weak to heal myself. I am the patient who comes to the doctor and pleads him to help me, or I will die. I have become totally dependent on Him. Without Him, I will die.
I just watched the episode "Noel" of the second season of "The West Wing". It won an Oscar or Emmy or something like that I think. The episode is about Josh, one of the aides to the President.
Josh was shot during an assassination attempt on the President. Fortunately, he survived, but the trauma of the incident continues to come back to haunt him and torment him. Joe, the Chief of Staff at the White House, decides to get a psychologist to help him. Josh was initially very reluctant to undergo the treatment. Eventually, the psychologist succeeded in helping Josh overcome his problems, and Josh is extremely thankful to Joe.
At the end of the episode, Joe recites a story to Josh: a man was stuck in a deep hole, and he cries out for help. Initially, a pedestrain passes by, hears his cry, but writes something on a piece of paper and tosses it into the hole. Later, a priest passes by, hears his cry for help, takes a look at him, but scribbles something on a piece of paper and tosses it to the man. Finally, a friend passes by, sees that the man needs help, and jumped into the hole! Exasperated, the man questions his friend, "Now, how are we going to get out?!" The friend replies, "Just follow me, because I have been here before, and I know the way out."
The story really reminded me of my experience with Jesus. He steps suddenly into my life, and shows me that I am in a deep hole. I try to climb out by myself, but to no avail. Finally, I turn to Him and say, "I can't do this! I am sorry I have disappointed You. I do not deserve your attention or love." He looks into my eyes and replies, "That is the beauty of it all, I am here to help you! I have been here before, and I know the way out."
Some people ask if Christianity is a crutch for the weak. Here is my honest reply: yes, it totally is. Jesus is my crutch, because I have realised that I am too weak to heal myself. I am the patient who comes to the doctor and pleads him to help me, or I will die. I have become totally dependent on Him. Without Him, I will die.
Losing Faith
The following was posted on my ex-website on 28 Feb 2005:
I just read the testimony of a man who was a missionary and a bible translator who became an agnostic. His story can be found on http://www.geocities.com/kenandcharlene/Testimony.htm. I did not read the entire story but I can sense the sadness in him. He struggled a lot with his doubts, and could not find any resolution around them. He did the only thing he could: being honest with himself.
I started thinking a lot about my own faith in God, and I wonder if I have put my beliefs through the same rigorous thought that he had. Does my faith come out of peer pressure, or not wanting to admit that I am wrong, or from brain washing by the church? Or do I have faith because He is the one true God? I asked God what faith is like, and I am reminded of the story of Job. Many people say that the story of Job is a story of faith: about an innocent man who was put through the worst of suffering but put his trust in God. Yet, Job wrestled with doubt. He says, "I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me. You turn on me ruthlessly; with the might of your hand you attack me." (Job 30:20) Why does God torture us with doubt, why does He not just give us faith so that we need not be put through needless pain?
I feel that God is telling me that faith grows stronger with doubt: when we wrestle with doubt, our faith grows stronger. If we want to learn about Peace, He teaches us through Worry. If we want to learn about Love, He teaches us through Apathy or Unforgiveness. If we want to learn about Hope, He teaches us through Despair. In the same way, if we want to learn about Faith, He teaches us through Doubt. I ask God, why must you work through this way? I feel that He asks in return, "Do you know of any other way?"
God has taught me some important lessons about Faith. When I was in Budapest, I lost my debit card, and had to borrow money from my room-mates for a while. I applied by a new debit card but even after one and a half months, the card did not arrive. I was runnning out of money. I got worried, and following advice from my room-mate, I asked my bank to send me a new card by Fed-Ex. One week later, I had a very strong feeling that the card had arrived. I ran up to the mail room in the morning but it was not there. I prayed earnestly, and ran up the mail room again in the afternoon but it was not there. Not discouraged, I went up again at the end of the day and still, it was not there.
I became very disappointed and angry with God. I felt that He has all the power in the world to bring the card to me that day but He did not. I felt that He only wanted to break my faith. After a while, I felt angry with myself. I had fooled myself into thinking that God was telling me the card was here. Perhaps God does not speak to us in such a clear manner. Perhaps God only leads us to do nice things, and nothing more. This is what I recorded in my journal that day:
The next morning, I woke up, and again, I felt a really strong feeling that the card was here. In an unsure manner, I plodded into the mail room that morning, and checked, but the card was not there. I reminded myself to be faithful, knowing God has a reason for putting me through this. That afternoon, I checked the mail room again, and INCREDIBLY, THE CARD WAS THERE!!
I praised God all the way home. It was probably my happiest day in 6 months! My faith was strengthened, and God had answered my prayer for a stronger faith.
A few days later, I asked myself if I had been intellectually dishonest with myself: I knew the card was going to come anyday, since Fed-Ex usually takes about a week to deliver packages from the US. Perhaps that was the reason why I had a strong feeling that my card was here. My answer to myself then was this: I can never know - it is a plausible explanation but unless I can go back in time to "cancel" my prayer for the card to arrive, I will never know if the card was there because of Fed-Ex or because of my prayer.
God had a better answer for this question for me. Three weeks after I received my card, a Fed-Ex package came to me. I opened to found my "new" card: the one that I had requested to be sent quickly to me. So the first card was actually the original one that took more than one and a half months to come. There was no way I could have known that this card would come on one of those two days.
That strong feeling had to be from God. Through the incident, He showed me that indeed, He is the perfector of my faith.
I just read the testimony of a man who was a missionary and a bible translator who became an agnostic. His story can be found on http://www.geocities.com/kenandcharlene/Testimony.htm. I did not read the entire story but I can sense the sadness in him. He struggled a lot with his doubts, and could not find any resolution around them. He did the only thing he could: being honest with himself.
I started thinking a lot about my own faith in God, and I wonder if I have put my beliefs through the same rigorous thought that he had. Does my faith come out of peer pressure, or not wanting to admit that I am wrong, or from brain washing by the church? Or do I have faith because He is the one true God? I asked God what faith is like, and I am reminded of the story of Job. Many people say that the story of Job is a story of faith: about an innocent man who was put through the worst of suffering but put his trust in God. Yet, Job wrestled with doubt. He says, "I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me. You turn on me ruthlessly; with the might of your hand you attack me." (Job 30:20) Why does God torture us with doubt, why does He not just give us faith so that we need not be put through needless pain?
I feel that God is telling me that faith grows stronger with doubt: when we wrestle with doubt, our faith grows stronger. If we want to learn about Peace, He teaches us through Worry. If we want to learn about Love, He teaches us through Apathy or Unforgiveness. If we want to learn about Hope, He teaches us through Despair. In the same way, if we want to learn about Faith, He teaches us through Doubt. I ask God, why must you work through this way? I feel that He asks in return, "Do you know of any other way?"
God has taught me some important lessons about Faith. When I was in Budapest, I lost my debit card, and had to borrow money from my room-mates for a while. I applied by a new debit card but even after one and a half months, the card did not arrive. I was runnning out of money. I got worried, and following advice from my room-mate, I asked my bank to send me a new card by Fed-Ex. One week later, I had a very strong feeling that the card had arrived. I ran up to the mail room in the morning but it was not there. I prayed earnestly, and ran up the mail room again in the afternoon but it was not there. Not discouraged, I went up again at the end of the day and still, it was not there.
I became very disappointed and angry with God. I felt that He has all the power in the world to bring the card to me that day but He did not. I felt that He only wanted to break my faith. After a while, I felt angry with myself. I had fooled myself into thinking that God was telling me the card was here. Perhaps God does not speak to us in such a clear manner. Perhaps God only leads us to do nice things, and nothing more. This is what I recorded in my journal that day:
"You prayed for the card to come with all earnesty. I hear your prayer, and I long to fulfill it for your sake. Yet, for my sake, I draw you closer to me when I allow it not to come to you. Is this intellectual dishonesty on your part, or do you need to trust me more? Have you forgotten of my goodness in your life? Will one hurt deny all other blessings?So, I decided that I will not allow this incident to weaken my faith. Rather, I will have faith that because He allowed it to happen, He must have something better in store. He has a better plan for me.
You heard me say that it will come today, and when it did not come, your heart was broken. Indeed, how should you look upon this? Does it mean you stop trying to hear me?"
"Lord, I am not afraid to make mistakes. I know that your grace is sufficient for me. Help me to be loving, patient, and faithful.
Do we dare to trust the Lord? Are we more afraid of getting hurt? What if we hear you wrong? What would happen if Jesus felt that He heard you wrong about dying for the sins of Man, and about things to come? Do you trust the Lord more, or do you trust yourself and the world?"
The next morning, I woke up, and again, I felt a really strong feeling that the card was here. In an unsure manner, I plodded into the mail room that morning, and checked, but the card was not there. I reminded myself to be faithful, knowing God has a reason for putting me through this. That afternoon, I checked the mail room again, and INCREDIBLY, THE CARD WAS THERE!!
I praised God all the way home. It was probably my happiest day in 6 months! My faith was strengthened, and God had answered my prayer for a stronger faith.
A few days later, I asked myself if I had been intellectually dishonest with myself: I knew the card was going to come anyday, since Fed-Ex usually takes about a week to deliver packages from the US. Perhaps that was the reason why I had a strong feeling that my card was here. My answer to myself then was this: I can never know - it is a plausible explanation but unless I can go back in time to "cancel" my prayer for the card to arrive, I will never know if the card was there because of Fed-Ex or because of my prayer.
God had a better answer for this question for me. Three weeks after I received my card, a Fed-Ex package came to me. I opened to found my "new" card: the one that I had requested to be sent quickly to me. So the first card was actually the original one that took more than one and a half months to come. There was no way I could have known that this card would come on one of those two days.
That strong feeling had to be from God. Through the incident, He showed me that indeed, He is the perfector of my faith.
Personal Identity
The following was posted on my ex-website on 04 Aug 2004:
A common question people ask themselves at critical turning points in their lives: Who am I? Peter Parker asked himself this question in Spiderman II, because he felt torn between his responsibility as a super-hero, and his own love for MJ. A lot of people come to realize that their passions and feelings and desires play a large part in answering this question. However, some people stop at this point and conclude that to be themselves, they need to follow their passions, feelings and desires. They let these things guide and rule their lives. The problem is that our feelings are often in flux, and it frustrates and confuses us to follow something that changes all the time.
The crux of the problem lies in realizing that we are created beings. If one does not accept this premise, the issue of who we are cannot be resolved. Life will remain a mystery. Suppose we ask a toaster, what is your purpose? The toaster should realize that its purpose is pretty much decided by its creator, and it is only when it fulfills the purpose in which it is created for that it will experience true joy. The toaster that thinks it is a coffee-maker is walking on the path to mechanical failure. In a similar way, we need to ask our Maker what our purpose is. Our Maker has created us with our passions, feelings and desires so that we can fulfill our purpose with joy and hope. That is why following our desires is part of the answer to the question of who we are, but not the full answer. Our feelings can often deceive us (because we have an Enemy that wants to take us away from the Maker) and we need to ask God to continually remind us of our true purpose.
Do we lose our freedom when we submit ourselves to the purpose of our Maker? No, not at all. What is freedom in the first place? We need to realize that freedom is not the state of being controlled by nothing. We are always controlled by something: our feelings, our needs, our loved ones, our society. Freedom is being able to choose who controls you. I would rather choose someone who loves me a lot and knows who I am to control me, and this person is none other than God. God knows exactly what will make us feel satisfied, and only He can give us true joy!
A common question people ask themselves at critical turning points in their lives: Who am I? Peter Parker asked himself this question in Spiderman II, because he felt torn between his responsibility as a super-hero, and his own love for MJ. A lot of people come to realize that their passions and feelings and desires play a large part in answering this question. However, some people stop at this point and conclude that to be themselves, they need to follow their passions, feelings and desires. They let these things guide and rule their lives. The problem is that our feelings are often in flux, and it frustrates and confuses us to follow something that changes all the time.
The crux of the problem lies in realizing that we are created beings. If one does not accept this premise, the issue of who we are cannot be resolved. Life will remain a mystery. Suppose we ask a toaster, what is your purpose? The toaster should realize that its purpose is pretty much decided by its creator, and it is only when it fulfills the purpose in which it is created for that it will experience true joy. The toaster that thinks it is a coffee-maker is walking on the path to mechanical failure. In a similar way, we need to ask our Maker what our purpose is. Our Maker has created us with our passions, feelings and desires so that we can fulfill our purpose with joy and hope. That is why following our desires is part of the answer to the question of who we are, but not the full answer. Our feelings can often deceive us (because we have an Enemy that wants to take us away from the Maker) and we need to ask God to continually remind us of our true purpose.
Do we lose our freedom when we submit ourselves to the purpose of our Maker? No, not at all. What is freedom in the first place? We need to realize that freedom is not the state of being controlled by nothing. We are always controlled by something: our feelings, our needs, our loved ones, our society. Freedom is being able to choose who controls you. I would rather choose someone who loves me a lot and knows who I am to control me, and this person is none other than God. God knows exactly what will make us feel satisfied, and only He can give us true joy!
Science and Religion
Below is an essay I wrote as a freshman in Stanford for a writing class. As a young Christian back then, I was still unsure if my faith in God conflicts with my confidence in science. I was surprised to find great agreement between these two major parts of my life.
Science and Religion Essay
Here is a recording of a talk I gave in Stanford:
Science and Religion Talk
Over the years, my understanding about the relationship between Science and Religion has grown deeper. Below are the slides and recording of a talk on Science and Religion I gave at my workplace:
December Science and Religion Talk
Update on 22 Feb 2010:
My campus pastor sent a really interesting article by William Lane Craig on "5 Arguments for God". People who are more philosophically inclined may enjoy this. You can find it at
http://thegospelcoalition.org/publications/cci/five_arguments_for_god/
I have not written on this topic of Science and God for a long time, mainly because I've realized that nobody comes to know God by pure reason. Pure reason can inspire us to find this God, but ultimately it is our experience of Him that convinces us whole-heartedly that He is real. God is love, and nobody can truly know love unless they have experienced love.
However, I find apologetics extremely useful for the believer. We gain a deeper understanding of our Creator and Lover. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all of your soul and all of your strength and all of your mind." Something deep happens when you understand Him logically too. It always amazes me personally that a world-view with God makes a lot more sense than one without. I do not expect others to agree with me on this, but it really does make more sense. I'll write on my thoughts someday. Someday.
Science and Religion Essay
Here is a recording of a talk I gave in Stanford:
Science and Religion Talk
Over the years, my understanding about the relationship between Science and Religion has grown deeper. Below are the slides and recording of a talk on Science and Religion I gave at my workplace:
December Science and Religion Talk
Update on 22 Feb 2010:
My campus pastor sent a really interesting article by William Lane Craig on "5 Arguments for God". People who are more philosophically inclined may enjoy this. You can find it at
http://thegospelcoalition.org/publications/cci/five_arguments_for_god/
I have not written on this topic of Science and God for a long time, mainly because I've realized that nobody comes to know God by pure reason. Pure reason can inspire us to find this God, but ultimately it is our experience of Him that convinces us whole-heartedly that He is real. God is love, and nobody can truly know love unless they have experienced love.
However, I find apologetics extremely useful for the believer. We gain a deeper understanding of our Creator and Lover. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all of your soul and all of your strength and all of your mind." Something deep happens when you understand Him logically too. It always amazes me personally that a world-view with God makes a lot more sense than one without. I do not expect others to agree with me on this, but it really does make more sense. I'll write on my thoughts someday. Someday.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Peru
I was in Peru with Sean, Joel, Wenzheng, Xianyi and Jason three weeks ago. Here are some photos from the top of Waynapicchu which is in Machu Picchu.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Intimacy
Children of God,
Are you pursuing intimacy with Jesus
until your flesh cries out
and your heart thirsts for water?
If not,
you do not know what you are missing out on,
the greatest gift God has to give us --
His Heart!
Why worry about signs & wonders,
or salvations,
or blessings in your life?
Do you not know that
the man who is in God
is powerful
and blessed with all earthly
and heavenly riches?
He moves a finger,
and the mountain jumps into the sea!
Seek intimacy with God --
make that your key desire.
Are you pursuing intimacy with Jesus
until your flesh cries out
and your heart thirsts for water?
If not,
you do not know what you are missing out on,
the greatest gift God has to give us --
His Heart!
Why worry about signs & wonders,
or salvations,
or blessings in your life?
Do you not know that
the man who is in God
is powerful
and blessed with all earthly
and heavenly riches?
He moves a finger,
and the mountain jumps into the sea!
Seek intimacy with God --
make that your key desire.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Hearing God
[The following talk comes from materials that I have collected over time in my journal, both from what God is telling me, and from sermons and books.]
Hearing God
1. Hearing God is not about "hearing", but about "listening". All of us have been hearing God all our lives. It is just that we often do not recognize that it is God speaking to us, and we always see it as our own thoughts, or other people's thoughts. There are two aspects of listening: one is recognizing, the other is understanding.
2. God speaks to us in a myriad of ways: through sermons, the bible, friends, songs, movies, nature, etc. One other way God speaks to us is through His Voice. There are two types of Voice: the audible voice of God, and God's inner voice speaking to us in our minds. I believe that God wants to speak to us both audibly, and through that inner voice. I have never heard God's audible voice, but I continue to have the faith that one day He will do it. (Note that when God speaks to the people in the Bible audibly, the non-believers often hear it as thunder because they do not understand it.) In this talk, I will share about the inner voice of God.
3. God desires to speak to us through that inner voice. This is the key message of my talk. One of the purposes God has given me is to declare to the whole world that God is dying to talk to all of us! He desires to talk to us much much more than we desire to hear him!
4. Here are some biblical verses which talks about God's desire to speak to us:
"The Heavenly Man", Pg 346
Brother Yun says, "My message to the Western Church is to get back to the basics in order to hear again the voice of Jesus speaking to you." Hearing the voice of Jesus, according to Brother Yun, is a basic part of our faith.
5. Paul tells us to eagerly desire the spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy (1 Cor 14:1-5). Prophecy is simply hearing the heart of God and sharing it with others to minister to them. Prophecy is being God's mouthpiece (Exodus 4:16). Prophecy has to start with us learning how to hear God. This applies not just to hearing the inner voice of God, but to all forms of hearing God. What is the primary purpose of prophecy, or even just hearing God? It is to know Jesus more. "The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy." (Rev 19:10)
6. Some people think that the Scriptures are all there is to hearing God. The Bible demonstrates again and again in the Old and New Testaments that God speaks to us outside of the Scriptures (See Paul, Peter, Isaiah, Ezekiel, Daniel, Elijah, etc).
While God speaks to us outside of Bible, He will never ever EVER contradict His Word in the Bible. Personally, I have often heard God speak something, and later found out that there is a scripture that says exactly that! In fact, hearing God's voice makes us hunger even more for the Bible, so that we can hear His voice even more clearly. The Bible is the only Word of God that is 100% correct because of the anointing that He gave to the authors to pass His word to His people. Other than that, all of us are flawed vessels, and we will always be capable of making mistakes: either wrongly recognizing something not from God as His, or understanding that He said wrongly. That is why we always need to come back to Scripture and Fellowship for discernment.
7. My own experience.
When I first became a Christian, God spoke to me a lot through pop music. Later, I read the Bible more and God starting speaking to me through that too. Also, God used many people around me to speak to me. I thought that I knew all about how God speaks to us.
When I came to Stanford, I spent my first year learning about spending quiet time with Him. In my second year, my thoughts started to say, "This is I (God) talking to you. Do you not recognize it?" I shook it off because I thought it was blasphemous -- to pretend that my thoughts are actually from God. I told God to cast it away if it is not from Him. However, the thoughts came more and more often. One day, I realized that it takes faith to believe that God would speak to me that way. I confessed before God that He was trying to talk to me. Suddenly, the floodgates seem to open, and God starting speaking a lot to be through that inner voice, often telling me things that I know I would never have thought of because they are too wise.
It has been a process of learning to discern (recognize) God's voice, and understanding what He is saying. For instance, there was once I was praying and He said, "India" to me. I thought He wanted me to go to India for a missions trip that December. I tried to buy air tickets but they costed at least US$2500. I emailed many missionary centers but no one replied me. I realized that God was closing doors on me. I thought, "God, why did you tell me something, only to close doors on me?" Then, I thought that perhaps it was not God. But God reaffirmed that it was from Him. I shared that word with my room-mate Joel, and he gave me a book on missions in India. He said that he had read it before, but just when he was packing his bag to come to Stanford, God told him to bring it to Stanford but he didn't know why. So I read that book and found out that what India needs is not more missionaries but more financial help and prayers. I started contributing financially regularly to the India missions field.
The second time was just recently, this January. I was sharing about God wanting to talk to us with a christian friend. We were on bus 95 to Buona Vista, where we will take bus 105 to Orchard and change to bus 143. God told me, "105 will take a long time to come; 143 will arrive on the dot." I was afraid to share this with my friend because I was afraid that it would be wrong. But God gave me the faith. So we were at Buona Vista, and indeed 105 took a long time to come. The, bus 111 came, and my friend suggested we took it. I was not sure, and I thought that the prophecy would now be ruined. But we got on the bus anyway. When we came to Orchard, and walked to the next bus-stop to catch bus 143, bus 143 arrived just when we stepped into the second bus-stop. We were totally amazed. It was a learning experiend for both my friend and I. I learned that God did not say that we would take bus 105. I had recognized God correctly, but understood him wrongly.
8. How do we start hearing God? First, you need to desire it with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength! "Eagerly desire the spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy." Be willing to try and make mistakes because this is how we learn. This is humility.
9. Hearing God is a growing process. Never let yourself reach a place where you say, "I know everything about hearing God."
10. God desires to speak to us every moment of the day. Like what Bingren shared yesterday, it is fun and enjoyable soaking in the presence of God throughout the day. Speak to him when you are enjoying that time, and He will speak to you.
11. Let me end with this invitation to hear God's voice from Rev 3:20
[See also Does God Speak To Us?]
Hearing God
1. Hearing God is not about "hearing", but about "listening". All of us have been hearing God all our lives. It is just that we often do not recognize that it is God speaking to us, and we always see it as our own thoughts, or other people's thoughts. There are two aspects of listening: one is recognizing, the other is understanding.
2. God speaks to us in a myriad of ways: through sermons, the bible, friends, songs, movies, nature, etc. One other way God speaks to us is through His Voice. There are two types of Voice: the audible voice of God, and God's inner voice speaking to us in our minds. I believe that God wants to speak to us both audibly, and through that inner voice. I have never heard God's audible voice, but I continue to have the faith that one day He will do it. (Note that when God speaks to the people in the Bible audibly, the non-believers often hear it as thunder because they do not understand it.) In this talk, I will share about the inner voice of God.
3. God desires to speak to us through that inner voice. This is the key message of my talk. One of the purposes God has given me is to declare to the whole world that God is dying to talk to all of us! He desires to talk to us much much more than we desire to hear him!
4. Here are some biblical verses which talks about God's desire to speak to us:
Now all the people witnessed the thunderings, the lightning flashes, the sound of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking; and when the people saw it, they trembled and stood afar off. Then they said to Moses, "You speak with us, and we will hear; but let not God speak with us, lest we die." And Moses said to the people, "Do not fear; for God has come to test you, and that His fear may be before you, so that you may not sin." So the people stood afar off, but Moses drew near the thick darkness where God was.The Israelites were afraid to have God speak to them, even though God gave them the invitation. This invitation is still valid today. When we accept the invitation to hear him, a deep respect of who God is will fill us. We start to walk in holiness because we have experienced the person and goodness of God. Like Moses, we need to take a step forward to accept the invitation, because God does not force himself on us. We will find that after we accept the invitation, we don't have to use our effort to hear Him. He will speak to us by His grace, rather than by our works.
Exodus 20:18-21
Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.If we want to have life, we need to listen to His voice, for He is our life.
Deut 30:19-20
But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.The Holy Spirit is the one who speaks to us through the inner voice. He only speaks what He hears from the Father. Here is an experience I had when I was in Budapest in Nov 2004. I was asking Jesus why He doesn't stay back on earth, living forever, and teach us right from His own mouth. That way, we can hear Him clearly and not doubt what He wants us to do. Then, Jesus told me that because He is flesh, He can only be in one place at one time. Whereas the Holy Spirit can be everywhere speaking to everyone at the same time. That is why Jesus says He has to go so that the Holy Spirit can come. In fact, the Holy Spirit and Jesus both speak the exact same words, because both of them hear from the Father. The Holy Spirit desires to teach and speak to us clearly, just as Jesus did. He is a real person, like Jesus. He is our personal companion, with us guiding us and strengthening us wherever we go. We need to interact with Him exactly as if Jesus was standing right next to us! We need to learn how to interact with Him.
John 16:13
"The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice. [...] I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd."Jesus promises us that we, who are His sheep, will recognize his voice! We are as one flock because we all hear His voice.
John 10:2-5, 16
"The Heavenly Man", Pg 346
Brother Yun says, "My message to the Western Church is to get back to the basics in order to hear again the voice of Jesus speaking to you." Hearing the voice of Jesus, according to Brother Yun, is a basic part of our faith.
5. Paul tells us to eagerly desire the spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy (1 Cor 14:1-5). Prophecy is simply hearing the heart of God and sharing it with others to minister to them. Prophecy is being God's mouthpiece (Exodus 4:16). Prophecy has to start with us learning how to hear God. This applies not just to hearing the inner voice of God, but to all forms of hearing God. What is the primary purpose of prophecy, or even just hearing God? It is to know Jesus more. "The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy." (Rev 19:10)
6. Some people think that the Scriptures are all there is to hearing God. The Bible demonstrates again and again in the Old and New Testaments that God speaks to us outside of the Scriptures (See Paul, Peter, Isaiah, Ezekiel, Daniel, Elijah, etc).
The boy Samuel ministered before the LORD under Eli. In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions. One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the LORD, where the ark of God was. Then the LORD called Samuel. Samuel answered, "Here I am." And he ran to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." But Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down." So he went and lay down. Again the LORD called, "Samuel!" And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." "My son," Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down." Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD: the word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him.This passage shows us that while Israel had the Scriptures of Moses, the Word of the Lord was rare in their time. It does not mean that the Scriptures were rare. It means that God did not speak much to the people. Samuel was trained in the temple, but the Word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him. Many of us have been attending church: we believe in the Lord and we know a lot about Him. But we need to have the Word of the Lord revealed to us as well.
1 Sam 3:1-7
While God speaks to us outside of Bible, He will never ever EVER contradict His Word in the Bible. Personally, I have often heard God speak something, and later found out that there is a scripture that says exactly that! In fact, hearing God's voice makes us hunger even more for the Bible, so that we can hear His voice even more clearly. The Bible is the only Word of God that is 100% correct because of the anointing that He gave to the authors to pass His word to His people. Other than that, all of us are flawed vessels, and we will always be capable of making mistakes: either wrongly recognizing something not from God as His, or understanding that He said wrongly. That is why we always need to come back to Scripture and Fellowship for discernment.
7. My own experience.
When I first became a Christian, God spoke to me a lot through pop music. Later, I read the Bible more and God starting speaking to me through that too. Also, God used many people around me to speak to me. I thought that I knew all about how God speaks to us.
When I came to Stanford, I spent my first year learning about spending quiet time with Him. In my second year, my thoughts started to say, "This is I (God) talking to you. Do you not recognize it?" I shook it off because I thought it was blasphemous -- to pretend that my thoughts are actually from God. I told God to cast it away if it is not from Him. However, the thoughts came more and more often. One day, I realized that it takes faith to believe that God would speak to me that way. I confessed before God that He was trying to talk to me. Suddenly, the floodgates seem to open, and God starting speaking a lot to be through that inner voice, often telling me things that I know I would never have thought of because they are too wise.
It has been a process of learning to discern (recognize) God's voice, and understanding what He is saying. For instance, there was once I was praying and He said, "India" to me. I thought He wanted me to go to India for a missions trip that December. I tried to buy air tickets but they costed at least US$2500. I emailed many missionary centers but no one replied me. I realized that God was closing doors on me. I thought, "God, why did you tell me something, only to close doors on me?" Then, I thought that perhaps it was not God. But God reaffirmed that it was from Him. I shared that word with my room-mate Joel, and he gave me a book on missions in India. He said that he had read it before, but just when he was packing his bag to come to Stanford, God told him to bring it to Stanford but he didn't know why. So I read that book and found out that what India needs is not more missionaries but more financial help and prayers. I started contributing financially regularly to the India missions field.
The second time was just recently, this January. I was sharing about God wanting to talk to us with a christian friend. We were on bus 95 to Buona Vista, where we will take bus 105 to Orchard and change to bus 143. God told me, "105 will take a long time to come; 143 will arrive on the dot." I was afraid to share this with my friend because I was afraid that it would be wrong. But God gave me the faith. So we were at Buona Vista, and indeed 105 took a long time to come. The, bus 111 came, and my friend suggested we took it. I was not sure, and I thought that the prophecy would now be ruined. But we got on the bus anyway. When we came to Orchard, and walked to the next bus-stop to catch bus 143, bus 143 arrived just when we stepped into the second bus-stop. We were totally amazed. It was a learning experiend for both my friend and I. I learned that God did not say that we would take bus 105. I had recognized God correctly, but understood him wrongly.
8. How do we start hearing God? First, you need to desire it with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength! "Eagerly desire the spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy." Be willing to try and make mistakes because this is how we learn. This is humility.
9. Hearing God is a growing process. Never let yourself reach a place where you say, "I know everything about hearing God."
10. God desires to speak to us every moment of the day. Like what Bingren shared yesterday, it is fun and enjoyable soaking in the presence of God throughout the day. Speak to him when you are enjoying that time, and He will speak to you.
11. Let me end with this invitation to hear God's voice from Rev 3:20
"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me."
[See also Does God Speak To Us?]
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Why I am a Christian
The following is taken from my website (which is now not available):
I became a Christian on 5 August 2000. After looking through the journal which I kept when I was in Delta Wing, I recount the following story to the best of my ability:
You can't prove that God exists.
I have been an atheist most of my life. I believed strongly that God does not exist, because there was no scientific evidence for it, and because there was no need for God in any of our scientific theories. I was always intrigued by the objectivity and simplicity of math and science: I was convinced that our world was inherently meaningless, and that we could invent systems of meaning using symbolic systems to describe and predict events in our universe.
Arguing with Christians
I used to argue with Christians on their beliefs. It seems that their system of meaning, built on a symbolic system that assumes the existence of a supernatural and all powerful being, was also infallible. Just as science, built on the axioms of relativity and quantum mechanics, was infallible. I didn't like the way Christians put down the Theory of Evolution, and I didn't like the way they put so many restrictions on the things they can and cannot do in life. What I did like was their strong sense of purpose and morality, as well as their love for one another. However, there was no reason for me to change my point of view: I was very comfortable with the way my life was turning out.
Prayer at Harvest Event
Clarence and Ruiwen (from the Student Council) invited me to a Christian event at the National Stadium. A speaker from Argentina was sharing on how God had changed his country and people. There were even some miracle healing at the end of the talk. Just when the helpers were passing round the offering bags amongst the audience, I remarked to Clarence that it seems to me that the speaker was trying to deceive the audience of their money. Brainwashed by the so-called "miracle healings", the audience was tricked into believing in the speaker's supernatural anointing and donated money for fear of God. Clarence and Ruiwen spoke to me calmly, and asked if I thought it possible that God really exists. I replied that it was possible but unlikely. They asked if I would take a moment to imagine that God really exists and pray to Him to reveal Himself to me. Seeing that there was no harm in doing so, I agreed and closed my eyes for a short prayer. When I opened my eyes again, there was no thunder or lightning. There was no sign at all.
A Strange Dream: God says "I exist!"
That prayer was made around June 1999. One year later, when I was in Officer Cadet School, I was sleeping one Sunday night in July 2000 in my bunk. I just returned from a relaxing weekend, and everything was going smoothly in training. That night, I dreamt that I built a wonderful new invention: an escalator that travels to the sky! The invention was ingenious in that the bottom step would break up and reassemble itself on the top of the escalator, hence raising the flight of steps towards the sky. The people on earth were all very proud of me, and they came to the Launch Ceremony to bid me farewell. All of them were extremely happy and excited for me, except for my sister, who appeared as a 5 year old girl in my dream (in real life, she was 18). She seemed sad and was tearing. Now, as the escalator launched off, candy was released from the bottom of the escalator, and everyone scrambled to get their greedy hands on them. Only my sister stood at one side and continued to watch. The escalator climbed towards the sky, and soon, I could not see the earth. I was surrounded by clouds and blue sky. I wanted to reach the heavens to see the moon, the planets and the stars. However, my sense direction then became confused: I did not know where was Up. Like the people on weird staircases in M. C. Esher paintings, I flipped myself onto the other side of the escalator and the escalator changed its direction of movement. After several of such confusing changes, I found myself coming back to Earth. I could not figure out why my invention could not ascend to the heavens. Suddenly, everything blacked out. I knew I was semi-awake. I did not hear any voice, nor see any words, but there was a loud and strong meaning: "I EXIST!" I woke up and found myself in my bunk. I was shivering with cold sweat, and I knew something just spoke to me, and I knew that something was God. The meaning did not tell me that it came from God, but in my heart, I just knew, somehow, that it was from God. I was really scared. Lying in my bed, too afraid to move, I heard voices murmuring around me going, "He's awake! He's awake!" I was so afraid because I knew I was not dreaming anymore, but the voices were still continuing. And I knew that the meaning did not speak to me in my dream, it spoke to me when I was almost awake. Eventually, out of tiredness, I fell asleep again.
Discovering God's Identity
When I woke up the next morning, I did not dare to tell anyone what had happened. Eric Ong was my room-mate then, but I did not tell him about my dream. I sat on my bed, shaken by the events in the night. I closed my eyes and spoke to the God who had given me the meaning: "God, tell me if you are the God of Islam, or of Buddhism, or of Christianity. If you are real, let me know you are real." That Wednesday, Joseph, also from my platoon, came up to me and invited me to go to church with him that Saturday night (5 Aug 2003) It was weird because no one from my platoon has ever invited me to their church. I agreed to go because I wanted to find out more about Christianity. It was as though the Christian God heard my prayer and was beckoning to me.
A Prayer for Jackson
A more miraculous thing happened during Exercise Zebra that Saturday. In Exercise Zebra, we had to execute a platoon attack on a knoll that had communication trenches dug everywhere on it. One of my section-mates, Jackson, was rushing up the hill in the final assault, and he accidentally fell into a trench. His chest hit the concrete side of the trench, and he was in a lot of pain. He could not breath, and he thought he was going to die. At this point of time, I was at the side of the hill while I watched all the instructors rush to him. I closed my eyes and did my first serious prayer: "God, if you are real, please help Jackson, protect him from harm and let no bones be hurt in him. If he is hurt, may be recover quickly so that he can resume with his training soon." So Jackson was rushed to the hospital where the doctors inspected his injury. Two hours later, he returned to the platoon safe and sound. "What happened?", we asked him. He told us that the doctor thought that he had broken a few ribs, but when they took an X-ray, they realized the everything was okay. Furthermore, there was no cut or bruises on him. He still felt a bit sore, but other than that everything was fine. I was so excited and happy for him. I told some people about my prayer for him, but no one believed me.
A Prophet Speaks on Dreams and Visions
After Ex Zebra, we booked out, and I followed Joseph to church. That day, a prophet was visiting the church (Faith Community Baptist Church at Marine Parade). He spoke about the book of Revelations and the end times, and how young men and women would have dreams and visions during those days (Acts 2:16-17). I was so shocked that he was talking about dreams and visions; it was as though he knew what I was going through then. My heart pounded wildly, wondering if it was just another coincidence. The events of Ex. Zebra that morning had already shaken my mind and my spirit. When it came to the time for the alter call, the pastor asked those who felt the need to know Jesus Christ to step forward so that they can be prayed for. There was such a strong tugging on my heart that I responded to his call, and asked Jesus to step into my life. I prayed that the Lord would teach me more about Himself.
Discovering God's Character
Two days later, when we booked in again on Monday night (7 Aug 2003), my platoon-mate Adrian came to me and said that his girlfriend Carolyn bought a book for me. At that time, I did not know Carolyn at all, and she did not know who I was. However, Carolyn had heard from Adrian that on some occasions, I had attended the platoon Christian fellowship (back then, they used to get together to talk about the problems they experienced during training, and to sing worship songs). Adrian explained that Carolyn and him were walking down Orchard Road on Saturday when they passed by a Christian bookstore. She suddenly felt a strong urge to buy a book for me. The book was "Questions of Life: a beginner's guide to the Christian Faith" by Nicky Gumbel. I was shaken by Adrian's story, because the book answered my prayer to know more about Jesus. Could it still be a coincidence? Even then, I did not dare to tell Adrian or anyone else about my dream.
My Sister's Prayer for my Conversion
About two weeks later, I decided to tell my sister about my dream. I had been afraid to share because my family was Taoist and I knew my parent would object to my being a Christian. I told my sister how I felt she had a role to pay in my conversion because she was different from everyone else in the dream: she was sad. She gave me a surprised look, was silent for a while before she told me how about one week before my dream, she went to a church with a friend, and there (even though she wasn't a Christian), she prayed that I would be converted. Today, I am still very amazed and thankful to my sister for her prayer.
The Lord's Grace and Love
I thank the Lord for His grace in revealing Himself to me. I was such a wretched and rotten person, yet He was willing to bring me into His Kingdom. He was changed me in so many ways since July 2000. I am so glad I have seen the true light instead of still being kept in the dark, bounded by my reluctance to accept new ideas due to my strong intellectualism. Sometimes, I ask Him what the significance of the escalator in the dream was. He told me that the escalator represent how I try to reach Him or disprove Him using logic. However, just as the escalator failed to reach the heavens, so will my logical attempts. In my philosophical debates, I would be lost and confused, always coming back to square one. What I really needed was a step of Faith. He revealed that all my life, this issue of Faith is something which I would constantly be struggling with on many new and deeper levels. But He assured me that He would be there with me every step of the way. Because He loves me.
I became a Christian on 5 August 2000. After looking through the journal which I kept when I was in Delta Wing, I recount the following story to the best of my ability:
You can't prove that God exists.
I have been an atheist most of my life. I believed strongly that God does not exist, because there was no scientific evidence for it, and because there was no need for God in any of our scientific theories. I was always intrigued by the objectivity and simplicity of math and science: I was convinced that our world was inherently meaningless, and that we could invent systems of meaning using symbolic systems to describe and predict events in our universe.
Arguing with Christians
I used to argue with Christians on their beliefs. It seems that their system of meaning, built on a symbolic system that assumes the existence of a supernatural and all powerful being, was also infallible. Just as science, built on the axioms of relativity and quantum mechanics, was infallible. I didn't like the way Christians put down the Theory of Evolution, and I didn't like the way they put so many restrictions on the things they can and cannot do in life. What I did like was their strong sense of purpose and morality, as well as their love for one another. However, there was no reason for me to change my point of view: I was very comfortable with the way my life was turning out.
Prayer at Harvest Event
Clarence and Ruiwen (from the Student Council) invited me to a Christian event at the National Stadium. A speaker from Argentina was sharing on how God had changed his country and people. There were even some miracle healing at the end of the talk. Just when the helpers were passing round the offering bags amongst the audience, I remarked to Clarence that it seems to me that the speaker was trying to deceive the audience of their money. Brainwashed by the so-called "miracle healings", the audience was tricked into believing in the speaker's supernatural anointing and donated money for fear of God. Clarence and Ruiwen spoke to me calmly, and asked if I thought it possible that God really exists. I replied that it was possible but unlikely. They asked if I would take a moment to imagine that God really exists and pray to Him to reveal Himself to me. Seeing that there was no harm in doing so, I agreed and closed my eyes for a short prayer. When I opened my eyes again, there was no thunder or lightning. There was no sign at all.
A Strange Dream: God says "I exist!"
That prayer was made around June 1999. One year later, when I was in Officer Cadet School, I was sleeping one Sunday night in July 2000 in my bunk. I just returned from a relaxing weekend, and everything was going smoothly in training. That night, I dreamt that I built a wonderful new invention: an escalator that travels to the sky! The invention was ingenious in that the bottom step would break up and reassemble itself on the top of the escalator, hence raising the flight of steps towards the sky. The people on earth were all very proud of me, and they came to the Launch Ceremony to bid me farewell. All of them were extremely happy and excited for me, except for my sister, who appeared as a 5 year old girl in my dream (in real life, she was 18). She seemed sad and was tearing. Now, as the escalator launched off, candy was released from the bottom of the escalator, and everyone scrambled to get their greedy hands on them. Only my sister stood at one side and continued to watch. The escalator climbed towards the sky, and soon, I could not see the earth. I was surrounded by clouds and blue sky. I wanted to reach the heavens to see the moon, the planets and the stars. However, my sense direction then became confused: I did not know where was Up. Like the people on weird staircases in M. C. Esher paintings, I flipped myself onto the other side of the escalator and the escalator changed its direction of movement. After several of such confusing changes, I found myself coming back to Earth. I could not figure out why my invention could not ascend to the heavens. Suddenly, everything blacked out. I knew I was semi-awake. I did not hear any voice, nor see any words, but there was a loud and strong meaning: "I EXIST!" I woke up and found myself in my bunk. I was shivering with cold sweat, and I knew something just spoke to me, and I knew that something was God. The meaning did not tell me that it came from God, but in my heart, I just knew, somehow, that it was from God. I was really scared. Lying in my bed, too afraid to move, I heard voices murmuring around me going, "He's awake! He's awake!" I was so afraid because I knew I was not dreaming anymore, but the voices were still continuing. And I knew that the meaning did not speak to me in my dream, it spoke to me when I was almost awake. Eventually, out of tiredness, I fell asleep again.
Discovering God's Identity
When I woke up the next morning, I did not dare to tell anyone what had happened. Eric Ong was my room-mate then, but I did not tell him about my dream. I sat on my bed, shaken by the events in the night. I closed my eyes and spoke to the God who had given me the meaning: "God, tell me if you are the God of Islam, or of Buddhism, or of Christianity. If you are real, let me know you are real." That Wednesday, Joseph, also from my platoon, came up to me and invited me to go to church with him that Saturday night (5 Aug 2003) It was weird because no one from my platoon has ever invited me to their church. I agreed to go because I wanted to find out more about Christianity. It was as though the Christian God heard my prayer and was beckoning to me.
A Prayer for Jackson
A more miraculous thing happened during Exercise Zebra that Saturday. In Exercise Zebra, we had to execute a platoon attack on a knoll that had communication trenches dug everywhere on it. One of my section-mates, Jackson, was rushing up the hill in the final assault, and he accidentally fell into a trench. His chest hit the concrete side of the trench, and he was in a lot of pain. He could not breath, and he thought he was going to die. At this point of time, I was at the side of the hill while I watched all the instructors rush to him. I closed my eyes and did my first serious prayer: "God, if you are real, please help Jackson, protect him from harm and let no bones be hurt in him. If he is hurt, may be recover quickly so that he can resume with his training soon." So Jackson was rushed to the hospital where the doctors inspected his injury. Two hours later, he returned to the platoon safe and sound. "What happened?", we asked him. He told us that the doctor thought that he had broken a few ribs, but when they took an X-ray, they realized the everything was okay. Furthermore, there was no cut or bruises on him. He still felt a bit sore, but other than that everything was fine. I was so excited and happy for him. I told some people about my prayer for him, but no one believed me.
A Prophet Speaks on Dreams and Visions
After Ex Zebra, we booked out, and I followed Joseph to church. That day, a prophet was visiting the church (Faith Community Baptist Church at Marine Parade). He spoke about the book of Revelations and the end times, and how young men and women would have dreams and visions during those days (Acts 2:16-17). I was so shocked that he was talking about dreams and visions; it was as though he knew what I was going through then. My heart pounded wildly, wondering if it was just another coincidence. The events of Ex. Zebra that morning had already shaken my mind and my spirit. When it came to the time for the alter call, the pastor asked those who felt the need to know Jesus Christ to step forward so that they can be prayed for. There was such a strong tugging on my heart that I responded to his call, and asked Jesus to step into my life. I prayed that the Lord would teach me more about Himself.
Discovering God's Character
Two days later, when we booked in again on Monday night (7 Aug 2003), my platoon-mate Adrian came to me and said that his girlfriend Carolyn bought a book for me. At that time, I did not know Carolyn at all, and she did not know who I was. However, Carolyn had heard from Adrian that on some occasions, I had attended the platoon Christian fellowship (back then, they used to get together to talk about the problems they experienced during training, and to sing worship songs). Adrian explained that Carolyn and him were walking down Orchard Road on Saturday when they passed by a Christian bookstore. She suddenly felt a strong urge to buy a book for me. The book was "Questions of Life: a beginner's guide to the Christian Faith" by Nicky Gumbel. I was shaken by Adrian's story, because the book answered my prayer to know more about Jesus. Could it still be a coincidence? Even then, I did not dare to tell Adrian or anyone else about my dream.
My Sister's Prayer for my Conversion
About two weeks later, I decided to tell my sister about my dream. I had been afraid to share because my family was Taoist and I knew my parent would object to my being a Christian. I told my sister how I felt she had a role to pay in my conversion because she was different from everyone else in the dream: she was sad. She gave me a surprised look, was silent for a while before she told me how about one week before my dream, she went to a church with a friend, and there (even though she wasn't a Christian), she prayed that I would be converted. Today, I am still very amazed and thankful to my sister for her prayer.
The Lord's Grace and Love
I thank the Lord for His grace in revealing Himself to me. I was such a wretched and rotten person, yet He was willing to bring me into His Kingdom. He was changed me in so many ways since July 2000. I am so glad I have seen the true light instead of still being kept in the dark, bounded by my reluctance to accept new ideas due to my strong intellectualism. Sometimes, I ask Him what the significance of the escalator in the dream was. He told me that the escalator represent how I try to reach Him or disprove Him using logic. However, just as the escalator failed to reach the heavens, so will my logical attempts. In my philosophical debates, I would be lost and confused, always coming back to square one. What I really needed was a step of Faith. He revealed that all my life, this issue of Faith is something which I would constantly be struggling with on many new and deeper levels. But He assured me that He would be there with me every step of the way. Because He loves me.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Let Your Glory Fall
Father of creation, unfold your sovereign plan
Raise up a chosen generation
That will march through the land
All of creation is longing
For your unveiling of power
Would you release your anointing
Oh God let this be the hour
Let your glory fall in this room
Let it go forth from here to the nations
Let your fragrance rest in this place
As we gather to seek your face
Ruler of the nations the world has yet to see
The full release of your promise
The church in victory
Turn to us Lord and touch us
Make us strong in your might
Overcome our weakness
That we could stand up and fight
Let your kingdom come
Let your will be done
Let us see on earth
The glory of your son
Raise up a chosen generation
That will march through the land
All of creation is longing
For your unveiling of power
Would you release your anointing
Oh God let this be the hour
Let your glory fall in this room
Let it go forth from here to the nations
Let your fragrance rest in this place
As we gather to seek your face
Ruler of the nations the world has yet to see
The full release of your promise
The church in victory
Turn to us Lord and touch us
Make us strong in your might
Overcome our weakness
That we could stand up and fight
Let your kingdom come
Let your will be done
Let us see on earth
The glory of your son
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